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This may have already been said, but abusees don't choose to be abused. In the beginning of the relationship, they don't see any red flags. The abuser doesn't show any traits that suggest the person is a bad seed. Instead, he's charming. He's Mr. Perfect. And by the time the abuser shows his true side, the abused is already knee deep. My sister is a victim in this. And for all I know she could be in a ditch somewhere because she and her son has been isolated for over a year from everyone. I don't know how the topic shifted from equality to abuse, but whoever whoeversaid people choose to be abuse really need to do research about the topic. It's clearly not black and white.
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She was lucky.
Also, abusers tend to isolate their victims from support groups and funds ... so that they can't leave. They also push children so the abusee feels a sense of obligation to stay so that their kids don't grow up without a dad. Worse, the abuser may threaten to hurt the child (or abusee's family) if the abusee tries to leave.
Your experience does not apply to all cases.
Also, abusers tend to isolate their victims from support groups and funds ... so that they can't leave. They also push children so the abusee feels a sense of obligation to stay so that their kids don't grow up without a dad. Worse, the abuser may threaten to hurt the child (or abusee's family) if the abusee tries to leave.
Your experience does not apply to all cases.
I can give you a lot of reasons why they stay.......fear......the abuser brainwashes the abused.....you
lose yourself in fear.....believing the lies....no one will love them....they lose self respect......self worth....the abuser shelters you from everyone....you have no where to go....you are reliant on
the abuser for survival....you have no money to go if you tried to leave.......knowing when you do...
they will find you....hunt you down......you make things worse when you leave.....at least if you
stay you can learn to control some of the abuse......oh there's more I can share.....but I think Ive said enough .....its a life no one should know.....its not talked about ....there are signs....but unless you
have lived it.....you will never see it coming.....its a gradual and increasing rollercoaster of ****.....
S
lemme put it to you this way. If a victim of abise comes into your office seeking help, do you try to help her change her victimizers behavior or do you try to help her peel back Her own onion to get to the root of her issues. Not knowing why we humans do dumb things is ignorance...continuing to do dumb things and not questioning why is staying ignorant. Staying ignorant is a choice. Another way to say it is that we are anxious to improve our circumstance but either are to lazy or to obstinate to improve ourselves and the way we filter our experience through the garden of our minds.
Abusers say things like "If you leave, where would you go? No one loves you. No one wants you. You're nothing but a piece of garbage." If you're told this over and over and over and over again, day after day, month after month, year after year, guess what? You'll have it in your head that despite how deeply you want to get out of it, you can't, because you've been brainwashed into thinking you can't leave.
What issues? You're saying that the victim is at least partially responsible for being abused? No. It doesn't work that way. They are not going to improve their abuser's behavior by changing their behavior. That is impossible. So what I would do is tell the abusee to get out and get protection. If they didn't want to get out, I would tell them to get the abuser in therapy.
The only way ... and I absolutely mean only way ... for abuse to stop is to get the abuser to stop abusing. And even with extensive therapy for the abuser, that is incredibly difficult.
The only way ... and I absolutely mean only way ... for abuse to stop is to get the abuser to stop abusing. And even with extensive therapy for the abuser, that is incredibly difficult.