I've seen it amongst myself, my christian friends and online. The romantic life of a christian. Hmm. It's somehow the same but different than non-christians. We have different morals and ethics about why we're getting involved with someone, how we're getting involved, spiritual boundaries.
I grew up in a christian home, I spent my college years in the dorms and then joined a young adults ministry. Today, I have tons of christian friends my age.
I've seen 3 different perspectives from these places. They all tell a different story.
Growing Up At Home - Graduate high school and college, find a job, find The One christian, get married and have kids. The End.
College Dorms - Meet opposite gender, sleep with opposite gender, date for a while, break up, repeat. The End.
Young Adults Ministry - Everything about growing up at home and college was misleading, you were fooled. The End.
What's really going on...
Growing Up At Home - Stay within the lines, live the prototypical life of a family man, be very certain that you've found the perfect special woman.
College Dorms - You've got the urge, don't resist it.
Young Adults Ministry - No one's going to think otherwise if you're single, in a relationship, engaged, married or divorced. We like you as you are. We're all living in real world. We don't expect anyone to be perfect or seek perfection. We expect you to live and love all people.
The Fallout...
Growing Up At Home - Pressure to be approved, to flee judgment, to not only be Christian but appear Christian, the pressure to be overly certain and over think who you're dating. Divorce is your worst nightmare, you went wrong and have "failed" as a Christian.
College Dorms - Resistance against college dorm life. You've been told all these things growing up. Yet, they're in relationships and you're still single. Maybe they're right? Maybe you're wrong? You go to your church on the weekends and no one in your age range is there. You return to college on Sunday evenings, you're turned off by the most appealing of the opposite gender's lifestyle. If only they were saved!
Young Adults Ministry - You've met christians of the opposite gender. Now you've got a problem... options. Who's The One cripples your mind. You once had no options but now you have several options. You're forced to mentally decide. What do you do? You pray. You're still uncertain. Which of The One's are the The One. You begin overthinking and end up exactly where you've always been... no where. Meanwhile, you witness them pair off with others in relationships. You therefore are forced to conclude, they weren't The One after all.
The Pursuit of Truth...
I've prayed and prayed to God. I've cried out. Sadly, it's like God leaves it all up to us. It was up to us to accept him as our savior. My biggest crisis stemmed over eharmony.com regarding The One.
I struggled with it for the longest time. You mean if eharmony never got invented, my friend would've never got married? What a miracle of God! I was left in a tail spin. Stunned out of my mind by how God works nowadays.
I learned that all bets are off. You don't know who you'll marry, you don't know when and you don't know where.
A few years back I got turned down by "The Original" The One. I left my church in pursuit of newer things. A month later, I met up with a christian friend who'd just gotten engaged to a woman I liked a few years earlier. They were getting married in four months. During break we were crossing the street. I asked him "So you must of have just known when you saw her, huh?". I smiled. He laughs. He says "No, I actually knew her for a few months, I didn't expect to ever be marrying her."
I cannot recall what I said next. I was taken back. "I just knew" as my Father proclaimed about my Mother wasn't stacking up across the board. I had friends who met women online, dated women they were friends with, dated a girl a week after they met them and Christian friends dating new people every other month. I shook my head in disgust "These people really need to learn how to wait on God. Trust in him for The One."
In my own life, I was more or less waiting for something to happen. Nothing was happening. I was supposed to only date one woman, get engaged, get married, have kids and buy a few houses. Sadly, this wasn't the case. My reality was shaken. I had failed to live up to what I felt was expected me.
Time would pass throughoutt the years. I realized I hadn't failed God, I hadn't failed as a Christian. I had only not lived up to ideal of what my life was supposed to be. Who said I was to be married by 25, out of the house by 22, who said these things. When they didn't happen I felt as if I might have failed.
On my 25th Bday back in May, I felt a great relief. I knew I had no chance of meeting someone and booking a wedding by May 2009. I was happy. I was free for the first time in my life. I didn't have to meet a quota anymore. I could get married at 26, 27, 30, 35 or even 50. Freedom. All bets were off. You'd think it'd be a bad thing but it wasn't.
Yet, I see a guy over 35 at my church down on himself saying "God doesn't have a wife for me". I'm like we chose God. We choose to accept what he has or doesn't have. Who's to say you ignore that and go meet someone yourself and get hitched. Stop limiting yourself, man.
That's when it all came full circle. God loves and cares for us all. He seeks to protect us. Why would he ever stop doing that. That's even if we married someone who wasn't perfection themselves.
Often we the imperfect try to fit ourselves into perfection (perfect wife, house and kids) only to feel like it's impossible. We're right, it is impossible. Perfection isn't possible.
I honestly don't know where I'll work, live, when or whom I'll marry, who my first kid will be. I just don't have a clue. I just know what I do and don't want.
I suppose the only thing to wait on God for is present answers on present scenarios. It's time to stop looking backwards and too far forward and focus on the present and immediate future. That's waiting on God to me.
I grew up in a christian home, I spent my college years in the dorms and then joined a young adults ministry. Today, I have tons of christian friends my age.
I've seen 3 different perspectives from these places. They all tell a different story.
Growing Up At Home - Graduate high school and college, find a job, find The One christian, get married and have kids. The End.
College Dorms - Meet opposite gender, sleep with opposite gender, date for a while, break up, repeat. The End.
Young Adults Ministry - Everything about growing up at home and college was misleading, you were fooled. The End.
What's really going on...
Growing Up At Home - Stay within the lines, live the prototypical life of a family man, be very certain that you've found the perfect special woman.
College Dorms - You've got the urge, don't resist it.
Young Adults Ministry - No one's going to think otherwise if you're single, in a relationship, engaged, married or divorced. We like you as you are. We're all living in real world. We don't expect anyone to be perfect or seek perfection. We expect you to live and love all people.
The Fallout...
Growing Up At Home - Pressure to be approved, to flee judgment, to not only be Christian but appear Christian, the pressure to be overly certain and over think who you're dating. Divorce is your worst nightmare, you went wrong and have "failed" as a Christian.
College Dorms - Resistance against college dorm life. You've been told all these things growing up. Yet, they're in relationships and you're still single. Maybe they're right? Maybe you're wrong? You go to your church on the weekends and no one in your age range is there. You return to college on Sunday evenings, you're turned off by the most appealing of the opposite gender's lifestyle. If only they were saved!
Young Adults Ministry - You've met christians of the opposite gender. Now you've got a problem... options. Who's The One cripples your mind. You once had no options but now you have several options. You're forced to mentally decide. What do you do? You pray. You're still uncertain. Which of The One's are the The One. You begin overthinking and end up exactly where you've always been... no where. Meanwhile, you witness them pair off with others in relationships. You therefore are forced to conclude, they weren't The One after all.
The Pursuit of Truth...
I've prayed and prayed to God. I've cried out. Sadly, it's like God leaves it all up to us. It was up to us to accept him as our savior. My biggest crisis stemmed over eharmony.com regarding The One.
I struggled with it for the longest time. You mean if eharmony never got invented, my friend would've never got married? What a miracle of God! I was left in a tail spin. Stunned out of my mind by how God works nowadays.
I learned that all bets are off. You don't know who you'll marry, you don't know when and you don't know where.
A few years back I got turned down by "The Original" The One. I left my church in pursuit of newer things. A month later, I met up with a christian friend who'd just gotten engaged to a woman I liked a few years earlier. They were getting married in four months. During break we were crossing the street. I asked him "So you must of have just known when you saw her, huh?". I smiled. He laughs. He says "No, I actually knew her for a few months, I didn't expect to ever be marrying her."
I cannot recall what I said next. I was taken back. "I just knew" as my Father proclaimed about my Mother wasn't stacking up across the board. I had friends who met women online, dated women they were friends with, dated a girl a week after they met them and Christian friends dating new people every other month. I shook my head in disgust "These people really need to learn how to wait on God. Trust in him for The One."
In my own life, I was more or less waiting for something to happen. Nothing was happening. I was supposed to only date one woman, get engaged, get married, have kids and buy a few houses. Sadly, this wasn't the case. My reality was shaken. I had failed to live up to what I felt was expected me.
Time would pass throughoutt the years. I realized I hadn't failed God, I hadn't failed as a Christian. I had only not lived up to ideal of what my life was supposed to be. Who said I was to be married by 25, out of the house by 22, who said these things. When they didn't happen I felt as if I might have failed.
On my 25th Bday back in May, I felt a great relief. I knew I had no chance of meeting someone and booking a wedding by May 2009. I was happy. I was free for the first time in my life. I didn't have to meet a quota anymore. I could get married at 26, 27, 30, 35 or even 50. Freedom. All bets were off. You'd think it'd be a bad thing but it wasn't.
Yet, I see a guy over 35 at my church down on himself saying "God doesn't have a wife for me". I'm like we chose God. We choose to accept what he has or doesn't have. Who's to say you ignore that and go meet someone yourself and get hitched. Stop limiting yourself, man.
That's when it all came full circle. God loves and cares for us all. He seeks to protect us. Why would he ever stop doing that. That's even if we married someone who wasn't perfection themselves.
Often we the imperfect try to fit ourselves into perfection (perfect wife, house and kids) only to feel like it's impossible. We're right, it is impossible. Perfection isn't possible.
I honestly don't know where I'll work, live, when or whom I'll marry, who my first kid will be. I just don't have a clue. I just know what I do and don't want.
I suppose the only thing to wait on God for is present answers on present scenarios. It's time to stop looking backwards and too far forward and focus on the present and immediate future. That's waiting on God to me.
wait on God
