LADY BLUE'S TESTIMONY- THROUGH MY PAIN

[blue_ladybug]

Hey everyone!! Here is the testimony I promised y'all.. This isn't a testimony of how I met Jesus but it's my story of what I have learned about myself and my faith in God during these last few weeks of being almost completely bed-bound. First, I want to thank everyone who has prayed for me and sent me well-wishes. A big thank you to BurdenBarer4U, who's posted prayers and pics for me have given me great encouragement to get well.

Having to lay in bed for 11 days was no fun. I was literally stuck in one position the entire time: laying on my right side, with nothing to do but watch and rewatch dvd movies a hundred times over. BORING!! I was strong enough over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to get up and move around at last. Thank you Lord. However, I overdid it a bit and landed back in bed for 3 days. I was in bed over New Year' Eve and New Year's Day, which pretty much bummed me out. But I digress. Let me move on to what I have learned in the last few weeks.

I have learned that God is the closest to me when I'm ill or sick. Many times during the last few weeks, I have bawled out loud and begged him to heal me. I guess I expected instantaneous healing, which of course he doesn't always do. I got kind of arrogant with God, saying he could heal me if he wanted to but since he hadnt, he must not want to. I've learned I cant give God an ultimatum or a timeline. He will heal me in HIS own time, not in MINE. I have learned that my suffering is miniscule compared to the suffering that Jesus went through on the cross. In fact, my pain doesn't compare to the physical pain of some others here, such as Angela or Blain..

As great as my pain is, there's someone else out there whose pain is worse than mine. I have learned to give thanks to God for my pain, because it reminds me that one day soon I'll be doing handstands and cartwheels in heaven, without having any pain!! I have learned I'm only sick as long as I allow myself to be sick. I've had a rather lousy attitude towards being sick lately, but once I decided to "arise and walk", that I felt better mentally and physically and my appetite returned. I discovered that as long as I had the woe is me mentality, the more I suffered with pain, but once I decided to get up and move around, I felt better. A positive attitude during illness works wonders, it truly does. I forgot that for awhile. I have learned that "this too shall pass." There is a season for everything.

I have learned that you cant give up when hard times come along. You can only persevere through it until you see the light shining through at the other end. The other day I was in such pain I looked at my bottle of pain meds and contemplated how very easy it would be to take them all and be done with it. I know suicide isnt the answer, so please dont give me any lectures on it. You just have to muddle through the hard times and trust that everything will work out alright in the end. Jesus didn't say life would be easy, but that it would be worth all the hard, painful stuff we have to go through. I never imagined that at age 44, I would be so lame, decrepit and in so much pain.. I have learned that pain knows no age limits. I have become stronger throughout this ordeal, not just physically and mentally, but spiritually as well. My faith is stronger because of my pain. A prayer that BurdenBarer4U posted has stuck with me. It says that when you are ill, imagine yourself walking into a clean whole painfree body and it shall be done. Therefore, I keep picturing myself doing handstands and cartwheels and backflips in heaven's green fields.

I would like to thank everyone who reads this, and I hope it will bless and inspire you. I'd also like to thank several people who prayed for me and sent me get-well pms.. Thank you to SoulWeaver, butterfly712, tourist, JesusLives, psychomom, Blain, Baddog, elf3, dcontroversal, NewEagle, MadParrotWoman and Joidevivre, as well as any others I may have forgotten to mention. Your prayers have all helped me immensely. Thank you, I love you all and God bless each one of you. I am a ninja, I will survive!!

 

[MadParrotWoman]

God bless you blue_ladybug. God is with you throughout your ordeal and these trials only serve to draw us closer to Him. God understands your pain, he uses it in a positive way - even though you might not see it yet. You are right, no matter how awful we feel, there is always someone a whole lot worse off.

I prayed for you last night, I will pray again. Sometimes it takes many prayers from many people to move mountains but be assured God is in control.

 

[blue_ladybug]

God bless you blue_ladybug. God is with you throughout your ordeal and these trials only serve to draw us closer to Him. God understands your pain, he uses it in a positive way - even though you might not see it yet. You are right, no matter how awful we feel, there is always someone a whole lot worse off.

I prayed for you last night, I will pray again. Sometimes it takes many prayers from many people to move mountains but be assured God is in control.

​thank you, MPW.. I appreciate everyone's prayers more than you know.. I've learned several hard lessons these last few weeks.. and ty 4 the rep comment.

 

[Blain]

Blue You are not alone pian wise. For the past three weeks I have been in severe pain idk what causes it but a lot of time it affects my mobility. on new years it hurt so bad I had to limp and ppl thought something was wrong with me. this pain shows in different areas every day right now its in my hip. But my pain is nothing compared to yours however I know the best cure for pain- a happy attitude and laughter. Its hard to have those when u are in severe pain but when you draw close to God he provides that happy attitude. I have been thinking of how grateful I am for what God has provided me- a gratitude attitude and I find i have much more to be grateful for than I dont have to be grateful for.

I have been in a situation many tie when i was either overcome with grief or pain that death seem good. I would be free from all this pain all this sadness and unfair life but some thing told me that God needed me to be strong and keep moving forward. That is my motto to keep moving forward. no matter how many time I fall no matter how i am knocked down by the enemy or how many times I screw up I say to myself keep moving forward i dont look back I only look to God and keep going.


we all have times when we are weak and question God and even get upset with him but no matter what we must keep moving forward:]

 

[blue_ladybug]

Blue You are not alone pian wise. For the past three weeks I have been in severe pain idk what causes it but a lot of time it affects my mobility. on new years it hurt so bad I had to limp and ppl thought something was wrong with me. this pain shows in different areas every day right now its in my hip. But my pain is nothing compared to yours however I know the best cure for pain- a happy attitude and laughter. Its hard to have those when u are in severe pain but when you draw close to God he provides that happy attitude. I have been thinking of how grateful I am for what God has provided me- a gratitude attitude and I find i have much more to be grateful for than I dont have to be grateful for.

I have been in a situation many tie when i was either overcome with grief or pain that death seem good. I would be free from all this pain all this sadness and unfair life but some thing told me that God needed me to be strong and keep moving forward. That is my motto to keep moving forward. no matter how many time I fall no matter how i am knocked down by the enemy or how many times I screw up I say to myself keep moving forward i dont look back I only look to God and keep going.


we all have times when we are weak and question God and even get upset with him but no matter what we must keep moving forward:]

​amen and amen!! That's all we can do, move forward and persevere..

 

[mar09]

I just read from somewhere else:
God's Hidden Ones

by C.H. Spurgeon--
“Your hidden ones.”


Psalm 83:3.


"Some of God’s hidden ones are not known because they are ill. It is now several months that poor Mary has been lying
on a bed. It is years since William has gone out of the house, at all, and very few ever come to see these hidden ones.
But I bear my witness that some of the best things I have ever learned from mortal lips, I have learned from bedridden
saints! There are some who wickedly teach that bodily afflictions are caused by sin. It is a cruel—I was going to say, an
infernal supposition—for some of the holiest people I have known have been bedridden for ten, twelve, or 15 years, and
if I were to say that I thought they were sinners above others, I should belie my convictions, for in sitting down to talk
with some of them I have found them to be saints above others!
I shall never forget going some miles, years ago, to see a woman who had been bedridden for, I think, 20 or 25 years.
I went up a ladder to the room where she was. She was rendered comfortable by the kindness of those who came to see
her. She sat up in bed as best she could and, oh, I wish that I could preach such sermons as she preached to me when she spoke about the goodness of the Lord to her, and told me how that poor chamber was made to glow in the middle of the night with the delightful Presence of her Lord! She was one of God’s hidden ones—and He has many such! Now, just
think of that a minute, and pray God to bless His dear hidden sick ones at this moment, and ask Him to cheer and comfort their hearts".

 

[Joidevivre]

Time for a little chuckle....

I have discovered how to be happy.
It is simply to change the position of your lips. *




* requires little exertion.
can be done anywhere.
instant joy

 

[blue_ladybug]

Time for a little chuckle....

I have discovered how to be happy.
It is simply to change the position of your lips. *




* requires little exertion.
can be done anywhere.
instant joy

true..very true..

 

[ChristIsGod]

I just read from somewhere else:
God's Hidden Ones

by C.H. Spurgeon--
“Your hidden ones.”


Psalm 83:3.


"Some of God’s hidden ones are not known because they are ill. It is now several months that poor Mary has been lying
on a bed. It is years since William has gone out of the house, at all, and very few ever come to see these hidden ones.
But I bear my witness that some of the best things I have ever learned from mortal lips, I have learned from bedridden
saints! There are some who wickedly teach that bodily afflictions are caused by sin. It is a cruel—I was going to say, an
infernal supposition—for some of the holiest people I have known have been bedridden for ten, twelve, or 15 years, and
if I were to say that I thought they were sinners above others, I should belie my convictions, for in sitting down to talk
with some of them I have found them to be saints above others!
I shall never forget going some miles, years ago, to see a woman who had been bedridden for, I think, 20 or 25 years.
I went up a ladder to the room where she was. She was rendered comfortable by the kindness of those who came to see
her. She sat up in bed as best she could and, oh, I wish that I could preach such sermons as she preached to me when she spoke about the goodness of the Lord to her, and told me how that poor chamber was made to glow in the middle of the night with the delightful Presence of her Lord! She was one of God’s hidden ones—and He has many such! Now, just
think of that a minute, and pray God to bless His dear hidden sick ones at this moment, and ask Him to cheer and comfort their hearts".

Perfect timing, Sister! Perfect words.

I can relate. Just when I thought that I was my strongest - lifting people who were up to 60 lbs heavier than me and they dead weight, I too became bed-bound at 49 and had to quit the work that I loved so much, working at the Christian Nursing Home. I used to go in on my day off to make sure my patients were fed, and put to bed 'comfortably' - and when I had to retire due to repeated Lyme infections that weren't diagnosed because I didn't get the bulls-eye rash and no one thought to take the test for 6 yrs and then only gave me a 30 day Rx for ABX and getting reinfected over and over with little or no treatment - it all hit like a nuke in '02.

Lady_Blue, I do relate so much with what you've said here. I suppose that's why Rom 8:28 being for vs 29 means so much to me. For the first year and a half I kept crying and saying "I'm useless now" because I felt called to be that a medical missionary but He sent me to that particular Nursing Home instead. It was the sweetest experience I've ever had and I learned so much about Christians with Alzheimer's or dementia that really made it so obvious that God doesn't need our brains - because these people would still be used by His Spirit to help others, though they were no longer deemed worthy to listen to. Amazing things that I saw coming from these dear Saints.

I'm glad you wrote this out. One of my dearest friends that was my MOH was crippled with rhuematoid arthritis in her 30's and had to use a walker and I was so shocked when that happened to her. We don't know all of the whys - but we do know Romans 8:28,29 and anything that will conform us to His Image is a God send. We do [or can if we look at Him] go to a higher level of faith and realize that it's not how we 'feel' that matters at all in this world but what we know by faith and His Word.

I can look back over these last 12+ yrs and know now that there's no way that I would have learned the lessons I've learned any other way then the path that He allowed in my life. He has to pin us down sometimes to take us higher and that's the best lesson in the world to me now. Better than moving around doing what we think we should be doing when He wants to take us into a deeper walk with or a different ministry for Him and one that's not based upon feelings or eyes on self or what we ourselves are going though -- as you wrote -- thinking of those that have it a thousand times worse is what got me through as well.
Amy Carmichael comes to mind right now with what you wrote.

Bless you and those that have hung in there through the worst of times. You all are a testimony to others, that they may need in the future when life isn't that 'fun' for them as well - it is a time to look up to Him and see Him clearer, closer and more beautiful than ever.

God continue to conform us into His Image, cuz that's the Only thing that matters in this life that has Eternal benefits.
Praising God with you and those that rejoice with us all in Who is Faithful unto the end ~ Amen, He is!

 

[blue_ladybug]

ChistIsGod, it wasnt until I entered my 30's that I started having pain in my body. Usually it was always just my back giving out on me, causing me to fall to the floor in agony. The day I turned 40, I FELT 40 because I had hurt my arm somehow and for a week or so it would just ache incessantly without any relief. For me, any type of ache like that is worse than physical pain, and it incapacitated me quite alot because I lost the function of that arm/hand for a week. Never once when I was younger, did I ever think I'd have so much pain at just age 44 but like I said in my testimony, pain knows no age limits. It has really frustrated me these last few weeks, being unable to get on here and do the work that God has given me to do for him here on CC. I kind of feel like I've let him down.

But I suppose if I can even log on here for just a few minutes a day and post prayer requests and answer requests, or do a testimony, then it's worth it because that is doing the lords work.. I honestly wish I could do more for God, but I am limited right now. However I will keep fighting and never give up!!

 

[tourist]

ChistIsGod, it wasnt until I entered my 30's that I started having pain in my body. Usually it was always just my back giving out on me, causing me to fall to the floor in agony. The day I turned 40, I FELT 40 because I had hurt my arm somehow and for a week or so it would just ache incessantly without any relief. For me, any type of ache like that is worse than physical pain, and it incapacitated me quite alot because I lost the function of that arm/hand for a week. Never once when I was younger, did I ever think I'd have so much pain at just age 44 but like I said in my testimony, pain knows no age limits. It has really frustrated me these last few weeks, being unable to get on here and do the work that God has given me to do for him here on CC. I kind of feel like I've let him down.

But I suppose if I can even log on here for just a few minutes a day and post prayer requests and answer requests, or do a testimony, then it's worth it because that is doing the lords work.. I honestly wish I could do more for God, but I am limited right now. However I will keep fighting and never give up!!

You can only perform the work that the heavenly Father has prepared for you to do. If you do this work faithfully, which you do, you must be considered a faithful servant. It takes a lot of courage to play in pain and you exhibit this each day. You are an inspiration to those that God has sent your way.

 

[JesusLives]

Lady Blue just got to say that I love that cat avatar.... He looks like he is boxing and is asking - You want a piece of me? Come on lets duke it out and see who wins.....He is so very cute.

On a different note. I am so sorry that you being youngish early 40's have had to deal with so much pain and it almost makes me feel guilty being 60 and relatively free from pain at least the physical kind. I am tremendously thankful for my life and body that seem to cooperate with me better than a lot of my friends bodies.

We all have some kind of pain we deal with mine was more emotional and anxiety type from finding my mom dead at age 8 and then not having the pysch help I probably needed and didn't get later in life leading to anxiety attacks.

I know you said you don't feel like you are doing the work God wants you to do on CC being down and out with pain at times, but sometimes God wants us to slow down and spend quality time with Him and maybe this is just one of His Time Outs that He wants to spend with you to recharge your batteries with Him alone....Just a thought.... Continue to rest in Him as I know you do. I have missed you a lot when you were page/typing silent, but I understand having to take that time away. Praying for you to be able to continue with your CC chats and that pain will be put under control and your faith and trust in God strengthened to the fullest. Love, Healing and best wishes go out to you in this New Year.

 

[blue_ladybug]

You can only perform the work that the heavenly Father has prepared for you to do. If you do this work faithfully, which you do, you must be considered a faithful servant. It takes a lot of courage to play in pain and you exhibit this each day. You are an inspiration to those that God has sent your way.

ty tourist..you're right..I can only do what He allows me to do for now..I just feel like I could do so much more on here if I wasn't stuck in bed so often. It's very awkward and uncomfortable trying to type while in bed.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Lady Blue just got to say that I love that cat avatar.... He looks like he is boxing and is asking - You want a piece of me? Come on lets duke it out and see who wins.....He is so very cute.

On a different note. I am so sorry that you being youngish early 40's have had to deal with so much pain and it almost makes me feel guilty being 60 and relatively free from pain at least the physical kind. I am tremendously thankful for my life and body that seem to cooperate with me better than a lot of my friends bodies.

We all have some kind of pain we deal with mine was more emotional and anxiety type from finding my mom dead at age 8 and then not having the pysch help I probably needed and didn't get later in life leading to anxiety attacks.

I know you said you don't feel like you are doing the work God wants you to do on CC being down and out with pain at times, but sometimes God wants us to slow down and spend quality time with Him and maybe this is just one of His Time Outs that He wants to spend with you to recharge your batteries with Him alone....Just a thought.... Continue to rest in Him as I know you do. I have missed you a lot when you were page/typing silent, but I understand having to take that time away. Praying for you to be able to continue with your CC chats and that pain will be put under control and your faith and trust in God strengthened to the fullest. Love, Healing and best wishes go out to you in this New Year.

thanks Darlene..I feel like I've been on a time out forever!! At least I'm able to get on here so I guess I shouldn't complain..lol..it just feels like I'm not doing all I could be for Him. I'm sure with time, that will change though. Actually this avatar is a moving gif. I had hoped it would post as one, but it didn't. I dont know how to get gifs to move on here.

 

[blue_ladybug]

thank you lord...

 

[JesusLives]

thanks Darlene..I feel like I've been on a time out forever!! At least I'm able to get on here so I guess I shouldn't complain..lol..it just feels like I'm not doing all I could be for Him. I'm sure with time, that will change though. Actually this avatar is a moving gif. I had hoped it would post as one, but it didn't. I dont know how to get gifs to move on here.

We just talked about this in church yesterday about how most all of us feel like we are not doing enough for Him, but I said to the group that God placed each one of us where He wants us and we know people that the other does now know and we just need to brighten the corner where we are since God placed us there and you do brighten your corner on here CC and I see the glow from your posts. Thanks to God for the glow of your posts.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Okay, so here comes another chapter on what I have learned through my pain recently. I have learned that I do NOT know better than the doctors, or God, what is right for me to do right now. I try so hard to be independent on myself and MY will to heal myself, and it's done nothing but make me relapse. I was in the ER for the 3rd time week before last, and spent 3 days in the hospital. I am learning that to fully heal myself, I need to slow down, albeit unwillingly, and take baby steps right now toward regaining my full health back once again. I end my oral steroids today, and have an interim of the next two weeks until February 23rd, when I receive my 2nd back injection. If it doesn't work, my next and only option is surgery. I am currently on self-imposed bed rest, because I am determined not to jeopardize my health any further!! I sometimes joke about not wanting to live to see my next birthday of age 45, but in all seriousness, if I dont start making ALOT of changes right now, I won't be around for my birthday in October.

Anyone with chronic pain knows the torment of pinched back nerves, sciatica, and a herniated disk, which is all what's wrong with me right now. I am learning that I have to do this GOD'S way, not MY way. I am learning humility, and patience, and tolerance for others who are also in pain much worse than my own. I am learning to slow down and appreciate other people and what they are doing for me.. from my family who helps me out with groceries, to my neighbors, who graciously offered to take out my trash every day, and my Home Health nurses who visit every week and do exercises with me and try to make my life easier while I'm incapacitated.

I am learning of the infinite love Jesus has for me, and that he is always with me, even when I feel he doesn't hear my pleas for healing. I am indebted to all here on CC who have pmed me, prayed for me and wished me well. Your support means more to me and my recovery than you will ever realize, and I love and cherish you all. CC is my lifeline right now, in terms of being able to connect with everyone and receive, and also give support. I am even learning of the full, true, unconditional love of my cat, who has not let me out of her sight since I came home from the hospital. She watches me like a hawk, rides on my walker seat with me when I use it, and is a wonderful comfort to me when I am feeling sorry for myself. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. It's been 3 months of hellish pain and suffering for me, and I often wonder how much longer I need to endure this, or even if I CAN endure this any longer.

My only answer to that is, the only thing I CAN do is endure through, because this too shall pass, and I will be healthy and whole once again real soon, with God's help. I may be down, but I'm not out!! Not by a long shot.. I have my friends here at CC, my faith in God, my humor and never-give-up will to pull me through whatever lays ahead. I am strong and I will survive..Please keep me in your prayers, thanks and God bless you all..

 

[oldthennew]

I hear you BLB,

so many of us are living in pain of some sort on a daily basis,
the degrees on the 'pain-scale' can be so erratic from moment-to-moment,
so often I am amazed at the amount the human body can withstand -
and have come to realize that without Holy intervention that many times
it truly would be impossible to take another breath.

the human spirit in unison with the Holy Spirit is a true force to be
reckoned with - nothing can stand against it and win !

what my body is forced to endure, my Spirit laughs at -
this wasn't always so, but I am a good learner and listener -
even over the roar and burn.

may our Father bless and keep you in His precious arms -
while prayers go up with hope.

 

[tourist]

You are a very brave woman and through the trials and tribulation of pain have become quite wise. Special prayers for you today.

 

[blue_ladybug]

I hear you BLB,

so many of us are living in pain of some sort on a daily basis,
the degrees on the 'pain-scale' can be so erratic from moment-to-moment,
so often I am amazed at the amount the human body can withstand -
and have come to realize that without Holy intervention that many times
it truly would be impossible to take another breath.

the human spirit in unison with the Holy Spirit is a true force to be
reckoned with - nothing can stand against it and win !

what my body is forced to endure, my Spirit laughs at -
this wasn't always so, but I am a good learner and listener -
even over the roar and burn.

may our Father bless and keep you in His precious arms -
while prayers go up with hope.

oldthennew, thank you so much for your words of encouragement and especially your prayers offered up for me. I certainly appreciate them. I am very fortunate and blessed to have found CC, and have many wonderful friends here, including you. Everyone's well-wishes and support have been vital to me, in keeping a positive outlook on my current situation right now. I've been afflicted with a herniated disc since December, and when my pain was at it's worst, there were many times I would look at my pain pill bottles and contemplate how easy it would be to just end the pain myself. However, I'm stronger than that, and I have the love of Jesus to guide me through this dark time. It's hard, but I will endure through this because it's all I can do. And I will emerge even more physically, mentally and spiritually stronger for all my current suffering. God bless you.