The idea of unrequited love

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JesusChica1991

JesusChica1991

Banned
#1
May 9, 2012
1,514
25
0
#1
I was reading one of my novels earlier (since I have time to do that now) and the idea of falling in love with people you know you can't have is one of the characteristics that make the plot that ultimate chick flick. You don't have to get mushy gushy with details but what are your experiences with falling in love with someone you knew wouldn't love you back? How did you deal with these emotions and confront yourself over it? Did you deny it and maintain contact with that person or did you just accept it and move on? Personally, I have experienced this in my past and I can't tell you the agony it was for me to just be happy being friends with this person. The constant idea of facing rejection is uncomfortable and painful for most of us. Here is another question: Have YOU ever been the one to reject someone you knew loved you but you lacked that same interest?
 
C

Charcoal

Guest
#2
#2
once in high school i was all kinds of messed up "in love" with someone... who responded by going out with me one night and telling me she was no good for me that i was too nice a guy and that she didn't want to ever see me again in any way, not even as friends, because she didn't want to be tempted by me and she didn't want to bring me down to her level...
and I spent the next 3 hours after I dropped her back home with an aluminum baseball bat... working out my frustrations at this on the side of a dumpster in an industrial park.

I'm glad I've changed.
I'm glad she said that, too. She was right.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
I know what it's like to love someone who may love me, but not in the same way. Usually this is someone who actually has some interest in me, but there have been some occasions where i felt a lot more than they did. And they were unable or unwilling (or both) to go farther.

Don't think i've ever been loved and had to reject someone. The couple of occasions that come to mind i doubt there was any love. The first was when i was much younger. A girl i knew had continued expressing interest in me and i kept refusing her in that way. I got into a real relationship and ended up moving (ironically i moved much closer to her) and i felt it wouldn't be right to keep chatting with this girl. She didn't seem to be willing to accept that and spent a over a year trying to get a hold of me. Writing letters to my father back home asking him to forward her letters or give her information about how to get in touch with me. So it seemed more obsession than love.
And the last was in the past year. Someone i met here on CC claimed they loved me and that God wanted us to get married. I refused to even date her. About a year later i discovered she had been lying about a lot of things. Such as having a fiance.
 
JesusChica1991

JesusChica1991

Banned
#4
May 9, 2012
1,514
25
0
#4
Yeah I've been on both ends of this. As the receiver, it always appears most of the time that the guys are just lonely. But sometimes, it is an actual love that I am unable to return because I simply do not feel the same. Being on the end of loving the other person though deals with excruciating pain. I've found that one of the solutions that I have had to use whether for in person or online is simply creating distance and boundaries. Sometimes, things can be misread without any intentions at all. Sometimes, it can result from being led on and just being unsure of what is a signal versus what is simply normal in regards to that person's characteristics.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#5
#5
I don't think I have never loved anyone who did not have feelings for me as well, but twice in my life I have had to walk away from two very good men because I felt that to take the relationship further would hold them back from their professional aspirations. Lifestyles I knew would be troublesome for me and/or my son.

It's hard. Very, very hard....but, so far, it seems to have been the right thing to do.

Most of us probably come across people who have feelings for us that we can't return for whatever reason at some point in our lives. Being polite and kind, but doing nothing to encourage them seems to be the best way to handle it. SOMETIMES that's not possible though and you simply have to draw lines.
 
JesusChica1991

JesusChica1991

Banned
#6
May 9, 2012
1,514
25
0
#6
I agree. From my experience as well, it can be confusing when the other doesn't set boundaries for themselves or the other person. OR, the person who rejects the other person knows that the rejected is in love with them and toys around with their thoughts to get their way or they just find it entertaining. Simply put: dont toy with peoples' emotions when it means that it gives the rejected a false hope. That's more hurtful than just being rejected.
 
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Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#7
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#7
It seems like one of the major factors for me in loving someone would be knowing that they love me too. If I know someone is not interested in me, my own interest kind of fades. So, at least so far in my life, this hasn't happened.

I have had a couple of men express interest in me, or claim to love me, when I knew it wouldn't work out. Whether they were serious or not, who knows... But I kinda doubt I've broken any hearts. :p
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#8
#8
There's only one time in my life that I was in love with someone who didn't love me. I was really young, and he was more than twice my age. We were in a situation where we talked a lot, and eventually, because I was young and dumb, I told him how I felt.

It would have been easier if he'd flat-out rejected me, I think- I could have moved on a lot quicker, could have told myself that he was a jerk or...I dunno, something to help me not see him the same way anymore. But noooo, he was really kind to me about it; he told me a bunch of wonderful qualities he saw in me, explained that our ages were problematic, suggested we not talk to each other for a while...he was too nice, and I didn't get over it for a long time. But, I did realize he was right, and that it would have been a bad idea to attempt a relationship.

On the other side of it...there have been...some...people who felt strongly for me, in a way I couldn't/can't return. The first time it ever happened, I handled it really, really poorly, and caused more pain than was necessary, I think. Since then, I hope I've been...I dunno, better about it. Firm, but not cruel.


 
S

SpartanD39

Guest
#9
#9
I read somewhere once that unrequited love was once considered one of the most noble of the kinds of love. I'm not too sure about that.

Been, and probably still am, there on both ends of the spectrum. I know when I was the one who was in love it was a tough time. Constantly trying to get close to the person, dropping the little hints, a flirty word here and there, but still realizing that no matter what you do, say, or give, that person will never love you back in the same way. That's a gut wrenching feeling, and eventually I just had to push that person away and out of my life for the sake of my own sanity.

As for when I was the object of someones affections, I tried my very hardest to let them down easy. That just made things worse for them, and by extension myself, eventually leading to them deciding that I wasn't worth any of their time at all, costing me a good friend in the process.

Ah well, that's life right?
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#10
#10
There are times when it isn't any easier when you love someone and they love you back, but just doesn't seem to work out for whatever reason. If you truly love someone, whether they love you back or not, if they don't want to be with you, the only thing we can do is respect that and let them go, right?

You can still love them. Nothing can stop that. :) Just think of them....and smile.
 
FallingLeaves

FallingLeaves

Banned
#11
Aug 29, 2014
170
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#11
I guess this must be how God generally feels about us........
 
N

Nicee

Guest
#12
#12
In terms of agape love, we should try to love those who doesnt love us. When it comes to romantic(eros) love. We should never lead a person on if we do not have feeling for that person. Try to see if you can(phileo) love the person. Me personally---I'm all about agape/phileo love. I will love a girl so much that she will want to go into the eros love zone. I would gently tell her ero love zone is very dangerous. One or both of us might be hurt if we go there. Let's stay in the agape/phileo love zone ontil we are ready for that dangerous and yet interesting zone.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#13
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,174
113
#13
Many, many years ago - out on a first date the guy toward the end of the date asked if I liked big or small weddings?..... I said why? He responds that he would like to marry me...... I was like well NO - I don't know you and I have just started dating again after a divorce and I am no where near ready to get married again. We could be friends..... I really did try to be a friend to this guy, but he would just not let go of the marriage idea so I had to let him go. I did try to be nice about it but don't know if I was in the end.
 
O

OnThisRock

Senior Member
#14
Jan 20, 2011
353
9
18
#14
FallingLeaves said:
I guess this must be how God generally feels about us........
Click to expand...

Yes! I thought this recently. I prayed for a particular man, wrote everything down I wanted in a husband. God presented the exact man to me this past spring. Before I met this man, he was even presented with an opportunity to go to the same country that I felt God calling me to. I felt that it was a complete set up by God. But unfortunately, I saw this man go through completely falling in love with me to thinking his way out of the relationship, and in total confusion, because it would have to take that leap of faith (to go to a new country). I knew deep down I wanted to be with him and knew it could work due to praying for him to be in my life. I suddenly saw his fear of having to give up many things in the U.S. (which I already had) and he backed out of everything. I also know it was a test for me because I believe I was suppose to go to the country I am in now, but it was quite awful to see him say, "I am totally in love with you and you are my dream woman, but NO, let's not talk anymore". I also thought, this must be how God feels when we give up on something that could have been GREAT. If we really invest and fight for love, there is a great love story, but I have met only a few who want to fight for it. Now my love is toward many other kids and people here in a wonderful new life. It's much better to go with faith than wondering if the other person will continue to waiver or not.
 
O

OnThisRock

Senior Member
#15
Jan 20, 2011
353
9
18
#15
JesusLives said:
Many, many years ago - out on a first date the guy toward the end of the date asked if I liked big or small weddings?..... I said why? He responds that he would like to marry me...... I was like well NO - I don't know you and I have just started dating again after a divorce and I am no where near ready to get married again. We could be friends..... I really did try to be a friend to this guy, but he would just not let go of the marriage idea so I had to let him go. I did try to be nice about it but don't know if I was in the end.
Click to expand...
OH MYYYY!!!!!! Eeeeeeekkkkk!!!!!
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#16
#16
I've never experienced unrequited love but I've certainly experienced unrequited crushes in primary school (1), high school (3) and university (6). Haha. Yeah. I did approach most of them but was promptly rejected by all. But that's all for the best now because... Arlene. :D
 
O

OnThisRock

Senior Member
#17
Jan 20, 2011
353
9
18
#17
Ugly said:
I know what it's like to love someone who may love me, but not in the same way. Usually this is someone who actually has some interest in me, but there have been some occasions where i felt a lot more than they did. And they were unable or unwilling (or both) to go farther.

Don't think i've ever been loved and had to reject someone. The couple of occasions that come to mind i doubt there was any love. The first was when i was much younger. A girl i knew had continued expressing interest in me and i kept refusing her in that way. I got into a real relationship and ended up moving (ironically i moved much closer to her) and i felt it wouldn't be right to keep chatting with this girl. She didn't seem to be willing to accept that and spent a over a year trying to get a hold of me. Writing letters to my father back home asking him to forward her letters or give her information about how to get in touch with me. So it seemed more obsession than love.
And the last was in the past year. Someone i met here on CC claimed they loved me and that God wanted us to get married. I refused to even date her. About a year later i discovered she had been lying about a lot of things. Such as having a fiance.
Click to expand...

Wow! Stalkers! I find it strange how people so easily throw out the term and idea of marriage, especially online. Scary stuff.
 
C

Charcoal

Guest
#18
#18
FallingLeaves said:
I guess this must be how God generally feels about us........
Click to expand...
OnThisRock said:
Yes! I thought this recently. I prayed for a particular man, wrote everything down I wanted in a husband. God presented the exact man to me this past spring. Before I met this man, he was even presented with an opportunity to go to the same country that I felt God calling me to. I felt that it was a complete set up by God. But unfortunately, I saw this man go through completely falling in love with me to thinking his way out of the relationship, and in total confusion, because it would have to take that leap of faith (to go to a new country). I knew deep down I wanted to be with him and knew it could work due to praying for him to be in my life. I suddenly saw his fear of having to give up many things in the U.S. (which I already had) and he backed out of everything. I also know it was a test for me because I believe I was suppose to go to the country I am in now, but it was quite awful to see him say, "I am totally in love with you and you are my dream woman, but NO, let's not talk anymore". I also thought, this must be how God feels when we give up on something that could have been GREAT. If we really invest and fight for love, there is a great love story, but I have met only a few who want to fight for it. Now my love is toward many other kids and people here in a wonderful new life. It's much better to go with faith than wondering if the other person will continue to waiver or not.
Click to expand...
Thanks, you two...
I've totally not been wanting to be the one to Juke this thread, but from the get go I'd been thinking about how I rejected Christ's love for me for so long, and wanting to post about that. I mean no greater love is there than to lay down one's life... and I was all like, "Whatevs, I'm gonna go do my own thing." and HE KEPT LOVING ME. I'm so glad that we have reconciled and that I am now able to accept the love I once rejected.

And I'm glad that I finally got to post that, because I've meant it so sincerelty that I had previously typed a giant Wall o' Text narrative, then deleted it not wanting to be the Juker.

Carry on, peeps... more about one sided romance, please.
 
C

Charcoal

Guest
#19
#19
can't help myself....gotta post it....



ok, got that out of my system now.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#20
Mar 13, 2014
42,390
16,880
113
69
Tennessee
#20
OnThisRock said:
Wow! Stalkers! I find it strange how people so easily throw out the term and idea of marriage, especially online. Scary stuff.
Click to expand...
If you want to be happy you reach a point where you just have to roll the dice and see what happens. Scary is playing it safe and come to the end of your life and realize that you haven't lived it to the fullest.
 
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