How could I and why should I honor my father

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Cbrooke

Guest
#1
#1
Hi. My name is Chaela. My mom has been divorced from my biological dad since I was three years old. I live with my mom, and until about three years ago, I'd go spend the summer with my dad in July. About a month ago, I told my mom how when I went to visit, he sexually abused and raped me. He's also being charged for the same thing with three different girls, and for domestic violence. Anyways, I want to know how I can honor my "father"? How can I look up to him when he's done something so horrible. It says in the Bible to, but I just don't understand how I could do that? Someone please give me some advice. Thank you all so much
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#2
#2
Well, he's dangerous, so don't hang out at his house.

But, maybe write? There will be no trust, but often men write what they won't say so maybe it can give you an inside look on who he is. Of course, I'm only making this suggestion if you've forgiven him and you don't vomit just thinking about him. If you're too afraid of him or this could cause any danger, don't do anything.

I had to live with my attacker for 5 months. (I was living at my cousin's house and he was her grandfather.) So, I really get the skeeve factor if you can't, but it sounds like a part of you does, so I'm coming up with a way to maintain a relationship while not being near him. It is possible. Corrie Ten Boom ended up hugging the Nazi soldier who killed her family, because he became a Christian. God is be to do anything. And there is no better way to love someone -- even the unlovable -- then to bring him to the Lord.
 
Joidevivre

Joidevivre

Senior Member
#3
Jul 15, 2014
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#3
We are to honor the one who "fathered" us. When you have a father who did no such thing, there is nothing to pay honor to other than the fact that you treat him as you would any person who hurts you - forgive and be merciful to him. I had to do that.

I am thankful for my father because without him I would not be here.
 
Jesus4ever

Jesus4ever

Senior Member
#4
May 18, 2015
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#4
That´s horrible to know, dear sister. I´m really sad to know that. What he did was terrible, but, you must pray to the Lord to help your father and, most important of all, I must forgive him. I know it´s not easy, but that´s what the Lord tells us to do.

I´ll pray for you.


God bless!
 
MarcR

MarcR

Senior Member
#5
Feb 12, 2015
5,486
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#5
You can not honor someone who dishonors himself; but you need to pray for God to help you forgive--- not for his sake but for yours. Your father is a monster and you should have nothing to do with him; but forgiving him will take away the bitterness so he can't continue to harm you.
 
Joidevivre

Joidevivre

Senior Member
#6
Jul 15, 2014
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#6
Remember, forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a choice.

Just pray and tell the Lord that you forgive him, and ask for the Lord to bless him and forgive him too. You can still not "like" him or to be around him. You can set your boundaries. But once you have prayed that prayer, you have made the choice to release yourself from the heaviness that unforgiveness sets upon you. And you have set him free for the Lord to begin the work of healing him.
 
seekingg

seekingg

Senior Member
#7
Jul 13, 2012
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Chaela, The children's pastor at my church suffered the same kind of abuse that you speak of. She grew up with non forgiveness, anger, bitterness that ate her alive for years. Then she meet Jesus and her first step was to choose to forgive him. Pray like God , i chose to forgive him , i don't feel it , i don't like it so i can not do it with out your help Jesus.
 
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pwrnJC

Banned
#8
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
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#8
Your father did not honor what fatherhood is about. Apparently, in his demented mind, he had children to abuse and use for his own sick pleasure...therefore, forgive him of his past, acknowledging him only as your DNA donor and move on...IF later down the road he allows the holy spirit to convict him and he becomes a CHRIST follower, then, deal with it as the LORD would see you do. Paul used to murder and incarceration those who were CHRISTIAN and then he became the 1st missionary to the gentile nations. Your father broke the trust that is to be between child and parent. He is fully responsible for his actions and you should have NO further action with or near him...due to his own choice. You and JESUS have lots to do. JESUS has awesome plans for you and trying to cope with the demonic actions of your father is past you, water under the bridge. The dark valley of that is behind you, indeed. You have greater more dynamic spiritual adventures ahead. Do not, as the victim, feel guilty of staying away from him, legally, morally, spiritually or in any way. In fact, RUN and never look back.
 
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NewWine

Guest
#9
#9
You honor him by allowing God to heal his sickness, and by allowing his punishment and rehabilitation..... Work with God to forgive him for your own sake; the anger, hate, bitterness, guilt, fear, and all the other emotions that goes with sexual molestation, will eat one alive if it's allowed to continue. With God there is no fear, and with God ALL things are possible. Forgiveness doesn't mean you ever have to see him again, just that you want freed of being his victim. Forgiveness is power, ESPECIALLY in instances like this. It won't be easy to forgive him, but with God by your side it is possible.

One thing no one ever told me about forgiveness is that it won't necessarily happen all at once....it's a process and will take practice and effort. There will be days when you just don't feel it, but keep practicing it, and the forgiveness feelings come eventually as we open our hearts to God. Be patient with yourself to heal from all of this; this is YOUR journey and it goes at YOUR pace. Be patient with yourself throughout the forgiveness process. It is possible.
 
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Eva1218

Guest
#10
#10
To honor is to show respect my heart goes out to you. Though your father did these horrible things you can honour him by praying for his soul.

Blessings! !!!!!!
 
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iveseenworse

Guest
#11
#11
chaela, i don't feel worthy to respond. i cant imagine your hurt. but i will pray.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#12
Nov 13, 2013
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#12

I think that honoring your father presumes that he assumes the role of a father. A mother and father raise you, house you, feed you, etc. Fatherhood is more than having a child (sperm donor), its caring for that child. The man you've described is a rapist, he may be your father in a genetic sense, but he's also your rapist, and there's no honor in that. I'd stay away from him, he's not an honorable man and doesn't even deserve your respect, he deserves to be in jail. I don't think the good Lord would expect you to honor a slime-ball like that. "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4)
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#13
May 29, 2013
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I'm so sorry to hear what he has done to you.

I disagree with those who basically say he isn't your father. if you have a bad father, he's still your father.

For your own good, you need to forgive him. Maybe you could find it in your heart to honor him by visiting him in prison with guards around for your safety. If not, maybe you could send him a care package, soap and that sort of thing, or put money in his account to buy a radio, or send him a card.
 
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Cbrooke

Guest
#14
#14
@presidente, so you're saying I should send him things like a care package, when he didn't care for me at all? I should give him money? Really?
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#15
#15
Cbrooke said:
@presidente, so you're saying I should send him things like a care package, when he didn't care for me at all? I should give him money? Really?
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Although I disagree with presidente, I'm more worried your heart is showing. I do understand merely tolerating the existence of someone who hurt you so badly feels like the best we can do, even as Christians, and, in a way it is. BUT God expects more of us even than that. And, in that he can give us the strength we will never have. He says we are to love them, not merely tolerate their existence. And if it's not love your father, it's love your enemy, so you're stuck either way.

What I'm hearing is the expected and natural reaction of a normal person -- hate. I truly understand that. It's not what God wants from us though.

Many Christians talk about forgiving a person, but I believe forgiveness is only something to try for, if the person asks for forgiveness, and if we're willing to get to that point in a relationship to talk out the problem so the person will ask for forgiveness. Truly dumb idea, if your father poses a threat to you. (Which is why I wasn't entirely sure writing is a good idea, since that would expose where you live when he gets out of prison.) Forgiveness may or may not be an option, but love isn't an option. We have to love, even the unlovable.

That's where we get into grounds we can't do. That ability lies within God alone working in us, so the only thing we can do is ask God to help us get there and work with him to fulfill that prayer request. It is possible, even quite probable, that God can take you there.

He got Corrie Ten Boom there in the course of a panel discussion on a stage. (She was invited to give her testimony in an auditorium. She didn't know it was a panel discussion, and she certainly wasn't expecting the Nazi officer who killed her family to be on that panel that night. But somewhere in that time between placing where she had seen that German before and the end of the panel discussion, God brought enough love into her heart for her to hug the man who killed her family.) It can be that dramatic a change in that short of time. Or it can be as slow a change as God gave me for the men who raped me.

I don't dare find them to forgive them for obvious reasons. I'm not naturally a violent person, but I have spent quite some time imagining what I would do to them in vivid detail, and even Hollywood couldn't come up with that violent a scene. BUT, in the course of years, God has given me enough love for them that I do pray for his mercy and love on them to save them. And I have finally come around to meaning it.

My hatred has dimmed. God's love has increased in the doing of that. I'm not asking you to put away your anger. I'm asking you to ask God to change it to his love. It benefits you in ways you can't imagine, and, in doing that, frees you up to benefit others. Wrath just eats us alive and turns us into nothing short of Gollum in Lord of the Rings.
 
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Cbrooke

Guest
#16
#16
Thank you Lynn. That gives me a better understanding. Yes, it would be quite dangerous to send him a care package or write to him because he is a dangerous person, and I have no doubt that he would come for me again. I know that I should forgive him, but what will be the hardest is loving him. He's my father, his job is to love me, and he did the complete opposite. Thank you so much!!
 
Shannon50

Shannon50

Senior Member
#17
May 9, 2015
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#17
He should also face the justice system for the abuse that he has caused you; not to "get back at him", but this would force him to face the truth of his sins against you-- he needs to do this if there is any Hope of him becoming a better man. Helping him get there would be a way of honouring him, I believe.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#18
#18
Shannon50 said:
He should also face the justice system for the abuse that he has caused you; not to "get back at him", but this would force him to face the truth of his sins against you-- he needs to do this if there is any Hope of him becoming a better man. Helping him get there would be a way of honouring him, I believe.
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He is facing the justice system, and I pray our system of justice gets this one right!
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#19
May 29, 2013
9,166
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#19
Cbrooke said:
@presidente, so you're saying I should send him things like a care package, when he didn't care for me at all? I should give him money? Really?
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If your dad doesn't deserve you honoring him, God deserves for you to honor your father.

Jesus's words from Matthew 5:
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#20
#20
presidente said:
If your dad doesn't deserve you honoring him, God deserves for you to honor your father.

Jesus's words from Matthew 5:
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
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Yeah, but let's be real here. Would you give your name and address to a pedophile in prison, knowing pedophiles never get life sentences, but might get angry with you enough to remember you when he gets out? Would you do that if the pedophile was your dad?

There are safety issues to consider.
 
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