hello I have a 12 year old daughter who has changed drastically. being disrespectful, unappreciative, does not want to go to school or church. and never wants to accept when she is wrong. I know in the word it says honor thy father and thy mother. and it also says parents do not taunt your children. my wife and I continually pray for her. i'm at a loss as far as making her behave. my wife stresses enough already. so if there is any positive feedback I would be much obliged. thank you and be blessed.
12 year olds are genetically predisposed to behave like this. It's normal, and there is an absolute wealth of information from professionals on the internet regarding dealing with teenagers.
The first thing I'd say is, she's now growing into an adult, and although it'll be siex or eight or ten years before she feels like one, now's the time to allow her to start making her own decisions about her own life. For instance, if she isn't wanting to go to church, simply ask her why. If it isn't her will to go, you shouldn't force her to go -- it will only make her resent you, and church.
Allow her to develop her own views, her own interests, her own opinions. I know you want certain things for her, but really, those things may not be what she wants, and you have to remember that she is an autonomous human being with her own thoughts and aspirations. You may want her to go to church, but that may not be what she wants.
It's kind of that time of her life for you to start backing off a little bit -- let her begin to make her own appointments, her own mistakes, forget her own things, and it will start to teach her how to manage her own life.
Let her pursue her own interests. She's at that stage of life where she's not exactly a kid, but not an adult -- she's torn between what she herself wants, and what people's expectations pressure her into doing. It's time to let the expectations of what
you want take second place to what she sees for her own life. You can support her in her own dreams and aspirations, and that's actually going to be a lot more fulfilling than pushing her into some predefined mold you've made for her.
As hard as it may be, speak to her with adult respect, because she is trying hard to take control, trying hard to establish some boundary of ''I'm my own person, let me be my own person''. If you recognize this and speak to her as such, you're likely to see a marked improvement in how she speaks back to you.
Turn your attentions to the things you enjoy, to your life, to what you life to do, to what example you want to set, and enthrall yourself with your own pursuits. It's time to begin to stop micromanaging her life and start investing in yours. And by
doing rather than telling, she'll respect you and probably emulate you in many ways. Show her to take care of herself, by taking care of yourself -- show her to work hard, by working hard, she her to be kind and patient, by being kind and patient. Etc etc.
The last thing I'd say is, don't make this a power-struggle, because it doesn't need to be, you are not in competition, or at least, shouldn't be in competition, with what your daughter wants. Set your sights on understanding what she's trying to accomplish, and supporting her in that. Her behaviour is just the result of an emotional state, so try to understand that state and it will make it easier to cope. You have to remember, that she is trying to learn how to grow up, and she needs space for that -- she needs respect, and patience, and autonomy, and she wants to be able to let go of parental direction and make her own mistakes and pursue her own things, all the while having the support of parents who, like birds, are ready to catch her if she falls too far and forgets to flap her wings.
Don't wrap her in sponge anymore, but be her safety net, if and when she needs one.
