What is it that Christian guys are waiting to see in a girl before asking her out?

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IDEAtor

IDEAtor

Senior Member
#41
Aug 15, 2012
827
19
18
#41
I think, regardless of the sex, consistency and how one is experienced in different contexts is important.
something else, life and tv projects inevitable divorce... So relationships can seem futile to a Christian. While he or she is imperfect, that person does not want either person in a potential relationship to suffer that daunting issue. Sorry if that is a tangent.
 
DancingForJesus

DancingForJesus

Member
#42
May 6, 2014
66
21
8
#42
I have a slightly off topic question for the guys: does an independent strong woman scare you off?

Hahaha- let me explain why I asked that. I am not the feminine house wife type. In fact I hate housework (but of course, I'll do it when it has to be done. I'm just not worried about the dog hair or dust on the picture frame haha). While my outward appearance is feminine (with the exception of pink-which I hate..... and I also don't use makeup so that's a difference there), I'm quite often more like a guy in my demeanor. Level-headed, figure things out on my own, can take charge in chaotic situations, etc. I drive the diesel and horse trailer and yes I know how to hitch it up. It's a very rare thing for me to cry.

I suppose in a few words, I can be stubborn, hard-headed, determined. I know what I want and I go after it full force, which has changed since Jesus became the center of my existence (I am very strong in my faith). Then I went after my calling full force and it took me a long time to accept the message God kept repeating to me "slow down" lol. However, I don't charge full force into dating because it's such an unknown for me (I've never dated anyone :rolleyes: yes I'm naive. I skipped that part of high school.)

So guys, do the girls like me freak you out? lol. I'm just wondering.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#43
Jun 23, 2011
949
43
28
#43
arwen-undomiel said:
I know some girls want to wait until the guy pursues her. But if I like someone, and he appears suitable, I am not patient. My motto is: life is short, ask a guy out :)
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Some guys may see that as a sign of you being a control freak. I'm personally cautious of women who make the first move. Trust goes down if she does that. Thing is it makes me wonder if she's a women who respects the idea of men leading.

The other day a girl asked me for my number. I didn't feel comfortable about her ever since... everytime she says anything... I sort try to read between the lines.... is she a control freak who likes me or maybe she just really really likes me. We'll see... I'm getting to know her. Also, I don't like her. I just met her.

Just letting you know...
 
I

Inu

Guest
#44
#44
Calmador said:
Some guys may see that as a sign of you being a control freak. I'm personally cautious of women who make the first move. Trust goes down if she does that. Thing is it makes me wonder if she's a women who respects the idea of men leading.

The other day a girl asked me for my number. I didn't feel comfortable about her ever since... everytime she says anything... I sort try to read between the lines.... is she a control freak who likes me or maybe she just really really likes me. We'll see... I'm getting to know her. Also, I don't like her. I just met her.

Just letting you know...
Click to expand...
I've met guys whom are attracted to woman who make the first move so in Arwen's case, I think she should just be who she is and the right guy will come along, even if she's the one to approach him first.

I have also known guys that are not attracted to woman who make the first move... I think it just has to do with individual preference. I won't approach a guy and I'm that type that walks on with her head down so I wouldn't even know if a guy is trying to get my attention or not.... It's probably why I am single lol.... but then again, not really looking for someone right now:)
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#45
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#45
DancingForJesus said:
I have a slightly off topic question for the guys: does an independent strong woman scare you off?

Hahaha- let me explain why I asked that. I am not the feminine house wife type. In fact I hate housework (but of course, I'll do it when it has to be done. I'm just not worried about the dog hair or dust on the picture frame haha). While my outward appearance is feminine (with the exception of pink-which I hate..... and I also don't use makeup so that's a difference there), I'm quite often more like a guy in my demeanor. Level-headed, figure things out on my own, can take charge in chaotic situations, etc. I drive the diesel and horse trailer and yes I know how to hitch it up. It's a very rare thing for me to cry.

I suppose in a few words, I can be stubborn, hard-headed, determined. I know what I want and I go after it full force, which has changed since Jesus became the center of my existence (I am very strong in my faith). Then I went after my calling full force and it took me a long time to accept the message God kept repeating to me "slow down" lol. However, I don't charge full force into dating because it's such an unknown for me (I've never dated anyone :rolleyes: yes I'm naive. I skipped that part of high school.)

So guys, do the girls like me freak you out? lol. I'm just wondering.
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To be honest, I am more comfortable with a girl who can take of herself. So personally, the likes of you don't freak me out. As long as she can slip into the role of a woman when it matters (dressing up for a dinner party, romance, letting me lead, etc.), I have no problem. It is a matter of individual preference. I don't prefer girls who are too feminine and delicate.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#46
Aug 13, 2014
27,220
9,290
113
#46
DancingForJesus: You sound like the mirror opposite of me. I'm a guy, but I like to bake. (In fact someone in a chatroom asked me once if I was real or just a computer-generated program, because "you like to bake and you like veggies and you don't like fast food, and that's not normal for a guy.") Every time I bake a batch of sourdough bread and take it to a church yard sale/bake sale, someone is bound to make the crack, "You'll make some woman a good wife some day." I guess the converse can be applied to tomboys - you'll make some man a good husband some day. ;)
 
DancingForJesus

DancingForJesus

Member
#47
May 6, 2014
66
21
8
#47
Thanks for taking the time to reply, Roh_Chris and Lynx! Glad to know I'm not scary :D lol

Lynx, don't let the wise cracks get to you. I think it's awesome that you have a passion! I know an older couple (teetering between middle-aged and elder) who host all kinds of church parties. He cooks, she cleans and decorates, they throw the most awesome parties with amazing food and work really well together! Me, well I hate cleaning so...... haha :D Anyway, I find guys with a passion more attractive, being that I am a very passionate person (so much that its put people off before). If you're as passionate or more about Jesus than I am and He is the center of your universe...... well that's extremely attractive. Just saying! But I have a belief God will send me the person (I think He already has, but lets not get into that. That is a complicated and currently a sad story) I am meant to be with. I also believe that God will give us the "feelings" for the person. I don't think its just like "oh I'm not that into you but God said I should be......". Gosh, God has really turned me into an optimist! A rational optimist though haha.
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#48
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#48
DancingForJesus said:
I have a slightly off topic question for the guys: does an independent strong woman scare you off?

Hahaha- let me explain why I asked that. I am not the feminine house wife type. In fact I hate housework (but of course, I'll do it when it has to be done. I'm just not worried about the dog hair or dust on the picture frame haha). While my outward appearance is feminine (with the exception of pink-which I hate..... and I also don't use makeup so that's a difference there), I'm quite often more like a guy in my demeanor. Level-headed, figure things out on my own, can take charge in chaotic situations, etc. I drive the diesel and horse trailer and yes I know how to hitch it up. It's a very rare thing for me to cry.

I suppose in a few words, I can be stubborn, hard-headed, determined. I know what I want and I go after it full force, which has changed since Jesus became the center of my existence (I am very strong in my faith). Then I went after my calling full force and it took me a long time to accept the message God kept repeating to me "slow down" lol. However, I don't charge full force into dating because it's such an unknown for me (I've never dated anyone :rolleyes: yes I'm naive. I skipped that part of high school.)

So guys, do the girls like me freak you out? lol. I'm just wondering.
Click to expand...
wouldnt bother me.
 
WhiteWolfOfTheBlackForest

WhiteWolfOfTheBlackForest

Banned
#49
Mar 1, 2013
176
1
0
#49
Getting to know someone is like painting a picture

Each person has their own idea of what they want the picture to look like

Some colours have more meaning to some, then they do to others
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#50
Jun 23, 2011
949
43
28
#50
Inu said:
I've met guys whom are attracted to woman who make the first move so in Arwen's case, I think she should just be who she is and the right guy will come along, even if she's the one to approach him first.

I have also known guys that are not attracted to woman who make the first move... I think it just has to do with individual preference. I won't approach a guy and I'm that type that walks on with her head down so I wouldn't even know if a guy is trying to get my attention or not.... It's probably why I am single lol.... but then again, not really looking for someone right now:)
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Individual preference can be a symptom of something down-right wrong. You basically made the whole thing vague and I wish it as nice and innocent as you make it out to be... but it isn't.

The truth is that "sometimes" the girls who make the first moves are girls who want to take the lead. Its not as simple and innocent as.. "well its just preferences." Those actions can reflect something to watch out for in a girl so I think it'd be wise to take caution of girls like that.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#51
Aug 13, 2014
27,220
9,290
113
#51
Calmador said:
Individual preference can be a symptom of something down-right wrong. You basically made the whole thing vague and I wish it as nice and innocent as you make it out to be... but it isn't.

The truth is that "sometimes" the girls who make the first moves are girls who want to take the lead. Its not as simple and innocent as.. "well its just preferences." Those actions can reflect something to watch out for in a girl so I think it'd be wise to take caution of girls like that.
Click to expand...
Or maybe she's dealing with a shy guy who never does get up the courage to make the first move himself. Maybe if she doesn't take the lead they'll never go out on the first date.
 
J

Jorina

Guest
#52
#52
Haha well this whole post and all the reply's sure did make everything a lot easier xD
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#53
#53
Calmador said:
Individual preference can be a symptom of something down-right wrong. You basically made the whole thing vague and I wish it as nice and innocent as you make it out to be... but it isn't.

The truth is that "sometimes" the girls who make the first moves are girls who want to take the lead. Its not as simple and innocent as.. "well its just preferences." Those actions can reflect something to watch out for in a girl so I think it'd be wise to take caution of girls like that.
Click to expand...
I could see where a woman who consistently never even gives a guy a chance to think things over and ask her out might be overly aggressive in a relationship, but at the same time it's possible for whatever reason her experience is that men never ask first. In that case it's stay single forever or start getting a bit more vocal about things to get the ball rolling.

Lynx said:
Or maybe she's dealing with a shy guy who never does get up the courage to make the first move himself. Maybe if she doesn't take the lead they'll never go out on the first date.
Click to expand...
Yeah, and this is why shy guys often end up missing out. They are the ones who lose touch with a woman after she gets tired of waiting and moves on, and then they act shocked when she's found someone else. Of course she did, they never made a move.

If said woman isn't too shy and really likes said guy, her making the first move might make sense. It might just make him comfortable enough to start a relationship.
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#54
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#54
I agree with ServantStrike. If the guy is shy then the girl cannot be faulted for taking the lead. Just as we men expect the women to be okay with us popping the question, we must be okay if the girl decides to do it too. After all they also have emotions. We cannot expect a girl to bottle up her emotions and wait for the guy to pop the question.
 
M

MisterHarmony

Senior Member
#55
Jan 31, 2014
129
2
0
#55
Say 'I like you'. Its non threatening, gets the message across and is easy to respond to if the other person feels the same way.
'I like you too.'
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#56
Aug 13, 2014
27,220
9,290
113
#56
"Knock three times on the ceiling if you love me
Twice on the pipes if the answer is no
(ding ding ding) means you'll meet me in the hallway
Twice on the pipes (dong dong) means you ain't gonna shooooooow"
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#57
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
138
63
#57
Stephen63 said:
IMO, you're right on with that one. Have you ever noticed when a squirrel is run over in front of the church, some women will cry for it, though few will pray or cry for one in their midst dying of cancer? I think empathy for others without respecter of persons is a very high quality indeed. Good post.
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How would you know if they were praying or crying in private? The squirrel is something sudden, that they might just have a tearful reaction to. But maybe they're praying their hearts out for the church member in private, and you would never know. The bible does tell us to go into the inner room when we pray...

Calmador said:
Individual preference can be a symptom of something down-right wrong. You basically made the whole thing vague and I wish it as nice and innocent as you make it out to be... but it isn't.

The truth is that "sometimes" the girls who make the first moves are girls who want to take the lead. Its not as simple and innocent as.. "well its just preferences." Those actions can reflect something to watch out for in a girl so I think it'd be wise to take caution of girls like that.
Click to expand...
I don't think it's wrong to make the first move, BUT if you are the kind of girl who would do something like that, then you aren't going to be a good match for a guy who's put off by that type of thing. You would undoubtedly do other things that would make that kind of guy take a step back. So, if the guy refuses you on the grounds that you took the initiative, then it's probably a good thing that he refused because he wouldn't have been a good match anyway.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#58
Jun 23, 2011
949
43
28
#58
Lynx said:
Or maybe she's dealing with a shy guy who never does get up the courage to make the first move himself. Maybe if she doesn't take the lead they'll never go out on the first date.
Click to expand...
The key-word is "Maybe."
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#59
Jun 23, 2011
949
43
28
#59
ServantStrike said:
I could see where a woman who consistently never even gives a guy a chance to think things over and ask her out might be overly aggressive in a relationship, but at the same time it's possible for whatever reason her experience is that men never ask first. In that case it's stay single forever or start getting a bit more vocal about things to get the ball rolling.
Click to expand...
I could see that too... maybe. It depends on her intent. Like I said, "sometimes" it could be a bad things.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#60
Jun 23, 2011
949
43
28
#60
PopClick said:
I don't think it's wrong to make the first move, BUT if you are the kind of girl who would do something like that, then you aren't going to be a good match for a guy who's put off by that type of thing. You would undoubtedly do other things that would make that kind of guy take a step back. So, if the guy refuses you on the grounds that you took the initiative, then it's probably a good thing that he refused because he wouldn't have been a good match anyway.
Click to expand...
Hey Popclick, do you believe that a husband should be leader of the family?
 
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