Is it wrong to want equality in a marriage?

[jogoldie]

Don't forget to add stupidity to the list of reasons.

I will forgive you young one of your ignorance........I pray you will never know what that life is like....
But I think the last thing I am is stupid.....I was in survival mode deathly afraid of the safety of my
children......so call me what you will....I suppose everyone is entitled to their opinion.....

 

[LionEyes]

okay....can you give a synopses of your point as clearly and concisely as you can of the point you are making. I believe mine to be clear.

The fault lies with the one committing the crime, not the victim of the crime.

 

[Sirk]

The fault lies with the one committing the crime, not the victim of the crime.

what of the victim who keeps offering themselves up to be victimized?

 

[LionEyes]

what of the victim who keeps offering themselves up to be victimized?

I can't do this anymore. I'm about to say some things that would get me banned. And probably arrested.

Believe whatever you like. The apocalypse is going to happen soon, and then I won't have to live on this planet anymore, so it doesn't matter.

 

[jogoldie]

what of the victim who keeps offering themselves up to be victimized?

With all due respect...offering themselves......that is not what woman do....any abuse I have known
came at a most vulnerable time......a weakened time....most times drugs and alcohol is involved.....
a life was made.....do you honestly think the abuse ends when they leave......oh...no....it gets worse....
Then I suppose you'll say get a restraining order........what to roll it up and swat them with it......
these women are caught up in every aspect of their lives......leave......I went cross country.....it didn't
end then either.......

 

[blue_ladybug]

With all due respect...offering themselves......that is not what woman do....any abuse I have known
came at a most vulnerable time......a weakened time....most times drugs and alcohol is involved.....
a life was made.....do you honestly think the abuse ends when they leave......oh...no....it gets worse....
Then I suppose you'll say get a restraining order........what to roll it up and swat them with it......
these women are caught up in every aspect of their lives......leave......I went cross country.....it didn't
end then either.......

​not to mention that restraining orders are completely and utterly useless..trust me, I know this first-hand.. :/

 

[blue_ladybug]

I can't do this anymore. I'm about to say some things that would get me banned. And probably arrested.

Believe whatever you like. The apocalypse is going to happen soon, and then I won't have to live on this planet anymore, so it doesn't matter.

​LE, calm down..the ignore list works wonders..use it if you don't want to listen to someone's opinion..the iggy list is your best friend..

 

[tourist]

​not to mention that restraining orders are completely and utterly useless..trust me, I know this first-hand.. :/

My sister knows first-hand as well.

 

[jogoldie]

​not to mention that restraining orders are completely and utterly useless..trust me, I know this first-hand.. :/

Me too..baby girl.......my apt manager had one......my job had one......I had one......
Not one was effective.........useless....

 

[Sirk]

With all due respect...offering themselves......that is not what woman do....any abuse I have known
came at a most vulnerable time......a weakened time....most times drugs and alcohol is involved.....
a life was made.....do you honestly think the abuse ends when they leave......oh...no....it gets worse....
Then I suppose you'll say get a restraining order........what to roll it up and swat them with it......
these women are caught up in every aspect of their lives......leave......I went cross country.....it didn't
end then either.......

i am aware that psycho paths exist where a woman has to change her identity. I'm speaking of a woman who will not leave an unuser but continues to make excuses for them.

 

[blue_ladybug]

i am aware that psycho paths exist where a woman has to change her identity. I'm speaking of a woman who will not leave an unuser but continues to make excuses for them.

Do some research on the percentage of women who TRY leaving their abusers and end up dead because their partner kills them..better yet, go watch the Lifetime channel and see the true-story movies for yourself. Then come back and debate this when you're better informed.. :/

 

[LionEyes]

Since this is my area of research, I'd like to point out that most abusers are not psychopaths, the most violent and obsessive abusers are typically not psychopaths, and there are psychopaths who have relatively normal, non-abusive relationships. "Psychopath" is not a synonym for "really bad."

 

[jogoldie]

i am aware that psycho paths exist where a woman has to change her identity. I'm speaking of a woman who will not leave an unuser but continues to make excuses for them.

Do you know how mortifying it is to admit the man you love....the man you built your life around......
Does this to you.....do you really think it is always beatings and cruelty........at times it is the most exciting and loving.....kindness ....a lot of generosity...the best love you ever known......then the tide changes.....out of nowhere .....for no reason......things turn ......by the time you realize it wasn't something you have done.....so you make excuses to buy time for the man you know returns to the kind loving man you thought he was.....its a cycle .....

 

[secularhermit]

I have seen that more women have been abused, more than verbally -by the way. But here, in a 3rd world country, I also have seen women abusing them, for example, one of my uncles (He wasn´t a saint) was injured by his ex when he was sleeping. She casted boiled water over his chess... So he learned the lesson and, as for my dad, he tried to had sex with my mom (putting his knees on her) and she bit him his tongue to run away. So, the innocent party could be those children left, if they ever came.

Who enforces equality for abused children?

That´s another sad story not published yet.

Let´s see when the books of heavens be opened, to know the truth, in full, to its deepest meaning.

 

[ChandlerFan]

what of the victim who keeps offering themselves up to be victimized?

This question seems to assume that someone who does offer themselves up to be victimized is somewhat responsible for their abuse. The answer, however, is still that the responsibility of the abuse is entirely upon the abuser.

Along with that, I would suggest that no one offers herself up to continual abuse in a vacuum. There could be a number of reasons for it. Some people have Stockholm Syndrome, others simply fear for their life if they try to escape. Some stay under cultural, social, or religious pressure. Abuse can seriously mess with a person psychologically. In the end, no one actively chooses abuse, and even if that were the case the responsibility would still be upon the abuser. Each person is responsible for his or her own actions, not the actions of others.

 

[ChandlerFan]

I can't do this anymore. I'm about to say some things that would get me banned. And probably arrested.

Believe whatever you like. The apocalypse is going to happen soon, and then I won't have to live on this planet anymore, so it doesn't matter.

I have struggled with this too at times, but at the end of the day there are always going to be people who are wrong and close-minded on the internet, and unfortunately there comes a point where we just have to accept that. All we can do is speak to the ignorance lest more people fall into it and then leave it at that. I realize that this is very personal for you as well having been in abusive situations and having interacted with those who have been abused. I have interacted with victims of abuse as well (although not with the frequency that you probably have), and it's beyond frustrating when people don't respond in an understanding way to the victims and you see that blatantly perpetuated even now. I think the best thing we can do, though, is channel most of the energy that we would like to use on the ignorant towards continuing to help the hurting and bringing the abusers to justice.

 

[JFSurvivor]

What cover and basis do you have for the affirmation in bold?
There are stupid people who blame the woman for being raped but I have fate that a considerable amount of people do think that the man is to blame.



I am sorry that you went through sexual abuse. I think women have the right to wear whatever they want without being raped and then blamed for the rape.



I hold Saint Paul in a very high esteem and I doubt that the great man who influenced the western european culture is a man whose message to women was "women, be good little wives now and do as you're told".
Maybe Saint Paul was a fine observer of the woman and knew that she is more unstable than a man (emotionally) and that's why he said that they should let the man "drive".

"Submit to your husband" does not mean "submit in a masoquistic way to the abuses of your husband". It never meant that.




.

Yeah the whole thing about women being more unstable than men...that doesn't fly because I think this idea that not being emotional is a good thing does more harm than good. Being emotional and crying and expressing yourself is healthy (within reason of course) but it is healthy as long as you do it safely. It also takes courage to express yourself and really talk about how you feel because it makes you vulnerable.

 

[Fenner]

Don't forget to add stupidity to the list of reasons.

I'm assuming you've never been a victim of domestic abuse, I hope not and I hope you never are. But calling someone stupid for something you know nothing about is harsh.

 

[Sirk]

Again you guys are talking about an extreme of abuse. I'm talking in the context of normal everyday life in normal everyday circumstances where abusr is a little more subtle.

 

[Sirk]

I can't do this anymore. I'm about to say some things that would get me banned. And probably arrested.

Believe whatever you like. The apocalypse is going to happen soon, and then I won't have to live on this planet anymore, so it doesn't matter.

you come across as abusive but more of the emotional/spiritual kind.