my father said he didn't need me

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A

authorwannabee

Guest
#21
#21
Galahad said:
Let it go, for now. Really. Your dad loves you.

He's older. I've seen this behavior. Not saying it is right. But it's not you, it's his expectations for you, his age, his burdens.
He's on edge for a number of reasons.

From his perspective, his thoughts and mind: Both children are back home. All the money on college. They are back. Not helping. What are they to become? What is going on. I want them to move forward. ETC.

Later years for a man are challenging. No matter how successful he is in life, he will find his life has not been all he had hoped and planned. Those later years can be cataclysmic for some men. Not all. Probably feel impatient, anger, deep discouragement, hopeless. ETC.

You're tired. Rightly so.

What to do? Praise and thank your dad for all he's done for you. Be specific, especially with college. But do so in casual, unexpected like conversation.

So sorry you had to hear those things from your dad.

Hope this helps.
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Yes, it did help. Thank you ^^
 
M

mystikmind

Guest
#22
#22
zeroturbulence said:
I'm also filipino and this sounds like something a lot of filipino parents do. They get verbally abusive with their kids. When I was a kid I thought it was because of me, but now that I'm older I see that it was something in them that made them say those kinds of things and I did not deserve what they said and neither do you.
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Definitely!

My Filipino ex wife cannot say no to her mom, even to the point where her mom tells her it is time to divorce my ass and she does it! I wanted to do whatever to try to save the marriage, but no second chances, not with her mom convincing her to refuse, even refused marriage counseling.

I was a bit concearned the apron strings were a bit too tight before i married her, i should have listened to that instinct. I never once saw her stand up to her mother, talk about your red flag!!
 
A

authorwannabee

Guest
#23
#23
mystikmind said:
Definitely!

My Filipino ex wife cannot say no to her mom, even to the point where her mom tells her it is time to divorce my ass and she does it! I wanted to do whatever to try to save the marriage, but no second chances, not with her mom convincing her to refuse, even refused marriage counseling.

I was a bit concearned the apron strings were a bit too tight before i married her, i should have listened to that instinct. I never once saw her stand up to her mother, talk about your red flag!!
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I saw your thread at the Filipino forum, was it? If i'm not mistaken that is. Sorry about what happened to you. But i guess that's how we Filipino's are. Like being too attached with our families. But i' not saying its a good or bad thing, it just depends on the situation. Maybe she was just too confused and didn't know what to do?
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#24
#24
authorwannabee said:
I saw your thread at the Filipino forum, was it? If i'm not mistaken that is. Sorry about what happened to you. But i guess that's how we Filipino's are. Like being too attached with our families. But i' not saying its a good or bad thing, it just depends on the situation. Maybe she was just too confused and didn't know what to do?
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Well, no doubt neither of us was happy in the marriage as it was, and it certainly had to change one way or another, and divorce is a better option than keeping going as it was..... but what i wanted, i wanted to try to turn it around to be a good marriage and i was ready to do whatever i need to do for that to happen, but she flatly refused, and i tried so hard, i followed all the good advice and all that, i tried so very hard to convince her to give us a chance, but the power of her mom whispering in her ear was too strong, and she refused everything no matter what i said or did. It was quite bizarre, as if my voice was gone and my hands and feet were bound, at first i began to think there must be another man, but my mom had the right intuition all along, it was my mom who first suggested my ex's mother was behind it but i never believed it at first, but in the end the truth was revealed and i found out my mom,s intuition was right.

Anyway, since saving the marriage was not an option, divorce is the next best thing, I'm content with that, I'm over it, and i am getting on with my life and i am much happier these days, so much so that i really had no idea the extent of how unhappy i was in that marriage!
 
A

authorwannabee

Guest
#25
#25
mystikmind said:
Well, no doubt neither of us was happy in the marriage as it was, and it certainly had to change one way or another, and divorce is a better option than keeping going as it was..... but what i wanted, i wanted to try to turn it around to be a good marriage and i was ready to do whatever i need to do for that to happen, but she flatly refused, and i tried so hard, i followed all the good advice and all that, i tried so very hard to convince her to give us a chance, but the power of her mom whispering in her ear was too strong, and she refused everything no matter what i said or did. It was quite bizarre, as if my voice was gone and my hands and feet were bound, at first i began to think there must be another man, but my mom had the right intuition all along, it was my mom who first suggested my ex's mother was behind it but i never believed it at first, but in the end the truth was revealed and i found out my mom,s intuition was right.

Anyway, since saving the marriage was not an option, divorce is the next best thing, I'm content with that, I'm over it, and i am getting on with my life and i am much happier these days, so much so that i really had no idea the extent of how unhappy i was in that marriage!
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its great to hear that your doing well. i dkn't know much about marriage yet, but one thing i do kow is that if its not meant to be then don't force it. Let the Lord work on it, give Him the upper hand, He knows what to do.
and hearing now that your happy i guess its one of those blessing in disguise sort of situation. Maybe the Lors wants to make you realize some things and maybe sooner or later you will probably have already.
Someone's out there for you, and maybe she's already on her way, so just enjoy life first. ^^
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#26
#26
authorwannabee said:
its great to hear that your doing well. i dkn't know much about marriage yet, but one thing i do kow is that if its not meant to be then don't force it. Let the Lord work on it, give Him the upper hand, He knows what to do.
and hearing now that your happy i guess its one of those blessing in disguise sort of situation. Maybe the Lors wants to make you realize some things and maybe sooner or later you will probably have already.
Someone's out there for you, and maybe she's already on her way, so just enjoy life first. ^^
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thank you kindly, and i hope your situation with your Dad will improve, i'm sure it will :)
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#27
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#27
I bet he feels frustrated and disapointed (when he sees any of you too concentrated on your business) and he feels helpless (and alone doing his chores).

You were not sent into the trash can, I bet for it and, please, see it as if you were hired and your "boss" tried to fired you (in fact, you are fired) but you are his daughter... Are you working and bringing money to pay your family bills, by the way?

Allow me to say that, if you are 28 years of age, he has given you plenty time to be free (while he, possibly was enslaved the way he regrets to work day after day). I don´t know how his life is!

Try to talk to him and with you mom (I hope they both be alive).

If I´m not wrong (as usual) my dad asked me to leave his house when I was 26 (or so). I moved with my mom (for the 1st time) and when I was 32 I got married on the times I was building my own house, next to my mom. Soon after, I moved to another state... I´m telling you this because you surely will know you need to grow, in that area. ;)
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#28
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#28
Oh! Oh!

This is the person who recently...

Oh! I was cheeky on what you said about Mary and Joseph (but I liked that idea you brought into my mind).

Thanks! :eek:
 
A

authorwannabee

Guest
#29
#29
mystikmind said:
thank you kindly, and i hope your situation with your Dad will improve, i'm sure it will :)
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thank you :)
it will. someday.
take care! i hope you'll find her ;)
 
A

authorwannabee

Guest
#30
#30
you're right.
i guess the Lord is breaking me right now so He can make me whole again.
last year and this year has been topsyturvy for me because of a lot of happenings. haha. i guess I'm just new to these sort of problems because i had always been a pampered child.
But i'm trying my bet to be patient with what's happening in my life today. maybe i just need to mature more.

thank you for your words :)
 
A

authorwannabee

Guest
#31
#31
secularhermit said:
Oh! Oh!

This is the person who recently...

Oh! I was cheeky on what you said about Mary and Joseph (but I liked that idea you brought into my mind).

Thanks! :eek:
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haha. hi! we meet again. I should say i should be the one apologizing from before. It might have sounded that i know everything when I'm still this young. haha. sorry about that! :)
 
T

twamps21

Guest
#32
#32
I know exactly how you feel. My dad and I have never exactly been close.
He's struggled with drinking issues in the past and at one point he physically abused us. He would always come back at the end and say he was sorry and that he loved us. He was just stressed from that day. He''s gotten help since and is better now. I know this isn't exactly like your situation but I remember one time he said that he never wanted me in the first place. I imagine that you felt similar when you came home. I just wanted to let you know that if my dad can still love me after all that this one little fight you had with yours was simply just rage, and most likely had nothing to do with you. Just stay strong and pray about it. I know it sounds clisque but it really does help. If you ever need to talk to anyone about it you can message me.
 
A

authorwannabee

Guest
#33
#33
twamps21 said:
I know exactly how you feel. My dad and I have never exactly been close.
He's struggled with drinking issues in the past and at one point he physically abused us. He would always come back at the end and say he was sorry and that he loved us. He was just stressed from that day. He''s gotten help since and is better now. I know this isn't exactly like your situation but I remember one time he said that he never wanted me in the first place. I imagine that you felt similar when you came home. I just wanted to let you know that if my dad can still love me after all that this one little fight you had with yours was simply just rage, and most likely had nothing to do with you. Just stay strong and pray about it. I know it sounds clisque but it really does help. If you ever need to talk to anyone about it you can message me.
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I'm sorry to hear you've been through that. i actually teared :'(
maybe i did overreact a little. my emotion got into me.
thank you for telling me :)
God bless you.
i hope you and your dad will get closer.
 
T

twamps21

Guest
#34
#34
authorwannabee said:
I'm sorry to hear you've been through that. i actually teared :'(
maybe i did overreact a little. my emotion got into me.
thank you for telling me :)
God bless you.
i hope you and your dad will get closer.
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You don't need to be sorry I'm actually grateful because it's drawn me closer to God and made me who I am. We are getting closer and I hope we can continue to. Just don't let this one fight you had with yours change your relationship with him. I think its awesome that you guys are close!??????
 
A

authorwannabee

Guest
#35
#35
twamps21 said:
You don't need to be sorry I'm actually grateful because it's drawn me closer to God and made me who I am. We are getting closer and I hope we can continue to. Just don't let this one fight you had with yours change your relationship with him. I think its awesome that you guys are close!������
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We're doing well now, although I've returned to the university I'm attending.
Its great that you and your father are getting along now :) I'll pray for you.
God bless you!
 
thecreationtutor

thecreationtutor

Senior Member
#36
Jun 30, 2011
2,521
35
0
#36
authorwannabee said:
my father and i are utterly close, like best friends. even to my mother, that's my relationship with her too, not just an ordinary mom. i didn't have much friends and so its knly in my family that i can be myself. its the only place where i thought i belonged. But after my second semester in college, when i got home for the first time in 6 months (i go to a university with a five hour travel time, so its a hassle to go home everyday), the four of us (me, my mom, dad and younger brother) had a sort of conflict because of financial matters.

My dad got mad because me and my brother weren't helping enough. On my defense, i just got back and my finals just finished so i was still exhausted, and my brother? He's doing his best to help, but my dad can't see that.

Then i was surprised when he suddenly said that if we're tired with living with them, we could leave. He told me he didn't need me, that they could survive without me.

i was really hurt. I mean, how could he say that so easily to me? Am i that not important that he could just say that? I feel like being thrown away.

I immediately thought, if i don't belong here, then where?

and in additional, he also told me that i'm still lacking so many things. That i'm not ready with life yet because i'm developing myself at all. He told me i was still too small.

It was degrading.

What hurt me the most was he talked to me as if he was disgusted.

i'm sorry if i sound like i'm whining, i just wasn't able to take it off my chest for almost two months now.

I just feel so low, even until now. I still feel so useless. if it were other people who said that, id gladly take it as a challenge, but it was my own father. it just so...frustrating.
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Your Heavenly Father doesn't say that, Get your identity from Him - His identity is all that really matters -but I know that hurts as far as what your real dad did
 
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