Happy to be single, not happy to be lonely

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Malcyboy

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Title says it all tbh, I am a very happy single person, in fact I love being single, but unfortunately my issue of loneliness is due to friends/church...I attend a church which even during service i feel alone, because there is cliqueness and so many unneccesary man made rules...e.g. If i am on sound duty, i am not permitted to leave my sound box for 15 minutes after service in order to wait on people leaving and turn the background music off, and i have to sit in a prayer room from 9:00 till 10:00 (which is service start) so these rules mean i never get to speak to people anyway....plus the people my age refer to me as the holy roller, and then insult me with weight jokes as well as insults about how I talk and such is very "camp" (read as gay).. Then when im at home they will private message me on fb acting friendly and such only to reveal they want a favour or that nobody else is talking to them at that point.. Le sigh... Anyone got any input? Haha :)
 
I've also found that there is a price you pay for helping out on Sunday mornings. Most churches need volunteers so you should be in a position to bargain about how much you are actually willing to do when you are running sound. Talk to the person who is in charge of scheduling to see if there is a way you could be excused from the prayer room so that you can actually get some time to fellowship with people. Also see if you can set up some sort of end of service playlist so that the background music automatically cuts off after 15 or 20 minutes without you being their to turn it off. If people are completely unwilling to work with your requests, you can always quit running sound (be a decent human being and give them a few weeks notice for that though so they can start training someone to take your place). That could create some hard feelings but sometimes the only way to get people to make a change is to let everything crash down around them so they realize that what you said was a problem really was a problem.

Beyond that, not everyone is going to fit in at every church. I feel for those who truly love and follow God, but don't fit our nice little christian boxes and church culture. Unfortunately, there isn't much advice I can give for that situation. At least not beyond the you're always welcome to hang out and vent your frustrations in the CC singles forum.
 
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*Lynx adjusts his nerd glasses and prepares his lecture notes...

Sound man burn-out is very common in churches. It takes a certain kind of person to be in the sound booth every service. As the local nerd at my church I set up the whole sound system, but I don't run it during service. That job goes to a friend who is okay with being in the sound booth every service. This friend is not better than I, he's just got a different mental makeup that makes it okay with him to be up there all the time. He's not worse than I either - he's not some crabby old hermit who doesn't like people - he just doesn't mind being there.

Many churches don't have a guy like that though. The problem is they don't realize it is a problem for most people to be up there EVERY FLIPPING SERVICE! So they stick someone in the sound booth and leave him there, then three years later they wonder what he's complaining about when he says he's burning out. Well duh, you don't starve the man who's serving the meal... He's gotta eat some time.

Some churches have recognized this problem and established a rotation. No one person is in the sound booth every service. In fact with overhead projectors there's usually a team in the sound booth these days, but multiple people know how to do all the jobs so nobody gets burnt out. Perhaps you could approach your church authorities about training someone else to take the sound board every other service. It's either that or you'll go a few more months, maybe a few more years and then just give up. Better to have two people than to burn through a new one every few years.
 
Malcyboy said:
Title says it all tbh, I am a very happy single person, in fact I love being single, but unfortunately my issue of loneliness is due to friends/church...I attend a church which even during service i feel alone, because there is cliqueness and so many unneccesary man made rules...e.g. If i am on sound duty, i am not permitted to leave my sound box for 15 minutes after service in order to wait on people leaving and turn the background music off, and i have to sit in a prayer room from 9:00 till 10:00 (which is service start) so these rules mean i never get to speak to people anyway....plus the people my age refer to me as the holy roller, and then insult me with weight jokes as well as insults about how I talk and such is very "camp" (read as gay).. Then when im at home they will private message me on fb acting friendly and such only to reveal they want a favour or that nobody else is talking to them at that point.. Le sigh... Anyone got any input? Haha :)
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Yikes! You will will feel more lonely keeping with friends who are mockers.
 
I haven't been the subject of ridicule (and, consequently, left feeling lonely from it), but I know the feeling of loneliness no matter the [amount of] people around. Either one or more people will eventually fill that hole, or nobody will; it's a heavy feeling and something of a cross to bear. Hopefully you're not left feeling this way for long, Malcyboy. :)
 
Malcyboy said:
Title says it all tbh, I am a very happy single person, in fact I love being single, but unfortunately my issue of loneliness is due to friends/church...I attend a church which even during service i feel alone, because there is cliqueness and so many unneccesary man made rules...e.g. If i am on sound duty, i am not permitted to leave my sound box for 15 minutes after service in order to wait on people leaving and turn the background music off, and i have to sit in a prayer room from 9:00 till 10:00 (which is service start) so these rules mean i never get to speak to people anyway....plus the people my age refer to me as the holy roller, and then insult me with weight jokes as well as insults about how I talk and such is very "camp" (read as gay).. Then when im at home they will private message me on fb acting friendly and such only to reveal they want a favour or that nobody else is talking to them at that point.. Le sigh... Anyone got any input? Haha :)
Click to expand...

As a person who has been in ministry on a Sunday morning before, I too have seen this happen time and time again. I don't fully understand it myself, but what I do understand is what you do is necessary. My question to you is, do you alternate with someone else, giving you the opportunity to mingle with other people? If not, maybe ask to see if you could alternate with somebody. I know that some churches do that.
 
We do have another sound tech i alternate with, however its not uncommon for him to come to me and be like "please watch the sound for me, i have something to do" and disappears for 15/20 minutes lol...but we are in process of training 3 of our young people on sound, so should sorta solve that issue...

The other issue though, remains...what do you do when the people your age like to behave highly inappropriately and often at your own expense?? Do I grin and bear it and just simply remain feeling lonely...or do I consider a church relocation? Haha
 
Malcyboy said:
The other issue though, remains...what do you do when the people your age like to behave highly inappropriately and often at your own expense?? Do I grin and bear it and just simply remain feeling lonely...or do I consider a church relocation? Haha
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Neither, unless you are not happy with your congregation on the whole. People, whether God's people or not, are liable to disappoint you and hurt you, and always will be. You bear that anywhere. Finding mature people your age might be a little difficult, but I hope all the same you can find at least someone to connect with!
 
About the friends: I'm reminded of the boy I pick up on the church bus route. He was all torn up on the way home one day because one of the other kids said he was seven years old and he's really nine. I asked one question that cleared everything up for him. "If they say you are seven, does that mean you ARE seven?"

I have observed that what people say affects some more than others. Personally I never have given a flying flitter what "they" say. I find life much easier to live that way.
 
I think it might help with the loneliness too. You never know, some cute little thing might be watching to see if you handle the teasing like an adult or if you let it get to you. :cool:
 
Lynx said:
I think it might help with the loneliness too. You never know, some cute little thing might be watching to see if you handle the teasing like an adult or if you let it get to you. :cool:
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Buuuuut i dont want a girl :p i am happy being single :p ideal fantasy is place on my own, adopt a son and have a cat :P if im honest, just want a friend atm D:
 
I would find another church, and give notice before leaving of your feelings, including the ridicule. There's no place in the Lord's house for that type of behavior from some who take your service for granted. Just my 2 cents.
 
It'll happen in the new church too. It doesn't happen on purpose. People just don't think about stuff. Stuff like how what they say might make people feel like (but it's a funny joke!) or what other people do (hey it's not MY problem.)
 
Churches are often desperate for people willing to serve in any capacity. We have to set limits on ourselves of what we can do without hindering our own growth and fellowship too much. My daughter works in the sound booth, but we limit it to once per month. This kept her from being in there too much, and also placed a little bit of pressure on the pastor/elders to find other people to help too. The squeakiest wheel gets the oil, and if someone is willing to work in there every week, even if they don't want to, that problem is pushed to the back burner. Sad, unavoidable, but true.

The issue of how you are treated in church by friends and the congregation, is more of a concern to me. If you are being treated inappropriately, you should speak to your pastor and get his advice on things. If this can't be corrected somehow, and it is harming your growth in the church, perhaps looking at other churches isn't a bad idea. I am not a "church hopper". Every church has it's own problems. We are all human after all, and need to learn to love one another regardless. But some churches fit what we need better than others.
 
Malcyboy said:
Title says it all tbh, I am a very happy single person, in fact I love being single, but unfortunately my issue of loneliness is due to friends/church...I attend a church which even during service i feel alone, because there is cliqueness and so many unneccesary man made rules...e.g. If i am on sound duty, i am not permitted to leave my sound box for 15 minutes after service in order to wait on people leaving and turn the background music off, and i have to sit in a prayer room from 9:00 till 10:00 (which is service start) so these rules mean i never get to speak to people anyway....plus the people my age refer to me as the holy roller, and then insult me with weight jokes as well as insults about how I talk and such is very "camp" (read as gay).. Then when im at home they will private message me on fb acting friendly and such only to reveal they want a favour or that nobody else is talking to them at that point.. Le sigh... Anyone got any input? Haha :)
Click to expand...

It sounds like running sound is just not fitting your life goals right now. Don't think for a second that God wants you to be unhappy as a result of where you're serving. Find somewhere else to serve if you feel led to, and maybe that means serving nowhere for a little while.

Also consider the possibility that you go to a bum church full of fake Christians. I ended up at a couple of those while looking for a church and didn't realize it at first.

I know nobody at my church would insult someone about their weight...someone who did that would probably end up a social outcast at my church.
 
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