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K
Lol I call em as I see em.I think you understand a lot more when you marry later in life.If you're not at least little mature by then it aint gonna happen. Relationships are about the other persons happiness.If you make them happy and they make you happy you'll have a great marriage.Too many worry about their own needs and happiness first and thats where the problem begins. All about compromise and communication.And if you arent ready for that you arent ready for a relationship,period.
When I took Pastoral Ministries in seminary, one of the BIG things they emphasized was
1. Women minister to women, men to men, or a couple together. Esp. not men to younger women, EVER!
2. Stay away from internet sites that are gambling, porn or other questionable activities.
WHY? Because anyone can stumble and fall, and this is just temptation waiting to turn into sin!
Tell him he is totally out of God's will with this lie that "God has called him to minister to younger women." If he does not change his course, time for you to change yours and end this nightmare. Regardless of his prior commitment to Christ, he has gotten lost on the by-paths, as Christian in Pilgrim's Progress would say.
(A good book to read at any time)
Praying you find the courage to confront, and if necessary, leave this relationship.
1. Women minister to women, men to men, or a couple together. Esp. not men to younger women, EVER!
2. Stay away from internet sites that are gambling, porn or other questionable activities.
WHY? Because anyone can stumble and fall, and this is just temptation waiting to turn into sin!
Tell him he is totally out of God's will with this lie that "God has called him to minister to younger women." If he does not change his course, time for you to change yours and end this nightmare. Regardless of his prior commitment to Christ, he has gotten lost on the by-paths, as Christian in Pilgrim's Progress would say.
(A good book to read at any time)
Praying you find the courage to confront, and if necessary, leave this relationship.
M
I think reaching the opposite gender while in a relationship, alone, is just a bad idea ready to blow. Especially, may I add, on a website that so bluntly no Christian should be on.
I think you should talk to him about the possible effects of this game he's playing, or even play dum and be like, " hey, I think witnessing to people is always a good idea. Can I get on sometime and try... or help you in witnessing to these young girls."
His reaction will tell you all you need to know.
I think you should talk to him about the possible effects of this game he's playing, or even play dum and be like, " hey, I think witnessing to people is always a good idea. Can I get on sometime and try... or help you in witnessing to these young girls."
His reaction will tell you all you need to know.
L
Sadly, he already chose Vegas World.
I want to add that he never "hid" these woman he was meeting from me. But even still, it drove me crazy every time I'd log in the stupid game and he'd be talking of yet another woman he had met who was either needing his counsel/guidance and/or another Christian woman that was soooo nice that he met and had talked to. He added there is no way really to talk in "open forum" in the game, so he had no choice. (LOL, I know what you'll will say to that.. yeah I know. Makes me cry, but yeah, I know..) But thus, when I was hurt and upset about this and him even seeming to WANT to tell me about these wonderful woman he's meeting, he said all the things above that I mentioned in first post. That's why I had to ask, as yes, I was going crazy.
So then...I also spoke with his mother. I called her because he had told her he talked to her about this all and she agreed it was "my issues". So I had to call her!!! Well, when I did - he neglected to even mention "VEGAS WORLD!!"" So yeah, there it is. So then His mom said a couple things to me, that even you all have mentioned above. But it's done now anyhow.
We are all learning, I'm learning too and by no means perfect. I'm not no holier than thou at all, Thank the Lord only by His Grace am I saved.... but yeah I couldn't stand that Vegas World for the most part. Some parts I've played and liked (sorry to say, I do like playing some games online, but I work full time plus some, so I hard do that anyhow)
But yeah, I even once asked some secular men on there in Vegas World, if the characters even though they are cartoons did anything for them. And they said yes sadly. So I know it's a temptation for men.
All in all, perhaps this was his way to get out of the relationship too ( I was reading that online, guys will do things that the woman hates if he wants out but is too afraid to do the actual breakup) So...there we have.
I will Trust in our Lord. And I will still pray for him and ask the Lord for healing on both our parts and to take with me anything I can learn, even if is partly trust too.
God is SO Gracious. And I thank everyone here so much for their time on this. I SO needed this encouragement and edification. God bless you so much, 1000 fold!
I want to add that he never "hid" these woman he was meeting from me. But even still, it drove me crazy every time I'd log in the stupid game and he'd be talking of yet another woman he had met who was either needing his counsel/guidance and/or another Christian woman that was soooo nice that he met and had talked to. He added there is no way really to talk in "open forum" in the game, so he had no choice. (LOL, I know what you'll will say to that.. yeah I know. Makes me cry, but yeah, I know..) But thus, when I was hurt and upset about this and him even seeming to WANT to tell me about these wonderful woman he's meeting, he said all the things above that I mentioned in first post. That's why I had to ask, as yes, I was going crazy.
So then...I also spoke with his mother. I called her because he had told her he talked to her about this all and she agreed it was "my issues". So I had to call her!!! Well, when I did - he neglected to even mention "VEGAS WORLD!!"" So yeah, there it is. So then His mom said a couple things to me, that even you all have mentioned above. But it's done now anyhow.
We are all learning, I'm learning too and by no means perfect. I'm not no holier than thou at all, Thank the Lord only by His Grace am I saved.... but yeah I couldn't stand that Vegas World for the most part. Some parts I've played and liked (sorry to say, I do like playing some games online, but I work full time plus some, so I hard do that anyhow)
But yeah, I even once asked some secular men on there in Vegas World, if the characters even though they are cartoons did anything for them. And they said yes sadly. So I know it's a temptation for men.
All in all, perhaps this was his way to get out of the relationship too ( I was reading that online, guys will do things that the woman hates if he wants out but is too afraid to do the actual breakup) So...there we have.
I will Trust in our Lord. And I will still pray for him and ask the Lord for healing on both our parts and to take with me anything I can learn, even if is partly trust too.
God is SO Gracious. And I thank everyone here so much for their time on this. I SO needed this encouragement and edification. God bless you so much, 1000 fold!
L
My goodness, sister in Christ, thank you so much!! You even took the time to go this game and look yourself. I'm so thankful to you. (And everyone else too) That was so kind of you to go in and check it too. So yeah, you saw my concern. Again, yes there are many we could witness to here. But if we are a "married" person, yeah we have to limit to whom we witness to "one on one"!! LOL I mean I thought this was pretty common sense, but we know there are things more "behind the scenes" / spiritual battles going on here.
God bless you sister
God is so good! Ask and ye shall receive!!
L
I wanted to let you know that yes, he had invited me to go there. And yes of course I agree the witnessing is ALWAYS part of our Great Commission, and He will lead us to do so.
But as for respect for the game and him and I being there, well he already "chose". I seen it all as a HUGE RED FLAG and needed verification. Yes of course I want to share the Gospel. I cannot thank the Lord enough for saving a wretch like me!
But like everyone is saying, we have to have boundaries in a "marriage" relationship - or if we were to be married. I've tried to tell him that and also that when I've got to other chat rooms, as married couples go, the conversation was always "in the open". Not private. It's just the "common sense" rule as Christians. B
But the Vegas World game only mainly allows for "private" so that is what he has to do he says (And with woman I may add) And yes I met a couple of them which were nice, but again, the whole topic/idea is what "churned " me inside.
And I'm forever thankful for the Lord's Guidance and His people who serve Him and edify the Church and helped me here.
And yes of course I agree the witnessing is ALWAYS part of our Great Commission, and He will lead us to do so. But as for respect for the game and him and I being there, well he already "chose". I seen it all as a HUGE RED FLAG and needed verification. Yes of course I want to share the Gospel. I cannot thank the Lord enough for saving a wretch like me!
But like everyone is saying, we have to have boundaries in a "marriage" relationship - or if we were to be married. I've tried to tell him that and also that when I've got to other chat rooms, as married couples go, the conversation was always "in the open". Not private. It's just the "common sense" rule as Christians. B
But the Vegas World game only mainly allows for "private" so that is what he has to do he says (And with woman I may add) And yes I met a couple of them which were nice, but again, the whole topic/idea is what "churned " me inside.
And I'm forever thankful for the Lord's Guidance and His people who serve Him and edify the Church and helped me here.
K
My goodness, sister in Christ, thank you so much!! You even took the time to go this game and look yourself. I'm so thankful to you. (And everyone else too) That was so kind of you to go in and check it too. So yeah, you saw my concern. Again, yes there are many we could witness to here. But if we are a "married" person, yeah we have to limit to whom we witness to "one on one"!! LOL I mean I thought this was pretty common sense, but we know there are things more "behind the scenes" / spiritual battles going on here.
God bless you sister God is so good! Ask and ye shall receive!!
God bless you sister
God is so good! Ask and ye shall receive!!
Well I didnt want to jump to conclusions so I figured it was best to go see.Once I did there was no doubt about it,you are right in what you are thinking. We all get tempted,sometimes we act on it but this was going to become a habitual thing for him and it would soon be addicting. The fact that he gets mad and defends himself says it all. If you're going to be true in a relationship you have to remove the downfalls as much as possible. You do things to protect yourself and your spouse.The Bible says the two become one and he was not becoming one with you by talking to other women online no matter how innocent he claims it was. When you voiced your concern that should have been the end of it.I hope things get better and better for you and you find that mature partner who will strengthen you in your relationship in Christ,not detract from it. Wait on that special person,you will be very glad you did!
Not much I can add to this discussion other than to amen what everyone else is saying. If he's not willing to let you participate in this game, he's hiding in the shadows. And we all know who is the author of darkness. Either he leaves his fantasy world, or you leave his world before his world becomes even darker.
L
Hi Ricky, well there is a lot on this thread, so you may have missed it. He has invited me to the game of course. But he's home most of the day by himself doing this or late at night. So there were few times I could actually be with him. Thank you very much, your input is valuable as well as many others.
.
.
L
Re: Please Help - B/F told me he NOW I'm too controlling and not submitting
I wanted to add a little more of one of our recent conversations. He's basically saying the same thing; I'm "too controlling", I'm not being "submissive", and I'd be taking him away from his calling there on Vegas World: He said he had a choice:
"1) GIVE UP THE LORD USING ME THERE?
OR
2) GIVE UP ON A RELATIONSHIP WHERE BY THE WOMAN "WANTS CONTROL OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND DOES NOT RELINQUISH AUTHORITY UNTO THE MAN WHOM IS BEING USED BY GOD"
Those were his exact words on this one.
Man, this still messes with my head because he is SO adamant! But I ask Godly counsel and everyone is telling me the same thing - except him! And he's using "GOD" in and about everything.
We've had Bible Studies every Sunday together. We've prayed and worshipped together.
Am I supposed to go to a place that I feel uncomfortable in.
He said we can avoid all the junk that happens there, etc. He compared it to my watching Grey's Anatomy which I watch and I recently told him they had homosexuality in there. He said you just "avoid" that stuff.
He said it's all because of my FEARS and INSECURITIES that I don't like him talking to these woman (and going to these online parties with them)
Seriously, if I need correction that anyone in the Body of Christ can See - PLEASE tell me!?
I wanted to add a little more of one of our recent conversations. He's basically saying the same thing; I'm "too controlling", I'm not being "submissive", and I'd be taking him away from his calling there on Vegas World: He said he had a choice:
"1) GIVE UP THE LORD USING ME THERE?
OR
2) GIVE UP ON A RELATIONSHIP WHERE BY THE WOMAN "WANTS CONTROL OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND DOES NOT RELINQUISH AUTHORITY UNTO THE MAN WHOM IS BEING USED BY GOD"
Those were his exact words on this one.
Man, this still messes with my head because he is SO adamant! But I ask Godly counsel and everyone is telling me the same thing - except him! And he's using "GOD" in and about everything.
We've had Bible Studies every Sunday together. We've prayed and worshipped together.
Am I supposed to go to a place that I feel uncomfortable in.
He said we can avoid all the junk that happens there, etc. He compared it to my watching Grey's Anatomy which I watch and I recently told him they had homosexuality in there. He said you just "avoid" that stuff.
He said it's all because of my FEARS and INSECURITIES that I don't like him talking to these woman (and going to these online parties with them)
Seriously, if I need correction that anyone in the Body of Christ can See - PLEASE tell me!?
Re: Please Help - B/F told me he NOW I'm too controlling and not submitting
internet life is not real life - a Guy is not called to witness to girls in a unique way, I am sorry - your supposed to be flourishing, he is causing you to stumble and he obviously is not caring
people will always use "God" as a trump card - i am sorry no one is being called to video game ministry - especially to talk to young girls
internet life is not real life - a Guy is not called to witness to girls in a unique way, I am sorry - your supposed to be flourishing, he is causing you to stumble and he obviously is not caring
people will always use "God" as a trump card - i am sorry no one is being called to video game ministry - especially to talk to young girls
L
PS, I would NEVER ever want to take away from witnessing, EVER! But everything I've learned on Christian Marriage/Relationships says what you all are saying " Together" but not one on one.
He says it's my FEARS and my FEAR of losing him that is causing me to be so insecure about a game, which he says I am making out to be much worse than it is.
I've never experienced this in a relationship in the Body of Christ. Where someone is telling me I have these issues and I'm so wrong.
So I end up questioning myself again.
I'm so sorry..but I'm asking for replies from MORE people. Because I feel like I'm losing it.
And I know to hear from God first and foremost, but I KNOW God doesn't want me feeling "uncomfortable" in some online gaming party world.
Any more takers? Feel free to be blunt, thank you.
He says it's my FEARS and my FEAR of losing him that is causing me to be so insecure about a game, which he says I am making out to be much worse than it is.
I've never experienced this in a relationship in the Body of Christ. Where someone is telling me I have these issues and I'm so wrong.
So I end up questioning myself again.
I'm so sorry..but I'm asking for replies from MORE people. Because I feel like I'm losing it.
And I know to hear from God first and foremost, but I KNOW God doesn't want me feeling "uncomfortable" in some online gaming party world.
Any more takers? Feel free to be blunt, thank you.
no, the Bible says - men with men, women with women, when it comes to counseling - yes a pastor might counsel a woman, but he's also in a pastoral role, and even that probably shouldn't happen since all the stories of pastors giving up on everything and running after some flousy they were counseling or the church secretary.- your BF He's probably smooth talking and not confronting sin
He is also making you that way - insecure and fearful from his actions, and is justifying it
He doesn't ultimately care for you, he cares how you make him feel --- That's not love - if you continue in this relationship, it is only going to destroy you emotionally.
He is also making you that way - insecure and fearful from his actions, and is justifying it
He doesn't ultimately care for you, he cares how you make him feel --- That's not love - if you continue in this relationship, it is only going to destroy you emotionally.