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psalm6819
Guest
A recent study revealed that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
example "Honey, I lost a couple pounds..looks like you found them."
example "Honey, I lost a couple pounds..looks like you found them."
A young monk arrives at the monastery.
He is assigned to helping the other monks copy the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the head Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The Abbot, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
The Abbot goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original Manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old Abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the 'R'! We missed the 'R'! We missed the 'R'!"
His forehead is bruised and bleeding and he's crying uncontrollably.
The young monk hurries over and asks, "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies, "The word was...CELEB-R-ATE."
He is assigned to helping the other monks copy the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the head Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The Abbot, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
The Abbot goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original Manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old Abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the 'R'! We missed the 'R'! We missed the 'R'!"
His forehead is bruised and bleeding and he's crying uncontrollably.
The young monk hurries over and asks, "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies, "The word was...CELEB-R-ATE."
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Sirk
Guest
K...this is a true story and I actually submitted it to readers digest. Unfortunately they didn't publish it but here goes.....
Several years ago I wired a new house for some people that had a mother in law apt attached to it. In case you don't know, all new residences have to have a smoke detector on each floor and inside each bedroom that are interconnected so that if one goes off they all go off. I should add that the house is 60 miles from town.
I received a call from the owner stating that the smoke detectors were going off every night at 6pm and that they even changed with the time change. I stated to them that this was highly unusual and asked if there was cooking going on at that time or anything. They indicated to me that no unusual activity was going on and that the smoke detectors were simply going off.
I told them to give it a week and call me if it still was happening.
After about three days had gone by the owner called and was absolutely livid and informed me that they were afraid that their house was burning down and that they were going to move into a hotel until I figured out the problem. He basically called me an imbecile. I told them I would be there by six
I arrived about 10 to six and we all stood around the mother in laws bed and waited till six... as it was in her bedroom where it was "going off." We waited and as 6 rolled around suddenly there was this......beep beep beep beep....followed by.....SEE SEE... I TOLD YOU!.............To which I replied....that is your alarm clock and I walked around the bed and hit the snooze button. Their reply was....would you like a cinnamon roll? I said "sure" and I have not heard from them since.
Several years ago I wired a new house for some people that had a mother in law apt attached to it. In case you don't know, all new residences have to have a smoke detector on each floor and inside each bedroom that are interconnected so that if one goes off they all go off. I should add that the house is 60 miles from town.
I received a call from the owner stating that the smoke detectors were going off every night at 6pm and that they even changed with the time change. I stated to them that this was highly unusual and asked if there was cooking going on at that time or anything. They indicated to me that no unusual activity was going on and that the smoke detectors were simply going off.
I told them to give it a week and call me if it still was happening.
After about three days had gone by the owner called and was absolutely livid and informed me that they were afraid that their house was burning down and that they were going to move into a hotel until I figured out the problem. He basically called me an imbecile. I told them I would be there by six
I arrived about 10 to six and we all stood around the mother in laws bed and waited till six... as it was in her bedroom where it was "going off." We waited and as 6 rolled around suddenly there was this......beep beep beep beep....followed by.....SEE SEE... I TOLD YOU!.............To which I replied....that is your alarm clock and I walked around the bed and hit the snooze button. Their reply was....would you like a cinnamon roll? I said "sure" and I have not heard from them since.
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gymnerd
Guest
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that naturalism and evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind.
As he turned to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He tried to run even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically as he tried to run even faster, but he tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up and saw the bear right on top of him raising his paw to kill him. At that instant he cried out "Oh my God!" Just then, time stopped. The bear froze, the forest was silent, the river even stopped moving. A bright light shone upon the man, and a voice came out of the sky saying, "You deny my existence all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit my creation to a cosmic accident and now do you except me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist, ever so proud, looked into the light and said "it would be rather hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out, the river ran, the sounds of the forest continued and the bear put his paw down. The bear then brought both paws together, bowed his head and said, "Lord I thank you for this food that I am about to receive."
As he turned to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He tried to run even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically as he tried to run even faster, but he tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up and saw the bear right on top of him raising his paw to kill him. At that instant he cried out "Oh my God!" Just then, time stopped. The bear froze, the forest was silent, the river even stopped moving. A bright light shone upon the man, and a voice came out of the sky saying, "You deny my existence all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit my creation to a cosmic accident and now do you except me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist, ever so proud, looked into the light and said "it would be rather hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out, the river ran, the sounds of the forest continued and the bear put his paw down. The bear then brought both paws together, bowed his head and said, "Lord I thank you for this food that I am about to receive."
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missy2014
Guest
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Sirk
Guest
Question: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Answer: Samson. He brought the house down.
Answer: Samson. He brought the house down.
Question: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Answer: Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Answer: Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.