My "Perfect Wife" had an affair.

sunburn · May 8, 2015

Visual will always be there though ...even when you are 90 years old holding your wife's hand in the bench and looking back at life smiling. Knowing that it was a moment in time when sin took over but you both overcomed it. The devil tried it and failed. Sin is never meant to go away easily. Minutes of pleasure can become lifetime of pains. But Jesus has overcomed sin for us. I am sure it will take time. your pride is grieving and you feel violated. I don't know what to say but to ask God to bring peace to your heart. Take your time to heal. And accept the process. One day at a time.
I pray that your wife has wisdom too to submit to your authority and pain under that process and God can protect you both.

sunburn · May 8, 2015

Crown46 said:

You all have been awesome to read through. I made this thread without my wife knowing but after seeing how many people responded I let her read it all, it opened up alot of doors that we had not crossed yet and it really helped us. We have decided to try and save our marriage. Understanding that it's going to be a long process. Personally my emotions go up and down like a roller coaster for a couple hours I will be okay, not normal, but okay. And then all it takes is one mental image and I go into a short rage and then feel like I'm back to zero. If anyone has any tips at all to help with the mental visuals I would love to hear them,
again thank you all your words have already helped us start to save our marriage.

You are a great man.

Dan58 · May 8, 2015

Crown46 said:

Once trust is broken, its difficult to regain.. You might want to call the man and ask him what went down.. If he confirms everything your wife said, you might be on your way to rebuilding your relationship. jmo

mystikmind · May 8, 2015

sunburn said:

There is a couple who preach about forgiveness. Check sid Roth marriage forgot the names of the couple. The man who was a pastor stepped down because his wife got involved with a younger man in the church. He pursued her knowing fully she was married and told her everything nice possible. Sometimes husband forget to stimulate their wife that way unfortunately that weakens women easily. Not that it is an rxcuse but it's a door ... The wife thought she was strong but ended sleeping with this young guy. But she couldn't handle the guilt so she told her husband. I watched them on YouTube talk about how they saved their marriage and all I wanted to do is stone the woman. Because she became pregnant with this guy. One astonished me was that the husband decided to cover and protect the wife. And he resigned from the church, moved the family to another town so she won't face the scold from people and told the three children they already have that he is NOT going anywhere and that they are going to love each other and this new child. Love covers a multitude of sins. He suffered struggled. They had counselling. He thought of quitting. He had every reason to leave. But he stayed. He made her a better woman and gave his name to the mixed race boy his wife birthed.

This reminds me a little bit of the story where Jesus draws a line in the sand in defense of a prostitute (which is my all time favorite bible story)

dalconn · May 8, 2015

Except for the grace of God, so go I...

purpose · May 8, 2015

Ephesians 4:31,32

Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath ( rage,bad temper) and resentment (Anger) and quarreling (brawling,clamor) and slander be banished from you, with all malice (spite,ill will, or baseness of any kind).
32. And Become useful and helpful and Kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate,understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another(Readily and freely), As God in Christ forgave you.

I am Joyed to hear that in agreement you two had choose to work on the marriage. You are on this journey together. As For the visual you say you Have . Rebuke that in the Name Of Jesus Christ. The enemy want you to feel angry. Don't
You can't pick your feelings or emotions, You do have to the power to control them. Don't let them control you. You Truthfully forgive your wife! Then Keep Reminding your enemy that you have and rebuke the visual when you see it. Then go directly to God! It is one of the way the enemy works . Well Remember when. Remember this that. Blah blah blah. Just step on his head.! Shake it off the visual. Just remember Kind words heals a wounded Heart. You both shall be healed. Let God work with the both of you. Then Work together . You already are joined as one. One Day at a time. Yesterday is gone, God is already in your tomarrow, Stay in the day! I will pray for you and your marriage. Quick to listen,slow to speak, choose your words wisely!

StormTrial · May 8, 2015

sunburn said:

WOW.... Just WOW.... that my friend, IS LOVE.
that is called CRAZY LOVE.
It almost reminds me of that one story in the bible about this prophet being married to a woman who wasn't faithful, she had an affair, the man kicked her out and attempted to sell her into slavery but her husband bought her back and forgave her.
(but she didn't have a child by him)

And you look at Jesus' mother Mary... She never cheated, never had sex in her life, nor slept with another man, and yet, Joseph her fiancé was about to put her away because she was pregnant and didn't believe that it was by God.
And they experienced weird looks and and was in a way being socially exiled
by the town, especially Mary. And they knew that her and Joseph wasn't yet married and yet, here she was pregnant.
and They too, had to go somewhere else. But Mary had to stay with her cousin Elizabeth first before her and Joseph left the town together. And the King decided to kill the Messiah, so they had to travel far away.

PoetMary · May 8, 2015

I think it is a good thing that you and your wife have decided to try and repair your marriage. People are given to screwing up...royally. Even in ways that seem self-defeating and illogical. However, marriages can recover--I know that it can be done.

My grandfather cheated on my grandmother early in their marriage--to the point that my grandmother gave him an ultimatum. She basically told him, "Do what you need to do, but I have two children to raise." On the verge of losing everything, he woke up to his wrongdoing. They were married 51 years before he passed away. My grandmother told me that even all those years later he would often pat her hand and say to her, "I can't believe I did that to you."

He may have taken her for granted, or been flip early on in his marriage, but he came to realize what a treasure he had in his wife. And she forgave him for what he did and valued him as a husband. In fact, she didn't hold his previous sins over his head...she let them go.

Which leads to my suggestions regarding the mental visuals. The short answer is, you need to reject these images. Although we cannot always control what ideas pop into our heads, we can choose whether to pursue and strengthen the thought or let it go.

When one of these images pops in your head, picture your wife coming down the aisle on your wedding day. Take a moment to pray for her and your marriage.

Soon, these images will dissipate and you'll be left with a clear vision of your lovely bride and strengthened spiritual tie wit her and God.

Crown46 said:

Jak795 · May 8, 2015

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. I personally wouldn't know about being cheated on. But I do know what being stabbed in the back feels like by someone I was close to. It especially hurts when it is someone close to you. If you can make it work, go for it. My best wishes to the both of you and God bless.

The emotions you're feeling are absolutely normal when dealing with something this heavy. I was angry, sad, confused when I learned of my betrayal. Everything negative struck me all at once and it took me a while to recover from it. Whatever you do, don't bottle up your emotions like I did. Always express yourself in the most safe and effective way possible. We as human beings can't deal with emotional suppression. It just isn't in our nature.

Joidevivre · May 8, 2015

When the visuals come, don't run away from them or they will chase you. See more in the picture. See the Lord with his hand on your wife causing her confusion and shame at what she was doing. See Him turning her heart back to you even when with the other man. See the Lord breaking this relationship up before it became a matter of the heart. For, indeed, He was there because your wife belongs to Him.

In my marriage, we have learned that "trust" is not a word we give to humans. For Jesus trusted no man. He knew what was in the heart of us all. So, I don't trust my husband and he doesn't trust me (we have both been unfaithful many years ago when first married) - he and I now only trust each others relationship with Christ. When I made my vows not to ever be unfaithful to my husband again, it was to the Lord I made those vows. That is what my husband trusts. And that is what has kept me faithful through a very long marriage. And my husband to me.

We are all capable of betraying our marriage vows given the right circumstance - and it is mainly our intimacy with the Lord that will be the foundation of our love for others and fulfills what we think we have a need for.

The Lord has proven Himself "I will heal your faithlessness" to us. Jeremiah.

notuptome · May 8, 2015

Adjust to the fact that this hurt will never go away completely. Adam sinned and everything changed. Christ died to make atonement but the scars of sin remain in this world. Until the day you lay aside the tabernacle of flesh and take up your glorified body you will have the scar of this hurt to bear. Use it daily to remind you of how you need to depend on Christ continuously.

Your wife is going to have her own issues to deal with. Unless you both individually and together learn to depend on Christ it is very likely that the weight of this will overwhelm you and your marriage.

I'm suggesting that the both of you have only begun to suffer the consequences of this betrayal. Her fidelity to Christ has also been betrayed. There might be some good come out of this if others who are tempted will hear this and reconsider.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

Sirk · May 8, 2015

Crown46 said:

You're heart was broken and you have to allow the pain to come to the surface....recognize it for what it is and process it, mourn it and allow yourself to feel it and whatever you do don't run from it. When it comes sit in it and tell yourself that it hurts.....this really hurts, my heart has been broken, it's so painful and I feel so broken over this.....then give it to Jesus and thank Him for suffering thousands of times more than this for you.

zoii · May 9, 2015

I seriously don't think you should be getting your counselling here. Your idea of you n your Wife going to a skilled marriage counselloris a great way to go. Good luck

tourist · May 9, 2015

This is a horrible thing to have happen to you. The worse thing that you can do in a marriage is to betray the trust of the other. I really don't see how she could even think of cheating on you if she really loved you. The affair was not the 'brief' one encounter as it really started the day that she sought out someone else other than her husband.

There is no such thing as a perfect wife or husband. As a spouse it is best to pray each day to remain faithful, and be loving and supportive to your mate.

Forgiveness is one thing, forgetting is another thing all together. Without trust there is no basis for a relationship, especially a marriage.

Welcome to CC.

1joseph · May 9, 2015

Crown46 said:

Crown46,

Working through this situation must be tough, but do not let it shake your faith. This is not God's fault. He is the One you need to lean on and rely on to help you get through this and other tough situations. Put God first in your life. Subject yourself to His authority. Wake up each morning thanking Him, dying out to self and committing yourself to His service. Ask Him to go before you, then wait on Him and follow His lead. This is the way to abundant life. A life that can deal with any situation. For in your weakness He is strong. In your weakness He is glorified.

He loves you brother. He is working in your lives. Keep your faith in Him, the Faithful One. Trust Him. Cry out to Him for help. He will hear and He will answer.

"Father, be with Crown46 and his wife in this matter and through out their lives in all situations. I pray that together they will bow before You, repent, and ask for forgiveness. Heal their wounds. Bind them up together in You...in Your Perfect-Love. I pray they will devote themselves to serving You, and that they will put You first from this point forward as the Lord of their lives.

How beautiful You are, Father! How beautiful are their lives in You. Help them to find that beauty again. Through You it is possible.

Thank you, Father, for hearing this prayer and all the others uttered for this couple. Thank you for second chances, for renewal, and for abundant life. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen."

Zero_Cool · May 10, 2015

1000 Views and 1000 answers.... All very interesting.. Let's be honest here, at the end of the day in your real life ( away from CC ) you have to decide what you're willing to put up with. You did not mention any kids in your marriage, which could be a good thing at this point.
My advice to you? Get out of dodge....take a vacation all by yourself and do not tell anyone except your boss at work. Go zip lining in Costa Rica , swim the Great Barrier Reef, go to Sri Lanka and hike, or even go volunteer in Nepal. And by all means, get to know the locals while you're there.
You will be surprised how much healing there is when getting out of your comfort zone and challenging yourself.

sc81 · May 11, 2015

you know these replies are pretty unbelievable, there seems to be 2 different standards regarding the genders when infidelity comes up.

let's take the short details of this guys wifes actions, she has been texting a guy/flirting for months, takes a day off and lies to her husband about where she is going, get's the other guy to drive up, they obviously meet with the intent to have sex and have obviously gone somewhere private if they are able to take their clothes off and kiss and even have sex even if we believe it was only "2 strokes" (excuse my crudeness but it's relevant)

now lets take a thread from a few months ago about a hypothetical situation of a guy simply getting caught watching porn and suddenly people are mostly voting this wife has a grounds for biblical divorce.

http://christianchat.com/christian-...arriage-adultery-pornography.html#post1839941

yet here you are (almost all women) trying to imply she isn't at fault and should be immediately forgiven and every marriage should be worth saving etc. etc. and of course putting all the blame on the other guy like he seduced her or something. There is this idea that in any affair it's the mans fault for seducing the woman so she can not take any blame

so a woman can have a physical and emotional affair and it should be overlooked but if a guy even LOOKS at some women on a TV, then off to the divorce courts.

pwrnJC · May 11, 2015

I know that this situation would be totally in GOD's hands..the greatest Healer, Comforter and more is at your disposale. Yes, you have been extremely hurt and your male psychie is at wit's end. My brother, a state trouper, went through this, to the point that although he and his wife were very devout CHRISTIANS and held positions within the local church, she found herself sitting on the side of the road, waiting to pull in front of a speeding truck to end it all. Today, they not only have been remarried, but they counsel others and are living witnesses of what GOD can do when all else fails. They are the happiest couple around and my bro testified of this in front of 100's of state troupers of how he took the title too seriously and allowed it to almost ruin their lives. Lots of tears were shed that day. A man in a uniform can be a target, indeed, in more ways than one.
My sister in law is a sold, firm CHRISTIAN that I would have never thought could 'hold it together', but she is going strong. GOD bless you two as the three of you work this out together..JESUS CHRIST is the only hope you have, but oh, what a wonderful HOPE that is!

Godson13 · May 11, 2015

If i was in your situation and my wife did that to me i will make both of them disappear..........u need a hitman?....Lol, I'm just joking.
But seriously i disagree with those comments that are trying to console you by defending the actions of your wife. lets talk facts here, what your wife did was wrong and it is a sin. and therefore you have the right to divorce her. however if i was in your situation i will not divorce her because i am not a jealous person and i don't care if my wife commits adultery with a hundred men, its her that is sinning and not me. what you do is up to you but i urge you to focus on your own christian faith and not get too attached to the world by getting too attached to your wife's adultery. which is more important? your own faith or your wife's adultery? of course it is your own faith. you should give your wife credit for confessing to you and i advise that you only scold her and make her say sorry to you, your parents and her parents. making her affair public by making her say sorry to your parents and her parents may heal your wounds.

iveseenworse · May 12, 2015

it must be me. are you saying "trusted" meaning "thrusted"? if so, it's adultery i would forgive and divorce.

My "Perfect Wife" had an affair.

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