Oh Oh - Found a note...

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T

Tremelo

Guest
#21
#21
I have found the following article to be truly eye-opening. Stark, honest, theologically astute and challenging. I welcome commentary on this and continue to thank all of you who have commented, are praying for us, and have reached out to me privately. Will you please also add Paws to your prayers. And I suspect there are many others reading this who are on one end or the other of this kind of struggle. And Dino... no disclaimer necessary. God's Word is as valid from a "babe" in Christ as from a venerable saint. Thank you for your encouragement!

http://www.marriagesrestored.com/marriages/2004/05/larry_crabb_on_.html

 
J

jcspartan

Guest
#22
#22
Tremelo said:
I have found the following article to be truly eye-opening. Stark, honest, theologically astute and challenging. I welcome commentary on this and continue to thank all of you who have commented, are praying for us, and have reached out to me privately. Will you please also add Paws to your prayers. And I suspect there are many others reading this who are on one end or the other of this kind of struggle. And Dino... no disclaimer necessary. God's Word is as valid from a "babe" in Christ as from a venerable saint. Thank you for your encouragement!

http://www.marriagesrestored.com/marriages/2004/05/larry_crabb_on_.html
Click to expand...
Glad you found that and shared it with us. I read it and will reread it. It has a lot to think about. I am glad you are finding some support as well. Even though I am sure there is more to work through for you and your wife this is cause for some praise. Thanks for sharing and letting us pray for you.
 
T

Tremelo

Guest
#23
#23
These points are all well taken, DinoD. The rub is in actually living them, of course. If I truly loved my wife like Christ loved the Church, none of this would matter much. But I am sinful, and so is my wife. So we struggle - rather, I struggle. The good I would do, I do not do. The evil I do not want to do, I do. Who will rescue me from this body of death? Praise be to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

God is showing me through this that there is much for me to work on. I have been far from loving and sacrificial. Zero doubt. It is very convicting, even devastating, to look back and understand that had you done this or that, today might be different. This is what is so challenging - because depending on what I do today and how loving and patient and sacrificial I am in response to what is happening - tomorrow could be different than what it might be.
 
T

Tremelo

Guest
#24
#24
Thank you all for your continued prayers.

If you are a reader on this string and have found some comfort, challenge or ministry in this discussion, but have not posted, please post an "amen" or drop me an email. This is life in real time, and I am praying that this discussion may provide a way or hope for others.

Thanks
 
T

Tremelo

Guest
#25
#25
Nearly three months have passed. We have started counseling. Counseler says we will need a lot of work. She acknowledges her past infatuation, but says it is not at the level of an emotional affair. Her interest in the guy seems to have reduced somewhat, but there are still instances where she has covered up and lied, made decisions that I know put her in contact with the guy, etc. I have noticed that she is covering her tracks more - I caught her once after she deleted an Internet search with his name and she said she deleted it because she knows that I go crazy when I see his name. She refuses to agree to take the kids to a different school (the guy she is interested in is a teacher at this school) and continues to volunteer in activities when not necessary even though she knows that I oppose this. Whenever I start to think we are moving on, I find something that makes me wonder and the bottom drops out of my gutt...

Meanwhile, I don't want to overblow something that may just be or have been a passing fancy. She has not committed physical adultery, I don't think, so has not created another "one flesh" bond with this or any other guy (found out there was at least one other guy who she was infatuated with nearly a year ago - another younger guy who seems to be long gone now and with whom she probably had no sexual interaction - just fantasies). She shows occasional but rare and almost out of character tenderness towards me. Is this just a mid-life crisis phase she is going through? Am reading Oswald Chambers and realizing that focus on myself is the wrong thing and go back and forth with God. It is amazing to me how much even an emotional affair destroys trust and intimacy. Still need your prayers.
 
joint-heir

joint-heir

Banned
#26
Dec 21, 2009
538
1
0
56
#26
I USED TO BE A MAN OF GREAT TROUBLE AND A TRUE HELION AT THE MAX
I WENT TO PRISON AND BEEN IN JAIL TWICE
I HAD THE LOVE OF A GREAT WOMAN BUT NEVER MANNED UP TO BE WHAT SHE WANTED OR NEEDED
UNFORTUNATELY
SHE CHEATED ON ME AND GOT PREGNANT
WHEN I GOT RELEASED I THREW HER OUT AND THE CHILDREN WHICH WERE HERS AND MINE ONLY BY MARRIAGE
SHE MOVED TO BE NEAR THIS GUY WHO LIVES 2500 MILES FROM WHERE WE LIVED
HE WAS 10 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME AND SHE FELL HEAD OVER HEELS FOR THIS BOY
AS A RESULT
I HAVE MY THINGS TOGETHER NOW AS I AM AN ASSOCIATE PASTOR AND A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS OWNER
AND SHE IS GOING THRU A YOUNG MAN HOPPING FROM JOB TO JOB AND WANTING A NIGHT LIFE ON TOP OF IT
SHE WRITES ME AND LEAVES ME EMAILS ALL THE TIME
SHE EVEN CONTACTS MY PARENTS AND SIBLINGS LOOKING FOR ME
I HAVE THE POWER TO TAKE HER BACK
AND I BELIEVE SHE WOULD NEVER AGAIN STEP OUT ON ME
BUT GOD HAS TO MAKE ME CHOOSE THIS BECAUSE I DONT WANT IT
IF I AM NOT CAREFUL
I AM HAPPY SHE IS STRUGGLING AND SUFFERING SO TERRIBLY AS SHE IS NOW
BUT I SEEK FORGIVENESS THAT I FEEL THIS WAY BECAUSE I STILL LOVE HER

BROTHER
YOU CAN FIGHT TO KEEP HER BUT YOU MIGHT END UP SMOTHERING HER
SOMETIMES
ITS BEST TO LET THEM TASTE WHAT THEY BELIEVE THEY WANT
AND WHEN IT FAILS LET THEM WHALLER IN IT FOR AWHILE
BUT IN MOST CASES AND NOT ALL.......
THEY WILL CHOOSE TO WANT TO COME BACK

BE A MAN AND RELEASE HER
LET HER EITHER FIND HER WAY BACK TO YOU OR GO WHERE IT IS SHE NEEDS TO BE
 
NoahsDad

NoahsDad

Senior Member
#27
Oct 30, 2006
594
6
0
#27
joint-heir said:
I USED TO BE A MAN OF GREAT TROUBLE AND A TRUE HELION AT THE MAX
I WENT TO PRISON AND BEEN IN JAIL TWICE
I HAD THE LOVE OF A GREAT WOMAN BUT NEVER MANNED UP TO BE WHAT SHE WANTED OR NEEDED
UNFORTUNATELY
SHE CHEATED ON ME AND GOT PREGNANT
WHEN I GOT RELEASED I THREW HER OUT AND THE CHILDREN WHICH WERE HERS AND MINE ONLY BY MARRIAGE
SHE MOVED TO BE NEAR THIS GUY WHO LIVES 2500 MILES FROM WHERE WE LIVED
HE WAS 10 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME AND SHE FELL HEAD OVER HEELS FOR THIS BOY
AS A RESULT
I HAVE MY THINGS TOGETHER NOW AS I AM AN ASSOCIATE PASTOR AND A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS OWNER
AND SHE IS GOING THRU A YOUNG MAN HOPPING FROM JOB TO JOB AND WANTING A NIGHT LIFE ON TOP OF IT
SHE WRITES ME AND LEAVES ME EMAILS ALL THE TIME
SHE EVEN CONTACTS MY PARENTS AND SIBLINGS LOOKING FOR ME
I HAVE THE POWER TO TAKE HER BACK
AND I BELIEVE SHE WOULD NEVER AGAIN STEP OUT ON ME
BUT GOD HAS TO MAKE ME CHOOSE THIS BECAUSE I DONT WANT IT
IF I AM NOT CAREFUL
I AM HAPPY SHE IS STRUGGLING AND SUFFERING SO TERRIBLY AS SHE IS NOW
BUT I SEEK FORGIVENESS THAT I FEEL THIS WAY BECAUSE I STILL LOVE HER

BROTHER
YOU CAN FIGHT TO KEEP HER BUT YOU MIGHT END UP SMOTHERING HER
SOMETIMES
ITS BEST TO LET THEM TASTE WHAT THEY BELIEVE THEY WANT
AND WHEN IT FAILS LET THEM WHALLER IN IT FOR AWHILE
BUT IN MOST CASES AND NOT ALL.......
THEY WILL CHOOSE TO WANT TO COME BACK

BE A MAN AND RELEASE HER
LET HER EITHER FIND HER WAY BACK TO YOU OR GO WHERE IT IS SHE NEEDS TO BE
Click to expand...
Amen..good one.........
 
T

Tremelo

Guest
#28
#28
Joint-Heir - I hear you, and your story has moved my heart. Thank you. I am praying for you.
 
O

OreoSoleil

Guest
#29
#29
What about just being engaged and pregnant with their child. It isn't a marriage, but it is a family. A choice that will affect my children for ever - I will be forced to miss my baby on holidays and his weekends.

I pray for Him and my children and I. For God to have mercy on us and save us from the life our sin has brought us too. I see I have to be cordial and kind as Jesus. But God is teaching me to be strong and love as God does. It isn't a fun trial, but I see it is how God works on my heart -- to make me into the person He wants.

But yes, at this point seeing that there is so much uncertainty and the human side of me wanting to make sense of it all. I see God just needs to change me, because it wouldn't bother me so much -- because obviously God knows more than I do.
 
M

march69

Guest
#30
#30
Wow, iam in a situation that sounds pretty much the same as yours, and no I dont think you are overreacting. Its a very difficult situation, beacuse you dont know for sure if anything is going to happen, yet at the same time you cant say that it wont. Iam trying to just trust that that my wife will be faithfull, and just trust in god. The situation just stinks for both of you. I hope things work out well.
 
J

jesus_be4_religion

Guest
#31
#31
I know this hurts but you have to trust her now. If you dont you could cause her to want to run into some other mans arms. Look how often we figuratively cheat on God yet he trusts in us.
 
N

navyairwarrior

Guest
#32
#32
If you can not trust her then you really have nothing. I don't see the point of being with someone if I couldn't trust them. I know if my wife did this to me I would leave her. I me and my wife have discussed this with one another. If we ever cheat the other will leave. She may not have done anything physical yet, but she is obviously going behind your back to be around this guy. I would call her out and make her chose. If it takes her more than the blink of an eye to decide I would throw her out. This may sound mean, but if you have been loyal to her all this time you do not deserve to be treated like this.
 
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