Spanking
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A
So it sounds like you are actually asking two questions and looking for one answer.
Is it ethical?
and
Is it legal?
There might be a day when spreading the gospel is not legal, but that wouldn't make it unethical. Is it ethical might be rephrased as "Is it effective for raising your children properly?" to which the Bible seems to say "Yes". The "Times have changed" argument is the sort of thinking that has caused people to smile on homosexuality and fornication. Or to put it differently, slavery was once accepted, and yet still unethical. Accepted is not equivalent to ethical. If someone doesn't want to spank their children for fear of the government, that is one thing, but it is not the same thing as not doing it because it is unethical.
Is it ethical?
and
Is it legal?
There might be a day when spreading the gospel is not legal, but that wouldn't make it unethical. Is it ethical might be rephrased as "Is it effective for raising your children properly?" to which the Bible seems to say "Yes". The "Times have changed" argument is the sort of thinking that has caused people to smile on homosexuality and fornication. Or to put it differently, slavery was once accepted, and yet still unethical. Accepted is not equivalent to ethical. If someone doesn't want to spank their children for fear of the government, that is one thing, but it is not the same thing as not doing it because it is unethical.
Speaking of homosexuality, it was actually deemed a psychological disorder back in the day. With regards to spanking, it depends on the individual. If you saw violence in the house growing up like I did or you have anger issues, there would probably be other ways to handle discipline. That's the thing with parenting. There is no single right way.
P
i have to note by the time our son was 6 or so, he never broke a rule
that would lead to spanking...
there's an age past which it's probably counterproductive?
we have friends who used what looked a lot like a bread board to spank their kiddos (!),
but they have a daughter and eleven sons...
(those boys are all grown and most of them are military officers...all college grads.
those who aren't are professionals...super nice guys. )
that would lead to spanking...
there's an age past which it's probably counterproductive?
we have friends who used what looked a lot like a bread board to spank their kiddos (!),
but they have a daughter and eleven sons...
(those boys are all grown and most of them are military officers...all college grads.
those who aren't are professionals...super nice guys.
)
B
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away. - Proverbs 22:15
This verse along with Proverbs 13:24 that kennethcadwell originally posted pretty much sums up what God thinks about spankings. Therefore, to me other peoples opinions about it are irrelevant! As for me, I will serve the Lord! and someday raise my future children the way He tells me to.
This verse along with Proverbs 13:24 that kennethcadwell originally posted pretty much sums up what God thinks about spankings. Therefore, to me other peoples opinions about it are irrelevant! As for me, I will serve the Lord! and someday raise my future children the way He tells me to.
T
Why must people always go overboard? Why must you equate physical discipline with violence? I was physically disciplined as a child and I never learned that violence was a means to an end. Most of the time it was lovingly done and and when it wasn't, dad or mum would apologise and ask for forgiveness. I don't believe appropriate physical discipline teaches violence.
Children should be disciplined each according to his or her nature and what works best for them. Doesn't God discipline each of us according to our nature and personality? Spanking, when done correctly, can be a wise way to discipline if a young child responds well to it. Some kids can be taught with a stern look, or a quiet word. Others need to be deprived of something they love in order to learn to obey. Still others need a physical reminder. Many of those here who speak of spanking don't really understand that it can be done correctly and in such cases is certainly not abusive or detrimental.
I have two children, who are each very different. One needed nothing more than a look in order to obey. The other was very stubborn in spirit and needed more strict discipline. Both are very happy, well adjusted young ladies now.
I was spanked as a child. My mother was always controlled and never spanked in anger. She reserved this for the worst offenses. It definitely never taught me violence as a way to handle situations. Quite the opposite. My sister, brother and I knew better than to physically harm one another, and I've never even considered hitting another person in my life. Even young children realize that spanking is a form of discipline that a parent gives to their child in order to teach them.
I have two children, who are each very different. One needed nothing more than a look in order to obey. The other was very stubborn in spirit and needed more strict discipline. Both are very happy, well adjusted young ladies now.
I was spanked as a child. My mother was always controlled and never spanked in anger. She reserved this for the worst offenses. It definitely never taught me violence as a way to handle situations. Quite the opposite. My sister, brother and I knew better than to physically harm one another, and I've never even considered hitting another person in my life. Even young children realize that spanking is a form of discipline that a parent gives to their child in order to teach them.
Hold Off and Pray First!
Really pontificating on this subject without scripture is of little value.
Once it is established from Proverbs that spanking is divinely established as a part of discipline, the next thing is to consider James 1: If any man lack wisdom, let Him pray for it & trust the Lord for it.
Since we all lack wisdom & since only God has it, no punishment should be given without first praying over it and trusting the Lord for wisdom. If you want to destroy your relationship with your children, punish them when they are innocent.
"Judging" is a big sin. By judging I mean jumping to conclusions without evidence, not assuming innocent until proven guilty, assuming evil motive when there is none. If you want to destroy your relationship with your children, judge them guilty when there is insufficient evidence.
Can you imagine the harm done when a parent spanks a kid to force a confession when the child is innocent?
Justice is not served by punishing a scape goat lest a crime go unpunished. Much better to let a guilty child escape your punishment than to punish the child unjustly.
And love your child as yourself. If you do something wrong do you want the Lord to correct you verbally first before He lights into you? Wouldn't you rather be convicted by the Spirit as you read the word or hear a sermon before He lights into you?
So back to James 1. Pray first; never punish without asking the Lord for wisdom first.
Really pontificating on this subject without scripture is of little value.
Once it is established from Proverbs that spanking is divinely established as a part of discipline, the next thing is to consider James 1: If any man lack wisdom, let Him pray for it & trust the Lord for it.
Since we all lack wisdom & since only God has it, no punishment should be given without first praying over it and trusting the Lord for wisdom. If you want to destroy your relationship with your children, punish them when they are innocent.
"Judging" is a big sin. By judging I mean jumping to conclusions without evidence, not assuming innocent until proven guilty, assuming evil motive when there is none. If you want to destroy your relationship with your children, judge them guilty when there is insufficient evidence.
Can you imagine the harm done when a parent spanks a kid to force a confession when the child is innocent?
Justice is not served by punishing a scape goat lest a crime go unpunished. Much better to let a guilty child escape your punishment than to punish the child unjustly.
And love your child as yourself. If you do something wrong do you want the Lord to correct you verbally first before He lights into you? Wouldn't you rather be convicted by the Spirit as you read the word or hear a sermon before He lights into you?
So back to James 1. Pray first; never punish without asking the Lord for wisdom first.
J
I dont know what is the correct thing to do, but I've been a parent for 11 years and I have never spanked my kids. My folks, though, were spanked as a part of their upbringing, but they did not embrace that habit themselves and didnt spank me and my siblings when we were kids. I will always love them for that.
M
It may not have been warranted with yourself Jennymae, spanking should not be the first resort but more the last resort in discipline if defined boundaries are repeatedly pushed.
On the other hand I have talked with a number of people on the subject and when it was overdone by a parent...as in being harsh.
The outcome into adulthood was not the desired result...rebellion, anger, low self esteem etc.
It can be done imporperly yes.
Yet so can lack of discipline be overdone.
The balance and fine line needs to be understood and I feel that GLR illustrated this well in that
different situations call for different measures for different people
Interestingly, some that were NOT spanked (mostly by their Father) had similar results into adulthood.
I remember one lady I knew who at 36 yrs old said she wished her father had spanked her as child.
Because her being a teacher in her adulthood working with children:
1. saw the importance of discipline noting those that were and weren't
2. as well as noting certain rebellious behaviors in herself which may have been curtailed had her Father issued spanking when appropriate.
The reason being is she feels the parents who discipline appropriately show their love for their children more so than parents who let things slide.
She would have felt more loved as a child knowing when she was pushing the boundaries in order to test her parents as opposed to letting her get away with it, which contributed to a spoiling behavior into adulthood.
As I mentioned, some children may not NEED to be spanked, although it should not be ruled out entirely in my personal opinion.
I remember being spanked as a child and it not doing me much good only making me angry toward my parents afterward.
It didnt help to curtail any bad behavior on my part because they didn't follow the spanking up with the reasons why and how to correct my behavior.
Just you were bad so youre getting a spanking.
so even at 6 or 7 yrs old my attitude back was just try harder not to get caught next time.
Put on some extra pairs of underwear and fake tears next time etc.
BUT.....
Similar to the lady I mentioned who in her adulthood WISHED her father had spanked her.
I in my adulthood not only respect and love my Father for doing so I also respect and accept whatever punishment or discipline my Heavenly Father issues for my actions.
Understanding I get what I deserve and I bring it upon myself.
So I believe there is a similarity with earthly parents discipline preparing us for Godly discipline as well as respect for authority over us.
On the other hand I have talked with a number of people on the subject and when it was overdone by a parent...as in being harsh.
The outcome into adulthood was not the desired result...rebellion, anger, low self esteem etc.
It can be done imporperly yes.
Yet so can lack of discipline be overdone.
The balance and fine line needs to be understood and I feel that GLR illustrated this well in that
different situations call for different measures for different people
Interestingly, some that were NOT spanked (mostly by their Father) had similar results into adulthood.
I remember one lady I knew who at 36 yrs old said she wished her father had spanked her as child.
Because her being a teacher in her adulthood working with children:
1. saw the importance of discipline noting those that were and weren't
2. as well as noting certain rebellious behaviors in herself which may have been curtailed had her Father issued spanking when appropriate.
The reason being is she feels the parents who discipline appropriately show their love for their children more so than parents who let things slide.
She would have felt more loved as a child knowing when she was pushing the boundaries in order to test her parents as opposed to letting her get away with it, which contributed to a spoiling behavior into adulthood.
As I mentioned, some children may not NEED to be spanked, although it should not be ruled out entirely in my personal opinion.
I remember being spanked as a child and it not doing me much good only making me angry toward my parents afterward.
It didnt help to curtail any bad behavior on my part because they didn't follow the spanking up with the reasons why and how to correct my behavior.
Just you were bad so youre getting a spanking.
so even at 6 or 7 yrs old my attitude back was just try harder not to get caught next time.
Put on some extra pairs of underwear and fake tears next time etc.
BUT.....
Similar to the lady I mentioned who in her adulthood WISHED her father had spanked her.
I in my adulthood not only respect and love my Father for doing so I also respect and accept whatever punishment or discipline my Heavenly Father issues for my actions.
Understanding I get what I deserve and I bring it upon myself.
So I believe there is a similarity with earthly parents discipline preparing us for Godly discipline as well as respect for authority over us.
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I just want to add, that although I was spanked and beaten as a child, I never became violent. Even back in my alcoholic days, before Christ, I never hurt anyone, human or animal.
I even became a vegetarian , so I wouldn't have to kill animals.
So even real violence does not necessarily beget violence. I think neglect and lack of parental guidelines is more likely to produce a violent child and adult, than spankings in love ever have!
Another PC myth debunked!
I even became a vegetarian , so I wouldn't have to kill animals.
So even real violence does not necessarily beget violence. I think neglect and lack of parental guidelines is more likely to produce a violent child and adult, than spankings in love ever have!
Another PC myth debunked!
I'm not against spanking and I suspect some social workers and government officials are too strict about this sort of thing. Some people think any spanking at all is a violation of human rights.
That being said, I don't think spanking should be the only form of discipline. I've only used spanking rarely and haven't left any welts or anything like that. I might give a child who is rebellious or ignores me and/or his few spanks with a wooden spoon. It's kind of rare, maybe a couple of times a year. I spanked the two-year-old a bit more than that if she is outright being rebellious and knows it. You shouldn't spank a child who doesn't understand what's going wrong.
Spanking is only one of many tools. Proverbs endorses corporal punishment, but it also has a lot to say about the parents teaching the children, and a lot of that should be verbal. I use grounding a lot more than spanking with the kids. My kids are fairly well behaved most of the time.
That being said, I don't think spanking should be the only form of discipline. I've only used spanking rarely and haven't left any welts or anything like that. I might give a child who is rebellious or ignores me and/or his few spanks with a wooden spoon. It's kind of rare, maybe a couple of times a year. I spanked the two-year-old a bit more than that if she is outright being rebellious and knows it. You shouldn't spank a child who doesn't understand what's going wrong.
Spanking is only one of many tools. Proverbs endorses corporal punishment, but it also has a lot to say about the parents teaching the children, and a lot of that should be verbal. I use grounding a lot more than spanking with the kids. My kids are fairly well behaved most of the time.