Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[Misty77]

I am tired. I have been struggling for so long, and I am still struggling. People around me don't understand why I have been divorced for 5 years, and I'm not all better now. When I say that I am struggling, they tell me what I should do or should have done. I need someone to listen, to understand, to connect with me instead of trying to fix me.

Going to court did not give me the justice that I needed. Instead, it robbed me of all hope that justice would ever happen. Yes, I won the right to homeschool my son, but lost $500 a month that I need to support that ability.

I can't provide for my son's educational needs and work a 9 to 5. Not working in an office for a while was what I needed, but all of my contracts have dried up. I had three in January, but none since.

I don't feel that I can talk to anyone about how I really feel. I'm done answering "how are you?" questions by people who only marginally give a crap. The only thing that has kept me going for several years is that my son needs me; and if I'm gone, he'll be raised by his dad.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

I am tired. I have been struggling for so long, and I am still struggling. People around me don't understand why I have been divorced for 5 years, and I'm not all better now. When I say that I am struggling, they tell me what I should do or should have done. I need someone to listen, to understand, to connect with me instead of trying to fix me.

You should listen to them.

We don't know each other well, but my door is always open. People really do have a tendency to think that "venting" equates to asking for some wisdom.

In any case, sending good thoughts and prayers your way, Misty.

 

[Olerica]

Cast in this unlikely role
Ill-equipped to act
With insufficient tact
One must put up barriers
To keep oneself intact

There looked to be a pretty bad car accident on my way to work this morning. If you find the time today, please say a prayer for the victims (I didn't notice an ambulance, but still).


Why so low my dearest cheesecake connoisseur? Praying for ya.

Not sure really. Just... out-of-sorts. It ended up being an ok day but a long one.

I am praying that your customers and guests will see you as the cheerful cheesecake champion that you are, while you still manage to snatch little moments to breathe, pray, and regroup.

Bless you CatHerder man that helped to read when I had a few minutes to check in today.

 

[gypsygirl]

to my cc singles forum friends:
i apologize in advance for the double posting but i'm pretty devastated, very worried and would greatly appreciate your prayers.

please pray for my dad

a giant thank you to all those who were such an encouragement to me yesterday, both in chat and on the forum here with your prayers and kind words. i can't tell you just how much that meant to me.

i had a great talk with my dad this morning. last night was a turning point in his situation, and his heart and finally started to slow down and respond to the efforts they are making to treat him. while he has a long road ahead of him rehabbing after back surgery, it appears at this moment that he is doing much better.

thank you all for your prayers. *hugs*

I am tired. I have been struggling for so long, and I am still struggling. People around me don't understand why I have been divorced for 5 years, and I'm not all better now. When I say that I am struggling, they tell me what I should do or should have done. I need someone to listen, to understand, to connect with me instead of trying to fix me.

Going to court did not give me the justice that I needed. Instead, it robbed me of all hope that justice would ever happen. Yes, I won the right to homeschool my son, but lost $500 a month that I need to support that ability.

I can't provide for my son's educational needs and work a 9 to 5. Not working in an office for a while was what I needed, but all of my contracts have dried up. I had three in January, but none since.

I don't feel that I can talk to anyone about how I really feel. I'm done answering "how are you?" questions by people who only marginally give a crap. The only thing that has kept me going for several years is that my son needs me; and if I'm gone, he'll be raised by his dad.

i'm so sorry that you're struggling as you are. misty you are loved and i am always here for you too--you know how to find me. i'm not always the best listener, but i'm also working on it. : )

one little observation, if i may. i think God allows us to have some pretty horrendous struggles in our lives. things that really are beasts of burden, that seem almost immovable, too large for us to deal with alone, or without help. i've had a couple in my life, and they are still struggles.

but they become the precious instruments that God uses to change us, to help us grow and soften our edges. they become those things that turns our "story" into a testimony.

i know people don't understand why this is still painful, and that's okay. they don't have to. some people don't understand why i struggle with what i do. it doesn't matter. pain and loss doesn't always fit those expectations.

anyway, i'm sorry, and i love you. praying for you now. *hugs*

 

[lil_christian]

Glad to hear your dad is doing better, gypsy. ♥

 

[Lynx]

My Dad ran businesses all his life, starting at age 21--I've seen all the pressure and stress he's been through and I knew I could never handle it. I'm perfectly happy working for someone else and letting them worry about what happens when the freezers go down at 2 in the morning and you're about to lose $30,000 worth of product.

Yes, this! Give me a job where I come in, do my work, get my paycheck and go home. Being the man in charge, the owner of the whole business, that's right for some people - and a good thing too, because SOMEONE gotta be there to hire people like me - but for myself I'd rather be the employee than the employer. The (possible) extra money ain't worth the extra stress.

I found a mmorpg called Dofus. My life is complete

Ever tried Arcanum? It's not an online game, but more than ten years later people are STILL finding out new stuff about that game.

 

[cinder]

I'm out of frozen strawberries. It's 100 degrees outside and the supermarket that sells frozen strawberries is a half hour bike ride away. Oh the challenges of summer. Another challenge is that the heat makes me hole up in my air conditioned room and not interact much with people, I think a week of that is starting to exacerbate my feelings of disconnection and loneliness.

 

[soccermom19]

I am tired. I have been struggling for so long, and I am still struggling. People around me don't understand why I have been divorced for 5 years, and I'm not all better now. When I say that I am struggling, they tell me what I should do or should have done. I need someone to listen, to understand, to connect with me instead of trying to fix me.

Going to court did not give me the justice that I needed. Instead, it robbed me of all hope that justice would ever happen. Yes, I won the right to homeschool my son, but lost $500 a month that I need to support that ability.

I can't provide for my son's educational needs and work a 9 to 5. Not working in an office for a while was what I needed, but all of my contracts have dried up. I had three in January, but none since.

I don't feel that I can talk to anyone about how I really feel. I'm done answering "how are you?" questions by people who only marginally give a crap. The only thing that has kept me going for several years is that my son needs me; and if I'm gone, he'll be raised by his dad.

People think that they understand your situation, but the only people who can even come close to understanding are the ones who are in similar situations themselves. And even then, each relationship is different. People should listen more and talk less.
I am glad that you stood up for your son. I am also sorry for the financial setback. Trust in God! Faith in God will help to provide everything we need.

 

[lil_christian]

I went on a close-to-midnight fresh strawberry run. Melted some semi-sweet chocolate chips. Combine the two, and you get heaven. ♥♥♥

And for those who aren't on my facebook or didn't see my facebook status, I made my quiche today. And it was DELICIOUS. I will definitely make it again soon. It was just awesome.

 

[Roh_Chris]

I don't feel that I can talk to anyone about how I really feel. I'm done answering "how are you?" questions by people who only marginally give a crap. The only thing that has kept me going for several years is that my son needs me; and if I'm gone, he'll be raised by his dad.

Misty, I understand how difficult it can be. I am here if you wish to talk about it. I'll be on Singles Chat on your Saturday evening (with my speakers turned on). Hang in there, sister.

*hugs*

 

[lil_christian]

I'm thinking of looking into camcorder for my trip so I can vlog it. I think that'd be fun to record some of the things I'd see while I'm walking around and stuff.

 

[AsifinPassing]

What a long work night/morning... I'm going to bed. ^_^Zzz

*time stamp 3:24 Ante Meridiem

 

[Olerica]

Well, I figured out what was bothering me yesterday. It would have been my 17th wedding anniversary. I guess it's progress through grief that I forgot, or simply that I didn't look at a calendar till just before I went to bed. I got a reminder that a friend's daughter is turning three today, and I remember because it was as I was driving from Minneapolis to Oregon when her birth happened... a month and a half after David's death. I drove and grieved and wept. Wild memory.

I was so blessed with a wonderful husband, and that I knew it then as much as I know it now. God is SO good. I don't know where I'd be if not for that marriage, I can see many different pathways that I could have gone and none likely to end me here where I am.

God, you really do work in mysterious ways. Thank you that you see the big picture and you just ask me to trust you, submit to your leading and to take the steps you order.

Bless our days, let us SEE your hand move. Let us each be used by you for your glory. Let us see that in our difficulty or hardship, you have your hand on us, and sometimes you carry us as though we were unable to walk, and when we are unable to walk you are patient and carry us. Teach us what submission to you looks like, and how we can gracefully walk that out. Let us be beacons of your love, showing grace and mercy to our fellow humans. Let us be your salt and shake us liberally.

We praise you for all of the things in our lives: the ease, the struggle, the hardship and the blessing. It is in the contrast we see how mighty your hand is to save. Thank you for the desire for us to KNOW you, to walk and talk with you. Let us not take that for granted, and when we do, thank you for loving us even still.

Bless your name, your holy name, Jesus.
Amen.

 

[Misty77]

*hugs to Olerica

 

[Olerica]

I am tired. I have been struggling for so long, and I am still struggling. People around me don't understand why I have been divorced for 5 years, and I'm not all better now. When I say that I am struggling, they tell me what I should do or should have done. I need someone to listen, to understand, to connect with me instead of trying to fix me.

Going to court did not give me the justice that I needed. Instead, it robbed me of all hope that justice would ever happen. Yes, I won the right to homeschool my son, but lost $500 a month that I need to support that ability.

I can't provide for my son's educational needs and work a 9 to 5. Not working in an office for a while was what I needed, but all of my contracts have dried up. I had three in January, but none since.

I don't feel that I can talk to anyone about how I really feel. I'm done answering "how are you?" questions by people who only marginally give a crap. The only thing that has kept me going for several years is that my son needs me; and if I'm gone, he'll be raised by his dad.

Man, that's a whole lotta urg right there, Sister. *hug* How overwhelming it must feel.

As to your first paragraph? One of the things that makes me irrationally angry (or maybe righteously angry) is people telling others: Grief, Yer Doin' It RONG!! What do they know? We process through stuff so differently... and it sounds like you have had a lot of fighting to do.

It's ok to be messy and to fall apart into the hands of your Heavenly Father. He's got ya, and I know you know that. *Hand Squeeze* BUT? If I can listen, I surely will. I am praying though.

 

[Fenner]

I shop at Aldis usually once a week. I used to be able to roam around Aldis , well I think everyone caught on to how awesome Aldis is. Aldis is the place to be now.

 

[Fenner]

Gypsy and Misty I'm praying for you. I'm sorry for what you're both going through.

 

[Olerica]

Bread is shaped and baking. Can you tell by all the threads I've responded to this morning?

Well, see you on the flip side when my ears are ringing... perhaps post-nap.

I get to hang out with all sorts of weirdos and awesomeness... good thing I have a mirror.

 

[Lynx]

I shop at Aldis usually once a week. I used to be able to roam around Aldis , well I think everyone caught on to how awesome Aldis is. Aldis is the place to be now.

Where I live Aldi is the place where the different people go. Hipsters, Mexicans, nerds, all the people that would go to Walmart if there were nothing better but prefer something better if they can get it.
All those "People of Walmart" people that you always see pictures of online... Yeah, you won't see that at Aldi.

 

[lil_christian]

Hugs from Ohio, Olerica. ♥ I can't imagine how heartbreaking that must be. I know it was heartbreaking when I lost my mom, but I couldn't imagine what it'd be like to lose what people consider "your other half." I know it was very hard on my dad, though he moved on very quickly afterward, because he's just one of those people that doesn't do well with being alone. Not that he like absolutely positively needs a woman, but there's just some people who can't bear the thought of eating a single meal alone or going through life without someone by their side, especially after they've done it for so long. But not everyone is like that, some people need more time to heal. Healing is such a long process and even painful, and I don't think we'll ever fully "recover" from the losses we endured, it'll just be easier to live with them.