Men: To pursue or not to pursue. Apprehensions? Fears?/ Women: The line

[kenthomas27]

I, personally, don't think I'd be able to tell whether someone was interested in me or not on social media like this or some dating site. I think I would probably need direct, in-person interaction. I think things that people write can be interpreted wrongly or written in a way that suggests interest or non-interest, when neither of those things may even be on the table. What's missing, for me, is the absence of body language and speech "language". What I mean by speech language are "pauses" or emotional reaction in sentences or body languages that work in conjunction with speech to help a person understand another person more genuinely.

The problem with this is that it narrows the field. I would have to actually meet someone somehow and there's not very many opportunities for that because everybody is pretty much buried in their phones and pc's writing stuff! And the horrible part of this is that somebody is going to come back here and say "that's why we have emoticons!". it's sick, really.

 

[Manny1066]

(at least from their perspective--we guys are masters at staying oblivious to what they think is obvious).

Darn... I think you got me there lol. I know I can relate... And so we return to the secret handshake plan...

 

[AnnaBou]

Yes. A woman has to be show that she is approachable. And that means by a smile or a greeting.

My ideal pursuit is -
1) Lady smiles at me.
2) I swing my club, knock her out, carry her on my bare shoulders and bring her to my cave.
3) When she comes to her senses, I hand her a chunk of roasted meat.
4) She wolfs it down.
She becomes my wife from that very moment.

And people say that I am old fashioned! lol

 

[AnnaBou]

Anna, I know you're half joking, so I'm not targeting what I'm about to say at you or what you specifically said. It just got my brain working.

I am only half joking. Perhaps I should describe where my rules came from and what I like about them even though they are too extreme for real life (which is OK because I am not ready for that part of real life yet so all pursuit will be virtuously rejected for now)

The rules come from Courtly Love principles which started in French romantic fiction in the medieval period before being adopted at court. These were really the rules for adultery. Marriages at court were arranged and so often loveless. The love for and subservience to the Lady at court began as the platonic love for the married Lady who ruled the household in the absence of her Lord who might be away at battle. Gradually this platonic love evolves into secret desire and then not so secret. This fiction and the rules were encouraged by Ladies and Queens (Eleanor) who sought romantic love outside of forced loveless marriage often to men much older or younger than themselves, and who sought to legitimise this love by devising ideals based on a certain view of morality and virtue.

Lol guess what my essay is about.

I like about them that women changed the rules to escape forced loveless marriages. I do not support adultery or forced marriage obvs. But I do like rules of engagement that establish virtue and that ensure marriage should not be rushed into. I believe that a husband should be head of the house and that his wife should obey him. It is only fair that the man is tested to prove his worth. I think that girls who make it too obvious they want a man will be used and that men who find a girl easy will not respect her. If it is up to me I'll have them fighting jousts and slaying dragons for the right to come near enough to propose lol

 

[ServantStrike]

I am only half joking. Perhaps I should describe where my rules came from and what I like about them even though they are too extreme for real life (which is OK because I am not ready for that part of real life yet so all pursuit will be virtuously rejected for now)

The rules come from Courtly Love principles which started in French romantic fiction in the medieval period before being adopted at court. These were really the rules for adultery. Marriages at court were arranged and so often loveless. The love for and subservience to the Lady at court began as the platonic love for the married Lady who ruled the household in the absence of her Lord who might be away at battle. Gradually this platonic love evolves into secret desire and then not so secret. This fiction and the rules were encouraged by Ladies and Queens (Eleanor) who sought romantic love outside of forced loveless marriage often to men much older or younger than themselves, and who sought to legitimise this love by devising ideals based on a certain view of morality and virtue.

Lol guess what my essay is about.

I like about them that women changed the rules to escape forced loveless marriages. I do not support adultery or forced marriage obvs. But I do like rules of engagement that establish virtue and that ensure marriage should not be rushed into. I believe that a husband should be head of the house and that his wife should obey him. It is only fair that the man is tested to prove his worth. I think that girls who make it too obvious they want a man will be used and that men who find a girl easy will not respect her. If it is up to me I'll have them fighting jousts and slaying dragons for the right to come near enough to propose lol

You forgot the part where any nobleman had a mistress - and the lady of the house was usually cool with it, because it was just what people did.

I've never heard the customs of the time described as very empowering to women. They were just the turnabout for the unfair play that men were engaging in.

 

[Tintin]

I am only half joking. Perhaps I should describe where my rules came from and what I like about them even though they are too extreme for real life (which is OK because I am not ready for that part of real life yet so all pursuit will be virtuously rejected for now)

The rules come from Courtly Love principles which started in French romantic fiction in the medieval period before being adopted at court. These were really the rules for adultery. Marriages at court were arranged and so often loveless. The love for and subservience to the Lady at court began as the platonic love for the married Lady who ruled the household in the absence of her Lord who might be away at battle. Gradually this platonic love evolves into secret desire and then not so secret. This fiction and the rules were encouraged by Ladies and Queens (Eleanor) who sought romantic love outside of forced loveless marriage often to men much older or younger than themselves, and who sought to legitimise this love by devising ideals based on a certain view of morality and virtue.

Lol guess what my essay is about.

I like about them that women changed the rules to escape forced loveless marriages. I do not support adultery or forced marriage obvs. But I do like rules of engagement that establish virtue and that ensure marriage should not be rushed into. I believe that a husband should be head of the house and that his wife should obey him. It is only fair that the man is tested to prove his worth. I think that girls who make it too obvious they want a man will be used and that men who find a girl easy will not respect her. If it is up to me I'll have them fighting jousts and slaying dragons for the right to come near enough to propose lol

Yeah, good luck with that.

 

[Theygaveutheirworst]

I only pursue girls who actually enjoy talking to me.lol

 

[Roh_Chris]

It is only fair that the man is tested to prove his worth. I think that girls who make it too obvious they want a man will be used and that men who find a girl easy will not respect her. If it is up to me I'll have them fighting jousts and slaying dragons for the right to come near enough to propose lol

I agree that a woman must test a man to prove his sincerity, but I think it must be within reasonable levels.

Though "reasonability" is subjective and it is a different topic altogether...

 

[AnnaBou]

I agree that a woman must test a man to prove his sincerity, but I think it must be within reasonable levels.

Though "reasonability" is subjective and it is a different topic altogether...

Well, if you are not ready for the sake of love to sword fight to the death with a professional knight or take on and kill a ferocious 40ft fire breathing serpent what hope is there!

Faint heart never won fair Lady

 

[Lynx]

If fair lady requires dueling to the death, fair lady can find another knight. That knight ain't done nothing to me.

Ever heard the poem "The Glove and the Lions"? Basically there was a crowd of people at an arena where they watched lions fighting, and a woman intentionally dropped her glove into the arena and then looked at her boyfriend to see if he would pick it up. He jumped into the arena, got the glove, jumped back out and threw the glove... in the lady's face.

"Rightly done" said Sir Francis
And he rose from where he sat
"No love," quoth he, "But vanity
Sets love a task like that."


The Glove and the Lions by Leigh Hunt : The Poetry Foundation