A small observation. There are two worlds here, one is the world of illusion, hyper spirituality where theory over the smallest upset can be dealt with, and basic simple real living, in the real world.
"I want to be able to forgive my brother for an insult before it happens so I do not even get upset."
This is fanciful nonsense. It comes from people living in a world where everyone is so very nice, and nothing "bad" has happened for years. It is also a lie, and the real hurts and lack of forgiveness and bitterness at disappointments, lack of recognition, unrequited love, sexual desires, lie below the surface. The first question one needs to ask, how do you feel about your parents and your upbringing, your siblings? Too many times people who talk the way I have read here have not begun this walk.
Judgement is a serious affair. I have been judged so many times by christians who feel my gifting is this or that. The truth is we tend to sumarise people immediately we meet them, put them into a box of do not handle. You will find you get annoyed in certain conversations and not in others, want to move on, or close them down. Ever wondered why? Because you are making judgements of use of time and interest. But again people love to say, I do not judge, I am open and loving. And yes these people do not have to deal with the seriously disfunctional and deranged, where trust is not an option, you cannot trust the people you are dealing with to any degree.
So some christians here are living in a very nice social bubble which simply does not relate to real life. No wonder the churches in some areas are declining if this is the level of understanding. And these people think they have reached spiritual maturity? There is a big shock coming...