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you think we ACCEPT those things or OVERLOOK them?? REALLY?? When I was being abused I didn't OVERLOOK certain red flags because I DIDN'T SEE ANY!!! Then well it happened and here I am with PTSD! I fell IN LOVE with these people. I saw the good, the bad and the ugly in them.
I am sorry if that sounded harsh and I don't mean to take this so personally but PLEASE think before you speak. That kinda hurt what you said. :'(
I am sorry if that sounded harsh and I don't mean to take this so personally but PLEASE think before you speak. That kinda hurt what you said. :'(
again, sorry for the explosion but people who are abused do not see red flags. We only see a person that we deeply care for. It's not like "oh he's bad because he's abusing me." It's really really complicated.
Those people who hurt me....they still hold a special place in my heart because I know that they aren't inherintally bad, theya are just very hurt and very stupid. Am I angry at them? Yes. But if they needed something I would help them because I KNOW them. Make sense?
Those people who hurt me....they still hold a special place in my heart because I know that they aren't inherintally bad, theya are just very hurt and very stupid. Am I angry at them? Yes. But if they needed something I would help them because I KNOW them. Make sense?
S
I know you are hurt and I am in no way trying to say that any form of abuse is okay. I'm simply saying that in a lot of ways we attract to ourselves what we are. You may be an exception and not the rule but an abuse requires a victim. Again...please don't think I am saying any abuse is okay. I understand you perspective....I do. I am simply saying that often times in relationships a person will pick a person that is most like the parent they had the worst relationship and pain with to try and work that out...to try and feel love from that person. The mind is a very tricky thing.
S
An abused person already may have a propensity to believe things that are untrue about themselves....such as they are unworthy of love etc. As a matter of fact they share this mindset with an abuser because the abuser is extremely insecure and uses manipulation and control to "feel" loved.
The rule is that an abuser and victim are co-conspiritors in ignorance.....the exception is that a man is completely evil and narcissistic and is able to completely fool someone as he sucks them into his web of terror.
The rule is that an abuser and victim are co-conspiritors in ignorance.....the exception is that a man is completely evil and narcissistic and is able to completely fool someone as he sucks them into his web of terror.
S
I understand what you are saying....I really do. And I understand that I am making you angry. You have to understand that I am not defending abuse of any kind for any reason. I am saying that there is something in you that hopefully you will get to with self reflection that will help you choose better in the future. It's just a the cold hard truth that an A plus solid person rarely chooses an f minus one. Humans attract to themselves that which they are.
I'm not angry. I'm just trying to tell you that your assumptions are wrong.
My degree is in psychology, and I've studied this topic extensively. I know many women who have been abused, and they were some of the strongest women I know who had very good relationships with their parents. What you're describing is a stereotype of abused people that does not reflect real situations.
My degree is in psychology, and I've studied this topic extensively. I know many women who have been abused, and they were some of the strongest women I know who had very good relationships with their parents. What you're describing is a stereotype of abused people that does not reflect real situations.
S
Okay.....what I am trying to relate to you is real life and experience. Hurting people hurt people. reacting out of pain always creates more pain. I understand abuse and both of its extremes....from the nuanced to the fists flying. I should note that I have not ever raised my hand to a woman but I have been abusive. Any form of manipulation for the purpose of power and or control is abuse.
What cover and basis do you have for the affirmation in bold?
There are stupid people who blame the woman for being raped but I have fate that a considerable amount of people do think that the man is to blame.
I am sorry that you went through sexual abuse. I think women have the right to wear whatever they want without being raped and then blamed for the rape.
I hold Saint Paul in a very high esteem and I doubt that the great man who influenced the western european culture is a man whose message to women was "women, be good little wives now and do as you're told".
Maybe Saint Paul was a fine observer of the woman and knew that she is more unstable than a man (emotionally) and that's why he said that they should let the man "drive".
"Submit to your husband" does not mean "submit in a masoquistic way to the abuses of your husband". It never meant that.
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There are stupid people who blame the woman for being raped but I have fate that a considerable amount of people do think that the man is to blame.
I am sorry that you went through sexual abuse. I think women have the right to wear whatever they want without being raped and then blamed for the rape.
I hold Saint Paul in a very high esteem and I doubt that the great man who influenced the western european culture is a man whose message to women was "women, be good little wives now and do as you're told".
Maybe Saint Paul was a fine observer of the woman and knew that she is more unstable than a man (emotionally) and that's why he said that they should let the man "drive".
"Submit to your husband" does not mean "submit in a masoquistic way to the abuses of your husband". It never meant that.
.
S
BTW.....even the mildest form of irritation is anger. I think we have confused what anger is and what it is for. The smallest amount of irritation (anger) is an indication of a crossed boundary or violated core belief. Anger is a secondary emotion and that is what its purpose is......to identify pain. People rarely get passed the anger and process the pain that precedes it. Unprocessed pain always leads to anger depression and anxiety which always lead to addictive behaviors, abuse and and whole host of bad life coping skills.....