Heartbroken and Filing for divorce

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fadingheart

Guest
#1
#1
Sorry that this post is going to be long and I appreciate those that take the time to read it. My husband and I have been married for 8 years with two kids. It started as a long distance relationship and he eventually left everyone to move closer to me. He lost his father a couple months after and our marriage went downhill. We moved in together before marriage and I think it was because my father was so emotionally abusive and dumb me thought moving together would solve problems. I found out he lied about losing his job but still married him. On our wedding day I cried because his mom and parents fought and the day before I had a feeling I shouldn't have gotten married to him like it would be a bad idea. He gave me this very scary look which I feel he's demon possessed and you will see why later. After we got married things were okay and he was saying how he wanted a closer relationship with God but then I found out he was looking at porn, had a secret bank account, deleting text messages. Everytime we argued he abandoned me he says he never cheated but one time he left the house and slept in the car and when I went in the car it smelled fishy. Condoms went missing but he still insists he never cheated and one time there was a text message that said love and miss you. We argued and I would go to my parents and he would act as if I didn't exist and wasn't his wife. We had a daughter together. When I came back it seemed he had different moves when we were intimate. I still never had concrete proof of him cheating. Fast forward we were staying at my aunts place and electricity got shut off, bills weren't being paid. I found out my husband had lied about paying the bills. The cycle continued we would argue and he would leave the house.

My husband was a youth leader and knows ALOT about the bible however he doesn't live it. Anyways we got into arguments and he would start calling me the bword. There was tax refund money we were supposed to get and he said the bank was holding it. He went as far as to forge documents like he was talking to these people even pretending to call them. I found out he was lying and had tried to take the money. Now arguments were still going on because he gave me even more reason not to trust him. He would take a knife into the bathroom and said he was going to hurt himself, I always tried to reassure him but was scared, he said he was going to commit suicide by jumping into the water. We were homeless twice and the second time I was able to contact social services when he was about to give up. He would often talk about how he heard the devil and one time he hit himself in the face a couple times. When we were homeless we had to stay in a hotel and I found out he had been stealing from his boss. His boss found out and wanted to take him to jail but we prayed hard that night. He was crying like I've never seen before and God spared him. Eventually we moved into another place and the lies continued. He would take money from our account out whenever he got mad and went and gambled it, he stole from my purse. He was very verbally and emotionally abusive and one time he took a wrench to smash my work phone so I separated. We talked during our separation and there was a period of time where it seemed things were getting better that he wanted a real relationship and our marriage to work. Eventually I came back but the lies continued and emotional abuse got worse we were doing so bad financially that we had to sell our car and was carless for a year. I was able to get us into a ways2work program which allowed us to get a car and I also got him started on working from home. I stood by this man through so much. Anyways after him lying I lost complete trust in him. He lied about anything and everything. He lied about buying me something from Amazon and it never came and he made up a fake email about it. When we argued he got worse and angrier calling me the bword, cword, etc. We eventually started going to church and things seemed to be getting better, finances, etc but whenever he got mad he was like someone else. One time he took a cup of ice water from a fast food place (big one) and threw it at me, another time he took a towell and hit me repeatedly in the face with it and the last time I tried to leave him he stepped in dog poop in the back yard and wiped it on me forcing me back in the house. When he's angry it's like the devil, he speaks in 3rd person and does dumb stuff. I have said I was going to divorce a couple times but never went through with it. I am now serious, this last time while I thought he was "waiting for me to come back home" I found out he was out drinking and partying and doing things that he knows would hurt and break my trust. When we separated I was always a stranger to him. I took measures and moved some of my stuff out hoping it would wake him up but nope so now it's divorce. I feel that I have tried all I could and my hope is that he will come to know God and whatever demon is in him will leave. I have hope because just a few days before things got really bad he was talking about marriage retreat and how he didn't want to lose me. His words seem to be all talk. I have been emotionally damaged and all I want is for my husband to work on fixing it but he doesn't. Instead he makes it worse. My question is how do guys normally act when confronted with divorce? My husband seems like he's fine with it and just waiting for me to serve him. It hurts because I remember the things he said but it seems like I'm a complete stranger, could it be he never loved me at all? I found out a few days ago that my husband's mom had attempted to commit suicide with him and all the kids when they were younger. She had them tied and was wanting to jump. I thank you for listening and any advice, prayers, etc would be appreciated.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#2
May 29, 2013
9,166
1,797
113
#2
Hi,

It sounds like you've been through quite a number of difficult situations with your husband.

I don't know if your husband has cheated on you or not. A lot of people have intuition about that, but also sometimes people think that and it turns out to be wrong. It sounds like your husband has some emotional issues with threatening to commit suicide and things like that.

One thing to keep in mind is that it does take two to argue, at least most of the time. Some people can figure out how to have an angry monologue against someone who is quiet. I'd be curious to know your husband's side of the story.

Just personally, it doesn't sound to me like a marriage that can't be salvaged. Do you know why he was trying to get the whole tax refund? If he pays the bills and he was wanting to quietly pay off bills without you getting riled up about not having any cash to spend from the refund, that not as bad as if he was going to spend the money at the track or on a woman or something like that. Could some of the sneaking around be a conflict-avoidance strategy because he doesn't want to argue with you?

How do you treat him as a wife? Are you submissive to him, and do you always treat him with respect?

I'm also not clear on what your exact reason is for leaving him. I know you listed a lot of bad things he did over time, cussing, wiping dog poop on you to keep you from leaving, breaking a phone. The towel in the face. The towel incident and the suicide threat are the two things that concern me more than the others from this list. But was this like three years ago, you got in a fight and he broke the phone? And then years later, he was horsing around a bit too rough with the towel? Was he trying to hurt you? If you are leaving your husband over a laundry list of things that he did over the years right after a fight, then it sounds like you are leaving him because you had a fight, and you are just dredging up some old stuff that should be forgiven as part of your self-justification or desire for sympathy from others.

I'm wondering if this list of yours is a laundry list of things you should have forgiven and forgotten about over the years, but instead list them all in your head to justify a divorce.

My wife has gotten worked up during post partum blues or a mega-PMS episode a few times and mentioned divorce during an argument. She's later apologized. My response was to say no, and that was right for her to suggest it. She hasn't had her mind dead set on divorce for a period of time.

You asked about how men respond to the idea of divorce. But I know some men say, "If you want a divorce, go for it." Why? One reason could be pride. Another can be not wanting to be bullied or manipulated. If a wife knows she can 'play the divorce card' to threaten and get her way to control her husband, then some men just don't want to play the game and tell their wives if they want to stay, stay, and if they want to get a divorce, get a divorce. It can also be seen as an attempt to try to force a man to admit that he's wrong when he thinks it would be dishonest to do so. Also, men want their wives to want them, and not be ready to walk out the door at the drop of a hat. It must be stressful to be in a relationship where you feel like, at any time, the other spouse is going to walk out the door and never come back. I can see how a man might just get sick of that and say if you want a divorce, go ahead, and if you want to stay, just stay and stop talking about divorce. I feel secure in my marriage to my wife that she's committed to doing what's right, including staying married. She knows I'm committed to her too. If we have an argument, then we both know that we are to make up. It's not like we are both having to walk on egg shells, afraid something will set the spouse off and he/she will be gone forever. It must be stressful to not be able to go to sleep at night for fear that your spouse will pack up and leave forever overnight.

I'm not going to say your husband has a demon. I think demons can put thoughts in believers minds which they can either accept or not accept. Ananias was part of the church but he had an idea to pretend to say he'd given the whole sum of some land that he sold. Satan had filled his heart. We aren't supposed to let Satan do that. If he needs some kind of deliverance from demons, maybe there is someone he can go to to minister that for him.

What I haven't seen in your story is where the two of you sat down with a marriage counselor or pastor and talked through these problems and prayed about them. You've got 8 years invested and a child. It seems like it would be worth doing that before you get a divorce. You probably know that Paul passed on a commandment from the Lord, "Let not the wife depart from her husband. But if she departs, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband."

If I were you and I went to a counseling session with a Christian counselor or pastor, I think I'd mention Matthew 5 where it teaches against calling your brother fool or raca and mention his using the b and c words. He could talk about his concerns with the marriage.

If you asked him why you two were separating or having troubles, what would his answer be?
 
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fadingheart

Guest
#3
#3
The many years of lies built up mistrust and insecurities. Imagine not being able to trust your spouse in anything. I asked him why he had the bank account and he said something about how his dad had a secret bank account if the marriage didnt work out but he's since changed that. I am surprised that you don't seem to see anything wrong with his behavior with lying and forging documents. The only thing I did wrong was I admit I wasn't a very submissive wife when it came to household chores and not getting him to communicate with me in the first place. He has lied ever since the beginning of our marriage. I think by not being submissive I left the house when the arguments got bad but in the beginning I ALWAYS said sorry after all those lies I said no more. I wasn't going to be taken advantage of. He's gotten extremely mad and it's like something takes over him. One time we were driving, I have two kids and he started speeding and saying it's a fine time to die tonight. It that's normal behavior to you...than I must not be normal.

You are also highly mistaken about me wanting to "spend" money. I am a thrifty shopper, I don't need material things and I used to be the bread winner. I wanted to get a job where he wouldn't have to work and we could just spend time as a family going on vacations because I knew he hated his job. I worked on finding work from home while staying home with my daughter because I didn't want her in daycare or under anyone else's care. I didn't want to miss those important milestones.
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#4
#4
It breaks my heart to read that story. The corner stone to saving any marriage, and saving someone from a life of darkness (in this case) is honesty, it all starts with honesty, if you don't have that, nothing is going to work.

My wife is divorcing me, yet i never lied, i never cheated, i never called her names or even shouted in anger at her. I was dedicated to her, supported her, trusted her, loved her. The only thing i did wrong was not being helpful enough with the housework, everything else grew from that and now she things i am the worst husband in the world and won't even consider trying anything to work it out. (but i think it is because she found someone else and is just trying to justify the divorce).

I have mentioned to others in this forum that this kind of behavior in a man (or a woman) usually indicates a very broken self worth, and the hatred they spew out is a reflection of the hatred they have for themselves. And their lack of self worth extends to those things they hold dear (a marriage), in the sense that they don't have an inner belief those things and themselves are worth saving. This tends to enable destructive behavior, even infidelity and they cannot find any strength or motivation to fight for what is right and good.

The answer is, and this is much easier said than done.... your husband will have to learn to love and forgive himself before he can be a good husband. As a man, this is what would work best for me... tell him you will separate for 6 months. Find a good counseling program, something equipped to deal with depression and tell him you will see him only at those counseling sessions. If he agrees and it goes well, perhaps after 3 months you might even agree to extend your visit after the counseling session to go for a movie or dinner. The more harder he works and the more he improves, the more he will be rewarded with your company.

Men don't respond well to 'finality', so long as you give him hope, he will have incentive to improve. It is not totally ideal that he is just improving to get you back and not because it is something he wants for himself, but it is better than the alternatives and it is like a foot in the door to a more genuine recovery later on.

How will you ever trust him again? Don't trust him, trust the experts at the counseling program, your church, and trust God! But even with all this, no one can be forced to succeed in life, the marriage can still come to an end.
 
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fadingheart

Guest
#5
#5
You make some very good points but I think this time I'm done. I know God has the final say and I guess if we are meant to be together we will be. I can't keep going through this anymore.
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#6
#6
fadingheart said:
You make some very good points but I think this time I'm done. I know God has the final say and I guess if we are meant to be together we will be. I can't keep going through this anymore.
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That is a more than understandable feeling, and let me say this, i do wish i had married someone with your level of dedication to marriage, with my wife, i don't even get 1 second chance, all of a sudden she is done and gone.

But consider why you have come to this forum, your heart is searching for something, some last last tiny piece of hope even though you feel it's hopeless. Something i wrote the other day might just be of help to you;

When your mind and your heart and your closest love one fails you, the one thing you always still have left is choice. No matter how dark, and deep the water, no matter how strong is the storm, you can still choose to reach out a had, You can still choose to put one foot in front of the other to start walking in the right direction - no matter how much you feel like you cannot.
 
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fadingheart

Guest
#7
#7
Thank you. I believe I tried all I could and we even went to marriage counseling for a bit. However counseling doesn't work if actions aren't put into play. I do have tiny bit of hope because I remember his good side but then I start to wonder if that was even real. I guess I'm trying to figure out if he ever loved me in the beginning. His words say one thing but actions are another. I tried, separated because of his anger problems and the unhealthy environment for the kids. It seems things just got worse and this last one broke the camels back because he told another huge lie (one lie too many) he also called me bword over my parents phone because they had called him and wanted to know what was going on. He said he could do better and he didn't need me. Those words hurt so bad especially after I stood by him through everything. That is when my parents said I need to divorce him because things weren't going to change. I have suffered so much abuse from him but yet I still hope that he'll change. I will pray for him and hope that we can be friends and i can forgive all the hurt.

I'm sorry your wife left you without trying. I wish I had married a man with Godly values that lived it instead of just saying it and one that valued his marriage. I have learned my lesson though. I pray that your wife will come around and see that the grass is not greener on the other side. You still have hope in your marriage and I believe it can be saved.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#8
#8
Sometimes people will change but not as fast as you would like them too.... so that makes it easy to justify bailing prematurely.
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#9
#9
Sirk said:
Sometimes people will change but not as fast as you would like them too.... so that makes it easy to justify bailing prematurely.
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It is not clear if you are referring to my situation or hers?

My feeling tells me that if her husband thinks he can do better, let him try! I'm no expert here, but those words do not sound like something a person with low self worth and depression would say? They sound like the words of someone who is simply a prick.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#10
#10
mystikmind said:
It is not clear if you are referring to my situation or hers?

My feeling tells me that if her husband thinks he can do better, let him try! I'm no expert here, but those words do not sound like something a person with low self worth and depression would say? They sound like the words of someone who is simply a prick.
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Hurting people say hurtful things....it's what hurting people do. No matter how you slice it, divorce is a long road.
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#11
#11
fadingheart said:
Thank you. I believe I tried all I could and we even went to marriage counseling for a bit. However counseling doesn't work if actions aren't put into play. I do have tiny bit of hope because I remember his good side but then I start to wonder if that was even real. I guess I'm trying to figure out if he ever loved me in the beginning. His words say one thing but actions are another. I tried, separated because of his anger problems and the unhealthy environment for the kids. It seems things just got worse and this last one broke the camels back because he told another huge lie (one lie too many) he also called me bword over my parents phone because they had called him and wanted to know what was going on. He said he could do better and he didn't need me. Those words hurt so bad especially after I stood by him through everything. That is when my parents said I need to divorce him because things weren't going to change. I have suffered so much abuse from him but yet I still hope that he'll change. I will pray for him and hope that we can be friends and i can forgive all the hurt.

I'm sorry your wife left you without trying. I wish I had married a man with Godly values that lived it instead of just saying it and one that valued his marriage. I have learned my lesson though. I pray that your wife will come around and see that the grass is not greener on the other side. You still have hope in your marriage and I believe it can be saved.
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I don't believe my marriage can be saved.

Recently i confronted my wife that the real reason she is leaving me is that she found someone else. That was after i found out she was buying sexy lingerie on Ebay, she made the mistake of forgetting about the public feedback. She has never bought sexy lingerie like that the whole time she was with me. And there are also many other signs which i won't go into, i think the lingerie says it all.

She still refused to admit it and tried to brow beat me into seeing things her way.

She had moved out already before this happened, and i had been alone 3 weeks, it was tough, but it was enough time for me to realize i was in a semi abusive relationship, both mentally and physically by her refusing sex. And when she tried to brow beat me over the cheating it brought back all the memories and feelings and this has been going on for years.

She thinks it is all my fault, and i even tried to tell her what i told you here and she just looked at me as if I'm crazy and said i am living in my own bubble world.

Faced with that level of denial on her part, i know now that the marriage cannot be saved, and frankly i do not want it to be saved.
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#12
#12
Sirk said:
Hurting people say hurtful things....it's what hurting people do. No matter how you slice it, divorce is a long road.
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Well, you could be right, Fadingheart is in the best position to know the truth (aside from God).
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#13
May 29, 2013
9,166
1,797
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#13
Fadingheart,

Forging documents and lying is wrong of course. Was he forging your name to get the tax refund without your signing? Did he apologize for this? Did he ask God for forgiveness?

I see where the Bible says 'let not the wife depart from her husband. But if she departs let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.' I don't see where it says you can divorce if you don't trust your husband or if he lies.

If your husband is in a sin he won't repent for, you could talk to your church leaders about church discipline. That starts with someone correcting him and hopefully he repents.

Peter tells wives to submit to their husbands so that even if their husbands do not obey the word, they might be won by their wife's lifestyle.
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#14
#14
presidente said:
Fadingheart,

Forging documents and lying is wrong of course. Was he forging your name to get the tax refund without your signing? Did he apologize for this? Did he ask God for forgiveness?

I see where the Bible says 'let not the wife depart from her husband. But if she departs let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.' I don't see where it says you can divorce if you don't trust your husband or if he lies.

If your husband is in a sin he won't repent for, you could talk to your church leaders about church discipline. That starts with someone correcting him and hopefully he repents.

Peter tells wives to submit to their husbands so that even if their husbands do not obey the word, they might be won by their wife's lifestyle.
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It is a strange thing, when i read your post i started thinking about the remarkable people in the world who's willingness to self sacrifice for a cause makes the stuff of legends, you have your Nelsen Mandalas, your Martin Luthors, your Mother Teresa's, and then there are the countless thousands, even millions that we never hear about. I ask myself, could i ever walk a path that these remarkable people walked? I am just an ordinary person in my ordinary life, i am nobody, just another random citizen in this busy world of billions of people.

And yet some people post on this forum such tasks as if it was an every day choice. We do not know what we are asking FadingHeart to go through in keeping her vows? we do not know if she feels the call to be a hero to her husband? That is between her and God.
 
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Humorous

Junior Member
#15
Nov 8, 2014
6
0
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#15
Sister,


What a heart breaking story. I am so sorry you had to go through it. Here is what I would like to bring to your attention when you "catch" somebody lying it's not because you "catch" them it's because the Lord gives you an oppotnunity to open your eyes. It seems like this man has lied, cheated, abused and used you the whole time you were with him. A classic egoistic person who knows how to say beautiful words and make everything alright. These are the people that never mean it when they say sorry, they only say it because they have some gain from it. He only cried because his worthless butt was going to end up in jail. These kind of people don't deserve second chances. Yet it seems like you have given him plenty of them. I know it would be hard to end up alone with two kids but please sweetheart be firm and don't change your decision. Leave him. Your two little ones have nothing good to learn from this man. Your daughter will see and learn that it's okay to be treated like her mom is being treated. You don't want that. There are plenty of men out there that are good and have good hearts. Yes they may not be so amazing with words as this one but they will be good with actions. You seem like an honest and good woman, but remember just because you always say and do what you really feel that doesn't mean others do too, just like when you said what he does with you, doesn't add up with the things he said before, well sweety he never meant them. I recently got a divorce as well. It sucks to be where I am, but being unhappy and miserable wasn't gonna be any better. Keep your head up Sunshine and may God bless you :)
 
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blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#16
Feb 21, 2014
70,937
9,689
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#16
Your husband has some serious emotional and mental issues. He needs intensive psychiatric counseling and anger management classes. He is physically abusive to you, and has even smeared dog poop on you! It sounds to me like he's led this secret life for alot longer than just since you met and married him. A life that, if you had known about BEFORE you married him, then you probably wouldn't have married him. Your last paragraph about his mother trying to commit suicide with him and the kids worries me. It sounds like she has some serious psychiatric issues also. Maybe his entire family is mentally ill. The fact she tied up your kids tells me that his mother's strange behavior has had a major effect on how your husband has chosen to act in his own life. As for condoms going missing, do you have any proof that he cheated? I'm sorry but a car does NOT suddenly start smelling fishy unless something with a fishy smell has been sitting it in it for a long time, or in the possible case of your husband, that fishy smell COULD indicate that the car is where he has ALOT of sex. He is physically abusive to you and basically kept you a prisoner in your own home. He smeared dog poop on you, for goodness sake. What sane man does that? As far as him being demon-possessed, I don't know, but this man has some kind of mental illness or something, and it sounds like his mother does also. I think you are justified in leaving him, for your own safety as well as for your kids' safety. God does not want you to suffer any further abuse from this man. God has something much better in store for you. :) File divorce papers, get full custody of the kids, even get a restraining order because this guy is dangerous and a threat to society in general. Turn him over to God and get the heck out of that house now with your kids.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#17
May 29, 2013
9,166
1,797
113
#17
mystikmind said:
We do not know what we are asking FadingHeart to go through in keeping her vows?
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That's a strange way of putting it considering the point you are making. Asking someone to keep their vows. Vows are meant to be kept.

We all have a different burden to bear, but the Lord gives grace to those who are His to bear the burdens they are ordained to bear in life. When we are yoked together with Christ, the burden seems lighter.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#18
#18
Fading Heart from what I've read here's my opinion,get out of Dodge,fast! I hope you look into a womans shelter first for your safety.I have a feeling when this man sees you are really leaving him he will become violent. Have a plan and let people know you are leaving,someone you can call.I wouldnt leave with him there either.Be very careful!

Your husband is mentally unbalanced and should be in treatment asap. It's clear that he needs help and medication for whatever mental issue he has.Leave and dont look back.If you can move away I'd do that.I dont think he will take the news of your leaving calmly.You're well within your right to leave before the violence gets worse. God does not expect any woman to stay in an abusive marriage,or man,not ever. Enough is enough.He's been given enough chances and if he's having sex outside your marriage he is also putting your health at risk.Make a plan for leaving,be safe.Hope all goes well for you.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#19
#19
fadingheart said:
Sorry that this post is going to be long and I appreciate those that take the time to read it. My husband and I have been married for 8 years with two kids. It started as a long distance relationship and he eventually left everyone to move closer to me. He lost his father a couple months after and our marriage went downhill. We moved in together before marriage and I think it was because my father was so emotionally abusive and dumb me thought moving together would solve problems. I found out he lied about losing his job but still married him. On our wedding day I cried because his mom and parents fought and the day before I had a feeling I shouldn't have gotten married to him like it would be a bad idea. He gave me this very scary look which I feel he's demon possessed and you will see why later. After we got married things were okay and he was saying how he wanted a closer relationship with God but then I found out he was looking at porn, had a secret bank account, deleting text messages. Everytime we argued he abandoned me he says he never cheated but one time he left the house and slept in the car and when I went in the car it smelled fishy. Condoms went missing but he still insists he never cheated and one time there was a text message that said love and miss you. We argued and I would go to my parents and he would act as if I didn't exist and wasn't his wife. We had a daughter together. When I came back it seemed he had different moves when we were intimate. I still never had concrete proof of him cheating. Fast forward we were staying at my aunts place and electricity got shut off, bills weren't being paid. I found out my husband had lied about paying the bills. The cycle continued we would argue and he would leave the house.

My husband was a youth leader and knows ALOT about the bible however he doesn't live it. Anyways we got into arguments and he would start calling me the bword. There was tax refund money we were supposed to get and he said the bank was holding it. He went as far as to forge documents like he was talking to these people even pretending to call them. I found out he was lying and had tried to take the money. Now arguments were still going on because he gave me even more reason not to trust him. He would take a knife into the bathroom and said he was going to hurt himself, I always tried to reassure him but was scared, he said he was going to commit suicide by jumping into the water. We were homeless twice and the second time I was able to contact social services when he was about to give up. He would often talk about how he heard the devil and one time he hit himself in the face a couple times. When we were homeless we had to stay in a hotel and I found out he had been stealing from his boss. His boss found out and wanted to take him to jail but we prayed hard that night. He was crying like I've never seen before and God spared him. Eventually we moved into another place and the lies continued. He would take money from our account out whenever he got mad and went and gambled it, he stole from my purse. He was very verbally and emotionally abusive and one time he took a wrench to smash my work phone so I separated. We talked during our separation and there was a period of time where it seemed things were getting better that he wanted a real relationship and our marriage to work. Eventually I came back but the lies continued and emotional abuse got worse we were doing so bad financially that we had to sell our car and was carless for a year. I was able to get us into a ways2work program which allowed us to get a car and I also got him started on working from home. I stood by this man through so much. Anyways after him lying I lost complete trust in him. He lied about anything and everything. He lied about buying me something from Amazon and it never came and he made up a fake email about it. When we argued he got worse and angrier calling me the bword, cword, etc. We eventually started going to church and things seemed to be getting better, finances, etc but whenever he got mad he was like someone else. One time he took a cup of ice water from a fast food place (big one) and threw it at me, another time he took a towell and hit me repeatedly in the face with it and the last time I tried to leave him he stepped in dog poop in the back yard and wiped it on me forcing me back in the house. When he's angry it's like the devil, he speaks in 3rd person and does dumb stuff. I have said I was going to divorce a couple times but never went through with it. I am now serious, this last time while I thought he was "waiting for me to come back home" I found out he was out drinking and partying and doing things that he knows would hurt and break my trust. When we separated I was always a stranger to him. I took measures and moved some of my stuff out hoping it would wake him up but nope so now it's divorce. I feel that I have tried all I could and my hope is that he will come to know God and whatever demon is in him will leave. I have hope because just a few days before things got really bad he was talking about marriage retreat and how he didn't want to lose me. His words seem to be all talk. I have been emotionally damaged and all I want is for my husband to work on fixing it but he doesn't. Instead he makes it worse. My question is how do guys normally act when confronted with divorce? My husband seems like he's fine with it and just waiting for me to serve him. It hurts because I remember the things he said but it seems like I'm a complete stranger, could it be he never loved me at all? I found out a few days ago that my husband's mom had attempted to commit suicide with him and all the kids when they were younger. She had them tied and was wanting to jump. I thank you for listening and any advice, prayers, etc would be appreciated.
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This man is a victimizer through and through. There are three kinds of abuse. Physical, sexual and emotional/spiritual. Is there a place you can go...family or a friends place to stay? I am terribly sorry that you are being subjected to this mans abuse. Do not hesitate to call the police the next time he goes crazy....hopefully you can get out of there. I believe that anyone can change but by you staying in the situation you are facilitating him to keep on the road he is on. Find a support group pronto....Al Anon would be a good start.
 
N

NewWine

Guest
#20
#20
No one can tell anyone else what to do in situations like this. Saying "if we're meant to be together we will" just isn't true, because God gave us free will to make these choices on our own. He gives us guidelines to well guide us, through prayer, praise and reading the Bible, but if we choose to do something, He won't break our leg so we can't move. He will let us make our choices, good or bad, and then He keeps loving us in spite of those choices just because that's who He is. Do you and your husband have issues? Yes it would seem from your words alone, you have a MAJOR communication issue, Major trust issues, and so on.
Is your marriage salvageable? Sure it is. Almost every marriage CAN be saved...I can do all things in God who strengthens me, and with God ALL things are possible, so even saving a marriage is possible. Should you save it? That is a question only you can answer though. Saving it will take a LOT of work to rebuild things on both ends, but all things are possible.

No matter how you proceed from here, I will be praying for you. Peace!
 
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