Loving Yourself Thread

[zoii]

YES!!!!!!!! I say self-love because that's what it is. The Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself. So I just don't see how self-love is a bad thing.

Self- love: being kind to yourself

Vanity: thinking too high of yourself

Pride: thinking that you are better than everyone

Unless theres nothing to love

 

[crossnote]

yeah so christian of you making me feel like dirt. Is it worth it? Is being "right" really worth it?

I said 'that's your opinion'... The intent is your interpretation.
Look, I'm not your enemy, I'm giving you my opinion. Get secure in God's love for you and the opinions of others won't offend.

 

[atwhatcost]

So I know a lot of you don't like the whole "love yourself concept" because you don't think it's Christian or found in the Bible. What about self-hate? I have seen what it looks like to hate oneself, and I have felt it. It is a dark place to be. Self-hate can lead to things like cutting, anorexia, bulimia and other severe issues; even drugs and alcohol. So I would say some self-love is healthy...not so much that you are conceited of course but enough that you can look in the mirror and say, "I really like who I am looking at."

Also if you look at the OP you would have seen:

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -Romans 5:8

So what are we? Sinners. And what does God do? Love us. So we should love ourselves not because we are sinners but because God loves us.

I've got self-hate. Self-hate is really just an over-occupation of the root of self-love. It's all about "I should be better than this." It still focuses on self, which is still avoiding loving God and others fully. "Look up thine eyes." (Read the whole psalm that I linked to.) The answer does not lie in inspecting your navel (introspection), for you, and all of us are wonting. It is in trusting God enough to let him guide us. It is in looking up to God.

I really do get this whole concept is foreign to you. You've been carefully trained for 20 years against this. Others have been trained for 40 years, others 60s, others longer. It really has descended upon the whole earth as a philosophy specifically opposed to trusting God, or even believing there is one God. You won't get anywhere with the philosophy. Look at the nations to see what that philosophy has given us. There's a reason it's getting worse all over again. (More anorexics, more self-mutilators, more alcoholics and druggies, more killings just because someone dissed you, more riots, more anarchy, more ISIS, more terrorist, more people ducking when someone attacks another because it doesn't matter since the one attacked doesn't believe as the people who duck do anyway.)

Think differently. Think God. Trust God.

 

[JFSurvivor]

This is where you can love yourself. By telling yourself truth. The truth is that you have a good heart and love people and you want to help people to be kind to themselves. The lesson in this right now is to learn to be kind to yourself by telling yourself the truth about you instead of the lie that you just did. You are not dirt...you are a kind loving person, a good friend etc.

Thank you! I'm so glad you understand. THIS IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE THREAD!

Everyone has inner hurts. When people think bad of themselves that's not good! If you're brave write down a list of everything you believe about yourself. Then using the Bible separate it in to truth and lies. If you're really brave post it here. You will see that some of you do believe some horrible lies about yourselves and you need to love and be kind to yourselves.

Here are the lies I used to believe:

I was worthless
I wasn't important
I was repulsive
I wasn't worthy of love
I was never going to have friends
I was weird
I was stupid
I was lazy

Here are the truths

I am worth it
I am important
I am not repulsive
I am worthy of love
I can have friends
I am not weird
I am not stupid
I am not lazy
I have a skill for helping people

As an added bonus here are the harsh truths about myself just for you Crossnote!

I have an issue with pride
I have a hard time with my body image
I can be quick to anger
I can be selfish

Do you see how that works?

 

[Sirk]

I've found in my own personal experience is that my inner judge about myself is directly proportional to my critical mindset towards others. I believe the passage in Matthew:

judge not lest ye be judged yourselves, for the same measure you use will be used against you

is more about the here and now and how you treat yourself than it is about judgement from God.

 

[Sirk]

Thank you! I'm so glad you understand. THIS IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE THREAD!

Everyone has inner hurts. When people think bad of themselves that's not good! If you're brave write down a list of everything you believe about yourself. Then using the Bible separate it in to truth and lies. If you're really brave post it here. You will see that some of you do believe some horrible lies about yourselves and you need to love and be kind to yourselves.

Here are the lies I used to believe:

I was worthless
I wasn't important
I was repulsive
I wasn't worthy of love
I was never going to have friends
I was weird
I was stupid
I was lazy

Here are the truths

I am worth it
I am important
I am not repulsive
I am worthy of love
I can have friends
I am not weird
I am not stupid
I am not lazy
I have a skill for helping people

As an added bonus here are the harsh truths about myself just for you Crossnote!

I have an issue with pride
I have a hard time with my body image
I can be quick to anger
I can be selfish

Do you see how that works?

Amen. This is good stuff. Its exchanging lies with truth. It is renewing your mind with truth about what you are....valuable, kind, loving etc. It puts you on a peace cycle vs a pain cycle. It's healthy self care.

 

[JFSurvivor]

I've got self-hate. Self-hate is really just an over-occupation of the root of self-love. It's all about "I should be better than this." It still focuses on self, which is still avoiding loving God and others fully. "Look up thine eyes." (Read the whole psalm that I linked to.) The answer does not lie in inspecting your navel (introspection), for you, and all of us are wonting. It is in trusting God enough to let him guide us. It is in looking up to God.

I really do get this whole concept is foreign to you. You've been carefully trained for 20 years against this. Others have been trained for 40 years, others 60s, others longer. It really has descended upon the whole earth as a philosophy specifically opposed to trusting God, or even believing there is one God. You won't get anywhere with the philosophy. Look at the nations to see what that philosophy has given us. There's a reason it's getting worse all over again. (More anorexics, more self-mutilators, more alcoholics and druggies, more killings just because someone dissed you, more riots, more anarchy, more ISIS, more terrorist, more people ducking when someone attacks another because it doesn't matter since the one attacked doesn't believe as the people who duck do anyway.)

Think differently. Think God. Trust God.

Wow all that from being kind to yourself? I must be doing it wrong then!

Honestly I am in the process of repairing my relationship with God. That is why I posted the Mish-mash topics. That's why I posted the psalm 31 topic that's why I posted the ICOC topic. That's why I'm taking notes on these posts. That's why I'm reading the Bible cover to cover. It's been hard and I understand trusting God is REALLY important but when I was trusting God, I was trusting that he would allow me to get hit by a bus and die. Before I can even begin to trust him I need to love myself enough so that I am confident I am worthy of His care and provision because of His son. I'm not there yet. If I'm harsh with myself I think God doesn't care about me or what I do and that's not true so I DO need to love myself.

 

[Sirk]

Wow all that from being kind to yourself? I must be doing it wrong then!

Honestly I am in the process of repairing my relationship with God. That is why I posted the Mish-mash topics. That's why I posted the psalm 31 topic that's why I posted the ICOC topic. That's why I'm taking notes on these posts. That's why I'm reading the Bible cover to cover. It's been hard and I understand trusting God is REALLY important but when I was trusting God, I was trusting that he would allow me to get hit by a bus and die. Before I can even begin to trust him I need to love myself enough so that I am confident I am worthy of His care and provision because of His son. I'm not there yet. If I'm harsh with myself I think God doesn't care about me or what I do and that's not true so I DO need to love myself.

I think you need to learn to love and care for the part of you that is wounded. Good input is the key to that....prayer and meditation,good coping skills and mechanisms for processing pain, grieving appropriately and thoroughly, physical activity that activates you bodies natural means for feeling fulfilled and good, activities with friends and family that allow for connection and relationship. All are necessary to mature and be more like Jesus.

 

[JFSurvivor]

I think you need to learn to love and care for the part of you that is wounded. Good input is the key to that....prayer and meditation,good coping skills and mechanisms for processing pain, grieving appropriately and thoroughly, physical activity that activates you bodies natural means for feeling, activities with friends and family that allow for connection and relationship. All are necessary to mature and be more like Jesus.

I'm really glad someone understands. Thank you.

 

[Sirk]

I'm really glad someone understands. Thank you.

You are young and figuring this stuff out way before I did. Way to go. Be thankful for it and fight for good mental health.

 

[JFSurvivor]

You are young and figuring this stuff out way before I did. Way to go. Be thankful for it and fight for good mental health.

Thanks and I will always be fighting for good mental health.

 

[skylove7]

Please forgive me. Perhaps I'm just foreign to the understanding of over analyzing simple things. Breaking a sweat...over simple commandments? Its just that It is so simple and easy to have a relationship with God. Trust and love God...love others...love yourself humbly, while doing good deeds. I'm clueless when people call things a 'struggle' to have a relationship with God. Forgive me but how do people struggle? You love or you don't. Its simple. Forgive me pleez. Feel free to call me out on this folks. I don't mind. I'm still going to love you!

 

[atwhatcost]

Question: How do you talk to yourself? Are you nice to yourself? How SHOULD you talk to yourself?

Like this (Option A): I'm so ugly! Look at that blemish! An I'm fat too! No one could ever love me because I'm so fat and not only am I fat but I'm just a terrible person. I did a horrible thing last week and I prayed to God for forgiveness but I'm still horrible because of it! I am filth! I am rotten to the core! I should have just died! I need to die! Father God please kill at your earliest convince! I don't want to live in this skin. I want to rip my soul out of my skin because I am so repulsed by myself.

or

Like this (option B): I feel good today. I am a child of the Most High God and things are going good. I messed up last week, what I did was wrong. I asked God's forgiveness so now I'm going to learn from my mistake and move on. I forgive myself for that thing I did last week because He forgave me. I give myself permission to love my body. I give myself permission to love others freely. I give myself permission to feel what I feel. I give myself permission to be humble. I give myself permission to be ok with who and what I am.

Note: Option A is NOT an exaggeration. Some of those lines I took right out of my own head when I was going through my darkest times. I know Job said some of those exact things but please keep in mind all his children died, he lost all his money and his skin was falling off. You have to get to a REALLY bad spot to be thinking those things.

Please be honest with your answer. Which one looks better to you?

Option C: Thank you Lord for what you've done. How can I serve you today?

 

[atwhatcost]

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it just as Christ loves the Church. -Ephesians 5:29

Oh now this can't be right. We're supposed to deny ourselves. Something must be wrong with my Bible. Check yours Does yours say something different?

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. - Psalm 139:13-15

Oh this guy must be sooo egotistical! Look at him! He's actually PRAISING GOD FOR BEING CREATED?? HOW COULD HE!!! He actually sees himself as a good, beautiful creation of God! Tisk tisk! Now a good little Christian needs to be of sober mind now doesn't he!

Context is king. Relook at Ephesians 5. Was that really telling someone to love self? Absolutely not. It was telling someone (husbands) how to "Love others." (Wives.)
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

It just got back to love God fully and love others fully, when it's not pulled out of context.

Likewise, David wasn't saying how wonderful he is. He was saying how wonderful God is. Love God fully and love others fully. Not love self. Again, we have love self down pat.

 

[Sirk]

I think we got off track from JF's thread. The heart behind it is not about self love at all. It's about taking care of oneself in a healthy way with our self talk, relationship skills, the way we process pain and all of those things that go along with being healthy in our hearts, minds and bodies. This going on about self love would make me feel misunderstood, disrespected unloved if I had been the author of this thread.

 

[skylove7]

I once worked with a man who said "I struggle to love God, and myself because I cheat on my wife. When I stop sinning and cheating I will have a relationship with God!"
Lol...um read that mans sentence, and take his priorities, and ways of thinking and change the order of it around, lol and he won't struggle to have a relationship with God.
By the way the man was a fool..lol for he claimed he was a cheater because he didn't love HIMSELF..that was a comedy I must say. Lol

 

[Sirk]

I once worked with a man who said "I struggle to love God, and myself because I cheat on my wife. When I stop sinning and cheating I will have a relationship with God!"
Lol...um read that mans sentence, and take his priorities, and ways of thinking and change the order of it around, lol and he won't struggle to have a relationship with God.
By the way the man was a fool..lol for he claimed he was a cheater because he didn't love HIMSELF..that was a comedy I must say. Lol

The guy had it backwards....when he learned to process his personal pain instead of hiding it from God he will have a relationship with God. He was a little bit right...he was a cheater because it was a coping mechanism that he went too, to escape from pain.

 

[Sirk]

I think the mature Christians on this thread have a thing to learn about being a siphon when it comes to helping people express themselves. I'm a little bit surprised at how ya'll pulled the hose out and put the gas cap on JF's heart.

 

[JFSurvivor]

Please forgive me. Perhaps I'm just foreign to the understanding of over analyzing simple things. Breaking a sweat...over simple commandments? Its just that It is so simple and easy to have a relationship with God. Trust and love God...love others...love yourself humbly, while doing good deeds. I'm clueless when people call things a 'struggle' to have a relationship with God. Forgive me but how do people struggle? You love or you don't. Its simple. Forgive me pleez. Feel free to call me out on this folks. I don't mind. I'm still going to love you!

Well when I was going through a hard time I was begging God to take the pain away and he didn't. He didn't comfort me or anything. Did you read my little examples? Yeah the really dark scary one was me.

So then I go to this church called international church of Christ and stuff happened there and they basically made me feel awful about myself for existing so I'm still getting over that.

It's like here's this being who says He's so powerful and loving and can do anything and He didn't take my suffering away, and his followers are horrid (no offense but can we please be honest here a lot of Christians are mean!). I actually think a big part of what pushed me away was other Christians. I would be in a deep state of depression borderline suicidal and I would hear things like:

"Just pray about it!" I have...a lot and God hasn't answered.

"Have you read the story of Job?" Yes.God gave satan the green light to torment Job and then sat back and watched the whole thing.

"Read the Psalms" I did. Multiple times.

"I'll pray for you."

"What can you do about the situation?" Um...nothing at the time.

"I'll pray for you!" You already said that.

"God is testing you." Well if He was testing me then I failed miserably.

"What can I pray for you about?" That I don't wake up the next morning.

"Maybe you need to change your attitude."

"Have you been reading your Bible every day?"

"Have you talked to a pastor?" Yes they were no help just like you.

"How's your prayer life?" terrible.

"Have you told this to God?" Yes. He didn't answer.

"Have you sinned recently?" Have YOU sinned recently?

"This could be due to sin."

"Everyone has problems."

"Think of the poor people in Africa."

"Some people have bigger problems than you."

"Just be more positive."

"Beat it with Jesus!"

"Just pray to God to take it away. Nothing is impossible with God." He hasn't taken it away yet. What do I do until he does? *Crickets*

 

[atwhatcost]

Do you really think it's the pattern of this world to love ourselves? Have you even MET anyone of this world? They're all so insecure and self-loathing they put on this false ego to cover it up. They don't love themselves. If they did they wouldn't drink, they wouldn't cut, they wouldn't hurt themselves or others. That is not self love. That's hate. The pattern of this world is to hate yourself, to never be good enough. To never be content. To always want more; to always want to BE more.

Christians are lucky because while we are always striving for perfection we can rest in the knowledge that God loves us right where we are. He loves us just as we are no matter what shape or size we are. He loves us no matter how smart or how dumb we are. So we should love ourselves too because he loves us. If we deny ourselves love and give in to this false sense of humility it is a slippery slope to self-hate.

"Humility is not thinking less of ourselves but thinking of ourselves less."

How's this? I drank to hide my failures. I got stone to hide my failures. I got into that damn car with those guys to prove I'm braver than I am. Also, because, since I'm perfect, I know good looking guys don't rape. I had those idiots who raped me take me home, so they could find out where I lived and kill me, because I wasn't all I wanted to be or thought I was. I failed yet again. I'm better than this. I'm better than this. I'm better than this. I'm better than this. I.. I... I... I... See where the focus always was? I! (And I was a Christian through all of that.)

I squat! I cannot get better than my mother or father. I can't even get better than my creepy brother. I cannot put God first, because I deserve to be first! Take his name in vain? F that! Don't have false images? I am my false image! Honor my parents? Have you met them? Don't kill someone? Yeah, okay, then you kill my rapists. Don't even call your brother a fool? Have you met my brothers? Don't commit adultery....

Look at it. Look at all of it. Look at the commandments. Deep down, what gets you breaking them? You! You are better than that! You are better than God, better than your parents and deserve every single thing those commandments tell you not to do. Be honest, if not with us, than with yourself. Isn't that the truth deep down?

You think just because someone agrees with you, that you are validated? We ALL agree with you, and that's why we know you're not validated. The truth is we do get you. We ARE you. We've just come to realize that doesn't work. Being the center of the world doesn't work, because each one of us wants that. We "deserve" that." THAT is self-love.

AND that's directly opposed to what God says.

Get this now and you don't have to live the rest of my life. (Damn fish belly!) The rape wasn't the worse thing that happened to me either.