Relationship advice

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
S

sportygirl

Guest
#1
#1
Hi there, I have a relationship issue and dont really have anyone i feel comfortable going to to talk about it, since they all know him as well. So if anyone is willing to give some help that would be lovely and prayer is always welcome.(sorry its kind of long)

Well my boyfriend and i have started going through a rough part in our relationship we've been together 9 months and have started realizing some stuff about ourselves that is affecting our relationship. We both want to work through the things together and not apart but overall its kind of complicated. His issues deal with being unable to love because of a barrior he put up years ago after his fathers sudden death. Mine deal with some insecurities although I have been praying for these and have been getting better, and also continuing to but God first in my life.

We have agreeded that the friendship side of our relationship is what we want to develop right now, adn want to do a bible study together starting after break. But Im wondering if there is anything else we can do to help strengthen our relationship even though were in a difficult spot.
 
F

FirePanther

Guest
#2
#2
sportygirl said:
Hi there, I have a relationship issue and dont really have anyone i feel comfortable going to to talk about it, since they all know him as well. So if anyone is willing to give some help that would be lovely and prayer is always welcome.(sorry its kind of long)

Well my boyfriend and i have started going through a rough part in our relationship we've been together 9 months and have started realizing some stuff about ourselves that is affecting our relationship. We both want to work through the things together and not apart but overall its kind of complicated. His issues deal with being unable to love because of a barrior he put up years ago after his fathers sudden death. Mine deal with some insecurities although I have been praying for these and have been getting better, and also continuing to but God first in my life.

We have agreeded that the friendship side of our relationship is what we want to develop right now, adn want to do a bible study together starting after break. But Im wondering if there is anything else we can do to help strengthen our relationship even though were in a difficult spot.
Click to expand...
mhhh.. Well I hope I can be as much helpfull as I would like to be :)
I can understand you and your boyfriend, in facts it may look crazy but I had both of your problems. Before getting to know God I found hard to show love to others because I feared rejection and I was also a little unsecure. But when I started to know God ,the more I received His love the more I became free from my past. Right now showing love to others it's so natural for me because my heart has been healed, but I tell you is a process and not always immediate. So in my opinion the most effective thing you can do is to decide some days every week to pray together for this situation and to seek God together with all you hearts. In unity you'll be stronger and I'm sure that your situations are not impossible in front of God (I can testify this with my life)..

Anyway, I'm Praying for you! Fear not :)
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#3
May 5, 2009
2,569
21
38
#3
Unable to love? What's that all about.........sounds kinda lame.

If he doesn't love you, after 9 months, why do you want to have a relationship with him.

Is he afraid of commitment?
 
B

BellaFlor

Guest
#4
#4
sportygirl, that you have started with getting problem issues already now, isn´t always a bad side of a relationship. It can be for the best and for you both growing more stronger together in Him as well. I beleive that when one starts getting deeper in a relationship and discovering also the bad sides of each other, that God has a great purpose with it, and that this shows what a Great plan God has in mind for you both. Many often waits some years or more before some real difficult issues comes up between them, whilst God has let things come up much earlier for you both, then I really think He has something much greater in store for you both. Just keep on working with each others, and in God, also studying together in His Word, and in prayer, and let God do most of your moves through healing and restoration and towards even more deeper growth as a couple and in your relationship in Him. Don´t look at it as something very weird nor to bad about difficulties coming up already, but as an great challenge from God for you both to become stronger, and more free´d out, and also more ready for marriage. :)
 
Last edited:
F

FixYourWeave

Guest
#5
#5
unable to love because his father died suddenly. That doesnt sound right. Why would he even get in a relationship with you if he knew full well he was ''unable'' to love. Isnt that selfish. He should probably see somebody about that dont you think. I dont see how him being in a relationship with someone is going to help his problem.

This doesnt make sense to me, you want to help strengthen a relationship with someone who supposedly wont ever love you????
 
S

sportygirl

Guest
#6
#6
I guess overall its hard to explain the not loving me part. He does love me, but its more the commitment side of love I guess, I think he has some deep fears involved there. His dad died when he was very young, and from him I know he took it ver hard. I think its more of a fear to love then truely not loving me, cause deep down I know he loves me.
 
F

FixYourWeave

Guest
#7
#7
Has he said it outloud? that he loves you
 
S

sportygirl

Guest
#8
#8
FixYourWeave said:
Has he said it outloud? that he loves you
Click to expand...
Yes he has, many times and even since we've been having issues he has said it. But, its just the type of love hes confused about.
 
F

FixYourWeave

Guest
#9
#9
So he loves you, but he just doenst know what kind of love it is that he loves you with?????
 
S

sportygirl

Guest
#10
#10
FixYourWeave said:
So he loves you, but he just doenst know what kind of love it is that he loves you with?????
Click to expand...
Its confusing I understand, and its hard to fully explain over brief messages, it just has to do with what hes gone through. Yes, he probably needs some counseling and I deserve someone who can love me back the way I need to be loved, but im not ready i guess to believe that that isnt him.
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#11
May 5, 2009
2,569
21
38
#11
Well I reckon he needs to shape up soon otherwise he's going to be using that as an excuse forever. Best to cut that reason out as a factor as soon as possible.
 
B

BellaFlor

Guest
#12
#12
My husband and I talked about this yesterday evening, and he said that perhaps your boyfriend is afraid of fully loving because of sometime loosing you the same as he lost his father? That can be some of the reasons, you said he put some barriers on there? This is why it is so good for you to sort out and work on things in your relationship, although it is still so early. I think God has something much much better in mind for you both, and it is good he goes to some counselling, and gets more healing in his life. I also do beleive he loves you, but many things can be a reason for love seeming confusing for some people.

Like with me, I went some few times to a Christian advicer, he was very led by the Holy Spirit, and he said that I have "lack of love". Most because of a lot of my past experiences, I didn't experienced much unconditional love. And even though I am married now, I still struggle with this, and sometimes it confuses me, and I still don't get how it is. But it doesn't means that I don't love my husband, right? No, I do love him, very very much! And this is a issue that I still need to be working with, and most God working in me, of course...

The same I beleive it goes for your boyfriend, I do beleive that he loves you very much, although he might be a bit confused about "love" in general. Because God is working with this, God is in control with you both and your relationship. That's why I see it like a great challenge but also with a lot of growth what you are going through now, the earlier the better, because this way you will get rid of what's not good taking with you in a marriage, you will get more healed, build up, and restored. Just keep on trusting in God, and it will all be going fine with you both. Beleive in Him doing good works, because He is really doing this with you. :)
 
S

sportygirl

Guest
#13
#13
BellaFlor said:
My husband and I talked about this yesterday evening, and he said that perhaps your boyfriend is afraid of fully loving because of sometime loosing you the same as he lost his father? That can be some of the reasons, you said he put some barriers on there? This is why it is so good for you to sort out and work on things in your relationship, although it is still so early. I think God has something much much better in mind for you both, and it is good he goes to some counselling, and gets more healing in his life. I also do beleive he loves you, but many things can be a reason for love seeming confusing for some people.

Like with me, I went some few times to a Christian advicer, he was very led by the Holy Spirit, and he said that I have "lack of love". Most because of a lot of my past experiences, I didn't experienced much unconditional love. And even though I am married now, I still struggle with this, and sometimes it confuses me, and I still don't get how it is. But it doesn't means that I don't love my husband, right? No, I do love him, very very much! And this is a issue that I still need to be working with, and most God working in me, of course...

The same I beleive it goes for your boyfriend, I do beleive that he loves you very much, although he might be a bit confused about "love" in general. Because God is working with this, God is in control with you both and your relationship. That's why I see it like a great challenge but also with a lot of growth what you are going through now, the earlier the better, because this way you will get rid of what's not good taking with you in a marriage, you will get more healed, build up, and restored. Just keep on trusting in God, and it will all be going fine with you both. Beleive in Him doing good works, because He is really doing this with you. :)
Click to expand...
Thank you again! and yes, i think the fear of loosing me definetly could be part of it... There is definetly some deep stuff in him, and I really am praying for God to work wiht him on that. He said he hopes it doesnt take to long but I think its hard to say with that kind of thing. Im also just starting to fear that maybe these conversations are coming up because we are supposed to break up. I know he was meant to be in my life, but I dont know whether hes still supposed to be. Not seeing him for weeks makes things more confusing I think, haha. And thank you for your optimism and thoughts!
 
B

BellaFlor

Guest
#14
#14
Oh well, I get that... Must be difficult if he doesn't sees you so much. I also want to add that God will be working with you also in marriage, and not only doing everything before marrying. All our life is a life long process. I guess the best you can do is to pray over this, and well, I do think most of it will turn out what's best for both of you. Just don't loose to much faith in God, He is in control, always. God bless you! :)
 
A

asamanthinketh

Guest
#16
#16
Learn to love because love always seeks the best and highest interest of the other and love never fails
as long as you are hurting yourself love is always the way


sportygirl said:
Hi there, I have a relationship issue and dont really have anyone i feel comfortable going to to talk about it, since they all know him as well. So if anyone is willing to give some help that would be lovely and prayer is always welcome.(sorry its kind of long)

Well my boyfriend and i have started going through a rough part in our relationship we've been together 9 months and have started realizing some stuff about ourselves that is affecting our relationship. We both want to work through the things together and not apart but overall its kind of complicated. His issues deal with being unable to love because of a barrior he put up years ago after his fathers sudden death. Mine deal with some insecurities although I have been praying for these and have been getting better, and also continuing to but God first in my life.

We have agreeded that the friendship side of our relationship is what we want to develop right now, adn want to do a bible study together starting after break. But Im wondering if there is anything else we can do to help strengthen our relationship even though were in a difficult spot.
Click to expand...
 
S

sportygirl

Guest
#17
#17
Thanks for all the advice, and such...but we broke up so its mainly pointless now.
 
B

BellaFlor

Guest
#18
#18
Oww... I am really sorry about that. Sad you broke up.

Oh well, perhaps it is just a matter of time, or that God has someone else for you. Just let God's guidance take over in your life, and I am sure He will heal you, and build you up again. God always knows whats best for each one of us, and He will take care of this. *Hugs*
 
E

Enyceh

Guest
#19
#19
The way you dealt with your issue is very correct in the sesne that you start to discover that which made you not compatable.God really knows what is best for you.He will never leave nor forsake you.
 
S

sportygirl

Guest
#20
#20
Thanks, I know its not going to be easy, but I have a lot of friends and family that are supportive and have been really caring. Im still scared a bit, cause i dont know what exactly to do now, I know I dont want to date other people at least not yet. BUt I also know this was something that needed to happen...I had just gotten out my authentic beauty book to read again, I had randomly thought of it, and think its a very fitting book, and deals with the things I need to work on personally. Last night as I prayed I did realize that things werent as great as I kept pretending they were, he had quit making me a priority and didnt want to do a lot of things together like he used to.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.