I can personally relate to your addiction. I, too, have always been a CHRISTIAN, my dad is a pastor and I am a licensed minister..but I find, on occasions, that porno has always tried to bite me in the tushy! It is so strange..for I have never ever been drunk nor even buzzed, I have never taken drugs, I have never smoked nor even cursed or said a 'bad word'. My life has been filled with exciting CHRISTIAN events, witnessing, choirs, gospel groups, Holy SPIRIT filled services, etc. and here I am struggling with this seemingly 'little' thing that keeps me on edge. I avoid it as much and as long as I can, but have yielded to some of the free videos found online. I do not purchase porno, do not own any, but because of my own struggles, I can now easily discern others in my social circles that are experiencing the same thing. They do not have to tell me, I instantly know once I am around them.
I am not judging them, but I have on occasion met with one who was a leader in my church..a choir director and Sunday school teacher. I first called my pastor and he then contacted this person and we agreed to meet privately in his office to pray and follow new testament procedure when we find 'fault' with our brethren. This man was a leader, and was getting ready to be asked to become a deacon. We were the same age.
What happened next was the stuff that is written for a movie script. This little man, addicted to porno and trying to live a double life, suddenly rolled his eyes back into his head, his voice changed, he stood up, grew in size and became something else, other than what he was. My pastor and I tried to escape out of the room..he grabbed us and threw us around like dish rags, snarling and making noises. As quickly as he changed, he returned back to his own self, drenched in sweat. His body was completely soaked and he started crying and sobbing. The demon within had revealed himself. We prayed and the next Sunday, he resigned, telling our congregation that GOD has moved him onward to another location. Within two months later, we got word that this man had died of AIDS. He had contracted it because of all the extra sexual contacts made, due to his addiction. This is just what old satan does.
You and I have just hit the tip of the iceburg on this..and it can only lead to deeper dispair..I praise GOD that we are owning this addiction...facing it...admitting our weakness and facing it daily..with GOD's help. I have never mentioned this to anyone..my family, friends, etc..because of the shame and guilt I feel. There is HOPE..there is deliverance and there is a light at the end of the tunnel...and I am almost there..although I realize that satan will keep throwing darts at me..trying to lure me....but I am actually getting stronger..I feel it..I sense it..and my prayers are not going unheard...GOD is wrapping both of us in HIS arms and comforting us now...My brother, I love your spirit, I love your total honestly and I will promise that I will pray for you...not as a last resort, but as a double connection to the most powerful weapon we both have access to.....JESUS CHRIST Himself who understands!