Have you ever tried to fix someone?

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You cannot fix people, you can only love them. Most people have given up on being vulnerable, allowing truth and reality and how they react to it in. I have seen people open up only to realise the reason they were hiding is because they are being eaten up emotionally. So they run away and hide.
Unfortunately there really is only one answer, Jesus and the love he demonstrated. It sounds trite, a simple set of words.
When I was 18 I read a book that described Jesus's suffering, how he said nothing in response and took it. I have seen the Turin shroud and how it shows the wounds, the unbelievable suffering he went through and it humbles me.
So yes I have tried to fix people, but now I try to love....
 
WALLS

Mortar and stone
Towering in height
Unyielding to wind and rain
Secret passions
Trapped in time
Lost eternal through memories of pain
Three bricks and a bit
Did fall one day
Come tomorrow, or the day after
How many will follow, who is to say
To this I vow my strength in all
To strive to make that hated wall fall
With time and peace to sound the alarms
I beg my God to spread forth His mighty arms
To keep the tempest far from shore
And the building of walls will be nevermore.



 
It is virtually impossible to fix someone who prefers to remain broken.. :( Only God can fix somebody...
 
When you try to help someone whom you deeply and intently care for but they slip away....this song will probably make you cry

[video=youtube;k4V3Mo61fJM]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM[/video]
 
IBDesmond said:
When you try to help someone whom you deeply and intently care for but they slip away....this song will probably make you cry

[video=youtube;k4V3Mo61fJM]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM[/video]
Click to expand...

I hate crying, so I'll skip the video...
 
Fenner said:
I have tried helping fixing people. It usually doesn't work. I was just thinking about this the other day, someone I used to work with, I tried so hard to get her to stop doing the thing she was doing, sleeping around. I tried hard to get her to see that she was worth more, it didn't work and she kept on doing what she was doing. I eventually left the work place and don't communicate with her anymore, but have you ever tried to fix someone and realized, it just doesn't work?
Click to expand...

I say don't give up on her! Pray for her and perhaps someday the Lord will bring someone else into her life to help her. Or maybe she will remember what you told her all those years ago when she's ready to change. It's like your planting seeds. They grow in the Lord's timing and if they really want to grow. You never know, she may be growing as we speak. :)

I have tried helping my grandmother because she's a very negative person. I try to give her positive advice and help her accept Christ's forgiveness (she's always feeling sorry for things she did many years ago!) I think it has helped her some. She still needs a lot of work but it's worth it! Just keep planting seeds and praying for them.
 
p_rehbein: Your WALLS was very appropriate and well stated.
 
Grace-Like-Rain said:
I totally understood what you were saying here Fenner. I am often amused when people start threads like this and then everyone else tries to "help" the OP with their "problem" when the whole point of the thread was to discuss the topic itself. :p This happens to poor Kim all the time. :cool:

Yes... I am a convicted fixer. I try to fix everyone around me, even myself. I even go so far as to research what the person is going through so that I can give them valid advice and three easy steps to correct themselves. HA. I remember going through my dark valley three years ago, doing SO much research on how to fix myself. You have to do this, and this, and think about it like this, and NOT think about it like this... and you'll heal. Ugh. Well, a lot of it did actually help me, but for the most part I learned that sometimes people NEED to go through their own mess, and even hit rock bottom in many cases, in order to be "ready" to heal and get better. And in other cases, it takes TIME... and the Lord... to get past things. And then there are those who never do get past it, because they really just don't want to.

I'm usually the last one fighting. Everyone else has already given up, and I'm still in the ring attempting futilely to change this person's life, to help this person overcome. Just this last week I've been dealing with that. The need to walk away. And walking away appears unloving, which is very hard for me. But there's a place for it, and I've reached it. I feel the Lord saying "Angie. You can stop fighting now. Let me deal with this myself in my own way." I'm growing, slowly, and learning... Thank you Lord.
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I admire that you stick it out. I don't have the patience with people that I used to have. I know a lot of that comes from my other part time job, we have a lot of customers who are looking for a hand out. I have given people money, and at times I probably still will, but for a while I felt like we had so many drug addict customers that I was working in a legal dispensary, except they were heroin addicts. After a while I just shut off my nice manners.
 
Fenner said:
I admire that you stick it out. I don't have the patience with people that I used to have. I know a lot of that comes from my other part time job, we have a lot of customers who are looking for a hand out. I have given people money, and at times I probably still will, but for a while I felt like we had so many drug addict customers that I was working in a legal dispensary, except they were heroin addicts. After a while I just shut off my nice manners.
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Another idea...........invest in about 10 pocket size New Testaments..........and when they ask for a "hand out," give them one. May help, may not.......but they don't go away empty handed, and your nice manners are still intact! :) Most Dollar Stores have the pocket sized NT's.
 
Fenner said:
I have tried helping fixing people. It usually doesn't work. I was just thinking about this the other day, someone I used to work with, I tried so hard to get her to stop doing the thing she was doing, sleeping around. I tried hard to get her to see that she was worth more, it didn't work and she kept on doing what she was doing. I eventually left the work place and don't communicate with her anymore, but have you ever tried to fix someone and realized, it just doesn't work?
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Sadly, yes, and it was my father in fact. I asked him to stop smoking ever since i was young. And i always cry about it. I'm really concerned about his health thats why i always reminded and scolded him to stop it. he would say he will, but then he'd tell me its not that easy. I tried understanding him, hoping that he'd still find a way to stop it. For me. His daugter who always keeps on asking hjm. But he never did. And probably never will. and it really hurts.
 
I was married for almost 20 years. It had it's ups and downs. And for the most? Part we got along. Until the last year. And the last 6 months of it was almost unbearable. Its been almost 3 years since the divorce. And I'm finding that the dating seen is nothing like it use to be. People don't embrace courtship anymore. And every time I meet someone it always seems they have deep emotional scares and should we say "NEED FIXED". And I have dated a few that did. And me being the kind of woman I am. I tried my best to help them. But I've come to the conclusion. You can't fix what is broken! Only GOD can do that. All the kindness, compassion, and trying teach them about God is in vain. If they do not have an open mind and heart to the lord. And another thing, if you have a totally different upbringing then someone else. And you were raised with love and compassion. And they were not. You can't teach that.That is something we are raised with. I'm not seeing a lot of hope out there for me ever finding a special someone. I'm starting to think God has other plans for my life.
 
What you do is get a big hammer and smash that square peg into that round hole *snort.* Works every time.
 
Cami, I have learned much the same lessons. And I started going to church in a different county, where my daughter goes to a Christian School. This is a big deal, as this county has a special "pride". And I got put in my place there. Not the first time I had experienced that. I figured things would be different in a church setting. I didn't do too bad, mostly. Until I got interested in a single woman in the prayer meeting. I got a great sense of "sheparding", as they like to call it. I was rejected in a very embarrassing way, in a small group by the leader. I have not been to a church function sense.

The "small group" leader called me after I missed the next meeting asking me why I wasn't there. I kind of lost my composure with him, but he really didn't disagree!...I will go there if my girl has an Easter thing there, and when she graduates in May. Then I'm done. I do have a home in that county, but on the edge of the other side of the county. Not enough to make a difference though, as I'm not from there. And maybe I didn't put enough green in the plate. I'm not working, I'm a student. I had a stroke several years ago, doing fine now. But the pastor called me out on the job thing in front of a small group once...he's a proud man, and not one bit bashful.

I saw God work through the church when I was saved, but my experiences at the meeting, I don't know if it was my fault for being nice and gullible, or theirs for being very prideful and putting me in my place. It's really confusing to me so I try not to dwell on it, just carry on.
 
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on my above post, my point is that you can't fix other people, but you can find the wrong group.
The one part I have found, is that if we need fixing, we have to be very selective in our choices.
Who we hang around, who we talk to, etc. In the crowd I mentioned above, I had a feeling when I first attended that small group was that it wasn't a good fit. But I gave it a chance anyway. This is what I've learned, my intuition is usually right, I should have followed suit, instead of pressing the issue and getting hurt.

That has been the hardest lesson in my life for me to learn.
 
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