...I'm surprised that there are churches which offer services like what you mentioned. I don't mean to offend anybody with my post. In my church, the moment a couple is separated they are eased out of church ministries and other responsibilities they may be holding in the church. In some cases they are even forbidden from partaking in communion. They are told 'Work out your marriage first, then offer your offerings at the altar'. Everybody is busy finger-pointing and accusing the couple (or individual members). Such couples usually go back to their parents and never come to our church. If things work out and they get back together (divorce is anathema to my church), then they are re-introduced into all the activities they were involved in. Everything is back to being hunky-dory.
I don't know if God is opening my eyes to how a church should be or if it is my rebellion against my church. There have been too many 'eye-openers' that I've had since I joined CC a few months back. This is the biggest of them all.
Two days after my ex-wife left, she was at church telling everyone who would listen that it was a temporary thing to work on the relationship. Less than a fortnight later, she was signing divorce papers on me. Cell phone records indicated that all the while she was in close and constant contact with old boyfriends whom she had acquired during the coarse of the marriage. She persisted in coming to church (mind, not with regularity, but showing up and making a point to be seen).
Church leaders came to me several times, knowing that it was uncomfortable for me to see her at church, offering to send her away, offering to suggest that she find a different congregation, and genuinely wanting to act on the best interest of me and my children (her appearances were hugely disruptive to them and their emotional state).
I had forgiven past indiscretions, but there was no question in my mind that I would be going through with the divorce she had initiated. In fact, I forgave her promptly for what she was doing to me then, too. (Forgiving her for her actions as related to the impact that they had on my children took more time, however.) I began a study on divorce, and while I do not profess to be a scholar of any caliber, yes, God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and I do, too.
I could not continue to subject my children to her continued escalating behaviors and the damage that they caused. Certainly not in a way that could be misconstrued as setting the example that such should be tolerated in marriage. Thinking of my children, it had to be done. I went through with the divorce, unable to prove with absolute certainty that their was new infidelity, and knowing that I had fully forgiven her for the infidelity of the past. At the time, I questioned the "Biblicalness" of my divorce, until I reconciled her actions and choices as being against God (without passing judgement, simply basing the accounting on what was indisputable facts). In my meager study of divorce, I came to I Corinthians 7...
I Corinthians 7:13-15
13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
But I read one verse further after having found some peace in v15.
From the NIV: "15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?"
I read that again, then started comparing different translations and paraphrases.
Try this one from the MSG: "15-16 On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you’ve got to let him or her go. You don’t have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God."
Believing that the burden of her eternal soul still rested upon me as the man who had been charged to leading her household, I accepted the divorce, but did so at a personal cost by extending to her as much Christian love as I could muster in any given moment. I even told the church leaders, and lay persons, who spoke to me on the matter that she should not be discouraged from attending fellowship and worship services there. She needed, and likely still needs, to get her heart right with God. That takes having positive influences in her life. I know there are those kind of people in my church, but I do not know what, if anything, she would find outside of that congregation. She has departed from me. I cannot be held responsible for her choices. She still lives. She still, as we all do, needs a relationship with Christ Jesus. I have not been the one to cut her off from that, though some of the choices she makes still seem to be severing the cord.
My point, Roh_Chris, is not to say that I handled things perfectly. I didn't. I had my failings along the way. My words are not for my glory, for my glory is naught. My point, dear friend, is to glorify God and His church; for my congregation, knowing this much and more, still welcomes her in when she does choose to come, and still extends to her a hand of love, hoping to make the same difference in her that we should all make in the lives of anyone. We cannot hate the sin so deeply that we hate the sinner, too. And we can love the sinner without condoning the sin. I hope this opens your eyes further to the glory of the body of Christ, the potential to the power of His love, and the work that He can do. If along the way another, perhaps even the original poster, should benefit, then all the better.
