ladybug,
i'm sorry you're suffering so much.
i know it's not the same, but i know a bit about what you talk of. i've been thinking a lot lately about how my car accident upended my whole world.
as much as i hated that time, and how hard i had to work to regain a lot of lost ground, physically, that process actually became enormously instrumental in my life, and part of the events that broke me apart and allowed God to rebuild my heart. as miserable as i was, beauty and wonder flowed from those ashes.
i don't want to minimize your pain or the suffering you feel. but to encourage you that even in the midst of sorrow and pain, God never leaves us, and He never gives up on us. may His love and grace be your hammock in this trying time. : )
praying for you this afternoon. hang in there. *hugs*