S
Sirk
Guest
The truth is that it takes two A plus people to have an A plus marriage. Your only option is get on the path of being an A plus person.
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M
mystikmind
Guest
1) She said she does not like the person she is becoming staying with me
2) She said visiting the philipines and seeing her freinds and their relationships reminded her what she is missing out on
3) She said it has been over for a long time but she did not accept it until now
4) she said she does not want to try to work it out because she is scared that she might end up hating me
5) she said she does not believe i could change
6) She said she has never before cried so much than the last few years with me
7) She said felt alone in the relationship
8) She said she is ashamed to invite friends home or go places with me there
She probably said a few more things but that basically covers the heart of it
2) She said visiting the philipines and seeing her freinds and their relationships reminded her what she is missing out on
3) She said it has been over for a long time but she did not accept it until now
4) she said she does not want to try to work it out because she is scared that she might end up hating me
5) she said she does not believe i could change
6) She said she has never before cried so much than the last few years with me
7) She said felt alone in the relationship
8) She said she is ashamed to invite friends home or go places with me there
She probably said a few more things but that basically covers the heart of it
M
mystikmind
Guest
I should point out that i am not here on this website to work out why the relationship ended, that much is clear to me.
What is unclear to me is why we cannot at least try to work on our problems and save the marriage, nothing she has said so far makes me believe the marriage is beyond repair, but it cannot be repaired at all if she will not try. This is my dilemma
What is unclear to me is why we cannot at least try to work on our problems and save the marriage, nothing she has said so far makes me believe the marriage is beyond repair, but it cannot be repaired at all if she will not try. This is my dilemma
S
Sirk
Guest
I should point out that i am not here on this website to work out why the relationship ended, that much is clear to me.
What is unclear to me is why we cannot at least try to work on our problems and save the marriage, nothing she has said so far makes me believe the marriage is beyond repair, but it cannot be repaired at all if she will not try. This is my dilemma
this is a classic mistake in the thinking that you learned from your mistakes and are ready to move forward. In relationship terms people think that since they've been there done that and that because they've been there done that.....they won't do that again.....as if it's a video game and you learn that there is a guy hiding around the corner everytime waiting to shoot you.
Relationship experiences are different because there are some heavily rutted neural pathways in your brain that were detrimental to your marriage and became more and more so as time went on. It takes time and intentional relationship with Jesus to rewire your mind to truly not repeat the unhealthy patterns that caused the brokenness in your marriage. Broken systems, broken relational skills, coping skills or whatever you wanna call them need to be interrupted and worked around or you'll just reapeatvthe patterns. Another way to put it is that if you don't fix the broken systems that determine how you cope with conflict, you'll just keep smuggling your past into your future.
M
mystikmind
Guest
this is a classic mistake in the thinking that you learned from your mistakes and are ready to move forward. In relationship terms people think that since they've been there done that and that because they've been there done that.....they won't do that again.....as if it's a video game and you learn that there is a guy hiding around the corner everytime waiting to shoot you.
Relationship experiences are different because there are some heavily rutted neural pathways in your brain that were detrimental to your marriage and became more and more so as time went on. It takes time and intentional relationship with Jesus to rewire your mind to truly not repeat the unhealthy patterns that caused the brokenness in your marriage. Broken systems, broken relational skills, coping skills or whatever you wanna call them need to be interrupted and worked around or you'll just reapeatvthe patterns. Another way to put it is that if you don't fix the broken systems that determine how you cope with conflict, you'll just keep smuggling your past into your future.
That is rite, and it is a big problem for allot of people, and it scares me allot, what if i did turn my wife around, only to let her down again in the future? She is scared of this issue as well!
When i think about it, this is my top reason in my mind against saving the marriage.
S
Sirk
Guest
That is rite, and it is a big problem for allot of people, and it scares me allot, what if i did turn my wife around, only to let her down again in the future? She is scared of this issue as well!
When i think about it, this is my top reason in my mind against saving the marriage.
My inititial reaction to this comment is that you are unwilling to dig in and do the hard work of getting yourself well. No offense but it sounds like a cop out.
M
mystikmind
Guest
Yes it is a cop out i suppose,
When i look back over my entire life, there is nothing there to suggest i would be capable of sticking to a path of real change.
Deep down i feel so, so tired of being my old self that i am, i feel that enough is enough, NOW is the time to begin a new life.... but can i believe it?
What is different now is that for the first time in my life i have undeniably felt the hand of God at work in my life, i will tell you the messages he sent me so far, (that i am aware of)
The first message came 1 day before my wife announced it was over.
I had to drive up to the shop and a song came on the radio, it was a love song, some guy singing a lamentation of all the things he should have done and now it is too late. Immediately in my mind the thought came, is that me? I wondered if i should go and buy her some flowers, but i was distracted, i couldn't think of anywhere nearby to buy flowers, so i didn't.
I told my wife about this and she cried, i asked her would it have made any difference and she said with tears in her eyes "possibly".
The next message came to me some days after she announced it was over. I was becoming obsessed with this idea that it is impossible to save the marriage. The message came to me "what do you know about what is impossible" I immediately understood, compared to God, what do i know about what is impossible!!
The next message came to me when i was obsessing over all the things my wife was doing, breaking up our family, taking away my home, destroying our marriage, and i am imagining all these motives and things she might be up to and secret men in her life etc etc. The message came to me "Love thy enemy" And God did not mean my wife is my enemy, he meant that if i am to love my enemy, then so much easier it should be to love someone who hurts me but is not my enemy! Suddenly all my silly imaginings seemed so unimportant, and i have held true to this feeling, no matter what she is doing to me, i can answer her with love.
Finally, last night i was despairing again after my wife told me she is not interested to read any information relating to how we could save the marriage. I was despairing that how can someone so broken as myself possibly save this marriage. I was also listing to my little music device in bed on random play, right at the height of my deepest despair, a song came on just by chance 'You raise me up'
I understood, no matter how inadequate i am, or how despairing i am, God will lift me up, i can save the marriage, i can change!
When i look back over my entire life, there is nothing there to suggest i would be capable of sticking to a path of real change.
Deep down i feel so, so tired of being my old self that i am, i feel that enough is enough, NOW is the time to begin a new life.... but can i believe it?
What is different now is that for the first time in my life i have undeniably felt the hand of God at work in my life, i will tell you the messages he sent me so far, (that i am aware of)
The first message came 1 day before my wife announced it was over.
I had to drive up to the shop and a song came on the radio, it was a love song, some guy singing a lamentation of all the things he should have done and now it is too late. Immediately in my mind the thought came, is that me? I wondered if i should go and buy her some flowers, but i was distracted, i couldn't think of anywhere nearby to buy flowers, so i didn't.
I told my wife about this and she cried, i asked her would it have made any difference and she said with tears in her eyes "possibly".
The next message came to me some days after she announced it was over. I was becoming obsessed with this idea that it is impossible to save the marriage. The message came to me "what do you know about what is impossible" I immediately understood, compared to God, what do i know about what is impossible!!
The next message came to me when i was obsessing over all the things my wife was doing, breaking up our family, taking away my home, destroying our marriage, and i am imagining all these motives and things she might be up to and secret men in her life etc etc. The message came to me "Love thy enemy" And God did not mean my wife is my enemy, he meant that if i am to love my enemy, then so much easier it should be to love someone who hurts me but is not my enemy! Suddenly all my silly imaginings seemed so unimportant, and i have held true to this feeling, no matter what she is doing to me, i can answer her with love.
Finally, last night i was despairing again after my wife told me she is not interested to read any information relating to how we could save the marriage. I was despairing that how can someone so broken as myself possibly save this marriage. I was also listing to my little music device in bed on random play, right at the height of my deepest despair, a song came on just by chance 'You raise me up'
I understood, no matter how inadequate i am, or how despairing i am, God will lift me up, i can save the marriage, i can change!
K
Karraster
Guest
Hearing God is far better than anything I could advise..so I just wanted you to know I read your story, I'm praying for you. I think many are praying,,, blessings~k
M
mystikmind
Guest
Hearing God is far better than anything I could advise..so I just wanted you to know I read your story, I'm praying for you. I think many are praying,,, blessings~k
Thank you Karraster
It may be easy to conclude from my last post that all is going well, but even though God has spoken to me and i have listened, does not mean i do not have an awful lot more to learn!
D
dalconn
Guest
Ive been where you are and its easy to give advice from this side of the fence but Id just show her unconditional love and respect with plenty of space. God sees the end from the beginning and regardless of what happens legally its never too late to start again. Take this time to seek Jesus about your own life and let Him work in hers.
Remember, we walk by faith, not by sight....praying 4 u
Remember, we walk by faith, not by sight....praying 4 u
M
mystikmind
Guest
I have another fear i am not sure how to deal with it?
How do you have faith that something will happen and you are ready to truly believe that it will happen, then if it doesn't happen your faith gets damaged?
I guess that is what makes faith such a special thing?
How do you have faith that something will happen and you are ready to truly believe that it will happen, then if it doesn't happen your faith gets damaged?
I guess that is what makes faith such a special thing?
M
mystikmind
Guest
Also, if my wife was to agree to pray with me, i would love to hear some prayer suggestions? Something not too confronting but also meaningful?
D
DyingToSelf
Guest
Firstly, remove all the "WHYs".
"Why did this rift appear? Why does she not want to resolve this? Why did this beautiful marriage suddenly take such a drastic downturn?" etc.
The whys will only cause you to spiral into despair, and that is the last place you should allow yourself to go right now. It's not our human nature to sit back and rest or trust in GOD, but basically its the only thing that is needful right now. There comes a time when you realise that nothing you say or do with your own human effort will make this situation any better.
Read the Word, and against all temptation, SHUT UP and SIT BACK. It's gonna be hard to do that, trust me. But pray for patience and rest in Him. Ask for the Joy of the LORD to pervade your body, speak against the pain and anxiety in your heart, and trust in GODS timing. The Holy Spirit will prompt you to say and do the things that are needful to solve this.
Ask GOD to change your heart and to change you into a better husband for your wife. GOD will give you opportunities to demonstrate your change, not by opportunities that you create yourself, but GOD will time it such that you will have those opportunities.
Let Go and Let GOD.
Faith is not hoping for better things, faith is KNOWING. Know that GOD has said in his Word that He will RESTORE the YEARS that the locusts have eaten ( Joel 2:25), that Jesus will RESTORE that which He did not take away (Psalms 69:4) If you believe that the Bible is GOD's Word, then claim those promises. They were given to You because of Jesus sacrifice on the cross, purchased by His blood.
Father,
I pray for this man. open his heart and let him see Your Word. Remind him that You are the Final Word in his situation and that you will restore to him more than what he has lost or was stolen from him. Remind him that he only has to abide in Your words and Your promises and all his needs will be given to him according Your riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
LORD, supply to him Your peace and Your rest, we claim upon Your promise that if we come to You, You will give us rest. Teach him to ask for change in his heart, first and foremost, that he will become a new creation, a better husband and father to his family.
Father, bless this sister, soften her heart toward her family in Your supernatural way, convict this family with their love for each other. Raise a hedge of protection for this family that no evil shall befall them. I stand in the gap and intercede for this family, LORD, that You will hear me and move to hold this situation in Your hands.
I pray all these in accordance to Your words and Your promises, in Jesus most precious name,
Amen
"Why did this rift appear? Why does she not want to resolve this? Why did this beautiful marriage suddenly take such a drastic downturn?" etc.
The whys will only cause you to spiral into despair, and that is the last place you should allow yourself to go right now. It's not our human nature to sit back and rest or trust in GOD, but basically its the only thing that is needful right now. There comes a time when you realise that nothing you say or do with your own human effort will make this situation any better.
Read the Word, and against all temptation, SHUT UP and SIT BACK. It's gonna be hard to do that, trust me. But pray for patience and rest in Him. Ask for the Joy of the LORD to pervade your body, speak against the pain and anxiety in your heart, and trust in GODS timing. The Holy Spirit will prompt you to say and do the things that are needful to solve this.
Ask GOD to change your heart and to change you into a better husband for your wife. GOD will give you opportunities to demonstrate your change, not by opportunities that you create yourself, but GOD will time it such that you will have those opportunities.
Let Go and Let GOD.
Faith is not hoping for better things, faith is KNOWING. Know that GOD has said in his Word that He will RESTORE the YEARS that the locusts have eaten ( Joel 2:25), that Jesus will RESTORE that which He did not take away (Psalms 69:4) If you believe that the Bible is GOD's Word, then claim those promises. They were given to You because of Jesus sacrifice on the cross, purchased by His blood.
Father,
I pray for this man. open his heart and let him see Your Word. Remind him that You are the Final Word in his situation and that you will restore to him more than what he has lost or was stolen from him. Remind him that he only has to abide in Your words and Your promises and all his needs will be given to him according Your riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
LORD, supply to him Your peace and Your rest, we claim upon Your promise that if we come to You, You will give us rest. Teach him to ask for change in his heart, first and foremost, that he will become a new creation, a better husband and father to his family.
Father, bless this sister, soften her heart toward her family in Your supernatural way, convict this family with their love for each other. Raise a hedge of protection for this family that no evil shall befall them. I stand in the gap and intercede for this family, LORD, that You will hear me and move to hold this situation in Your hands.
I pray all these in accordance to Your words and Your promises, in Jesus most precious name,
Amen
I figured it would be something that sounds like a bunch of emotional gobbledygook without a real concrete reason. from the male perspective.
She's having feelings. But none of those reasons are legitimate reasons to divorce. She needs to get her head on straight and start thinking right and get her attitude right. She needs a work of the Lord on her heart.
You can call a spade a spade and tell her problem is a lack of commitment and a lack of faithfulness. If she leaves you and adulterously marries some other man in a union forbidden by our Lord, then she'll carry this same character flaw into that relationship. Statistically, those who divorce once are more likely to get another divorce. She'll be taking her unfaithful, uncommitted heart that's unwilling to work on problems with her into other relationship in the future.
If there is something you are doing that you can improve, this is a time to focus on that. You can refuse to divorce her, but at the same time communicate that you are committed to her.
65 to 70% of no-fault divorces in the US are initiated by women. Eggerich's, who wrote the marriage book, Love and Respect, has spoke of the problem of 'the walk-away woman.'
It could be there is something you are doing or not doing that has caused her to respect you less. With that goes attraction. This runs contrary to what a lot of women think they believe, but even the feminists are attracted to strength, leadership, etc. in men. If she is unreasonable and he caves to her pouting or arguing, she can lose respect for him. She thinks she wants him to cave, but she's only emotionally satisfied and maintains respect (and therefore attraction) for him if he stands his ground. Letting her make the decisions is another way to lose respect and attraction. Then there may be times she wants him to step up and have a vision and a plan for the household, and he's like, 'whatever you want, dear' and she has to come up with all the ideas. Or she has to go get the life insurance paperwork or car insurance or some sort of 'protection' type think for her or the kids that she wishes he'd take care of. And she respects him less.
I think that's the problem with some couples, but not a cure-all. It's something to consider.
Another problem with discontentedness is the same problem Israel had in the desert. God miraculously gave them food, but they kept eating it and got sick of it. Then they became unthankful. The way they complained for meat angered God. Some women have decent, caring husbands but just think about them in such a negative way when it isn't justified. And this is an area where the devil can work on someone's mind.
If you think that's an area you need work on, if you could get her to agree to go out to dinner for you, you could show some leadership in a fun way, that would get her to rely on you. Tell her you have something planned and you want her to wear something nice. Don't tell her where you are going, but give her an idea of what kind of clothes to wear or suggest something. Then take her to a nice restaurant you need reservations for. After that, take her to something interesting. If she's into high class artsy stuff, it could be a symphony or opera or something like that. If she doesn't go for a 'date' idea, you could say she needs to go out after taking care of the babies so much... that she needs a break so you are taking her some place nice. You could also do this to celebrate some event. You don't have to do it for Valentine's day because if she's insisting on divorcing she may not go for that, but if she's okay with Valentine's day, you could do that.
The idea is you get to be the leader. You pick everything out. She gives up control to you, which might meet some deeply held need. I was listening to Focus on the Family and they had these women on who said that even Barbara Walters said that the 50 Shades of Grey thing was about submission. Women want to submit to men, and even though this book presents a twisted, masochistic version of it, women have some itch for submission that the book scratches for them. Maybe you could offer something that hits on a need of hers in this area if she has one.
One approach would be just to say the divorce is off, and it just isn't going to happen. But don't pursue her in a whiney way where you say, "Love me." or "Why don't you love me?" and mope around. You could kind of back off and give her space without acting like her disinterest bothers you too much. At least you don't display a bunch of emotion about it. Go be a good husband. Lift weights and get in shape if you need to be more attractive. At some point, she may realize other women are attracted to you and realize you are a catch.
And start leading in spiritual matters, prayer, Bible study, getting everyone to go to church, and things like that.
1) She said she does not like the person she is becoming staying with me
2) She said visiting the philipines and seeing her freinds and their relationships reminded her what she is missing out on
3) She said it has been over for a long time but she did not accept it until now
4) she said she does not want to try to work it out because she is scared that she might end up hating me
5) she said she does not believe i could change
6) She said she has never before cried so much than the last few years with me
7) She said felt alone in the relationship
8) She said she is ashamed to invite friends home or go places with me there
She probably said a few more things but that basically covers the heart of it
She's having feelings. But none of those reasons are legitimate reasons to divorce. She needs to get her head on straight and start thinking right and get her attitude right. She needs a work of the Lord on her heart.
You can call a spade a spade and tell her problem is a lack of commitment and a lack of faithfulness. If she leaves you and adulterously marries some other man in a union forbidden by our Lord, then she'll carry this same character flaw into that relationship. Statistically, those who divorce once are more likely to get another divorce. She'll be taking her unfaithful, uncommitted heart that's unwilling to work on problems with her into other relationship in the future.
If there is something you are doing that you can improve, this is a time to focus on that. You can refuse to divorce her, but at the same time communicate that you are committed to her.
65 to 70% of no-fault divorces in the US are initiated by women. Eggerich's, who wrote the marriage book, Love and Respect, has spoke of the problem of 'the walk-away woman.'
It could be there is something you are doing or not doing that has caused her to respect you less. With that goes attraction. This runs contrary to what a lot of women think they believe, but even the feminists are attracted to strength, leadership, etc. in men. If she is unreasonable and he caves to her pouting or arguing, she can lose respect for him. She thinks she wants him to cave, but she's only emotionally satisfied and maintains respect (and therefore attraction) for him if he stands his ground. Letting her make the decisions is another way to lose respect and attraction. Then there may be times she wants him to step up and have a vision and a plan for the household, and he's like, 'whatever you want, dear' and she has to come up with all the ideas. Or she has to go get the life insurance paperwork or car insurance or some sort of 'protection' type think for her or the kids that she wishes he'd take care of. And she respects him less.
I think that's the problem with some couples, but not a cure-all. It's something to consider.
Another problem with discontentedness is the same problem Israel had in the desert. God miraculously gave them food, but they kept eating it and got sick of it. Then they became unthankful. The way they complained for meat angered God. Some women have decent, caring husbands but just think about them in such a negative way when it isn't justified. And this is an area where the devil can work on someone's mind.
If you think that's an area you need work on, if you could get her to agree to go out to dinner for you, you could show some leadership in a fun way, that would get her to rely on you. Tell her you have something planned and you want her to wear something nice. Don't tell her where you are going, but give her an idea of what kind of clothes to wear or suggest something. Then take her to a nice restaurant you need reservations for. After that, take her to something interesting. If she's into high class artsy stuff, it could be a symphony or opera or something like that. If she doesn't go for a 'date' idea, you could say she needs to go out after taking care of the babies so much... that she needs a break so you are taking her some place nice. You could also do this to celebrate some event. You don't have to do it for Valentine's day because if she's insisting on divorcing she may not go for that, but if she's okay with Valentine's day, you could do that.
The idea is you get to be the leader. You pick everything out. She gives up control to you, which might meet some deeply held need. I was listening to Focus on the Family and they had these women on who said that even Barbara Walters said that the 50 Shades of Grey thing was about submission. Women want to submit to men, and even though this book presents a twisted, masochistic version of it, women have some itch for submission that the book scratches for them. Maybe you could offer something that hits on a need of hers in this area if she has one.
One approach would be just to say the divorce is off, and it just isn't going to happen. But don't pursue her in a whiney way where you say, "Love me." or "Why don't you love me?" and mope around. You could kind of back off and give her space without acting like her disinterest bothers you too much. At least you don't display a bunch of emotion about it. Go be a good husband. Lift weights and get in shape if you need to be more attractive. At some point, she may realize other women are attracted to you and realize you are a catch.
And start leading in spiritual matters, prayer, Bible study, getting everyone to go to church, and things like that.
Also, if my wife was to agree to pray with me, i would love to hear some prayer suggestions? Something not too confronting but also meaningful?
I would include praying for the marriage in the prayer, since it's something I want. But Ephesians 1 has some good things to pray over anyone.
Yes it is a cop out i suppose,
When i look back over my entire life, there is nothing there to suggest i would be capable of sticking to a path of real change.
Deep down i feel so, so tired of being my old self that i am, i feel that enough is enough, NOW is the time to begin a new life.... but can i believe it?
Just trust God. Do what you can do in faith and be concerned with living in a way that pleases God, by His grace. Trust I Christ for forgiveness of your past sins.
Read Romans 6. The believer who reckons himself to be dead to sin and alive to God can walk in newness of life.
As far as your marriage goes, you can only do what you can do. Be focused on pleasing and obeying God in relation to your marriage, and trust him to answer your prayers and work it out. You can't work it out on your own. You can do what is pleasing to God, but His grace, and let him work things out.
What is different now is that for the first time in my life i have undeniably felt the hand of God at work in my life, i will tell you the messages he sent me so far, (that i am aware of)
The first message came 1 day before my wife announced it was over.
I had to drive up to the shop and a song came on the radio, it was a love song, some guy singing a lamentation of all the things he should have done and now it is too late. Immediately in my mind the thought came, is that me? I wondered if i should go and buy her some flowers, but i was distracted, i couldn't think of anywhere nearby to buy flowers, so i didn't.
I told my wife about this and she cried, i asked her would it have made any difference and she said with tears in her eyes "possibly".
If she had tears in her eyes, she isn't cold and apathetic about you. That's a good sign. Some men think giving their wives flowers doesn't really go far to helping their marriage. But if it's something she really wants, then you could buy her some flowers now. If you don't want to come on too strong, you could say you remember she liked flowers instead of 'I love you so much. Stay with me forever."
I did something cheap once on Valentine's Day when I was really poor in grad school. I bought some decorative pink stationary and wrote little notes all over the house, expressing gratitude for my wife for the things I appreciated about her. I wrote the notes in the bedroom in her native language to keep the kids from reading them. She really appreciated it. I didn't know this, but a few years later, in a marriage Sunday school class, she said she saved those little notes. They meant something because I put a lot of thought into them. My wife was kind of crabby toward me during that stage in her life, with her going through some culture-shock and taking it out on me, maybe. But it meant something to her.
If some kind of romantic gesture is something that will get her out of her funk, you can experiment and see if it works.
Saving your marriage isn't just a matter of you changing. You need to change. Everyone needs to change. But she needs to change, too. She needs to learn to be committed and faithful so if she goes through some emotional issues, divorce isn't on the table for her.
The next message came to me some days after she announced it was over. I was becoming obsessed with this idea that it is impossible to save the marriage. The message came to me "what do you know about what is impossible" I immediately understood, compared to God, what do i know about what is impossible!!
I know it's easy for me to write this since it's not my marriage, but your marriage doesn't sound beyond saving. You need to trust God, and I think you can get a lot of mileage out of exercising some God-ordained headship by declaring the divorce canceled. You can also tell her if she doesn't have someone else lined up, then she shouldn't be in any hurry. If she wants to divorce, the courts will still be there if society doesn't totally break down or if Jesus doesn't come back. If Jesus comes back, she probably doesn't want to be going through a divorce when He returns either.
M
mystikmind
Guest
Amen!
Here is an update, tomorrow will be our third and last marriage counseling session. It is under Catholic care Australia, but also it is a program approved by the Government, so naturally they cannot bring up the topic of God (possibly if you bring it up, they can, i don't know?).
When i first asked her to go to counseling her response was "do you really want to drag me through that?" but she agreed grudgingly to go, and when the therapist asked her why she was there, she said "because my husband wanted me to come". And when the therapist asked her a number out of 100 how much she wants to work on the marriage she said "zero".
The therapist gave us homework to describe your ideal marriage partnership, and also to describe your ideal parental partnership.
My wife said to me, lets not bother doing the marriage one, only the parenting one.
Anyway, the first session we had together, the second session was just the therapist and my wife. After the second session, my wife said quite openly we are both to blame, but knowing that did nothing to help her find hope.
So there will be the counseling session tomorrow and there was a little fortunate thing that occurred. I am planing to drive 2 hours up the coast to stay at my parents place over the weekend just to retreat and reflect and regroup. My wife asked when i will go, Friday (tomorrow) or Saturday. I said at first Friday, then we both remembered the counseling will be on that afternoon. Then she asked me will i go after the counseling, and i said, hmm well we will probably want to talk after the counseling and she agreed! So i have a date for discussion tomorrow night!
Here is an update, tomorrow will be our third and last marriage counseling session. It is under Catholic care Australia, but also it is a program approved by the Government, so naturally they cannot bring up the topic of God (possibly if you bring it up, they can, i don't know?).
When i first asked her to go to counseling her response was "do you really want to drag me through that?" but she agreed grudgingly to go, and when the therapist asked her why she was there, she said "because my husband wanted me to come". And when the therapist asked her a number out of 100 how much she wants to work on the marriage she said "zero".
The therapist gave us homework to describe your ideal marriage partnership, and also to describe your ideal parental partnership.
My wife said to me, lets not bother doing the marriage one, only the parenting one.
Anyway, the first session we had together, the second session was just the therapist and my wife. After the second session, my wife said quite openly we are both to blame, but knowing that did nothing to help her find hope.
So there will be the counseling session tomorrow and there was a little fortunate thing that occurred. I am planing to drive 2 hours up the coast to stay at my parents place over the weekend just to retreat and reflect and regroup. My wife asked when i will go, Friday (tomorrow) or Saturday. I said at first Friday, then we both remembered the counseling will be on that afternoon. Then she asked me will i go after the counseling, and i said, hmm well we will probably want to talk after the counseling and she agreed! So i have a date for discussion tomorrow night!
D
DyingToSelf
Guest
Thank You, Father, for opening a door of opportunity for mystikmind and his wife. Guard his tongue, O GOD, let not his fleshly desires take over his thoughts and actions. Holy Spirit, convict him in Your power, put the words that you deem fit in his mind, remind him to pray and think before he makes any moves.
LORD, continue to watch over this family and give them the patience to wait on You and not jump into what their flesh leads them to do.
In Jesus name,
Amen
LORD, continue to watch over this family and give them the patience to wait on You and not jump into what their flesh leads them to do.
In Jesus name,
Amen
L
LambieBear
Guest
I don't know what your situation is, or what issues you and your wife are dealing with, but because a child is involved, it seems that your wife is being unreasonable. I'm very sorry for what your family is having to go through right now. You have a good attitude about this, and it sounds like you really love your wife. You are right, sometimes the best thing to do for someone you love is to let them go. Remember that God is always there, and He will help you through this difficult time. God Bless.
M
mystikmind
Guest
Thank you dyingtoself, i always cry tears of joy when i read your prayers for us!
Lamibear, thank you, i will refer you to post 58 on page 3 where i describe in detail what happened between us.
I would appreciate a woman's perspective on those things?
Lamibear, thank you, i will refer you to post 58 on page 3 where i describe in detail what happened between us.
I would appreciate a woman's perspective on those things?