I was raised in a household that appeared to be a woman's household. It appeared that my mom made all the decisions, because my dad worked a lot, so the only time they really had to discuss things was very late at night/early in the mornings when they were home together, and since my mom loved building and using tools, she did most of the "labor" type things in the home. My dad is quite handy and taught her a LOT before I was born, but again since he worked so much, and taught her before I was born, I never knew this.
When my husband and I got married, I didn't know how to submit. It sounded like such a horrible term to me, as a "modern woman". It caused stress in our young relationship (we met, married and had our first child in less than a year!) He wanted me to stay home with the kids, which I did too, especially after having some horrifying babysitters, but let me tell you, that was a HUGE adjustment to me! I was lost, but his patience allowed me to figure things out. I wanted to submit and be the wife he needed, but like I said I didn't know how, and it scared me, so staying home, made me feel even worse.
I think the turning point was my going away for a weekend to a women's state bowling thing with my mom. SHe and I had a LOT of time to talk things over. She told me how it was my dad who taught her HOW to build things. The desire was all that was hers. He worked so much, so that she could do these things. And she told me they ALWAYS talked about major things, it was just bad of them to only talk when we kids weren't around, so we couldn't experience their dynamics as a couple. That conversation helped me understand how submission really worked, but it wasn't until I got home that I changed. When i returned, in 2 days, what I had been trying to do for weeks, he had accomplished.....he potty trained our oldest daughter. I was amazed! That taught me, that while he does need me to help him, he didn't need me to survive. What a wake-up call for me! That was also when it occurred to me what being a "Help mate" truly means.....not that he needs me to survive, but he needs my help to thrive.
Long story over, but my point is to be patient with her, leave her with God, and let God show her. You can't change her. Demanding things will only cause strife. But God's love, a husband showing a wife Christ's love with patience and courage, can change her. Instead of focusing on the relationship between you two, perhaps you could encourage her to join a study group or something with you that will focus on building the relationship with God....if God is the top of the relationship triangle, and each person at the bottom corners, as each person grows closer to God they grow closer to each other. Grow closer to God, and encourage her to grow closer to God, and things may smooth themselves out without a struggle. That's how it happened in our house anyways?
I will be praying for y'all. Peace.
