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[FONT="]secularhermit[/FONT]
Rather than make several posts in reply to yours so that I can do the “official quote” bit I have put them all together so that I can respond to parts of them all in one post. Since I do not know how to take “bits of quotes” from several posts I will just mark the bits I have taken from what you said and put “You said” in front of them.
You said : “There I see two problems involved and the biggest is you and what your husband would do with it. Are you aware what were the things that got you in such RECURRENT indulgency?”
Yes and I have listed some of the “contributing factors” already in my previous posts but for ease I will re-post those elements here: “ I have a history of sexual abuse. I have had help from the church and have had professional psycho sexual therapy. I have asked God privately and in "alter call" type forums over and over again to heal those wounds in me etc and yet it is still like a PTSD response. Some of my "adultery" was just more abusers coming to me and abusing. Other parts of it were me trying to "fix myself" so that I could be "fixed" for my marriage - I was hoping that if I could learn to respond sexually when with someone who "knew what they were doing" it would break down the barriers in me and that I would then be free to be sexually open with my husband. Some of it was to do anything at all that would distract me from my overwhelming urge to end my life. Lots of "reasons" lots of "contributing factors" but regardless of all of that no "excuses" and still fully, wholly, completely my sin”
You said “There was a time, before I got divorced, I knew details I did not need. My ex wife had sex with someone she loved (perhaps something more than sexually) so, SPIRITUALLY the important thing is regreting what you have done but,if you badly need SEX or affection -outside matrimony- you would keep it on, and that is the sin GOD would not like and that is what your husband would badly regret”
I do not need sex or affection outside matrimony. I love my husband, my husband loves me. The purpose of one of the affairs was to try to learn how to respond and “connect” in sex with the hope that I could then bring that knowledge/learning into my married sex life. I do regret what I have done but given exactly the same circumstances I was in at that time I know I would do the same thing again. However, my life is no longer in exactly those same circumstances.
You said: “Who would you hurt, your husband or GOD?
Who would you miss, your husband, that visceral pleasure your are seeking or finding outside that legal relationship or God´s healing?”
I hurt both my husband AND God. From what I can find on the internet about the meaning of “visceral pleasure” I assume it means physical (possibly sexual) pleasure? If that is the case I do not need a man for that, vibrators can do the job without the emotional involvement. What I WAS seeking was a way to be healed from my sexual abuse so that I could be fully sexually and emotionally responsive to my husband.
You said “Don’t tell him: I have enjoyed being with another man. Dont tell him, he made me feel and never tell him those datails, EXCEPT TO GOD and,if you planto keep on doing it, please, be divorced, because emotionally you are divorced. No doubt you missed something you dont have with the manyou are married and, probably, he is not awareyou are a human being and, probably, he is also hindered or uninformed of those things you badly liked or missed, that you were lured away, butGOD can forgive you if you face it, with its consequences.”
I am not sure why you assume I enjoyed being with another man. I did not “enjoy” any of my time in adultery with other men. One of them was more of an extra level of abusive relationship rather than a “choice for adultery”. Therefore the only thing I would tell my husband if he really pushed for that info on “how they made me feel” would be things like “used, physically hurt etc”. If I really planned on “keeping on doing it” do you really think I would be taking my time trying to resolve my situation by asking advice from complete strangers in a Christian Chat room? Perhaps you can note from my previous responses as to the reasons “affairs” will no longer be happening….for ease I will post that information once again here: a) I am no longer suicidal - the reason for that has been removed by the fact we now have a son b) I have established that I am not able to "respond" in sex even with an "experienced" partner so my hope of "learning how to respond in order to bring that into my husband and my sex life" is no longer valid and therefore there is no requirement for further adultery. c) God did bring me to one place of massive healing a few years back in the fact He gave me the ability to finally say "no" and stand up to a man wanting sex d) I am aware it might be a "weak" area for me and have removed myself from some of the "sources" where men may be able to "access" me.
You said: “Signs: An ex-adulterer and divorced man.”
Correct me if I am wrong but you seem to be projecting onto me your own personal reasons for why you committed adultery and assuming my reasons would be the same?
You said: “he could not be capable of giving you what you were seeking outside. So, I think important you would be honest to yourselve first.”
I am aware of this. My husband has a severe premature ejaculation problem and in spite of us doing things that might help that the issue is not resolved. I have decided that I will live with and work around this area of “problem” for him just as he lives with and tries to work around the area of problem that is for me caused by my sexual abuse history.
Rather than make several posts in reply to yours so that I can do the “official quote” bit I have put them all together so that I can respond to parts of them all in one post. Since I do not know how to take “bits of quotes” from several posts I will just mark the bits I have taken from what you said and put “You said” in front of them.
You said : “There I see two problems involved and the biggest is you and what your husband would do with it. Are you aware what were the things that got you in such RECURRENT indulgency?”
Yes and I have listed some of the “contributing factors” already in my previous posts but for ease I will re-post those elements here: “ I have a history of sexual abuse. I have had help from the church and have had professional psycho sexual therapy. I have asked God privately and in "alter call" type forums over and over again to heal those wounds in me etc and yet it is still like a PTSD response. Some of my "adultery" was just more abusers coming to me and abusing. Other parts of it were me trying to "fix myself" so that I could be "fixed" for my marriage - I was hoping that if I could learn to respond sexually when with someone who "knew what they were doing" it would break down the barriers in me and that I would then be free to be sexually open with my husband. Some of it was to do anything at all that would distract me from my overwhelming urge to end my life. Lots of "reasons" lots of "contributing factors" but regardless of all of that no "excuses" and still fully, wholly, completely my sin”
You said “There was a time, before I got divorced, I knew details I did not need. My ex wife had sex with someone she loved (perhaps something more than sexually) so, SPIRITUALLY the important thing is regreting what you have done but,if you badly need SEX or affection -outside matrimony- you would keep it on, and that is the sin GOD would not like and that is what your husband would badly regret”
I do not need sex or affection outside matrimony. I love my husband, my husband loves me. The purpose of one of the affairs was to try to learn how to respond and “connect” in sex with the hope that I could then bring that knowledge/learning into my married sex life. I do regret what I have done but given exactly the same circumstances I was in at that time I know I would do the same thing again. However, my life is no longer in exactly those same circumstances.
You said: “Who would you hurt, your husband or GOD?
Who would you miss, your husband, that visceral pleasure your are seeking or finding outside that legal relationship or God´s healing?”
I hurt both my husband AND God. From what I can find on the internet about the meaning of “visceral pleasure” I assume it means physical (possibly sexual) pleasure? If that is the case I do not need a man for that, vibrators can do the job without the emotional involvement. What I WAS seeking was a way to be healed from my sexual abuse so that I could be fully sexually and emotionally responsive to my husband.
You said “Don’t tell him: I have enjoyed being with another man. Dont tell him, he made me feel and never tell him those datails, EXCEPT TO GOD and,if you planto keep on doing it, please, be divorced, because emotionally you are divorced. No doubt you missed something you dont have with the manyou are married and, probably, he is not awareyou are a human being and, probably, he is also hindered or uninformed of those things you badly liked or missed, that you were lured away, butGOD can forgive you if you face it, with its consequences.”
I am not sure why you assume I enjoyed being with another man. I did not “enjoy” any of my time in adultery with other men. One of them was more of an extra level of abusive relationship rather than a “choice for adultery”. Therefore the only thing I would tell my husband if he really pushed for that info on “how they made me feel” would be things like “used, physically hurt etc”. If I really planned on “keeping on doing it” do you really think I would be taking my time trying to resolve my situation by asking advice from complete strangers in a Christian Chat room? Perhaps you can note from my previous responses as to the reasons “affairs” will no longer be happening….for ease I will post that information once again here: a) I am no longer suicidal - the reason for that has been removed by the fact we now have a son b) I have established that I am not able to "respond" in sex even with an "experienced" partner so my hope of "learning how to respond in order to bring that into my husband and my sex life" is no longer valid and therefore there is no requirement for further adultery. c) God did bring me to one place of massive healing a few years back in the fact He gave me the ability to finally say "no" and stand up to a man wanting sex d) I am aware it might be a "weak" area for me and have removed myself from some of the "sources" where men may be able to "access" me.
You said: “Signs: An ex-adulterer and divorced man.”
Correct me if I am wrong but you seem to be projecting onto me your own personal reasons for why you committed adultery and assuming my reasons would be the same?
You said: “he could not be capable of giving you what you were seeking outside. So, I think important you would be honest to yourselve first.”
I am aware of this. My husband has a severe premature ejaculation problem and in spite of us doing things that might help that the issue is not resolved. I have decided that I will live with and work around this area of “problem” for him just as he lives with and tries to work around the area of problem that is for me caused by my sexual abuse history.
