boyfriends dad-help???

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angelsonthemove4u

Banned
#21
May 2, 2015
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#21
Since I am a parent :cool: I know how prideful and stubborn we can be :mad: that said , old dogs can be taught new tricks , I think I would be impressed with a potential daughter in law if she put forth a good effort trying to get me to understand her condition is real and that I could live with her condition because she does .... I hope she takes up the idea put forth because all can agree this father needs more knowledge to better understand (if willing), lets pray he gets it and The young lady has a blessed outcome...
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#22
#22
JFSurvivor said:
Ok so I have HAD IT with my boyfriends dad! He thinks I need to just "get over" my social anxiety. And not only that he thinks Edgar shouldn't be asking me questions about Jesus!!!! He thinks he either shouldn't be asking them at all or should be going to a pastor. I dunno the whole story but I am angry!!! what do I do?
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So, you think he should just get over what he thinks and he thinks you should just get over what you think. Kindred spirits maybe? How about starting from there?

After all, you're asking opinions from people who know even less than you do, while all along maybe it's up to you to talk to him directly, so you can both learn to deal with each other. At worse, if you don't, he stops worrying about if his son is talking to someone about God, because what he's learning doesn't matter much.

I also recommend telling your boyfriend you don't want to hear the gossip about what his father thinks. You too are only listening to one side of a conversation. No one can judge from just one side of a conversation, even though that's what you want us to do now.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#23
#23
JFSurvivor said:
My boyfriend told me all of it. The hard thing is when I am invited to things and my anxiety acts up his dad doesn't take it seriously so when Edgar and I step away he's always like "come back to the party" and not in a nice inviting way. More like a "COME BACK TO THE PARTY OR YOU'RE DEAD TO ME!" kind of way.
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No, your boyfriend didn't tell you the whole of the story. Unless he prodded his Dad for every last thought Dad has about you, he doesn't know the whole story to tell you. That's why it's up to you to go to Dad and iron this out. You think that's what his father meant when he said that, but inflection, family history, upbringing and so much more that you don't know yet, translated what he really did say into something you relate to. Not the same thing as that really is what he was saying.
 
JFSurvivor

JFSurvivor

Senior Member
#24
Jan 20, 2015
1,184
25
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#24
angelsonthemove4u said:
Go on the internet , look up everything you can find on your particular condition and print out all the material , create a full packet of knowledge for the father and Edgar ... Then end of subject . They will have been educated in a way they cannot deny or dismiss , ignorance of a subject can cause grave problems for all of us , read these scriptures and see what I mean Jeremiah 4:22 Hosea 4:6 Amos 8:11 and to get rid of your anxiety take God up on this promise Hebrews 11:6 God loves you and wants you to have an expected end Jeremiah 29:11-13 peace to you ...
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I like this idea...what if my bfs dad takes offense though? He doesn't have a high school diploma and is pretty sensitive about that. I don't want him thinking I'm trying to belittle his intelligence.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#25
May 29, 2013
9,166
1,797
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#25
In general, if you are not on speaking terms with your boyfriend's dad, that is not a good thing. Your information there on the side says that you are 20, which means you could technically get married. If you aren't dating with an objection to find a husband, there is no need to date at all. And if you do marry a man, you need to be accepted into the family. So if you are going to go out with your boyfriend, you should try to develop a good relationship with his parents. Some time when it isn't crowded at a party, you could explain to him that you feel anxiety around crowds and if you leave the room it is because you are overwhelmed.

That's also something to work on, just being in a room with a crowd of people you don't know. I know that if it's with your boyfriends family and their friends, that can be a lot higher stress than when you are meeting with a bunch of teenage friends, especially if family has a critical eye toward you.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#26
May 29, 2013
9,166
1,797
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#26
I'm also thinking your boyfriend is probably still at a stage where he thinks that if he's in love, he should share everything with you, including all his parents private comments. He could shelter you from some of them and defend your case to them. If you are too socially anxious around his dad to explain your social anxiety, maybe he could do it for you.
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#27
#27
JFSurvivor said:
I like this idea...what if my bfs dad takes offense though? He doesn't have a high school diploma and is pretty sensitive about that. I don't want him thinking I'm trying to belittle his intelligence.
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what if he takes offense? Yes, i would go with that instinct! You cannot really hope to communicate in any meaningful way if there is no good will. So the first step is to try to build goodwill, and this will probably be the longest and most difficult step?
 
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