I feel like I have moved past the anger and hurt stage, now I am left with these old dried up emotions and fresh memories that I don't know what to do with.
For my health class we had to do three acts of kindness. For one of mine I wrote my teacher a letter. Here is what it said,
Dear Mr.L,
For a long time I was angry, no, LIVID with you. I was angry that you covered up the incident with Ross, I was angry about all the times you yelled at me about my grades even though I had learning disabilities, I was angry that you tried to get me to follow all five major religions of the world. I was angry about you yelling at my friends and making them cry. Most of all I was angry that your school gave me PTSD. I was very hurt by you.
I am not writing to blame you though. I am writing to forgive you. I want to forgive you for everything you put me through, the Ross thing, the yelling, the PTSD, all of it. I sincerely hope you accept my forgiveness. I really really do.
More than my forgiveness I hope that you accept God's forgiveness. I pray that your heart be changed. I pray that you come to know God.
While we are on the topic of God, I feel that I need to tell you the complete truth about God. The truth is that He LOVES YOU! That is the plain and simple truth.
I have come a long way from CMA. Thank you for the learning experiences. I'm not sure your true motives for doing what you did but thank you for caring enough to try to help.
I truly wish the best for you and your wonderful family.
-JFSurvivor
So there it is.
I have all these stories and thoughts about CMA that are still circling in my head and I want to talk about them, just so that people
know. I don't want this to happen to anyone else EVER so I feel like my story is one of caution.
Also I am very socially awkward so sometimes I use my experience and only tell the funny parts of it as a conversation starter. For example there was this one time we were in Washington DC in the Library of Congress and one of my classmates screams (jokingly) "IT'S A BOMB!" We all froze as a security guard looks at my classmate then looks away. Or the fact that my prom would have been German polka dancing with middle schoolers. Thank God that got cancelled.
So here are some questions:
1) what do you think of the letter?
2) even if I let go and forgive, can I still talk about my experiences?
3) what does moving on look like for YOU?
Thanks!