Is it wrong to want equality in a marriage?

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Q

Quake10

Guest
#1
#1
Okay im a teen guy (yes im a guy) who wants my wife to have equal say-so in a problem/concern. I also believe that if I am doing something wrong that i want my wife to tell me im wrong, if im sinning she needs to tell me (in love of course, but i dont want her being silent.) Now i came across a post i found online written by a guy. Here it is.

A Christian Wife is to Obey Her Husband in EVERY THING!

Okay, so i think this guy is pretty insane and i have something that proves what he says here is wrong. Please understand that i agree with when he says abortion is murder, and i dont believe feminism is good either, though he is extremely brash when he talks about it. Anyways here is why he is wrong. He says that the Bible tells wives to obey there husbands in EVERYTHING and submit to them. Alright so what if i make this following demand: "Wife since i am over you i demand that you be the head of this house and you are now in control of this marriage do as i say as you are to obey EVERYTHING ." Well Mr. David Stewart, since im the man and she is to obey everything what if i demand her to have the power??

Thus my belief: A wife is to obey God before husband, and is not to do something unbiblical just because her husband says so. I also believe when a husband is sinning or wrong she should tell him in love what his mistake is and try to help him. I dont understand what is wrong with equal power in a marriage? Is it wrong to weigh my wifes advice just as heavily as mine? (when i get married. Anyways i hope i didnt sound too angry or annoyed here. Please forgive me if i offended anyone as that is not my point.
 
J

Jeff_56

Banned
#2
Dec 26, 2014
3,757
19
0
#2
CHRIST IS the head of every man, and a husband is the head of his wife.

This line of authority and responsibility never ever changed. (and is hardly ever seen on earth.)

ALWAYS trust Yahweh (God) by grace (His free gift freely given) through faith in Yahshua(Yahweh's Salvation; Jesus) , this too a gift from Yahweh,

ALWAYS in line with every word from the mouth of Yahweh. (i.e. don't pick one, two, or one hundred verses to believe, and leave out the ones

you don't want to believe). Unless Yahweh grants it from heaven, there is no understanding, so ALWAYS seek HIM.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#3
#3
Jesus is the President...the husband is the vice president and the wife is the board of directors.
 
Joidevivre

Joidevivre

Senior Member
#4
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
272
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#4
My husband is a very godly man and after reading the entire NT, he believes his role is to serve me (his wife) and care for me just as Christ does the church (putting my needs before his own). But, I also believe that I am to put HIS needs before my own. And let him have final decisions.

He believes that we are partners - two people making one - and as for leadership, we each have times of taking the role depending on the nature of the matter brought up and also depending on the health of the other person. He also doesn't believe that he has the authority over me to tell me what to do. He has the authority over me to protect and serve me.

He is quite a husband. Almost 50 years together.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#5
#5
Well, men should be the head of the household. But good leadership isn't about forcing heavy handed obedience. Also good leadership is not about raising yourself, nor putting others down.
Spiritually speaking a husband should love and respect his wife above all other people. Her opinion and thoughts should weigh into every decision. This is not domination over another, but merely having the final say.
But if a man is going to quote the bible at his wife, he needs to make sure he's reading the parts that pertain to him. Which most men who want to use the bible to control their wives conveniently ignore the parts that show them how wrong they are in how they treat their wives.
So yes, you SHOULD consider your wives feelings and opinions. But one person still needs to make a final decision, and that should be the man.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#6
#6
Well this will be a hornets nest.lol To the OP you need to be careful of what you read.This article is way too harsh.People cant seem to use common sense along with the Bible.In the town I use to live in my father was friends with the local judge.He was a Christian but very strict,to the point of no common sense.When an abused wife came before him he told her to go back to her husband even after she said that he had raped her.He used Scripture and said she should go back to her husband.Unbelievable!So when you see submissiveness and "obey your husband" with no common sense you find men that are bullies.They choose their wives clothes for them,who they talk to,how they talk.This has to be taught be a mature man who understands what God meant.
I have been in so many churches that use no common sense here and the women are miserable.Because immature men can take this way too far.My sister married a man like this.He tells her what to wear,what color he likes,even picks her earrings.Hes always picking on her about how she talks to others and tells her she's too prideful.He criticizes how she cleans the house and looks after the kids.She feels she can do nothing right and she is miserable.When I talk to her she says she has to obey her husband.Then her FIL comes over to their house and tells his son to "get his woman in line" The Bible says to submit one to another too.So always use common sense when reading the Bible.Marriage is a partnership and no woman wants a man acting like her daddy.You sound like you have the right idea and will do just fine.Ignore the article.His views on divorce alone are ridiculous.
 
thecreationtutor

thecreationtutor

Senior Member
#7
Jun 30, 2011
2,521
35
0
#7
Quake10 said:
Okay im a teen guy (yes im a guy) who wants my wife to have equal say-so in a problem/concern. I also believe that if I am doing something wrong that i want my wife to tell me im wrong, if im sinning she needs to tell me (in love of course, but i dont want her being silent.) Now i came across a post i found online written by a guy. Here it is.

A Christian Wife is to Obey Her Husband in EVERY THING!

Okay, so i think this guy is pretty insane and i have something that proves what he says here is wrong. Please understand that i agree with when he says abortion is murder, and i dont believe feminism is good either, though he is extremely brash when he talks about it. Anyways here is why he is wrong. He says that the Bible tells wives to obey there husbands in EVERYTHING and submit to them. Alright so what if i make this following demand: "Wife since i am over you i demand that you be the head of this house and you are now in control of this marriage do as i say as you are to obey EVERYTHING ." Well Mr. David Stewart, since im the man and she is to obey everything what if i demand her to have the power??

Thus my belief: A wife is to obey God before husband, and is not to do something unbiblical just because her husband says so. I also believe when a husband is sinning or wrong she should tell him in love what his mistake is and try to help him. I dont understand what is wrong with equal power in a marriage? Is it wrong to weigh my wifes advice just as heavily as mine? (when i get married. Anyways i hope i didnt sound too angry or annoyed here. Please forgive me if i offended anyone as that is not my point.
Click to expand...

Look up the complimentarian view of marriage

This post looks like it's uninformed - and assumes male headship to be chauvinistic

The man is judged for the decisions of the family, and how well he leads his wife, and children

He is to be Christ to His wife - think about those implication
 
N

NewWine

Guest
#8
#8
I have an amazing husband. He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me! While I do support all his decisions and do as much of what he asks of me as I am capable of doing, I don't always agree with him. He KNOWS I will never disagree with him in public or in front of our children, but when we're alone, he not only expects me to speak my mind, but he enjoys it. He says I have a point of view unlike most he knows, and often that is what he needs to hear.

His view on submission and being the head of the household is: Man is the head of the house, but women are the heart. One doesn't survive without the other. In other words I make him stop and smell the roses a bit. It's a scientific thing that says Married men live longer than single men. I can't say if that's true or not, but in a healthy relationship, there is security and comfort, and that goes a LONG way to longevity, through stress reduction alone.

I do believe full feminism is not of God, but I also think feminism has done a bit to help women, especially single women, stay on top of things, where the church and the women's desire for independence has failed them. Unfortunately, in most things that begin by generous, well meaning people; along the way these same well meaning people are deceived by whatever, and things go south. That's just the nature of sinful people, I suppose.

Married men carry a LOT of responsibility. That is a fact, but with the right wife, there is nothing they can't accomplish. You're on the right track. Love your future wife as Christ loves you, and my guess is there aren't many places she won't willingly follow your lead. Peace!
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#9
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#9
What sort of equality, sir?

I hope it´s not one like this.

 
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Jeff_56

Banned
#10
Dec 26, 2014
3,757
19
0
#10
Q

Quake10

Guest
#11
#11
Thank you all so much for your kind responses on this topic. I very much like NewWines opinion, Kaylagrls and joidevivres. Everyone elses is very good as well and i really appreciate those who gave longer answers. I think Joidevivres marriage and NewWines is very awesome! Sounds like good strong Christian marriages. I think the main reason i asked is my personality is not very leader type and i really want a wife who will help me lead, not me just leading on my own (if you can understand what im trying to say). I also know i need Gods help to lead as well, but i think having someone there to help me make decisions would be wonderful :D.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#12
#12
Quake10 said:
Thank you all so much for your kind responses on this topic. I very much like NewWines opinion, Kaylagrls and joidevivres. Everyone elses is very good as well and i really appreciate those who gave longer answers. I think Joidevivres marriage and NewWines is very awesome! Sounds like good strong Christian marriages. I think the main reason i asked is my personality is not very leader type and i really want a wife who will help me lead, not me just leading on my own (if you can understand what im trying to say). I also know i need Gods help to lead as well, but i think having someone there to help me make decisions would be wonderful :D.
Click to expand...
Two are stronger than one.You pray together and make good decisions together.You'll have a great marriage one day! You're right in your thoughts about this,just stick to it and you'll be all right!
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#13
Oct 11, 2013
14,554
2,176
113
#13
Sirk said:
Jesus is the President...the husband is the vice president and the wife is the board of directors.
Click to expand...
In the US government the wife would be the Speaker of the House meaning if the President died then it is the Vice President and if Vice President is dead then the Speaker of the House takes over. Of course in this case Jesus will always be President...but I liked your way of thinking....and someone said something about wanting to be corrected if they were wrong....Blond just wanted to point that out.....in a loving way and with laughter.....lol
 
Agricola

Agricola

Senior Member
#14
Dec 10, 2012
2,638
88
48
#14
Question : Is it wrong to want equality in a marriage?
Answer : NO.
 
LionEyes

LionEyes

Banned
#15
Mar 6, 2014
110
2
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#15
I think you should find what works best for you and your (future) wife. You would know what kind of relationship would make you happy better than we would. "We" being strangers on the internet and all...
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#16
#16
Woman have a certain 6th sense about whether or not something is a good idea. God the father gave each gender a certain set of gifts for the marital relationship to function properly. There is actually much more responsibility placed on the man.
 
P

presidente

Senior Member
#18
May 29, 2013
9,166
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#18
The Bible does teach wives to submit to and obey their husbands. It's to be done as unto Christ. Killing people because her husband said so isn't submitting to Christ. Submission to the Lord comes first.

But most husbands don't tell their wives to go rob the neighborhood liquor store. When people are scared by the word 'submission' they jump to extreme examples.

I believe every Christian had a responsibility to other Christians to point out if there is sin. The Bible says not to despise your neighbor in your heart, but rebuke your neighbor frankly lest you share in his sin. I believe this applies in marriage as well.

If I could relive the early years of my marriage, I would have done more to establish myself as the leader, in my demeanor, in planning things out, and all that sort of thing. Women talk a lot about wanting equality, but I think most women want a man who will loving lead and guide. If a woman is married to a push over who cowers at how she will respond to him if she asks, "Do I look fat in this?", then she just might not respect him as much as if he were bold and confident. Women tend to be attractive to confidence. They aren't designed to be the leaders in marriage. God made us different. God gives the husband the responsibility to be the head, and he should embrace it and be faithful with it. He should love his wife as Christ loved the church.

As far as 'equality' goes, it's not a very useful construct for a lot of things, like marriage, sin, love. Does God love us all equally? I don't think the Bible teaches that God loves unbelievers as much as those who obey Jesus. Is all sin equal? Some preacher says that, but scripture seems to argue against this idea.

Are men and women equal? In what way? What about height? Men tend to be taller. What about the ability to lift weights. On average, men are stronger in this regard. What about the ability to give birth? Women have all the ability so they are superior in this regard.

Saying men and women are 'equal' is kind of meaningless if you think about it. But equality is such a big part of the American national philosophy that we want everything and everyone to be equal.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#19
#19
presidente said:
The Bible does teach wives to submit to and obey their husbands. It's to be done as unto Christ. Killing people because her husband said so isn't submitting to Christ. Submission to the Lord comes first.

But most husbands don't tell their wives to go rob the neighborhood liquor store. When people are scared by the word 'submission' they jump to extreme examples.

I believe every Christian had a responsibility to other Christians to point out if there is sin. The Bible says not to despise your neighbor in your heart, but rebuke your neighbor frankly lest you share in his sin. I believe this applies in marriage as well.

If I could relive the early years of my marriage, I would have done more to establish myself as the leader, in my demeanor, in planning things out, and all that sort of thing. Women talk a lot about wanting equality, but I think most women want a man who will loving lead and guide. If a woman is married to a push over who cowers at how she will respond to him if she asks, "Do I look fat in this?", then she just might not respect him as much as if he were bold and confident. Women tend to be attractive to confidence. They aren't designed to be the leaders in marriage. God made us different. God gives the husband the responsibility to be the head, and he should embrace it and be faithful with it. He should love his wife as Christ loved the church.

As far as 'equality' goes, it's not a very useful construct for a lot of things, like marriage, sin, love. Does God love us all equally? I don't think the Bible teaches that God loves unbelievers as much as those who obey Jesus. Is all sin equal? Some preacher says that, but scripture seems to argue against this idea.

Are men and women equal? In what way? What about height? Men tend to be taller. What about the ability to lift weights. On average, men are stronger in this regard. What about the ability to give birth? Women have all the ability so they are superior in this regard.

Saying men and women are 'equal' is kind of meaningless if you think about it. But equality is such a big part of the American national philosophy that we want everything and everyone to be equal.
Click to expand...

Not sure what you actually meant by this comment...If a woman is married to a push over who cowers at how she will respond to him if she asks, "Do I look fat in this?", then she just might not respect him as much as if he were bold and confident."
I dont know about other women but my husband would say "Im not fussy about that outfit" or "That one is my favorite,you look best in this one".I dont what you mean by "bold and confident" but like the joke goes,a woman with an extra 10 pounds tends to live longer than the men who mention it.Yes a woman wants someone she can lean on,and to make decisions together with.What a woman does not want is a man telling her what to do and that hes made the decision without consulting her.A woman does not want to be treated like a child.She wants a partner.Be that and you will have a happy marriage.
 
LionEyes

LionEyes

Banned
#20
Mar 6, 2014
110
2
0
#20
presidente said:
Are men and women equal? In what way? What about height? Men tend to be taller. What about the ability to lift weights. On average, men are stronger in this regard. What about the ability to give birth? Women have all the ability so they are superior in this regard.
Click to expand...
"Equality" means equal rights. Lifting weights or ability to get knocked up has nothing to do with it.

Did you honestly think that when human rights activists rail against injustices and inequality, they really only want to be able to lift weights like the men folk? No. Just ... No. *sigh*
 
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