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I left home when I was 17, 4 months from graduation. Neither my parents nor I were Christians. I somehow finished the year and graduated. Then, when I was 26 God saved me.
Which is to say, God is in control. If he is of legal age, there is not much you can do to bring him back. But we can pray together he will not take many years to come back to God.
It sounds like he wanted his cake and eat it too! I think you made the right decision not letting his girlfriend stay the night, just so you know!
Which is to say, God is in control. If he is of legal age, there is not much you can do to bring him back. But we can pray together he will not take many years to come back to God.
It sounds like he wanted his cake and eat it too! I think you made the right decision not letting his girlfriend stay the night, just so you know!
D
You said he has been threatening to leave for sometime. Is the only reason that he threatens to leave because he doesn't want to follow your rules? I agree with Angela, he is an adult so let him go. This may be good for him because he might come to appreciate you and the moral standards that you are trying to instill on him. He will find out soon enough that it is not easy being on his own. He may even return. If he does don't back down on your house rules. My brother got caught trying to sneak his girlfriend out in the morning before my parents left for work. After the incident he was told that it was unacceptable behavior and while he was living under my parents roof he had to follow their rules. The next time he got caught my parents told him he had to move out. He was 20 at the time. He was upset and blamed my parents for kicking him out. When he matured a bit he realized that he wasn't really kicked out because he was the one to choose not to live by the house rules and he new the consequences. It all worked out, their relationship was not damaged at all. My brother knew that my parents loved him.
I
I know it is very tough and heartbreaking because you only want the best for him. Pray for him and give it to God, it is out of your control. Trust in the Lord to speak to your son. He will come back when he sees how hard life is on his own. Even if he moved in with someone else it will be hard for him. Don't compromise your morals to bring him back otherwise you are allowing him to manipulate you. Stay strong!
G
A girl? Wonder how old she is. You know what the law is.
He moved out? Where? Moved in with the girl! She ain't so bright. She's hooked up with a boy who cares not about his mom's feelings, wishes and wants for her son. He's selfish. I feel so sorry that you experience this.
And if she had any respect or decency, she'd tell him to get back home and apologize, and help you, and finish school.
I suspect he's been making trouble for you for a long time.
If she's the provider of the two, your son will come a knocking at your door when the girl realizes the financial burden. When he does, be firm with him. Change the attitude. Learn to love and respect you.
In the mean time, tell him you want all his belongings out of your house in 2 days.
He moved out? Where? Moved in with the girl! She ain't so bright. She's hooked up with a boy who cares not about his mom's feelings, wishes and wants for her son. He's selfish. I feel so sorry that you experience this.
And if she had any respect or decency, she'd tell him to get back home and apologize, and help you, and finish school.
I suspect he's been making trouble for you for a long time.
If she's the provider of the two, your son will come a knocking at your door when the girl realizes the financial burden. When he does, be firm with him. Change the attitude. Learn to love and respect you.
In the mean time, tell him you want all his belongings out of your house in 2 days.
M
G
Not a matter of I'm the boss do as you're told. The issue is truth. What is right. There is a time when you do what is right, especially with that young man who treats his mother with complete disrespect (that just didn't start happening as the OP shows).
All the leniency and failure to exercise authority from parents who treat their kids as equals has contributed to the disrespect and disorderly behavior from pre-teens and teens and young adults.
All the leniency and failure to exercise authority from parents who treat their kids as equals has contributed to the disrespect and disorderly behavior from pre-teens and teens and young adults.
He sounds a bit spoiled and selfish, and I think him moving out after being denied having a gf stay overnight, was quite extreme. It sounds like he's used to getting his way and doesn't like being told "no." However, he IS 18, and nearly an adult, and you can't keep him at home the rest of his life. You've given him over to God, now just keep praying for him. God is watching over him. He's not a baby anymore, and he's jumping out of the nest. That's what kids are supposed to do when they grow up. 
Yes, it's time he jumped out of the nest and into the world..sadly. He is not the only male in the world that has ever done this, nor will he be the last, heartbreaking as it is. Do not set him up in an apartment. Do not fill his pockets with money. Do nothing but let him know that you love him and that he is making his own decisions now. Goodbye, check in with mom and dad now and then, do not drive drunk, and stay employed. Here is a bible, just in case you lose your way...it's good reading material. When holidays occur, give us a call so that we can set an extra plate out for you. We will not pay your cell phone bills, or any other bills that you acquire. We will not forget your birthday so expect us to contact you. Make sure that you use a contraceptive, since you insist on this relationship, or any other future relationship. Always brush your teeth after every meal, keep your sock and underwear drawers organized and clean. You have the key to our hearts, and our prayers are with you, SON! Kiss him goodbye and an firm handshake. When he steps off your property, you can then have a meltdown, but never in front of him.
M
Is your point that teenagers are inferior human beings (treat kids as equals)? How many times i have seen this way of thinking blow up in parents faces, gosh. To wield authority, but without wisdom is utter foolishness.
On the other extreme, lack of discipline is a huge problem too,.... and i have to say, really, when i hear child psychologists talk on tv, i cannot help thinking in the back of my mind... "that answers my question as to what is the dumbest creature on planet Earth", lol
On the other extreme, lack of discipline is a huge problem too,.... and i have to say, really, when i hear child psychologists talk on tv, i cannot help thinking in the back of my mind... "that answers my question as to what is the dumbest creature on planet Earth", lol
IMO The only reason for the existence of atheism is refusal to surrender one's autonomy.
This also explains a teenager's refusal to submit to parental authority.
God's promise is:
Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Nothing is promised about the intervening years.
This also explains a teenager's refusal to submit to parental authority.
God's promise is:
Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Nothing is promised about the intervening years.
I wouldn't tell a kid to use a contraceptive, since that would be encouraging fornication. Something else to consider is while he's still threatening to leave, the parents could say to ease him into being on his own, they will stop paying for stuff, assuming they are paying for car insurance and cell phone bills.
Letting him leave may be a way forward. But I also remember a testimony of a woman who didn't get along with her parents as a teen, and her dad just kicked her out of the house at 18. A few days later, she was selling her body to get some food. There aren't a lot of good labor jobs out there, and they don't usually pay workers at the end of the day. It takes a while to get set up if one doesn't have any money.
Your son will need to find his own relationship with God and his own way now. Sometimes to leave home IS better. Sometimes. At 18, let him find out the world out there isn't quite as "comfy" as he has been having it.
But you aren't helpless. Just keep partnering with the Lord as you keep your praises high for the power that He has over your son. To praise God that he is active in a person's life even when you can't see it is the highest form of faith. God will honor your faith in His own way and timing.
But you aren't helpless. Just keep partnering with the Lord as you keep your praises high for the power that He has over your son. To praise God that he is active in a person's life even when you can't see it is the highest form of faith. God will honor your faith in His own way and timing.
not allowing a girl to sleep over when they aren't married is absolutely your right and should never be waivered if that is your belief.
however, I would imagine there is a lot more to this than just not letting the girl sleep over. If we asked your son, would he say that you are an overbearing mother, both as a mother, and as a mother in christ.
do you judge him on everything he does, and try to control everything he does because he is under your roof, and i know that mothers believe they are doing this out of love, but it really suffocates the child being that he is an adult now at 18.
i would say that this moving out is not based at all on the girl not sleeping over, but used as a way of crying out to you that you are smothering him, and not respecting him as an adult or an individual and this has been going on for some time. he has tried to get you to hear him, but we guys especially that young have hard time communicating what we really mean.
we think we are being black and white and the parent has no idea they are even trying to say something.
i have no idea how you've raised your children and i write this with absolutely no disrespect intended. you are on here asking for help so you are obv a very loving mother with great concerns about her child.
some kids just need to find their way, just be there to love them and support them, and make sure they know that your home will always be their home welcomed with open arms, but there are certain rules of that home that need to be followed out of respect. just make sure that your rules are reasonable for an 18yr old.
God bless
however, I would imagine there is a lot more to this than just not letting the girl sleep over. If we asked your son, would he say that you are an overbearing mother, both as a mother, and as a mother in christ.
do you judge him on everything he does, and try to control everything he does because he is under your roof, and i know that mothers believe they are doing this out of love, but it really suffocates the child being that he is an adult now at 18.
i would say that this moving out is not based at all on the girl not sleeping over, but used as a way of crying out to you that you are smothering him, and not respecting him as an adult or an individual and this has been going on for some time. he has tried to get you to hear him, but we guys especially that young have hard time communicating what we really mean.
we think we are being black and white and the parent has no idea they are even trying to say something.
i have no idea how you've raised your children and i write this with absolutely no disrespect intended. you are on here asking for help so you are obv a very loving mother with great concerns about her child.
some kids just need to find their way, just be there to love them and support them, and make sure they know that your home will always be their home welcomed with open arms, but there are certain rules of that home that need to be followed out of respect. just make sure that your rules are reasonable for an 18yr old.
God bless