Husband issued ultimatum

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Nikki8408

Guest
#1
#1
I'm a christian my husband (and I use that title loosely as we are not actually married but have been together for nearly 8 years and people just assume we are) is not. He is very against the church and while he has tolerated my attendance for awhile he now says I have to choose. I think if it were just church attendance we could find a compromise but last night he issued an ultimatum that I either stop going to church, quit reading my bible, and stop exerting any christian influence over our kids( no bible stories or even christian music on regardless of his being present or not.) So the choice is abandon all practice of faith or loose him and my kids. I know the scriptures that say if you love your family more than me you are not worthy of me and that he did not come to bring peace but a sword. I know I cannot choose to deny God. But how do you explain choosing God first to someone who doesn't accept that he even exist.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#2
#2
Explain it to him this way...you want him to give up contact with his family. All contact with parents,siblings and any other family and not talk about them to you or your children. Tell him that is how you feel when he throws ultimatums at you.He's being unfair.I would seek counseling for yourself and just need to pray his eyes will be opened. They are your children and you have a right to raise them as you see fit.But if you take the kids and leave him thats not going to be much of a testimony to him.I'd continue to read the Bible and watch church on tv for now.My grandmother stayed with her husband who wasnt saved and against Christians for years.Her sacrifice paid off and he became a Christian. If you could even talk to your pastor and wife maybe they would also have some good advice.
 
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Nikki8408

Guest
#3
#3
I've tried analogies like that he just says that's different because they are real and this is just a fantasy. He is demanding I not only stop reading but that I get rid of bible.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#4
May 17, 2013
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I'm afraid that he is going to find out that he is more bark than bite. The system still favors the mother and the children over men who are so selfish and to endeavor to exert power like this over his family.

In some ways you can rejoice. God is working in his heart. He would not choose this course if he were not under conviction. I do not know you guys but I suspect if you asked him if he is prepared to go to war over the kids and risk losing everything he has accumulated to the lawyers he may reconsider his rather rash ultimatum.

Remind him that there are a lot of Christian services that support women who are compelled by their husbands to seek recourse through the courts. Don't tell him that you really don't want to go this route but let him know you are prepared to stand up for the kids and the Lord.

I suspect that there is more that you do not know and that this is a rouse. Take hope in the Lord and get help through the church and Christian services for folks in your situation. I'm sure there are some here at CC who can put you in touch with the right authorities.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
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sassylady

Guest
#5
#5
God is first period. You are not legally married either, so the choice is clear. Even if you were legally married, you cannot deny your Lord because He is your life and provider when you have nothing else.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#6
#6
If he is being abusive to you you should leave.Only you know the truth about that.If he simply wont listen I would go to your pastor and see if there is a councilor to help you make the right decision and protect yourself if you end up leaving him.
 
1joseph

1joseph

Senior Member
#7
Dec 14, 2014
590
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#7
Nikki8408 said:
I'm a christian my husband (and I use that title loosely as we are not actually married but have been together for nearly 8 years and people just assume we are) is not. He is very against the church and while he has tolerated my attendance for awhile he now says I have to choose. I think if it were just church attendance we could find a compromise but last night he issued an ultimatum that I either stop going to church, quit reading my bible, and stop exerting any christian influence over our kids( no bible stories or even christian music on regardless of his being present or not.) So the choice is abandon all practice of faith or loose him and my kids. I know the scriptures that say if you love your family more than me you are not worthy of me and that he did not come to bring peace but a sword. I know I cannot choose to deny God. But how do you explain choosing God first to someone who doesn't accept that he even exist.
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Nikki8408, Going from the information you've given I think you know what you should do but are afraid to do it. The closer you walk within God's principles the better your life will be, know matter what is going on around you, for you will have His joy and peace. It will take courage to make the right decision, stepping out in faith, not knowing what all will transpire. But you can't go wrong trusting the L[SUB]ORD.[/SUB] He will be with you and will not leave or forsake you.

If you need reassurance in what you know you should do, get somewhere quiet and ask the Lord what you should do. Listen for his answer. He may or may not answer you. If he does, you will be assured of what you should do. If he doesn't answer and you believe already what you should do then do it. Your faith will be rewarded and your faith will be stronger for it when you see as time passes how he worked all things out for your good.
Romans 8:28 [Full Chapter]
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

God bless you, and take heart, for the L[SUB]ord[/SUB] is with you.

Your brother,
Joseph​
 
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Standingwolf13

Member
#8
Sep 12, 2014
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I would consider it an honorable thing to suffer for CHRIST, if in fact you believe that your mate walking out of your life will cause you to have to suffer, and then I have to say if you trust in GOD with all your heart and all your soul. Don't put GOD in a box like most of us have. The same way you were shocked at the very words of your mate, imagine GOD the FATHER speaking to you for leaving HIM, now if GOD is not in a box the choice has already been made. Tell your mate don't forget to send the checks on time.

Listen GOD will supply all your needs I am not talking about wants, you will not go hungry, you will not be thirsty, and you will be clothed you and your household. Everything in creation belongs to HIM including that man you have that thinks he is his own person. If you found him (that man in the bottom of the pile) imagine what awaits you when you trust GOD for grace. Watch this; GOD knows that every woman with children, (because of scripture) says the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. That means, #1 that either GOD will strengthen you for you to teach your children how to come to HIM or #2 provide you with someone who will lead them in HIS way. GOD will meet you where you are, tell that man (Satan) to go to hell. You will serve in the house the
LORD forever.

Isaiah 66
1Thus says the LORD, "Heaven is My throne and the earth is My footstool. Where then is a house you could build for Me? And where is a place that I may rest? 2"For My hand made all these things, Thus all these things came into being," declares the LORD. "But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.

… Philippians 418But I have received everything in full and have an abundance; I am amply supplied, having received from Epaphroditus what you have sent, a fragrant aroma, an acceptable sacrifice, well-pleasing to God. 19And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.



So How big is your GOD? Do you know why the fear of GOD is the beginning of knowledge because the moment your eyes awaken to the GOD you serve, see the problem is people don't know how big GOD should be so that show pictures of HIM hovering over the earth, that is not my GOD if He created everything HE is holding the sun in HIS hand twirling the moon around HIS finger and blowing meteors across galaxies and even then that is still not big enough.
 
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Nikki8408

Guest
#9
#9
Thank you for the words of encouragement. Sometimes it is hard to follow Gods word when there is pain in the process. I am trusting in Him to provide a path and give me the words to say. Please pray that He gives me the strength and grace to make the right choice.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#10
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
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#10
To be fair you aren'ty married and the xcourts wont grant him custody, so feel free to leave.
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#11
#11
Personally, it sounds like a wonderful invitation to me. On one hand there is a demanding ungodly man threatening to desert me if I abandon my desire to follow my precious Savior who loves me and gave me eternal life. On the other hand, there is liberty, peace and joy. Hmmmmm..... which path sounds more desirable? :confused:

God wants what is best for us. He goes before us and makes a way for us to life abundant lives. If we get ourselves entangled in bad situations, the Lord provides a way of escape. I believe the Lord is giving you an opportunity to escape a bad situation. I Corinthians 10:13

Of course it's going to hurt when we remove ourselves from a relationship. We invested our heart & mind into another person. But open your eyes - the man is demanding you give up your life for him. He is threatening you. He is being extremely cruel to you. And he is not even legally your husband! Wow - thank God you didn't marry him! You avoided a bullet there.

That isn't love, my dear sister. Of course, it's your choice but it's pretty obvious that he has absolutely no regard for your desires in this life.

Here's the words I would say to that man, "Ok. Goodbye!" :D

Father God, thank You for being faithful and helping us in time of need. Thank You for providing a way out of trouble! Help this sister to trust You and receive all the beautiful things You have in store for those who put their lives in Your loving care. May Your sweet grace be on this precious woman and help her to rest in Your mighty love! In Jesus' name!
 
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Elijah19

Guest
#12
#12
Firstly, you are not supposed to be living/sleeping together with someone you are not married to in the first place. That's adultery. I'm not saying that hatefully, It's just what God says in the Bible.

Secondly, the Bible makes it clear that we are not to be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers.

As far as his ultimatum is concerned, the only ultimatum that should really exist is this one: Either he convert to Christianity and stay with you and the kids, or you and the kids carry on together without this guy and fix the problem where it started. But above all things you must never give up your Christian faith.
 
sandtigeress

sandtigeress

Senior Member
#13
Apr 29, 2013
526
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#13
god can provide. stand strong for your faith and for your children
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#14
Jan 24, 2011
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#14
Please leave this controlling man. You are not married, and he is abusing you with these demands that you forsake Jesus.

You can pray for him to be saved when you are separated, because you will not be living in sin. The first mistake you made was agreeing to live with him, when he would not marry you.

Don't make a worse mistake by throwing God out, and not being able to tell your children about Jesus. This man has made his choice, and you must leave him before he puts you in a box with chains on you. You are already more than half way there!

Praying you decide to follow Christ, and walk away from this man before he destroys your faith and your children.
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#15
#15
Oopsie! I posted an error. :eek:

Here's the correction:

Personally, it sounds like a wonderful invitation to me. On one hand there is a demanding ungodly man threatening to desert me if I DON'Tabandon my desire to follow my precious Savior who loves me and gave me eternal life.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#16
Apr 18, 2013
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#16
I'll have to agree with Angela and Violet.

You're not legally married, and he's demanding you make a choice.
Frankly, leaving a lost man is a choice you should have made long ago,
since the two of you aren't married.

I'd recommend you have some counseling sessions with your pastor.
You need lots of counsel and probably a support network of Godly women.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#17
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
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#17

The bigger problem is that he's trying to force you not to believe something that you believe. That's no more possible than you trying to force him to believe something that he does not believe. When someone insist that you believe as they do, its a control problem. If you yield to his demands, it probably won't be the last time he tries to lay down the law. Don't surrender your faith to a control freak, you've made a personal decision for Christ and your boyfriend needs to accept it. jmo

Why do all you Christian gals hook-up with atheist? It just seems like something we read about over and over. Ya'll have kids and then seem puzzled that problems arise. God laid down some rules for our sakes, and when we follow the rules, it eliminates problems like this. Women complain that their boyfriends don't see any reason to get married? Of course they don't, your already giving them everything a wife would. I just don't understand how the subject of God doesn't come up until your 8 years into a relationship? It just seems like it ought to be something that a Christian would consider before having a family. Hopefully some young ladies who might be reading this forum can learn from such mistakes.
 
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Nikki8408

Guest
#18
#18
I wasn't a christian when we got together. I was raised in church but left as a teenager and did not return to faith until his year. This is not a problem I ever expected to face. I've talked to my pastor and he said to stay until forced out but to be ready with a plan b in case that happens. I'm just tired of the constant battle it's not good for my kids to see us so divided over anything but especially faith. I know I have to leave but worry about my kids. I know he would never harm them and feel secure about that but he has also made it clear that as long as I am involved in church ( a cult in his opinion) that he will do whatever he has to to keep the kids. He has the financial means and the connections to do just that. I know God will protect their hearts but mine is breaking knowing it may be some time after I leave before I get them back.
 
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MadParrotWoman

Guest
#19
#19
Nikki8408 said:
I wasn't a christian when we got together. I was raised in church but left as a teenager and did not return to faith until his year. This is not a problem I ever expected to face. I've talked to my pastor and he said to stay until forced out but to be ready with a plan b in case that happens. I'm just tired of the constant battle it's not good for my kids to see us so divided over anything but especially faith. I know I have to leave but worry about my kids. I know he would never harm them and feel secure about that but he has also made it clear that as long as I am involved in church ( a cult in his opinion) that he will do whatever he has to to keep the kids. He has the financial means and the connections to do just that. I know God will protect their hearts but mine is breaking knowing it may be some time after I leave before I get them back.
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Oh Nikki my dear sister, you already know what you have to do. Stay strong my friend, God has your back - most especially when you are being persecuted for loving Him. The love of Jesus is worth so much more than this man who is clearly trying to exert his authority over you and dictating how you should be raising your own children. If he gets his way with this he will eventually dictate how you live, behave, dress etc, don't go there my friend. In your heart you already know what I am telling you.

I'm going to be praying for you Nikki :)
 
Desdichado

Desdichado

Senior Member
#20
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
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#20
Echoing other people. You are not married. He is not your husband though he did sire your children.

Either way, the situation is less than ideal and your boyfriend is not entirely to blame. I pray God gives you wisdom in this time of hardship.
 
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