the marriage myth

thefightinglamb · Feb 11, 2009

I do not agree with most posts or churches I have attended on marriage and 'finding the right one' (meaning mate and not Jesus Christ)...I personally think marriage and dating/courting have nothing to do with being Christian...I believe in the old testament the Jews received marriage as an analogy to our relationship with God...but now that Jesus has come all forms and shadows of things are and are to disappear. Not that I am forbidding marriage, but that marriage love is NOT and never will be deeper than Christian love...if that were false Jesus would have married or had sex or whatever you think makes it deeper...

That being the case and me being single, I have often myself found myself under the delusion of finding the 'right one' for me. The problem is you think that about one person and then you become absurd and when that doesn't work out you think it about the next person...All the while you start dividing people into secondary instead of primary roles in your life...As in you pay more attention to this one person, and ignore and become callous to everyone else...this can happen tragically even in what a lot of people would call 'godly' marriages...The two are super close and have a super close connection to their kids, but all the while they push Christian love to the side for this family love...I get that from how Christ says we must hate our mother and father, even our own lives to come to home in Luke? or Mark? And that whoever does this receives a thousand fold. Not that it is saying have malice towards them, but that a person has to believe the relationship he has to other Christians and the family of Christ more important that his family's physical descent (physical parents, brothers, and sisters)...Otherwise, the term brothers and sisters when Christians use it is less true than a physical brother or sister...I believe there is nothing deeper than Christian love and the communion/fellowship they share is the truest and deepest existence possible.

From a Christian's point of view I believe we are free to marry any other Christian--as in God does not tell us to marry a specific person...but God, knowing all things, does know who you will marry if you will marry whatsoever, and not be like the LORD who didn't marry...So there is no way for us as Christians to know who we will marry, love Jesus and God will insure your fortune...

Being Christian is about aspiring to be like Christ and to reflect him spiritually...it has little to nothing to do with this world's view of having a 'beautiful marriage and physical children'...If you follow Christ, then the Lord may bless you through that marriage to Him of in a certain way of being like Mary and giving an immaculate birth of himself through baptism of someone who brings to Christ in a certain way through the Christ in you...

I was in a singles ministry at a church where the pastor thought a singles group he was in back in his day was successful because have the people got married to each other...and not if people were baptized, turning from sins, or seeking the Lord more ardently...

Also, I do not believe marriage or physical children allow you to neglect the will of God...meaning you are suppose to still love and do whatever the Lord shows you with depthless Christian love for anyone and not just for your physical families...I am talking as an outsider of marriage I know, but truly every Christian in your life that sees a significant difference between the way you love your own physical family and every other Christian is hurt by it...because we need that love too and not some secondary love you want to call 'Christian love'.

God's love and peace
tony

MahogonySnail · Feb 11, 2009

I agree, non christians have successful marriages too.

Or even that we have to marry a christian. There's no explicit rule in scripture "you must marry a christian", although the yoked with unbelievers verse is often quoted and could apply, it is not specifically talking about marriage.

Baptistrw · Feb 11, 2009

MahogonySnail said:

I agree, non christians have successful marriages too.

Or even that we have to marry a christian. There's no explicit rule in scripture "you must marry a christian", although the yoked with unbelievers verse is often quoted and could apply, it is not specifically talking about marriage.

It does apply.

thefightinglamb · Feb 11, 2009

I also think it applies...because how can one attached to the Lord become One with an unbeliever...

Note: I meant the pastor said 'half' and not 'have' the people in the singles minisrty got married...and the 'of' after Him shouldn't be there...I need to go back to elementary school...lol

tony

Baptistrw · Feb 11, 2009

I have the same problems Tony lol I suffer from typo-gleicemia lol

MahogonySnail · Feb 11, 2009

Plenty of people who are attached to the Lord become One with unbelievers. It is as you said above fightinglamb:

And their marriage is as much a marriage as two christians being married.

Baptistrw · Feb 11, 2009

MahogonySnail said:

They don't have God's blessing on the matter.

MahogonySnail · Feb 11, 2009

Thats a good point, I wouldn't advise it personally. But two christians who marry and one drifts away from God later on would be in the same situation.

MahogonySnail · Feb 11, 2009

Any scripture for that?

thefightinglamb · Feb 11, 2009

I meant the concept of marriage is a-thing-of-this-world like shopping not that Christians should buy the same things that unbelievers do...aka...not marry non-Christians...

Spiritually I do not think Christ would ever lead a Christian to marry a non-Christian
...even in the old testament we have the Jews going out and marrying daughters of foreign gods who were forbidden...I think it is toxic for both the Christian and non-Christian--one wants only Christ--the other wants anything besides Him...How can that be One person? How can they see eye to eye?

To Christians, I was trying to say, marriage shouldn't matter because the greatest love that can be Christ has given them--his own love 'Christian love' and marriage love cannot be deeper...not that a Christian would ever marry an unbeliever which is to say symbolically in their life that they can go off and marry someone other than the one true God....

Sorry for the misunderstanding...I see when Christians mary unbelievers, as I said before, or as it happened to Soloman 'his many wives led him astray.'

God bless
tony

Baptistrw · Feb 11, 2009

MahogonySnail said:

It's not God character to bless anything sinful, because God hates sin. An unequal yoke is sin. So therefore God won't bless it. Common sense will bring someone to that conclusion on the whole of Scripture, not just a particular verse.

MahogonySnail · Feb 11, 2009

Well I was hoping for an explicit verse where I could go "ah yep, baptistrw is right, God does not bless marriage between unbeliever and believer". This must also mean God does not bless the marriage of two unbelievers?
Is the marriage of unbelievers then illegitimate?

Because I thought two unbelievers who married still fulfilled this:

Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh.

I wouldn't say two people who marry don't have God's blessing, but two people who don't marry don't have God's blessing?

Baptistrw · Feb 11, 2009

Did God bless the Jews marriages to the foreign women in the OT? No. He didn't. He strictly told them not to, as He has with us in the NT.

MahogonySnail · Feb 11, 2009

That's true.. depends what you mean by "bless".. although they went against His will, He still counted them as marriages I thought.

CristenJ · Feb 11, 2009

thefightinglamb said:

I thought it was God's will that a person is to put their spouse above all others...except Him...

Which would essentially be giving us the go-ahead to love our husbands/wives above the person down the street, right?

But I'm not saying you shouldn't still show Christ-like love to everyone, just that a spouse comes before others.

Or am I way off?

twistedlinen · Feb 11, 2009

Baptistrw said:

But if one is Christian would God not be blessing that Christian? Reminds me of the Jews.

" 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will deal with you as you deserve, because you have despised my oath by breaking the covenant. 60 Yet I will remember the covenant I made with you in the days of your youth, and I will establish an everlasting covenant with you. Ezekiel 16:59-60

I think the promises of God will still be evident on the life of that Christian, God will still bless him/her but will suffer the consequence of sin.

that's just my opinion

MahogonySnail · Feb 11, 2009

The thing is, despite the belief that God blesses christian marriages and doesn't bless non christian ones.. it seems to have no bearing on the divorce rates in christianity which seems to be higher than other groups..

http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm

I agree with this statement by Donald Hughes, author of The Divorce Reality, said:

"In the churches, people have a superstitious view that Christianity will keep them from divorce, but they are subject to the same problems as everyone else, and they include a lack of relationship skills. ...Just being born again is not a rabbit's foot."

And I think the same could apply to the belief that just because you marry a christian and not an unbeliever, your marriage will be somehow protected or "blessed". I don't think it works like that in reality.

olivetree32 · Feb 11, 2009

thefightinglamb said:

um, im thinking im might be confused here, or am i reading your post correct? Did you say, you don't think the earthly marriage is an example of Christ and HIs love? Because if that is the case,its not correct. God is clear on showing His love threw a marriage and such a blessing!
let me share some scripture with you brother.
Eph 5:23For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
Eph 5:31"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." [fn]Eph 5:32This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the churchbut you can read all of Eph 5 if you like, or part of it. The thing is, we are representing Christ in are marriage and as a single. Marriage is a convenant with God. The husband and the wife looking to the Lord. So are earthly marriage is a relection of Christ and the church.

thefightinglamb · Feb 11, 2009

Criston

Struggling to understand how to answer...I think what I was trying to say is that when a person is constantly looking for 'their right one' and not just seeking the Lord's will they go astray...but if you hold to the fact that they are suppose to love them above everyone save Christ then why shouldn't they disregard Christian love to a secondary function...and thus it is likely to mean less and less to them...I hold to kind of strange view of Christian love--I believe the people the Lord wills for you to meet and connect/work/pray/live with that are Christian (either before or through you helping them see they become) form a small body of Christ as Paul states in his letters...I believe a spouse must be a part of this microcosmic body if s/he is a Christian, but getting married or anything else cannot make the depth deeper than what the Lord has already established....

What I am truly trying to point out is how some churches see 'marriage' as they ultimate fulfilment of the church for a Christian's life in a sense...but I think it was far from the disciple's minds and also the early churches minds to ever consider that 'personal marriage' as sooooo very important...I think they put Christ and Christian love so far above everything else that 'marriage love' wasn't secondary it was just rightly subjective to Christian love.

I think a lot of churches would have liked a good letter on a big beautiful wedding of two earthly people (perhaps Christians?) having many kids (perhaps godly physical children)--and that be the story of how to follow Christ...love your spouse and your children...I am trying to say that this is the analogy that so many churches still cling to instead of just teaching love everyone through Christ and come what may...

Confused now
tony

NoahsDad · Feb 12, 2009

wow im seein alot of unmarried folx putin their two cents on how married folx are sposed to act .........hmmmmmmm
JUDGE MUCH?

the marriage myth

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