My husband and the drama that follows.

[Abster]

Well hello, it's been a whole since I have been on here, feel free top read the last post, or had been a rough journey for me.

My husband's father passed about 3 weeks ago, his father never liked me nor did the rest of his family but I never knew why I always thought it was because I'm 3 years older.
Before his dad died, we were having marital problems, the day his dad died, I decided to put everything to the side and be there for my husband. Being his mother's only son in the same state, he feels as though he needs to take care of his mother, I totally understood that but then, he started telling me he's spending the night with his mother because his mother asked him to. I admit I started to have a problem with him not consulting me about this.
Since his dad died he has had a totally different attitude.

I wanted to be there for him but his sister doesn't me and she started making rude comments about me in front of me, it made me uncomfortable, I decided not to burden my husband with the issue between his sister and I and decided to separate myself because my husband would make comments as of I keeping him from his family, I sat in the back of the church at his father's funeral, his sister and entire family treated my best friend better than me.
My husband finally talked to me and asked why I always drop him off and leave, so I finally told him about his sister disrespecting me and we argued because I feel he was making excuses, saying that his family was grieving. I feel like my husband doesn't like me, he talks to me like I am a girlfriend not a wife, like I don't have any place to complain about his sister. His mother wanted ti get ti know me so she invited me to go out with her, but my husband has a problem with me going with his mother, it's like he doesn't want his family to like me. He also talks to me in a very mean tone, and he told me that some of his focus on me is going to his mom. I believe with strangers he will protect me but with his family, who is going to protect me from him? I don't know if u can deal with the constant disrespect from him or his family, h e also discusses our marriage with his sister and his mother.
What do I do?

First thing that comes to mind is Christian Marital Counseling. I don't feel that the two of you seem to know your place within this union. He shouldn't be discussing his marriage with anyone else but God, you or a counselor with you there. If he wants to submit a general prayer request with his family thats fine but intimate details aren't okay. What happens when spouse vents to friends and family about their spouse is that those people begin not to like the spouse. Its like poison. Everyone is drinking the kool-aid and the person who is being talked about's image is forever tarnished. I did this to my ex husband. I was so unhappy with him I told ANY and EVERYONE who would listen and when I was ready to forgive him and love him again, they already hated him and made him feel uncomfortable. It sounds like this is what is happening in your marriage. Second, your father in law passed away three weeks ago. So what if your husband is spending the night at his mothers? Imagine if you spent decades with someone until death and then death actually occurred and separated you from them until YOU died? Wouldn't you need support? Now I get that he didnt speak to you about it and he should have done that but can you give him some grace? His impulse was likely to support his mother during this time and he gave little thought to anything else and its unfortunate your feelings weren't the priority but when someone is grieving they tend not to be thoughtful as they are consumed with sadness and loss. The burden of resolution lies squarely on the shoulders of you and your husband. I suggest you go to counseling and address concerns with each other and have an impartial third party guide you in a biblical way toward a happier union. I'm sorry that you are feeling this way because I am sure its horrible to feel like your husband doesnt like you and his family hopped on the bandwagon too. Thats got to hurt. However, you have to do your best to see past the circumstances and aim toward the resolve. Don't spend time building your defense. Instead ask God to build a fence around you and your household, keeping spirits of confusion, insecurity and resentment out and ask him to fill your marriage with love. Begin to praise God for the restoration you will receive and believe it shall be done! Find that counselor. Put in the work. Don't focus on the problem, focus on solutions. I pray God heals your heart, your husbands heart and your marriage. Be blessed and don't give up.

 

[biscuit]

First thing that comes to mind is Christian Marital Counseling. I don't feel that the two of you seem to know your place within this union. He shouldn't be discussing his marriage with anyone else but God, you or a counselor with you there. If he wants to submit a general prayer request with his family thats fine but intimate details aren't okay. What happens when spouse vents to friends and family about their spouse is that those people begin not to like the spouse. Its like poison. Everyone is drinking the kool-aid and the person who is being talked about's image is forever tarnished. I did this to my ex husband. I was so unhappy with him I told ANY and EVERYONE who would listen and when I was ready to forgive him and love him again, they already hated him and made him feel uncomfortable. It sounds like this is what is happening in your marriage. Second, your father in law passed away three weeks ago. So what if your husband is spending the night at his mothers? Imagine if you spent decades with someone until death and then death actually occurred and separated you from them until YOU died? Wouldn't you need support? Now I get that he didnt speak to you about it and he should have done that but can you give him some grace? His impulse was likely to support his mother during this time and he gave little thought to anything else and its unfortunate your feelings weren't the priority but when someone is grieving they tend not to be thoughtful as they are consumed with sadness and loss. The burden of resolution lies squarely on the shoulders of you and your husband. I suggest you go to counseling and address concerns with each other and have an impartial third party guide you in a biblical way toward a happier union. I'm sorry that you are feeling this way because I am sure its horrible to feel like your husband doesnt like you and his family hopped on the bandwagon too. Thats got to hurt. However, you have to do your best to see past the circumstances and aim toward the resolve. Don't spend time building your defense. Instead ask God to build a fence around you and your household, keeping spirits of confusion, insecurity and resentment out and ask him to fill your marriage with love. Begin to praise God for the restoration you will receive and believe it shall be done! Find that counselor. Put in the work. Don't focus on the problem, focus on solutions. I pray God heals your heart, your husbands heart and your marriage. Be blessed and don't give up.

Excellent Post !!

 

[Abster]

Thank you for your reply, I have given him space I have tried that approach, I did say that I separated myself because his disrespectful sister and because I didn't want to burden him in his time of loss, my husband insist on me being around him and his family despite the many things that have not even been mentioned. He is well aware that his family doesn't like me, before his dad's death he's told me in the heat of an argument that none of his family likes me. But like I said despite of the situation he wanted me to be there with him, and as his wife I did want to be there for him, but he leaves me in the house knowing they dislike me, he goes and just abandons me and not only does that put me in a an awkward situation, he also disrespects me in front of his family as well. But when I gave him his space he argued about me not being there for him.

That isn't fair. It does appear that you can't satisfy him or support him no matter how hard you try. When you give space, are you withdrawn with an attitude or are you distant but readily available when he needs you? Again, I really think its best you have a Christian counselor who is not biased and will give you scripture based guidance. Putting myself in your situation, I would be frustrated. Continue to give him grace but it may be worth it to ask him what he wants and hold him accountable to the type of support he says he wants. Go away, and come back are not fair and not going to work for anyone involved. I feel for you...

 

[LEPIDUS]

I'll take this as a compliment from what I have read or ignored of your other posts!
Feel free to place me on ignore, so I don't have to report you for unsubstantiated character assassination! Or maybe I will!

I'm sorry you feel that way but your own words have done that on their own.

Two thing!
1. Brief and simple! Cut 3/4 of your dialogue, esp. The first 4 paragraphs, and all the rest of the blather and you will be half way there.
2. Learn Greek and then we can discuss your faulty suppositions and opinions!


PS I am an ordained pastor, and God uses me in amazing ways![/QUOTE]


The following post is another example of your condescending attitude.

]Are you kidding me?? There are at least 10 recent threads on this, from both sides, at least one going to the 100's.[/B]


Or are you trolling for your answer?


Look around the form, if you are for real, before creating another thread on this topic

Then my favorite, I didn't post it all because it was to long. lol

You really don't understand much about the concept of correct exegesis, do you? and FYI, I taught reading in school for many years, and comprehension was an integral portion of learning that skill! I think graduating with a near 4.0 average for my Master of Divinity also shows I likely have a broader understanding of not only reading comprehension, than all you self taught types,who do not understand that the basis of this thread is based on a faulty understanding and use of both hermeneutics and exegetics and a lack of knowledge of Greek and Hebrew.

I did not bother to look for anymore as I'm sure there are plenty.

Of course the husband of the OP is family. But a 6 month marriage, even sanctioned and blessed by God does not equal forcing him to drop his strong bonds and connections he has had his whole life. The OP is simply trying to establish rules to her own advantage, which is a dysfunctional way to relate as Christians.

She didn't state that her marriage was 6 months, and how can you assume that she is forcing him to drop his family cold turkey, and again everything else you said is pure assumption, speculation on your part.

I do hope the OP doesn't see my post as an attack, but rather a loving piece of advice and caring. I don't want to see her divorce, and her attitude seems to be such that sooner or later these demands are going to detract and draw her away from not only her husband, but from God!

Yea your words don't have a tone of care anyway you read it.

Sad how Lepidus chooses to basically ignore the OP's thread, and come in bashing and crashing, throwing insults left and right and never addressing the OP Directly.

lol You basically ignored my whole post #4 in which I quoted the original post and address it directly, so I did not come in bashing left and right as you feel I have.

 

[christianwife87]

First thing that comes to mind is Christian Marital Counseling. I don't feel that the two of you seem to know your place within this union. He shouldn't be discussing his marriage with anyone else but God, you or a counselor with you there. If he wants to submit a general prayer request with his family thats fine but intimate details aren't okay. What happens when spouse vents to friends and family about their spouse is that those people begin not to like the spouse. Its like poison. Everyone is drinking the kool-aid and the person who is being talked about's image is forever tarnished. I did this to my ex husband. I was so unhappy with him I told ANY and EVERYONE who would listen and when I was ready to forgive him and love him again, they already hated him and made him feel uncomfortable. It sounds like this is what is happening in your marriage. Second, your father in law passed away three weeks ago. So what if your husband is spending the night at his mothers? Imagine if you spent decades with someone until death and then death actually occurred and separated you from them until YOU died? Wouldn't you need support? Now I get that he didnt speak to you about it and he should have done that but can you give him some grace? His impulse was likely to support his mother during this time and he gave little thought to anything else and its unfortunate your feelings weren't the priority but when someone is grieving they tend not to be thoughtful as they are consumed with sadness and loss. The burden of resolution lies squarely on the shoulders of you and your husband. I suggest you go to counseling and address concerns with each other and have an impartial third party guide you in a biblical way toward a happier union. I'm sorry that you are feeling this way because I am sure its horrible to feel like your husband doesnt like you and his family hopped on the bandwagon too. Thats got to hurt. However, you have to do your best to see past the circumstances and aim toward the resolve. Don't spend time building your defense. Instead ask God to build a fence around you and your household, keeping spirits of confusion, insecurity and resentment out and ask him to fill your marriage with love. Begin to praise God for the restoration you will receive and believe it shall be done! Find that counselor. Put in the work. Don't focus on the problem, focus on solutions. I pray God heals your heart, your husbands heart and your marriage. Be blessed and don't give up.

Thank you, I do appreciate your response, my concern for him spending the night was how he approached me, not actually spending the night, I told him I didn't mind him spending the night, but I would like for him to consult with me not tell me "I'm spending the night at my moms whether you like it or not".

 

[christianwife87]

That isn't fair. It does appear that you can't satisfy him or support him no matter how hard you try. When you give space, are you withdrawn with an attitude or are you distant but readily available when he needs you? Again, I really think its best you have a Christian counselor who is not biased and will give you scripture based guidance. Putting myself in your situation, I would be frustrated. Continue to give him grace but it may be worth it to ask him what he wants and hold him accountable to the type of support he says he wants. Go away, and come back are not fair and not going to work for anyone involved. I feel for you...

Thank you for your response, I've been readily waiting with open arms to sooth my husband, even his mother and his sister, I've never disrespected them. Regardless of how the act towards me, I've been respectful

 

[patience]

christianwife87,you can pm me anytime you like. I am here to listen. I am sorry for the loss of your Farther Inlaw, and what you are going though..

 

[Angela53510]

Thank you for your response, although it was not clearly thought out, I see you have a scripture that shows up with your response, Romans 12:2.
It's also quite the obvious that you my dear are not married, so your response is really appreciated but oh so irrelevant. It seems as though you know your bible, so you should know that Ephesians 5:31 " For this cause a man shall leave his mother and father and shall join his wife and the two shall become one flesh"

but the reality of it is that scripture stands firm, it does not make it exempt because of his father's death, it also does not give him or his family the right to disrespect me. Here's another scripture for you Ephesians 5:25 "Husband's love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave his life for it"
Last but not least Ephesians 5:33 "Nevertheless Let everyone of you love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Yes I feel for my husband I wouldn't know what to do if my father or mother passed away, but God's word stands firm even in death, it does not mean sit your wife to the side and take care of your mother, it just means he has more to handle now, my place as his wife still comes before his mother, his mother even knows that but refuses to accept it. Please don't be so quick to reply on what you don't understand. Thank you

I have been married to the same man for 33 years, with four grown children and 3 grandchildren. We just walked through the death of my father only a few years ago, and my husband was totally supportive and understanding. My comments come from a lot of lessons gained through years of trial and error, prayer, weeping and joy.

Sometimes, a husband doesn't love his wife the way Christ lived the church. Sometimes a wife has to be on the giving end, for months or years. My husband suffers terribly from the death of his father over 40 years ago. He has major depression, because his family was not there for him when his father died, they were all lost in their own grief, especially his mother.

If you do not let your husband grieve properly, in his own way, you are going to have nothing but marriage problems, I say this in love, praying you will learn to be a shining example of the compassion of Christ, and when your husband is through his grief, however long that may take, he will have nothing but love and respect for his wife who didn't make his grief something to be torn apart.

i have the feeling you are not really interested in solid advice from someone who has been through grief, studied it, and companioned the grieving. All you seem to want is support for your position, which is making your husband pay attention to you, instead of waiting patiently and in silence till your husband gets through this! So I will leave this thread.

 

[sunburn]

Christian wife, as I read your post, I can understand your frustrations. But they did not happen overnight and you need wisdom from the Lord.
A lot of humility from your part to accept that it is going to require sacrifice from you. what you feel you deserve need to take a back sit and start fighting on your knees.
We do not fight against flesh and blood.
There are a lot of mistakes you both are making in this marriage, communications and behaviours wise…the more you try to confront it, the more the situation will go downhill…it is not looking well and you need to realise, it is not YOU who need to bring the change.
Its time to pray.
I pray that God would help you and your family. God can restore anything if you let him. It is not by mitt nor by power.

 

[christianwife87]

I have been married to the same man for 33 years, with four grown children and 3 grandchildren. We just walked through the death of my father only a few years ago, and my husband was totally supportive and understanding. My comments come from a lot of lessons gained through years of trial and error, prayer, weeping and joy.

Sometimes, a husband doesn't love his wife the way Christ lived the church. Sometimes a wife has to be on the giving end, for months or years. My husband suffers terribly from the death of his father over 40 years ago. He has major depression, because his family was not there for him when his father died, they were all lost in their own grief, especially his mother.

If you do not let your husband grieve properly, in his own way, you are going to have nothing but marriage problems, I say this in love, praying you will learn to be a shining example of the compassion of Christ, and when your husband is through his grief, however long that may take, he will have nothing but love and respect for his wife who didn't make his grief something to be torn apart.

i have the feeling you are not really interested in solid advice from someone who has been through grief, studied it, and companioned the grieving. All you seem to want is support for your position, which is making your husband pay attention to you, instead of waiting patiently and in silence till your husband gets through this! So I will leave this thread.

Thank you for your response, it's not that I accept all advice, the response to Angela that you quoted was specifically to her for responding how she did it was clear that she has no knowledge of marriage. I accept your response because I don't have any idea of what he is going through he won't let me in, so it's good to hear from someone who has been through grief, but also I do believe men and women handle things differently, I know that my husband was not close to his father but he wanted to have that relationship that he can no longer have. To me that still doesn't give him the right to disrespect his wife or allow anyone else to do it for that matter. I don't know how I would react but I would not disrespect my husband for being there for me.

 

[Abster]

I just wanted to stop in and say that I sincerely hope that I didnt come off as condescending, disrespectful, or calloused in my tone. It wasnt my intent. I actually feel for your situation. Marriage takes a tremendous amount of work and I was ill-equipped at the time of my marriage and I felt compelled to end it. The circumstances were quite different but I also didnt feel liked or valued. I know that some people may have offended you however try to take the point of their comments and disregard the tone if you can. I am new here and I would hope if I came for guidance I wouldnt be offended... but it does happen from what I am seeing. Give everyone grace, including yourself and your husband and continue to pray on the matter and aggressively work toward solutions rather than lament over the problems. easier said than done... I know.

 

[christianwife87]

Christian wife, as I read your post, I can understand your frustrations. But they did not happen overnight and you need wisdom from the Lord.
A lot of humility from your part to accept that it is going to require sacrifice from you. what you feel you deserve need to take a back sit and start fighting on your knees.
We do not fight against flesh and blood.
There are a lot of mistakes you both are making in this marriage, communications and behaviours wise…the more you try to confront it, the more the situation will go downhill…it is not looking well and you need to realise, it is not YOU who need to bring the change.
Its time to pray.
I pray that God would help you and your family. God can restore anything if you let him. It is not by mitt nor by power.

Thank you for your response, my husband just left me today, but that is okay, I will continue to pray and leave it in God's hands. I do understand that God can restore anything but both parties have to be willing and I don't know if he is.

 

[Abster]

Im so sorry to hear that but the advice is the samw. Remain faithful. Theres is nothing God.cant fix

 

[presidente]

Thank you for your response, my husband just left me today, but that is okay, I will continue to pray and leave it in God's hands. I do understand that God can restore anything but both parties have to be willing and I don't know if he is.

I'm sorry to read about your husband leaving. Did he say anything about divorce or just spend the night elsewhere?

I'm also curious about your situation. Is this a first marriage for both of you? If you, in their mind, replaced an in-law they liked, then the family may blame you for that somehow. Or if you ran off and eloped for a first marriage without getting to know the family, that could be hard to overcome.

You wrote in a couple of posts that you don't have to tolerate disrespect from your husband or in-laws and that you were thinking of a divorce. You don't have to, but maybe you should. Jesus tolerated being crucified on a cross 'who left us an example, that we should follow in His steps.' Jesus said that if a man puts away his wife and marries another, except it be for fornication he commits adultery, and he that marries her that is put away commits adultery. He didn't make an exception for spouses to speak to each other with disrespect or disrespectful in-laws.

Sure, you can divorce over disrespect and marry someone else. That doesn't mean it's not adultery to do so. Adultery is such a bad sin there was a death penalty for it in the Old Testament.

If you and your husband talk things over, instead of insisting that he defend you among your in-laws, consider whether you've made things difficult for him and apologize. About his sleeping at his mom's house, don't look at it as your right that he not do that. Instead, if you had a problem with something like that, when you are calm holding each other, just tell him you'd appreciate it if he talked that over with you first. Do this kind of stuff in a nonconfrontational, relaxed way where you are talking about your feelings instead of demanding that he do things a certain way.

I completely understand that you would want him to defend you around his family. That's very difficult. A woman likes her man to defend her, but family is tough. My wife has wanted me to defend me around her own family and around my family. Sometimes, she'd tell me how my mom had made the most subtle comment, like indicating her clothes were tight. I thought she might have been reading into the comment, but even if she weren't, it wasn't that big of a deal. Or it wasn't to me. But it was to her. But there was nothing I would do about it. Fortunately, they get along pretty well so it's not a big deal.

But if my sister and wife couldn't get along, they both can talk. I'd want my wife to talk out her problem with my sister. I don't want to get in the middle of a cat fight. What am I supposed to do? Take sides? You and your sister-in-law are grown women. Just see what you can do to talk it out. If she is disrespectful to you, do you want him to cut her off and say she's dead to him? What's he going to do, realistically? It might be best to keep these things to yourself or in a very peacemaking way ask your sister-in-law if she has a problem with you or if you've done anything to offend her. If you do something she appreciates first (e.g. cook, bring her food, etc.) then that may soften her up a bit. Your husband can't handle all this kind of stuff. It puts a man in a difficult or impossible situation when he has to sort out relationship issues for his wife and relatives when he doesn't know the back story or what's going on.

If a robber comes in, I need to go in the other room with a baseball bat or my bare hands and leave my wife in the safest room of the house with the door locked. If a tiger attacks, I need to wrestle it so she can run. But it's not fair to expect me to get involved in an in-law relationship issue when she is able to talk these things through herself. I might speak up if I'm present when something is going on. But it's not fair to expect me to sort out issues like one person raising her eyebrow at someone else or speaking in a harsh tone of voice when I'm not even around.


If you guys get back together, think of anything you've done that could be seen as argumentative or controlling and apologize for it. If things warm up between you, he might be willing to apologize for some things, too. Tell him you know he's been going through a rough time and ask him what you can do to support him, and then do that.

 

[Angela53510]

Thank you for your response, it's not that I accept all advice, the response to Angela that you quoted was specifically to her for responding how she did it was clear that she has no knowledge of marriage. I accept your response because I don't have any idea of what he is going through he won't let me in, so it's good to hear from someone who has been through grief, but also I do believe men and women handle things differently, I know that my husband was not close to his father but he wanted to have that relationship that he can no longer have. To me that still doesn't give him the right to disrespect his wife or allow anyone else to do it for that matter. I don't know how I would react but I would not disrespect my husband for being there for me.

Excuse me! Look back at your post -.it was me, Angela you were talking to. Angela has been married for 33 years! Angela has been through death on a personal and professional level as a chaplain. Angela has lots of knowledge of marriage!

If you are not sleeping well, confused, or having other issues, please see your doctor.

Once again, you responded to Angela53510 in the above post. I hope that clears up any confusion on my end!

PS sorry if I sound snarky. After 4 weeks of posting with one finger because of my broken right wrist, which is not healing like it should, I am getting weary. Like I said, removing myself from this thread. Just came back because someone let me know I was getting bashed here some more. Apologies to all!

 

[christianwife87]

I'm sorry to read about your husband leaving. Did he say anything about divorce or just spend the night elsewhere?

I'm also curious about your situation. Is this a first marriage for both of you? If you, in their mind, replaced an in-law they liked, then the family may blame you for that somehow. Or if you ran off and eloped for a first marriage without getting to know the family, that could be hard to overcome.

You wrote in a couple of posts that you don't have to tolerate disrespect from your husband or in-laws and that you were thinking of a divorce. You don't have to, but maybe you should. Jesus tolerated being crucified on a cross 'who left us an example, that we should follow in His steps.' Jesus said that if a man puts away his wife and marries another, except it be for fornication he commits adultery, and he that marries her that is put away commits adultery. He didn't make an exception for spouses to speak to each other with disrespect or disrespectful in-laws.

Sure, you can divorce over disrespect and marry someone else. That doesn't mean it's not adultery to do so. Adultery is such a bad sin there was a death penalty for it in the Old Testament.

If you and your husband talk things over, instead of insisting that he defend you among your in-laws, consider whether you've made things difficult for him and apologize. About his sleeping at his mom's house, don't look at it as your right that he not do that. Instead, if you had a problem with something like that, when you are calm holding each other, just tell him you'd appreciate it if he talked that over with you first. Do this kind of stuff in a nonconfrontational, relaxed way where you are talking about your feelings instead of demanding that he do things a certain way.

I completely understand that you would want him to defend you around his family. That's very difficult. A woman likes her man to defend her, but family is tough. My wife has wanted me to defend me around her own family and around my family. Sometimes, she'd tell me how my mom had made the most subtle comment, like indicating her clothes were tight. I thought she might have been reading into the comment, but even if she weren't, it wasn't that big of a deal. Or it wasn't to me. But it was to her. But there was nothing I would do about it. Fortunately, they get along pretty well so it's not a big deal.

But if my sister and wife couldn't get along, they both can talk. I'd want my wife to talk out her problem with my sister. I don't want to get in the middle of a cat fight. What am I supposed to do? Take sides? You and your sister-in-law are grown women. Just see what you can do to talk it out. If she is disrespectful to you, do you want him to cut her off and say she's dead to him? What's he going to do, realistically? It might be best to keep these things to yourself or in a very peacemaking way ask your sister-in-law if she has a problem with you or if you've done anything to offend her. If you do something she appreciates first (e.g. cook, bring her food, etc.) then that may soften her up a bit. Your husband can't handle all this kind of stuff. It puts a man in a difficult or impossible situation when he has to sort out relationship issues for his wife and relatives when he doesn't know the back story or what's going on.

If a robber comes in, I need to go in the other room with a baseball bat or my bare hands and leave my wife in the safest room of the house with the door locked. If a tiger attacks, I need to wrestle it so she can run. But it's not fair to expect me to get involved in an in-law relationship issue when she is able to talk these things through herself. I might speak up if I'm present when something is going on. But it's not fair to expect me to sort out issues like one person raising her eyebrow at someone else or speaking in a harsh tone of voice when I'm not even around.


If you guys get back together, think of anything you've done that could be seen as argumentative or controlling and apologize for it. If things warm up between you, he might be willing to apologize for some things, too. Tell him you know he's been going through a rough time and ask him what you can do to support him, and then do that.

Thank you for your response, my husband and I got into an argument today we exchanged words and he called and told his mother, she picked him up, but before then we did discuss divorce I told him he needed to be the one to file if that's what he wants.

 

[christianwife87]

Excuse me! Look back at your post -.it was me, Angela you were talking to. Angela has been married for 33 years! Angela has been through death on a personal and professional level as a chaplain. Angela has lots of knowledge of marriage!

If you are not sleeping well, confused, or having other issues, please see your doctor.

Once again, you responded to Angela53510 in the above post. I hope that clears up any confusion on my end!

PS sorry if I sound snarky. After 4 weeks of posting with one finger because of my broken right wrist, which is not healing like it should, I am getting weary. Like I said, removing myself from this thread. Just came back because someone let me know I was getting bashed here some more. Apologies to all!

I do apologize I did not pay attention to the name, but on the other hand you are not getting bashed, it seems as if you are confused as well, you were so quick to reply about something and it sounded as if you didn't even read it. In no way am I thinking about myself in this marriage, and you as a Christian should really calm down because hurt or not the way you are approaching others makes me think you are just starting problems, I would've never guessed you were even old enough to be married for 33 years.

 

[Angela53510]

You don't think 60 is old enough to have been married 33 years! Well, I'll take that as a compliment! Lol

 

[tenderhearted]

Sounds like your husband doesn't understand the biblical principal of leave and cleave to your wife. You've had this problem well before the death of his father. I'm sorry that your husband has been putting his family before you. I've seen many marriages struggle because people don't put up boundaries between their families and spouse. My advice would be to pray for your husband and his family. Also, I think that you and your husband should seek a Christian counselor once he has grieved his father. There seems to be many issues going on in your marriage and it would be beneficial to you both.

 

[presidente]

Thank you for your response, my husband and I got into an argument today we exchanged words and he called and told his mother, she picked him up, but before then we did discuss divorce I told him he needed to be the one to file if that's what he wants.

Based on your posts, while these things might irritate you, it doesn't sound like you've got any real reason for getting a divorce. Why don't you humble yourself and tell him you love him and your sorry if you've been hard to get along with, tell him you know he's been going through a rough time, and ask him if there is anything you can do to help. Give him a big warm hug when you do it.

My wife has mentioned divorce at times when she's gotten stressed during PMS. I never challenge her to do it or file the paperwork. I told her it isn't going to happen because that would be wrong and she wouldn't do that, or she should talk like that. She apologized for it afterward. If you two throw the D-word around like that, it makes your marriage not a safe place. The relationship seems unstable and it's hard to grow together.