Right or Wrong : Telling someone that you don't just want to be friends ?

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christianguitarist

Senior Member
Mar 4, 2011
109
4
18
Hello forum,
Just wondering if it is good to be clear on intent even when there is a "friendship" phase rather than getting stuck in that dreaded friend zone and also to steer clear of girls who just want to play that friendship see saw game ?
 
I say it's good. Just let it out.

If I'm interested in someone, I'll let them know, even if it looks like the feeling isn't mutual. There is very little to lose and you might be surprised at what you gain. The key is you can only get away with pulling that stunt once - you bring it up, you leave the ball in the other person's court, and then you just get on with your life. Maybe (and this is a big maybe) 6 months to a year later you bring it up again, but you probably don't because hey, why not just move on to greener pastures.
 
christianguitarist said:
Hello forum,
Just wondering if it is good to be clear on intent even when there is a "friendship" phase rather than getting stuck in that dreaded friend zone and also to steer clear of girls who just want to play that friendship see saw game ?
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you played the guitar? you just know when you wanted to impress any who paid attention to your perfomance so, on the other hand, they also know you don´t want to play music for them. They are smart to guess you´re playing just for you or for another. If you tell them that "honestly" they would feel hurt and no doubt unpredictable responses you would hear (instead of your nicely guitar played).
 
secularhermit said:
you played the guitar? you just know when you wanted to impress any who paid attention to your perfomance so, on the other hand, they also know you don´t want to play music for them. They are smart to guess you´re playing just for you or for another. If you tell them that "honestly" they would feel hurt and no doubt unpredictable responses you would hear (instead of your nicely guitar played).
Click to expand...

I'm not sure what you mean but i'm guessing people read clues ?
 
Flip the script......tell girls you just want to be friends......being friends first....has proven to be
the best marriages.....cause if you can be friends...... your eventual love life is more enduring....

When I was young.....I was in a rush to be a mother and wife.....it was my dream.....in my
rush I missed picking a man who I could laugh with....someone who I could trust.......
I didn't even know him because what I didn't know about him I made up what I thought he was
in my own head.....when I did get to know the man after marriage ....he didn't live up to my
expectations......and the trouble began.....so I don't know who thought the friend zone was a bad place....but I think they.were truly misguided..........peace....jo
 
christianguitarist said:
I'm not sure what you mean but i'm guessing people read clues ?
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sURE! They read your body language, your eyes when you looked (or stared) at any of them but, the best thought was given here by a lady on her 50. She is right: Make friends! real friends and, if you don´t like anything beyond that friendly zone, don´t try to overimpress them playing another music.
 
secularhermit said:
Wow! Such is WISDOM.
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You flatter me.....but if we can't be honest with ourselves and learn from trials....
We will be running round that mountain for another forty years.......lol
Bless you my brother ....and I appreciate the compliment......peace jo
 
Instead, it is US who felt blessed and possitively challenged by those words you re-directed: "Make friends..."
 
jogoldie said:
Flip the script......tell girls you just want to be friends......being friends first....has proven to be
the best marriages.....cause if you can be friends...... your eventual love life is more enduring....

When I was young.....I was in a rush to be a mother and wife.....it was my dream.....in my
rush I missed picking a man who I could laugh with....someone who I could trust.......
I didn't even know him because what I didn't know about him I made up what I thought he was
in my own head.....when I did get to know the man after marriage ....he didn't live up to my
expectations......and the trouble began.....so I don't know who thought the friend zone was a bad place....but I think they.were truly misguided..........peace....jo
Click to expand...

To be fair though, I think friend zone connotes that the person doing the friend zoning is free to see other people. So for a lot of people in the friend zone, they see the person they are interested in dating other people.

It's a no go. Best to just let that one slip away after saying your peace and find someone else.

Otherwise I agree wholeheartedly. There is absolutely no rush, and it really does behoove people to have open and honest discussions while dating. It's a good idea to have known someone for a long time before deciding to irrevocably join your lives together. A bit of patience up front can save a life time of pain later.
 
I see your point......however if she does want to date other guys....then she wasnot interested in you that way ,anyway.....any boy that a girl likes (and she is good for him)and she is intrested won't want to date anyone else.....if she does want to date other guys...then you know you dodged a bullet...and find another friend who wants the same thing as you..
 
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