Having trouble finding "The right one"

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ctc1989

Guest
#1
#1
I'm a 26 year old guy, and it seems like its impossible to find someone with similar beliefs who wants the same things out of this life. I'm getting tired of people wanting all of the material things that brings instant gratification. Women my age are into a lot of the things that I just can't get into (all of the things that tv and pop culture teach them to want). Is there something wrong with me? I'd much rather spend a weekend up at our cabin without all the modern technology than going out partying all weekend. I try to be a family oriented person but it's hard to do that these days when it's uncool to spend time with siblings and parents instead of going out and getting wasted.

It's extremly tempting to have a one night stand and act like I don't care. I'm a relationship guy for sure, rather than a hook up guy, which seems to be the exception these days.... And don't even get me started on finding a good Christian girl :) I'm from a small town but live within a half hour hour of a major university (top 10 party schools.. Ugh). My weekend use to cons insist of going down to state st. And having a "good" time. Thankfully I've matured over time and have come to the realization that i want more out of life than just a good time. I want to live a "good life" a productive, loving, god fearing life. Which seems like the exact opposite of what most men my age want.

I guess my biggest frustration is waiting for the "right one" to come along. It's tough in this day and age where sex is so prevalent among my generation. Thankfully my faith has helped me, now I have faith that eventually, god will send me my one and only, but it is tough having to wait. I see people getting married left and right (including my little sister, to a great guy) and sometimes I do get jealous.

I'm sorry to keep rambling on so I'll wrap this up..

Is anyone else going through this, or does anyone have any advice?? Any good bible passages dealing with love or finding the one would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Have a great day!!
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#2
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#2
Hey there, welcome here. :)

I am not great at giving relationship advice, so I'll let the seniors do that. All I can say is - When Mrs. Right comes along, you will always be Mr. Wrong. :rolleyes:

P.S. It's supposed to be a marriage joke...

P.P.S. Don't ask me why they say that...
 
G

greg789

Guest
#3
#3
somewhat of the same problem.....but it relies with me more, can't even really talk to anyone, "sigh"
family don't count for me..... this has been with me for 14 years, if only I never hit puberty, I mostly just care about laughing, so I created friends along the way......

you're mostly ahead of the game if you compare me with you my friend.....well.....yeah Fri....e...n...d, but I guess were really not suppose to compare each other, but I just hope I made you feel a bit better by knowing you're not alone, and yeah, you will hopefully get there before I do

think of yourself as the hare and me the tortoise, or am I the hare? I forget there's just so many versions now, they like to have the tortoise cheat now which isn't good. the hare would surely win the race, well maybe not the hare would jump off the lap and wind up somewhere like in a carrot farm or something.....and the tortoise would get to the finish line in a couple of days so yeah, I'm sure I'm the hare....
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
I'm 39 and single. So yeah. Doesn't get any easier as you get older.
 
Reborn

Reborn

Senior Member
#5
Nov 16, 2014
4,087
217
63
#5
Enjoy the walk with Him until you run into her.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#6
Aug 13, 2014
26,707
8,941
113
#6
You always meet people where you shouldn't, and never meet people where you should.



"Sometimes I sit on the parking deck and watch the sun rise. I feel like I should have a guitar or something."
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#7
Mar 13, 2014
42,394
16,886
113
69
Tennessee
#7
I was married at the age of 23 and divorced 6 years later. It was a horrible marriage. I waited 18 years before praying to God to search and find my heart's desire. My younger brother never dated but at the age of 33 met his future wife where he worked. You just never know when you will meet the one that you want and desire.

It is better to wait for the right one later than to marry the wrong one now.

You wrote an excellent post.

There is some good relational advice in Proverbs. I do know having read in the bible that hope deferred makes the heart sick. God understands these emotions.
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#8
#8
The "right one" doesn't just "come along". I'm a fairly quiet and reserved person, but if I find a girl I'm interested in, and I get to know her, nothings going to stop me from pursuing her unless she's married or in a serious relationship. That's just how I am. People come and go in life constantly, so it's impossible to know when, where, and how we will ever meet anyone. I've been divorced for a couple years now, and at first it was a real struggle, and up until recently, all I wanted to do was find someone to be with. But I prayed about it a lot, constantly, and FINALLY after over a year and a half of praying God told me I just wasn't supposed to be dating anyone or looking for a relationship at this time, and I gave those desires to God.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#9
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#9
Ctt when I was about your age I felt the same way, it got to a point that I had to really do some soul searching and drudge through past mistakes and learn not to make the same choices over and over. I was actually dating someone who I knew in my heart I had to break up with because it wasn't the direction God wanted me to go. I prayed a lot and spent time alone. I felt like God wanted me to enjoy that time and realise that my own company was pretty good. I did eventually date my Husband but we spent a lot of time talking first.

I also learned not to be afraid to say what I wanted, marriage, children, etc. Not afraid to say, I want a man who'll pray with me. My bit of advice once you feel comfortable with someone, share your goals and what you feel you want out of a relationship. If they walk away, then so be it, but then you're not settling and that's a good thing.
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#10
#10
ctc1989 said:
I want to live a "good life" a productive, loving, god fearing life.
Click to expand...
So do it. You don't need "the right one" for that.

I agree with you, though: much of society is into temporary gratification and one dimensional pleasures.
 
R

Rose0911

Guest
#11
#11
What "reborn" said! ^. Stop looking for the one and focus on your relationship with God and what's he's called u too. When the time is right the "right one" will come at just the right time.
"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4
 
M

MyLighthouse

Guest
#12
#12
If you really want to find the right one, you will be patient for them. It will be worth it, you just keep being the right one for her. Having came from a small town I can say that moving may help as well, if you can't then there's websites, but do not recommend due to what I've heard from some friends, but hey it's an option. Enjoy your singleness also, theirs a time for everything. With that Chase God- Joseph Solomon has many great videos on all that you mentioned. Check it out his channel :)

[video=youtube;3C9N82cvY0k]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3C9N82cvY0k[/video]
 
Violet24

Violet24

Senior Member
#13
Apr 14, 2015
1,074
148
63
#13
Philippians 4: 6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplications, let your request be made known to God, and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts & minds through Christ Jesus....
 
G

Guitarhack

Guest
#14
#14
There's some good responses to your post. I just joined this site and yours was the first I read. All I can say, regarding your quest for "the right one" is stay on track with God. I made the mistake of rebelling against The Lord when my wife left me and turned her back on Jesus. I was on an emotional roller coaster and started drinking and playing the bars, and to add insult to injury, I was involved in several abusive meaningless relationships. What wasted years! Now I'm in your situation, waiting for the right one. Of course my standards are higher. LoL ...have patience. God knows I need it.
 
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sassylady

Guest
#15
#15
I'm in my 50's and after I was divorced was shocked at how many men in my age group who claimed to be Christian were only interested in sex and looks and living with somebody rather than marriage. But I know what you're saying about those in your age group. I work with alot of them that age and it can get downright disgusting.

I have given up finding the right one. If God wants me to meet somebody then so be it, I'm not looking. I like what Zaoman32 said about pursuing the one you find. That sounds like good advice for a man. I think that's a little more difficult for a woman because I'm not sure a woman should pursue a man.
 
C

ctc1989

Guest
#16
#16
Thanks for all the responses, I've gotta give a shout out to MYLIGHTHOUSE and the video she posted. I'm not usually into "poetry" try stuff but that video definitely made me smile. I really enjoyed watching it, so if you haven't watched it yet I encourage you to take a few mins.

Your responses really helped me understand I'm not alone in this, I have faith that someday I'll find the right woman :) and hopefully kids. It's tough sometimes watching many of the people around me get married and have kids, it doesn't make me jealous necessarily but it does make me wish I would find my future wife sooner than what god has planned for me. My younger sister is getting married in June to a really great guy, and they are a great pair... I'm just glad they are good together and got married for the right reasons. I've noticed that a lot of people my age get engaged to their partners within a year and married a few months later, before their really sure who their getting married to, and I've noticed it's causing a lot of problems. I pray that god will give me the right woman that I can love and grow with. So that's what's been on my mind this afternoon. Maybe you have thoughts on some of these issues.

Have a great day.
 
S

southernbell85

Guest
#17
#17
I would have to agree with you. No, your not the only one trying to find someone with the same ideals its hard to find someone with the same values anymore.at least I find myself in the same spot as you.
 
egeiro

egeiro

Senior Member
#18
Mar 17, 2015
336
47
28
#18
Hey CTC. Like you, I was born in '89, but since I'm a December baby, I'm not quite 26 years old yet.

Firstly, I want to say, it is awesome that you have these renewed desires for a good and godly relationship. I love hearing the ways Jesus just sweeps people up and does a wonderful thing to them from the inside out.

What I find with the close people around me, is that many assume the grass is greener on the other side. The, "If only I was married...", or for some married couples I know, "If only I was single..." or, "If only we had a child...". But where does it end? Singleness is a gift, and so is a partner in marriage, and so is children. It is all a gift.

It is a good thing to look forward to, but I believe there is so much in the here and now that is worth celebrating. In any moment, in all circumstances, situations and relationship statuses, there are many reasons to delight in Him in thanksgiving and opportunities to experience ultimate satisfaction in Him.

At this point in life I love serving my church. God has been doing some interesting things with my gifts lately and I'm just so fascinated with what happens when I pour it back out on my brothers and sisters in Christ. Being single gives me a lot of time on my hands to do this, and truly, it is an honour to do so.

Singleness is not a disease that needs to be cured. It is just a season. It is a season that has purpose, and like all seasons, it is best spent in complete surrender to God's will and His touch and to allow Him to do more amazing work in you. So, on the day you have the privilege of taking someone's hand in marriage, you can give so much more out as someone refined and matured by the practice of patience, hope and faith.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#19
Aug 13, 2014
26,707
8,941
113
#19
About the green grass...

"If the grass is greener on the other side
You can bet the water bill is higher"
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#20
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#20
ctc1989 said:
I'm a 26 year old guy, and it seems like its impossible to find someone with similar beliefs who wants the same things out of this life. I'm getting tired of people wanting all of the material things that brings instant gratification. Women my age are into a lot of the things that I just can't get into (all of the things that tv and pop culture teach them to want). Is there something wrong with me? I'd much rather spend a weekend up at our cabin without all the modern technology than going out partying all weekend. I try to be a family oriented person but it's hard to do that these days when it's uncool to spend time with siblings and parents instead of going out and getting wasted.

It's extremly tempting to have a one night stand and act like I don't care. I'm a relationship guy for sure, rather than a hook up guy, which seems to be the exception these days.... And don't even get me started on finding a good Christian girl :) I'm from a small town but live within a half hour hour of a major university (top 10 party schools.. Ugh). My weekend use to cons insist of going down to state st. And having a "good" time. Thankfully I've matured over time and have come to the realization that i want more out of life than just a good time. I want to live a "good life" a productive, loving, god fearing life. Which seems like the exact opposite of what most men my age want.

I guess my biggest frustration is waiting for the "right one" to come along. It's tough in this day and age where sex is so prevalent among my generation. Thankfully my faith has helped me, now I have faith that eventually, god will send me my one and only, but it is tough having to wait. I see people getting married left and right (including my little sister, to a great guy) and sometimes I do get jealous.

I'm sorry to keep rambling on so I'll wrap this up..

Is anyone else going through this, or does anyone have any advice?? Any good bible passages dealing with love or finding the one would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Have a great day!!
Click to expand...
Well, when I was your age I wasn´t concerned in the "right one" but in someone I liked, because I never planned to be married and sex was part of those things I sought. Nowadays, I wish I knew I was the "right one" for someone of those I knew but, honestly, I´m the "right one" just for me and, if that person appears, it´s not because I sought her, but because of God´s hand intervened to SAVE both of us (she and I) and, before that miracle would happen, I´d prefer God gave me to win the lottery, with a huge prize, so none of both would be concerned with money, so we (she and I) could move abroad to a better place (not a big city, but a town or village) clean and easy going, with trees and woods... with the peace Venezuela, and several other countries actually lack!

:eek:
 
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