Do You Agree With This Pastor and His Wife

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B

BeeD

Guest
#1
#1
Some time ago I was watching this television program with a well known Pastor and his wife. They were teaching on infidelity in marriage. So the Pastor's wife said, if a husband cheats on his wife and then later comes to his senses and stops cheating, that he should go and confess his sin to God, and to God only, and that he should never tell his wife because he should not put something on her mind that she will have a hard time forgiving and will have to live with the pain of for the rest of her life. Her husband, the Pastor, then agreed with what his wife said and added, "Women don't get passed things the way that men do, and the only reason you would be telling your wife is to ease your own guilty conscience, so keep your mouth shut." OK I personally do not agree with this at all, because I say that each secret kept in a marriage is just an arrow in the quiver of the enemy, Satan, that he will one day use against you. Does anyone agree with this Pastor and his wife....why or why not?
 
S

sunburn

Guest
#2
#2
I can understand their reasoning,...But Only God knows the heart of a cheating man or woman by the way...
I would be interested to hear their views if the issue was concerning a woman cheating on her husband too... Because Men don't take this lightly either...

The decision to tell or not to tell should be left the the cheater to decide...
I know a cheating husband who passed an HIV infection to his wife...
 
K

kennethcadwell

Guest
#3
#3
I do not agree because one way or the other it will come to cause issues in the marriage. Our Lord said anything done in the dark, He will bring out to light. You are to ask for forgiveness from the one you wronged, and then it is to be left up to them to forgive or not. But there is a consequence if they do not forgive.


Matthew 6:15
But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
 
A

Atwood

Senior Member
#4
May 1, 2014
4,995
53
48
#4
BeeD said:
Some time ago I was watching this television program with a well known Pastor and his wife. They were teaching on infidelity in marriage. So the Pastor's wife said, if a husband cheats on his wife and then later comes to his senses and stops cheating, that he should go and confess his sin to God, and to God only, and that he should never tell his wife because he should not put something on her mind that she will have a hard time forgiving and will have to live with the pain of for the rest of her life. Her husband, the Pastor, then agreed with what his wife said and added, "Women don't get passed things the way that men do, and the only reason you would be telling your wife is to ease your own guilty conscience, so keep your mouth shut." OK I personally do not agree with this at all, because I say that each secret kept in a marriage is just an arrow in the quiver of the enemy, Satan, that he will one day use against you. Does anyone agree with this Pastor and his wife....why or why not?
Click to expand...
We must love neighbor as self.
I can't see how it would help the wife to know that her husband sinned.
I can see that telling her would bring her grief.
You give no scripture for your arrow theory,
and you bring satan into it for some reason.
Letting the sun go down on anger could give satan an opportunity.
Never producing the anger at all would avoid that opportunity.

Prov 11
"a man of understanding holds his peace.
He who goes about as a tale-bearer reveals secrets;
But he that is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.
 
S

sunburn

Guest
#5
#5
God can heal the marriage and the cheater should defintely tell the other and bear the consequences of his act.
 
santuzza

santuzza

Senior Member
#6
Feb 12, 2013
1,609
38
48
#6
I actually DO agree with this pastor and his wife. If the infidelity is over, it is time for the cheating spouse to confess to God, repent and get re-committed to the marriage. Telling the innocent spouse serves no purpose but to make the cheating spouse feel relief. It is a consequence of the cheating. The cheating spouse should bear the guilt and shame alone (well, and with Christ), so to learn from the experience and as a reminder to NEVER do it again.

If the cheating becomes chronic, that's a different story altogether.
 
Agricola

Agricola

Senior Member
#7
Dec 10, 2012
2,638
88
48
#7
I wonder how many affairs this pastor has had. Sounds like part of this vile carnal version of Chrisitianity we are seeing emerge, lets please the hundreds of carnal fake Christians who fill the church coffers, preach its ok to sin and that you are not accountable to anyone who you sinned against.

This couple should look more closely at the Bible and understand what marriage is about, they are simply seeing things from a secular non-spiritual view. The destruction on spiritual level is more damaging than people realise. Peoples spirits are bonded together and tied, yes that is another topic, but having someone bond spiritually through sex with another person is not at all good for the innocent persons spirit.

How many men will use this to continually have affairs? Things have a habbit of coming back to bite people, this can also lead to blackmail or simply an angry mistress deciding to seek revenge and destroy the marriage. Most affairs continue with the promise that the married person will leave and live with the other, but it often does not happen and people do seek revenge.

The spouce should be told of the affair end of story.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#8
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#8
Atwood said:
We must love neighbor as self.
I can't see how it would help the wife to know that her husband sinned.
I can see that telling her would bring her grief.
You give no scripture for your arrow theory,
and you bring satan into it for some reason.
Letting the sun go down on anger could give satan an opportunity.
Never producing the anger at all would avoid that opportunity.

Prov 11
"a man of understanding holds his peace.
He who goes about as a tale-bearer reveals secrets;
But he that is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.
Click to expand...
As usual, yer messed up from the floor up..... Have you ever read your Bible? All the verses on integrity? Honesty? Purity?
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#9
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#9
I wonder how that advice would work for them if one of them did it?:p
 
BillyTheKid

BillyTheKid

Senior Member
#10
Feb 17, 2009
274
2
18
#10
I think I would have to disagree with the Pastor. I think it would do more harm than good in the long run. I don't know about anyone else but when I mess up it tears me up inside to keep it hidden. Even after I confess it to God, I still feel that the person that I wronged needs to know. We should be honest, and honesty is telling the person. If a husband cheated and held it in for 5 years and it just took its toll on him and he felt the need to tell his wife it would destroy their trust. How could you trust someone that kept something like that secret for so many years? Yes, she would still love him, but what would the relationship be without trust?
 
breno785au

breno785au

Senior Member
#11
Jul 23, 2013
6,002
767
113
39
Australia
#11
Wrong in so many ways, women don't get passed the same way as men? Wrong..She has to deal with the pain of knowing for the rest of her life? Wrong, only if she does not hand that pain over to God.
This is only for couples who have not developed a safe environment for them to be able to confess they're flaws to one another, it is a lack of communication and trust.
Far out, this grieves me so much.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#12
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#12
Scripture does state that you may be certain that your sin will find you out.

David tried to hide his sin with Bathsheba how did that work out?

Nasty thing about sin it leads to more sin.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
B

biscuit

Guest
#13
#13
BeeD said:
Some time ago I was watching this television program with a well known Pastor and his wife. They were teaching on infidelity in marriage. So the Pastor's wife said, if a husband cheats on his wife and then later comes to his senses and stops cheating, that he should go and confess his sin to God, and to God only, and that he should never tell his wife because he should not put something on her mind that she will have a hard time forgiving and will have to live with the pain of for the rest of her life. Her husband, the Pastor, then agreed with what his wife said and added, "Women don't get passed things the way that men do, and the only reason you would be telling your wife is to ease your own guilty conscience, so keep your mouth shut." OK I personally do not agree with this at all, because I say that each secret kept in a marriage is just an arrow in the quiver of the enemy, Satan, that he will one day use against you. Does anyone agree with this Pastor and his wife....why or why not?
Click to expand...
"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if ye forgive not men their trespasses neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15)
 
B

BeeD

Guest
#14
#14
Atwood said:
We must love neighbor as self.
I can't see how it would help the wife to know that her husband sinned.
I can see that telling her would bring her grief.
You give no scripture for your arrow theory,
and you bring satan into it for some reason.
Letting the sun go down on anger could give satan an opportunity.
Never producing the anger at all would avoid that opportunity.

Prov 11
"a man of understanding holds his peace.
He who goes about as a tale-bearer reveals secrets;
But he that is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.
Click to expand...
I don't need to give scripture for my "arrow theory", it is what I feel will be. Satan will take any chance he has to destroy whatever good he can. Besides, when we sin it gives Satan a door of opportunity to cause chaos in our lives.So if a husband cheats on his wife, and then later ends the affair yet, doesn't tell his wife.....If some years or so down the road, that couple's marriage is stronger and better than before, do you honestly think Satan won't pull that secret of the adulterous past out of his bag of tricks and use it to destroy that marriage. That is where my "arrow theory" comes from. You don't have to agree with me...everyone has different beliefs....and that's our freedom to have them.
 
P

presidente

Senior Member
#15
May 29, 2013
9,166
1,797
113
#15
BeeD said:
I don't need to give scripture for my "arrow theory", it is what I feel will be. Satan will take any chance he has to destroy whatever good he can. Besides, when we sin it gives Satan a door of opportunity to cause chaos in our lives.So if a husband cheats on his wife, and then later ends the affair yet, doesn't tell his wife.....If some years or so down the road, that couple's marriage is stronger and better than before, do you honestly think Satan won't pull that secret of the adulterous past out of his bag of tricks and use it to destroy that marriage. That is where my "arrow theory" comes from. You don't have to agree with me...everyone has different beliefs....and that's our freedom to have them.
Click to expand...
For some sins, that may make sense. But I'm not convinced that we are only to confess our sins to God. James 5 says, 'and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him. Confess your faults one to another and pray one for another that ye may be healed.' If a man were looking at porn or tried to set up a date with a woman and broke it off, maybe he would be better off confessing to a male prayer partner.

But if he sleeps with another woman, STDs are involved. It seems like these sorts of sins have a way of somehow being made known to the other spouse. I'm speaking from second hand experience, from people I know who've done these things. I've only ever had sex with my wife.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#16
Mar 13, 2014
42,717
17,176
113
70
Tennessee
#16
Either way the marriage is destroyed. A man that loves his wife would not even think about doing such a despicable act. There is no excuse for this. This pastor and the husband have serious issues and the wife is probably now wondering herself.

Secrets erode a marriage. Infidelity fatally corrodes the marriage. and should never be tolerated.

Where are the arrows? I require two.
 
B

BeeD

Guest
#17
#17
Agricola said:
I wonder how many affairs this pastor has had. Sounds like part of this vile carnal version of Chrisitianity we are seeing emerge, lets please the hundreds of carnal fake Christians who fill the church coffers, preach its ok to sin and that you are not accountable to anyone who you sinned against.

This couple should look more closely at the Bible and understand what marriage is about, they are simply seeing things from a secular non-spiritual view. The destruction on spiritual level is more damaging than people realise. Peoples spirits are bonded together and tied, yes that is another topic, but having someone bond spiritually through sex with another person is not at all good for the innocent persons spirit.

How many men will use this to continually have affairs? Things have a habbit of coming back to bite people, this can also lead to blackmail or simply an angry mistress deciding to seek revenge and destroy the marriage. Most affairs continue with the promise that the married person will leave and live with the other, but it often does not happen and people do seek revenge.

The spouce should be told of the affair end of story.
Click to expand...
LOVE your response, and I totally agree with you. This will make those who are already cheating feel better and not guilty about not telling their wives. If someone in that church or anyone who was watching his program on TV was feeling convicted about confessing adultery to their spouse, you certainly know after listening to that Pastor and his wife they have changed their minds about that, because they have been made comfortable hiding their sin. The bible says to confess our faults one to another....It didn't say, except to your wife who you cheated on.
 
B

BeeD

Guest
#19
#19
notuptome said:
Scripture does state that you may be certain that your sin will find you out.

David tried to hide his sin with Bathsheba how did that work out?

Nasty thing about sin it leads to more sin.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
Click to expand...
PERFECT example !!!
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#20
Mar 13, 2014
42,717
17,176
113
70
Tennessee
#20
santuzza said:
I actually DO agree with this pastor and his wife. If the infidelity is over, it is time for the cheating spouse to confess to God, repent and get re-committed to the marriage. Telling the innocent spouse serves no purpose but to make the cheating spouse feel relief. It is a consequence of the cheating. The cheating spouse should bear the guilt and shame alone (well, and with Christ), so to learn from the experience and as a reminder to NEVER do it again.

If the cheating becomes chronic, that's a different story altogether.
Click to expand...
Think about cheating is acute, doing it once is chronic.
 
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