To get a divorce or continue feeling as an inferior or garbage

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Jun 18, 2014
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#21
Hablas tu espanol?

Suenas como un maravilloso, comprometido, con-los-pies-en-la-Tierra mujer haciendo malabarismos con un hijo, un trabajo y una pareja que no te aprecia por lo que eres, pero aunque cuando él te degrada y él ridiculiza, y él llamada usted inculto e ignorante, usted no responde por la autodestrucción, sino por ir a buscar una educación, poniéndose de pie por sí mismo, trabajando duro y tomando la responsabilidad del día-a-día. Usted tener un hijo y dos hermanos pequeños, y usted haciendo todo lo posible para cuidar de ellos.


Él no te merece. Un hombre racional se sentiría privilegiado de tenerte.
 
T

twofeet

Guest
#22
" I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me" ...I raised 3 kids by myself whilst working in a school prosecuting parents for not sending kids to school and running my own home. My evenings were spent in the presence of God on a DAILY basis dealing with the days stresses and renewing my strength for the next day and praying over my kids whilst they were sleeping asking God to renew them too.

Without Him I couldnt have done it.

He is the lover of my soul. He is the one who speaks truth to me of who I AM not what man says I am. Im not sure why your eyes are so fixed on this guy? God is the God of the IMPOSSIBLE....why worry bout your life OR your finances if your trusting in God? Is this man more powerful than God?

Life is better with a different perspective.......even if the problems are still there.
 
Jun 18, 2014
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#23
" I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me" ...I raised 3 kids by myself whilst working in a school prosecuting parents for not sending kids to school and running my own home. My evenings were spent in the presence of God on a DAILY basis dealing with the days stresses and renewing my strength for the next day and praying over my kids whilst they were sleeping asking God to renew them too.

Without Him I couldnt have done it.

He is the lover of my soul. He is the one who speaks truth to me of who I AM not what man says I am. Im not sure why your eyes are so fixed on this guy? God is the God of the IMPOSSIBLE....why worry bout your life OR your finances if your trusting in God? Is this man more powerful than God?

Life is better with a different perspective.......even if the problems are still there.
Sorry to derail the thread a bit, but how does a parent get a child to go to school who refuses to go to school?
 
Jun 18, 2014
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#25
Trolololol you mean!! lol.

But seriously, spanking kids just makes them more likely to bunk off, smoke weed and move out at sixteen, hate their parents and eventually do heroin with Scientologists. I've never met a rebellious child whose parents weren't abusive in some way. But to get back to the thread, Mrs Mcmahon sounds like a great woman who is greatly unappreciated.
 
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sassylady

Guest
#26
There are many things you can get in addition to your pay if you do not make much money, like a food card, WIC, etc. The state rarely takes the children from the mother, they try to keep them together. It's got to be pretty bad to take a child away from it's mom.

I stayed home for 9 years and you can be busy all day taking care of the house and kids, so I know you are busy, not lazy.
 
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AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#27
Out of context it will. I agree with you on that. But studies do show it can be applied reasonably in a context of parental responsibility and love toward helping prevent children from engaging in those behaviors as well.

Context is critical. Read this: Effective Child Discipline - Focus on the Family



Trolololol you mean!! lol.

But seriously, spanking kids just makes them more likely to bunk off, smoke weed and move out at sixteen, hate their parents and eventually do heroin with Scientologists. I've never met a rebellious child whose parents weren't abusive in some way. But to get back to the thread, Mrs Mcmahon sounds like a great woman who is greatly unappreciated.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
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#28
Esanta, I beg to differ with you on the issue of spanking. I spanked all my children, and never had a single problem from them. They all went to University, except one, who got his education through his work. They are all married to professionals, and have good homes and jobs. They take wonderful care of my grandchildren. One of my sons told me that any spankings he got were deserved, and kept him on the straight and narrow.

Please understand, these were NOT beatings. They were correctional disciple, usually from their father whom they loved and cared for. I was beaten as a child, which means knocked out, and bruises all over the body. And yes, I became rebellious. But our children knew how much they were loved, as well as the boundaries and limits which has made them strong and capable adults.

As far as this post is concerned, I wish you could get some marriage and personal counseling. See if there is an abuse counseling center where you live. They can help you with the legal things, if it becomes necessary. From what you have said, your husband sounds abusive.

However, every marriage can be saved, if both partners submit themselves to God. I pray you will be safe, and complete your education dreams. That doesn't mean you have to be a stay at home mom. I had 4 kids and worked as a teacher, and then became a chaplain. My husband supported me, for the teacher's degree, but not for the MDiv, until he saw the work I was doing with the broken and hurting. Then he acknowledged that my work was from God!

Praying you can save your marriage and your husband will change. But also that you follow your dreams and become the person God intended you to be!
 
B

biscuit

Guest
#29
About 7 months ago I began to walk my talk to try to get a job to prove to the court that I have what it takes to take care of my daughter if my husband and ingot a divorce. I no longer want to be with a man who constantly ridicules me, doesn't care about a word I have to say, calls me uneducated, ignorant etc... If I mess up I get the silence treatment and nothing I do is good enough. The problem is he has a ton of money and I don't have much. All I have is my 9.60 an hr job I have at menards and if I work weekends I get paid 12.10 but still that won't be enough to support me and my daughter which is why I also want to get an education and currently trying to work on it. I'm also a dream act student so the possibilities of going to school are very limited but I will still try. My husband always says to me I have it so good at home and that I don't know what reality I is by working full time and dealing with a lot of problems. And I can respect that but what I can't respect is a man who constantly degrades me just because I'm a housewife and my job is too easy. I am not lazy I wake up every morning to feed and change the baby. I clean, mop, do laundry, work out, cook, run tasks, bible study, get the kids active and the list goes on. Is it possible that he can take her away from me I even though I don't make lots of money. I no longer care about him i just care about her. Thank you for taking the time to read this.


You tell him that stay-at-home moms are still one of America's vital resources.
 
E

emcmahon2288

Guest
#30
Well my husband found all the papers from the family shelter places and low cost lawyers in my purse because he was looking for the car keys and I made the mistake to leave all those papers by leaving them in my purse. So he gave me two options either we find counseling or go our separate ways. The truth is I no longer want to be with him. I no longer love him because I made a choice to stop.loving him two years ago. The only reason I stayed with him was because of my daughter but that was it. Last night I was commanded to take my sisters back home to work on our relationship and I didn't obey him songs took the car keys away from me flicked me off with both hands and called me a piece of s*** I told him I was going to go over moms house for two days he said I wasn't going to take the baby with me. My parents came by and he threaten them so in a sense he put some dear I them. To make a long story short I am stuck here for now. I feel so hopeless. I genuinely despise this man and want nothing to do with him. He thinks I won't make it in the real world. I am aware of working with others is hard but I think I would rather go through that than have a man constantly belittle me. Well at least he doesn't hit me and I also told him in his face I no longer love him
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
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#31
Well my husband found all the papers from the family shelter places and low cost lawyers in my purse because he was looking for the car keys and I made the mistake to leave all those papers by leaving them in my purse. So he gave me two options either we find counseling or go our separate ways. The truth is I no longer want to be with him. I no longer love him because I made a choice to stop.loving him two years ago. The only reason I stayed with him was because of my daughter but that was it. Last night I was commanded to take my sisters back home to work on our relationship and I didn't obey him songs took the car keys away from me flicked me off with both hands and called me a piece of s*** I told him I was going to go over moms house for two days he said I wasn't going to take the baby with me. My parents came by and he threaten them so in a sense he put some dear I them. To make a long story short I am stuck here for now. I feel so hopeless. I genuinely despise this man and want nothing to do with him. He thinks I won't make it in the real world. I am aware of working with others is hard but I think I would rather go through that than have a man constantly belittle me. Well at least he doesn't hit me and I also told him in his face I no longer love him
I'm sorry you are going through this.

I know it can be a miserable thing to be around someone who is always belittling you and not appreciating the work you do.

Do you and your husband at least both claim to be Christians? If you do, and you go to church, maybe you could talk with your pastor or see if you could get your husband involved with a men's prayer meeting and get around some men who could mentor him. Our churches really need older married couples to mentor younger couples.

You could also consider taking him up on the marriage counseling, even if you are sleeping at your parents' house right now. If you open up and tell the counselor how he talks to you, the counselor may give him some good advice. If he will listen, that may help a lot.

I know you have a lot of resentment toward your husband. I can understand why if he belittles you constantly. As a Christian, though, we know that the Bible teaches if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. I John says that he that hates his brother is a murderer. Those are things you need to guard your heart against, repent of anything like that and have a pure heart before God.

If your husband says he will take your daughter and you can't have her because you are not a citizen, you could remind him of the reality that he might actually be aware of if he knows anyone who has been divorced. If your child is a citizen, you could probably use your child to sponsor you for a Greencard. Your husband could probably sponsor you for a greencard. Also, as a housewife, if your husband and you divorce, you could probably take half the assets acquired in the marriage. The courts count your work in the home as work toward building the household wealth. In addition to that, courts are prejudiced against fathers and in favor of mothers when it comes to child custody. So he could end up being forced to pay you child support while being reduced to a visitor in his child's life. So it's really a bleak picture for him. I'm not telling you to divorce it. I pray that he'll repent and treat you kindly, that you will forgive him, and that you will actually have a happy marriage.

The main thing is to seek God's will in the matter. If you have a talk with him about reconciling, describe to him what the marriage is like for you and how you want improvement. You could do this with a counselor, which might make a conversation possible that otherwise would not be. He will probably not interrupt you if a counselor is there. You can tell how miserable it is for him to constantly berate you and consider your work to be so easy while you work so hard. You could say how you wished he would treat you. If he wised up and realized he needed to change, maybe he could treat you well. It sounds like he really needs to repent and get right with the Lord.
 

John_agape

Senior Member
Feb 27, 2014
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#32
In an abusive situation NEVER try marriage counseling. He will manipulate and use the situation against you.

In an abusive relationship, the abuser needs to be truly cured from the abusive attitude/personality before the idea of marriage counseling is even considered.

In your case it seems clear that divorce with your child in your custody is the only option.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,166
1,797
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#33
In an abusive situation NEVER try marriage counseling. He will manipulate and use the situation against you.

In an abusive relationship, the abuser needs to be truly cured from the abusive attitude/personality before the idea of marriage counseling is even considered.

In your case it seems clear that divorce with your child in your custody is the only option.
I don't understand your advice about not getting counselor. The counselor might be able to pinpoint the husband's problem and try to offer some help for the husband to change. If his marriage is in trouble, the husband just might be willing to listen.

I don't see how the Bible supports your conclusion. The verses in the Bible on divorce do not say, "Thou shalt divorce thy husband and get custody of they children if he calls thee names." I Peter 3 tells the wife with a husband who does not obey the word to submit to him, to live a godly lifestyle, and to wear the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
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#34
Well my husband found all the papers from the family shelter places and low cost lawyers in my purse because he was looking for the car keys and I made the mistake to leave all those papers by leaving them in my purse. So he gave me two options either we find counseling or go our separate ways. The truth is I no longer want to be with him. I no longer love him because I made a choice to stop.loving him two years ago. The only reason I stayed with him was because of my daughter but that was it. Last night I was commanded to take my sisters back home to work on our relationship and I didn't obey him songs took the car keys away from me flicked me off with both hands and called me a piece of s*** I told him I was going to go over moms house for two days he said I wasn't going to take the baby with me. My parents came by and he threaten them so in a sense he put some dear I them. To make a long story short I am stuck here for now. I feel so hopeless. I genuinely despise this man and want nothing to do with him. He thinks I won't make it in the real world. I am aware of working with others is hard but I think I would rather go through that than have a man constantly belittle me. Well at least he doesn't hit me and I also told him in his face I no longer love him
Are you a Christian? Because when you married your husband, you made the choice to love him for the rest of your life. You made it not only to your husband, but to God. I'm not saying to stay in an abusive marriage, but if your husband suggested marriage counselling, make the choice to do it. Make the choice to honour your marriage vows. This "choice" to stop loving sounds like a worldly thing, and not Biblical at all!

Jesus tells us to forgive those who hurt us. That means you need to have the Holy Spirit guiding you. Which means recognizing Jesus as the final authority, not the world. My prayer is that you will go for counselling with your husband, and see if the counsellor can help save your marriage. And please hide all these papers in a safe place while you give your marriage another chance. God performs miracles, and I know he will guide and direct you, whatever happens in the end.
 

John_agape

Senior Member
Feb 27, 2014
187
7
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#35
Presidente, I agree with you in principle, but not in this specific case. The Bible does not tell us in detail what to do in every situation. The Bible gives us guidance and principles to live by. There are some rules and commands, but we have to interpret Scripture in the light of reality.

Following certain verses and ignoring reality was never the way Jesus taught.

Divorce in a secular court so that the abused wife can be free of an abuser who will harm her and the child as well (spiritually and psychologically, if not physically) is a secular legal matter with the wife and child getting protection from the state and the law of the land.

A couple married in church by a pastor/priest, who does not have a marriage license, is a marriage in the eyes of God, not in the eyes of the state. So in the everyday life this couple are considered as unmarried with all the legal implications (tax, inheritance, etc.) To be legally married, this couple have to go to the town hall and in some office they get a legal marriage by a secular bureaucrat.

God is not the witness there, they can invite any Tom, Dick or Harriett to sign as a witness. In fact in some countries it is against the law to even mention God in that secular legal wedding.

If they decide to divorce, they don't go to their pastor/priest to get the divorce. They go to a secular court of law and get that agreement from the secular bureaucrat in an office in the town hall annulled. The marriage in the church is still valid.

The divorce is for secular, legal reasons.

If this couple decide they want to remarry, then they go back to the secular bureaucrat and get a new secular marriage fixed. They don't have a new marriage in church, although they can have a recommitment to their marriage in church.

Marriage in the eyes of God is a one-off. Secular marriages can be redone as many times as the couple wish. Every year they can marry, divorce and marry each other again as long as they wish.

A secular divorce in a secular court of law is a separation in the eyes of God.

Biblical divorce and secular/state divorce are completely different, like chalk and cheese.

About wives submitting to their husbands. How about Ephesians: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.

How many times do Christians men use these verses compared to the "wives submit to your husbands" mantra ad nauseum.

The verse you quoted from Peter is about a normal husband, not an abusive one threatening the spiritual, psychological and physical health of his wife.

if the husband is an intimidating abuser, he will not be influenced by his wife's submission. that is reality. If the husband is teaching his daughter that this is the way men are, and thatvthis is the way women should be, then the wife is allowing her child to be raised to accept being abused as normal.

Presidente, you do not understand the mind of an abuser. My wife and I do. We have daily reminders of the damage done by abusive husbands/boyfriends as we help victims of abuse.

You NEVER try counseling in an abusive situation, because that plays into the hands of the abuser. The abuse needs to be cured before counseling can work.

You are entitled to your opinion, even if it is based on naivety. Abusive partners are not normal people.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,166
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#36
Presidente, I agree with you in principle, but not in this specific case. The Bible does not tell us in detail what to do in every situation. The Bible gives us guidance and principles to live by. There are some rules and commands, but we have to interpret Scripture in the light of reality.

Following certain verses and ignoring reality was never the way Jesus taught.
Is 'reality' by your definition, the same as whatever you want to do when it doesn't really agree with what the Bible says? Do you take the same approach to lawsuits towards other Christians? I'm just wondering on your perspective on this.

Divorce in a secular court so that the abused wife can be free of an abuser who will harm her and the child as well (spiritually and psychologically, if not physically) is a secular legal matter with the wife and child getting protection from the state and the law of the land.
We are talking to a woman who says her husband talks down to her. That's an awful situation to be in. It doesn't sound like he is violent toward her.

Have you ever been on a forum like this and one spouse posts something, then later another spouse posts something that shows that the first spouse's story was inaccurate or untrue? One spouses side of the story may be very different from the others. Both could be trying to be completely honest about it, too. You read an internet post from someone. There is no violence involved as far as you can tell, yet you recommend divorce. Do you remember that verse about the millstone? This is one of those areas to be careful, because your advice could contribute toward breaking up a marriage, adulterous remarriage, and a child being raised in a broken home.

A couple married in church by a pastor/priest, who does not have a marriage license, is a marriage in the eyes of God, not in the eyes of the state. So in the everyday life this couple are considered as unmarried with all the legal implications (tax, inheritance, etc.) To be legally married, this couple have to go to the town hall and in some office they get a legal marriage by a secular bureaucrat.

God is not the witness there, they can invite any Tom, Dick or Harriett to sign as a witness. In fact in some countries it is against the law to even mention God in that secular legal wedding.
Where does the Bible teach either kind of wedding. The Bible does not give Levitical priests, elders of the church, pastors, bishops or the church community the authority to declare a couple wed in marriage. The Torah does not teach this. The Prophets do not teach this. Jesus and His apostles did not teach this. Virgins were wed when a father gave his daughter in marriage. In Hebrew society, it was done with a bride price with a wedding party and the wedding night some time later. Boaz married the widow Ruth when he conducted a real estate transaction and agreed to take her as wife, with city elders as witnesses.
If they decide to divorce, they don't go to their pastor/priest to get the divorce. They go to a secular court of law and get that agreement from the secular bureaucrat in an office in the town hall annulled. The marriage in the church is still valid.

The divorce is for secular, legal reasons.

If this couple decide they want to remarry, then they go back to the secular bureaucrat and get a new secular marriage fixed. They don't have a new marriage in church, although they can have a recommitment to their marriage in church.
Maybe if they are Roman Catholic and both embrace this idea with an understanding before a divorce, this could happen. But for most Protestants and a lot of other people, a legal divorce is seen as a license to remarry, even if it runs contrary to what Christ taught. A lot of church people and even pastors see it that way. So recommending divorce is putting someone into a huge temptation.

Marriage in the eyes of God is a one-off. Secular marriages can be redone as many times as the couple wish. Every year they can marry, divorce and marry each other again as long as they wish.

A secular divorce in a secular court of law is a separation in the eyes of God.[/quote[

The Bible says, "let not the wife depart from her husband" and "let not the husband put away his wife."

About wives submitting to their husbands. How about Ephesians: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.

How many times do Christians men use these verses compared to the "wives submit to your husbands" mantra ad nauseum.
I hear a lot more emphasis on husbands love your wives when the passage is taught. Some preachers read the submission part, but don't expand on it, except to say that the husband's part is more weighty.

Since the part about wives submitting to their husbands is part of the Bible, too, we should embrace, cherish and appreciate that truth as well, and not be nauseated by it.

The verse you quoted from Peter is about a normal husband, not an abusive one threatening the spiritual, psychological and physical health of his wife.
The passage doesn't say that. The verses prior are about how it is commendable before God for a slave to suffer for well doing, even being beaten, and to follow the example of Christ. So it's a pretty harsh context. This passage doesn't say anything about an abusive husband, but it sounds like family life could be a bit harsh if one married an unbeliever back then.

if the husband is an intimidating abuser, he will not be influenced by his wife's submission. that is reality.
Based on what do you say this? Do you have any research to prove this? What kind of research did you conduct? What kind of research on this could you get past an ethics review board at a university? I think this is your made-up opinion. We aren't talking about a physical abuser here. We are talking about one part of a couple saying her husband talks down to her.

I also know there are women who tried to be really good wives and prayed for their husbands and their husbands repented. I can think of two testimonies off the top of my head. One of the men is a preacher now. He said he rode a motorcycle and had spiked hair when he was young, and we abusive toward his wife. He drove by a church where she was at a prayer meeting and heard his wife and the women inside calling out his name and praying for him, and he repented and became a Christian. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much, and I believe that applies to women as well.

Do you believe what the Bible teaches about prayer is 'reality' or not?

You NEVER try counseling in an abusive situation, because that plays into the hands of the abuser. The abuse needs to be cured before counseling can work.

You are entitled to your opinion, even if it is based on naivety. Abusive partners are not normal people.
That's a recipe to end a lot of marriages, and it also dehumanizes the abuser or one merely accused of it, and can break up families for good. Are a professional in this area? It seems really unprofessional of you to give such extreme advice on a forum where you haven't even met both people in the marriage, and you haven't even met the one who says she is abused. If they go to a decent counselor and she tells him or her what she just told us, don't you think a trained counselor will recognize what's going on? There could be some benefit from a professional confronting this man. He may realize his marriage is in a vulnerable place. He has a daughter and if he has enough knowledge of the world to realize he's got a 10% chance, maybe, of getting primary custody, and he realizes he has to care for a child that age, he may just be motivated to listen or make some changes.

This idea that 'Abusive partners are not normal people' isn't a professional way of looking at people, either. Not everyone who talks down to their partner is a Duluth Model psychopath. Most people who are abusive on some level are not murderous psychopaths. People who have personality and moral problems usually fall on some kind of spectrum. Some people can wise up and change, and especially if the Holy Spirit gets involved in the situation. It sounds like you've bought into some particular philosophy on this, and I think you ought to consider whether the philosphy you bought into is true or not.