What to do when you realize you're forever alone.

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Tankman131

Guest
#1
#1
When it comes to relationships in christian circles and specifically comforting singles, there is a supremely overused cliche.

"God has someone out there for you."

Now i understand that it is quite possible that God has someone out there for the single being comforted, but what about those who God's plan is probably to leave without a significant other like myself?

Any comfort or advice to alleviate the feeling of loneliness that comes with this?
 
AsifinPassing

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
#2
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#2
Well, I'd start with Paul. He tells us in his letter to the Philippians that He learned to be content in all circumstances. Not easily, for sure, but with God's help, all things are possible. He admonishes those who remain single, because we can devote ourselves more fully to God than those who are, well, distracted, let's say, by other things. That was in his first letter to Corinth.

You see, we aren't alone, man. You're not alone. In the words of John Wesley as he lay dying, "...Best of all, God is with us!"

Part of living is learning to turn to Jesus. He can fill us and take our loneliness. He did for me. I would often cry myself to sleep, and honestly wanted to die at several points in life. However, just like Audio Adrenaline was so good to write and sing, when I get down, He lifts me up.

I realize that these might just seem like words, man, and I even posted a thread about how we almost 'need' that someone in our lives (close companion, romantic or non), to share hearts and life with. That's true. Know, though, that in all things, You've got God in the person of His Holy Spirit right where you are. He waits on us. Reaches out. It's amazing who He is and what He can do, but a lot of it is on us. He's not a dictator, so we have to seek Him back, ya know? Wait on Him once in a while. ^_^

Anyway, I don't know if any of this helps, but know that you can always talk to me on here, and God all the more no matter when or where you are. Sorry for the pain and sadness. I understand. The question is, what will you do with it? I gave mine to God, and I'm glad I did.
 
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Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#3
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#3
Honestly, keep crying out to Him to fulfill you in whatever he brings your way. Again, this sounds trite, but none of us is promised a mate. Seek out friendships with believers who are seeking God first and encourage each other. (We're mostly pretty cool here too, for that).

God bless you. Our existence here is a walking out and maturing of our faith. The trials we go though are honestly to increase our trust in him.. the working of our faith produces patience. We're to let our patience do it's work so that we are matured and complete, not lacking in ANY good thing. (Paraphrased from James 1)

Any lack in our earthly lives is completed in our relationship with God. Do I always live like I believe that? No. But writing it here reminds me. HE is enough.
 
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Tankman131

Guest
#4
#4
Ive been told to "give mine to God" and i know 1 peter 5:7 but i dont know how to cast my burden upon the Lord. At this point im also somewhat afraid of waiting on God because the last several works in my life involved destroying parts of me that needed destroying, like my ego, but it took with it the last slivers of self esteem and self worth.
 
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Aspimom

Guest
#5
#5
I had a friend that just wanted to get out of school, get married and have a family. Ten years later she is still waiting and I always wondered what she was in such a hurry for. God has given her some of the most wonderful opportunities in the last ten years that she would not have gotten if she was married. From the outside people can see the work that God is doing in you even if you don't see it. Just stay on the course.

I know a lot of what we come here and read what seems like the same old stuff we have read for years. I too have decided that this is a time for me to be alone. Most days I am fine but there are still some nights when I cry. I have found that when I come to this site I can always find an uplifting word that reminds me that I am a child of God and I am loved more than anyone else on this earth for being just who I am. God doesn't make mistakes.

Oh and I have a dashound, like your pic, that is a good listener lol.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#6
Aug 2, 2009
24,641
4,300
113
#6
Tankman131 said:
When it comes to relationships in christian circles and specifically comforting singles, there is a supremely overused cliche.

"God has someone out there for you."

Now i understand that it is quite possible that God has someone out there for the single being comforted, but what about those who God's plan is probably to leave without a significant other like myself?

Any comfort or advice to alleviate the feeling of loneliness that comes with this?
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I remind myself of all the headaches and heartaches that a relationship and a marriage can bring and I feel relief that I probably won't have to deal with that. Just check out the Family discussion forum here to see the kind of things I'm talking about.
 
L

lilbittie

Guest
#7
#7
zeroturbulence said:
I remind myself of all the headaches and heartaches that a relationship and a marriage can bring and I feel relief that I probably won't have to deal with that. Just check out the Family discussion forum here to see the kind of things I'm talking about.
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I agree with you. I am divorced and I feel like I should live the rest of my life devoted to God and my children.
 
S

Shouryu

Guest
#8
#8
Tankman131 said:
Any comfort or advice to alleviate the feeling of loneliness that comes with this?
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Yeah.

Both Abraham and Sarah, as well as Zacharias and Elizabeth, were elderly before God blessed them with a child. Based on cultural norms for the time, both couples would have wanted children many years before that. Somehow they managed to survive just fine by serving and pleasing God first even though they likely felt a hole in their life.

You said it yourself: there's no guarantee that God has someone for you. But if He does, He'll bring her to you in HIS time. You just focus on glorifying him in ALL things (yes, even glorify Him in your singleness) to ensure that your heart is in the right place, rather than glorifying Him just because if you do so, He might bring you a mate. Eventually, your lack of a mate won't matter as much anymore.

That might the moment he decides to surprise you.
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#9
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#9
Tankman131 said:
Ive been told to "give mine to God" and i know 1 peter 5:7 but i dont know how to cast my burden upon the Lord. At this point im also somewhat afraid of waiting on God because the last several works in my life involved destroying parts of me that needed destroying, like my ego, but it took with it the last slivers of self esteem and self worth.
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Maybe that's a good thing. We are valuable because God finds us so, as his creation we are valuable. Find out who God says you are, if you don't know.

I mean, he is the Almighty, Creator of the Universe. He wants to spend direct 1:1 time with you. He wants your every thought, every hurt, every hope and dream. He wants you to pour out to him so he can fulfill you, or change your heart to his vision. Isn't that exciting? The one who holds the whole of the universe in his hand knows the hairs of your head... he cares so much about you to know even that!

(Again, I am encouraging myself with these words, I need to hear it too)
 
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Tankman131

Guest
#10
#10
Olerica said:
Maybe that's a good thing. We are valuable because God finds us so, as his creation we are valuable. Find out who God says you are, if you don't know.

I mean, he is the Almighty, Creator of the Universe. He wants to spend direct 1:1 time with you. He wants your every thought, every hurt, every hope and dream. He wants you to pour out to him so he can fulfill you, or change your heart to his vision. Isn't that exciting? The one who holds the whole of the universe in his hand knows the hairs of your head... he cares so much about you to know even that!

(Again, I am encouraging myself with these words, I need to hear it too)
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There was a positive aspect to it as i no longer completely base my self worth on how much smarter i am than others. The bad thing is, i haven't been able to find an equivalent feeling of self worth through a God i know exists, but dont feel.
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#11
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#11
Tankman131 said:
There was a positive aspect to it as i no longer completely base my self worth on how much smarter i am than others. The bad thing is, i haven't been able to find an equivalent feeling of self worth through a God i know exists, but dont feel.
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:hug: (sorry, I'm a huggy type)

Bless you for choosing to have faith and belief in God even though the "feelings" aren't there. Focus on HIM and not your feelings (don't use the Force, Luke, use your faith).

Intellect is all well and good, but we're to be children and take the risk of faith. God IS who he says he is. God can do wht he says he can do. I am who GOD says I am. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. God's word is alive and active in me. I am believing God. That six point thing there? It's something that I am using as a meditation basis in my own life. Who does God say he is? etc. I focus on that. My mind, my reasoning, my emotions, my intellect can be deceived. I spend time in the Bible because I do believe that it's the written word of God. I believe he can be found there, and his character is displayed there.

I'm not an intellectual, I cannot argue points well, so I listen and learn to hear what God is saying to me through his word. And if I'm not hearing from him, I ask for more wisdom. And I ask for the understanding to hear and put the wisdom to work in my life. I haven't got this all down pat. I fall as much as I stand, but I know I can fall on him and stand in him in one.
 
PennEd

PennEd

Senior Member
#12
Apr 22, 2013
13,464
8,985
113
#12
Tankman131 said:
There was a positive aspect to it as i no longer completely base my self worth on how much smarter i am than others. The bad thing is, i haven't been able to find an equivalent feeling of self worth through a God i know exists, but dont feel.
Click to expand...

I constantly get caught up in all types of feelings brother. It's seems seldom that I get those wonderful moments when God's Grace and love fall on me and remove my pains and sometimes guilts. But I know this, He is there with me whether I feel Him or not. I am a different person today than 3 or 4 years ago. God is burning out the junk in my life. Bit by bit.
Take comfort in the fact that he loves YOU and has plans for YOU specifically. Peace and Grace to you. In Jesus name. Amen
 
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Ugly

Guest
#13
#13
Tankman131 said:
There was a positive aspect to it as i no longer completely base my self worth on how much smarter i am than others. The bad thing is, i haven't been able to find an equivalent feeling of self worth through a God i know exists, but dont feel.
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Perhaps it's time to stop seeking what you Think you need and letting God bring you what you Actually need. When God told Moses to go back to Egypt Moses didn't 'believe in himself'. He made excuses and pointed out his own flaws and argued with God that God had picked the wrong person. God knew what He was doing, but Moses was looking to himself, not God. Perhaps you are doing the same thing. Looking for reasons to believe in yourself rather than just putting the trust in God and letting Him do what is needed, not what you want Him to do.
 
1joseph

1joseph

Senior Member
#14
Dec 14, 2014
590
12
18
#14
Tankman131 said:
When it comes to relationships in christian circles and specifically comforting singles, there is a supremely overused cliche.

"God has someone out there for you."

Now i understand that it is quite possible that God has someone out there for the single being comforted, but what about those who God's plan is probably to leave without a significant other like myself?

Any comfort or advice to alleviate the feeling of loneliness that comes with this?
Click to expand...
Hi Tankman131,

You do not know what God has planned for you. None of us do. As one who believes in Him, you are promised that all things will work together for your good. Submit yourself unto Him daily, dying out to your flesh and walking in/with His Spirit, following His guidance.

Spend time in His Word, talk to Him about your thoughts and concerns (in a quiet place), and thank Him for His many blessings. As you do this, your feeling lonely will dissipate in His Presence. Do this often (unceasing, really,) especially when you feel loneliness coming on.

Remember, as His child you are never alone. :)
 
Shannon50

Shannon50

Senior Member
#15
May 9, 2015
184
2
18
#15
I am sorry you are sad and lonely. I believe that God will give us the desires of our hearts. I know people who have fallen in love at an older age-- and they are so happy!!

I think that the Devil desires us to feel downtrodden and in dispair. God tells us not to despair, but to Hope in Him. It is much more difficult to Hope, I find, because if I hope for something, and it doesn't happen, I could be left disappointed. If I just expect the worst, it is a great surprise if it doesn't happen! Eventhough it is more difficult; God commands it of us, and I think it definitely warrants attention-- HOPE.

I am concerned though, that until recently you have always thought that you were smarter than others? I'm not sure if you meant that as a glib statement (meaning, "I might not have a date, but I'm pretty smart"); or if you have been intentionally judging potential partners based on (your perception of) their intellect? Of course, I don't want to imply that if you are single then their is something wrong with you-- just that re-evaluating what you are looking for in a partner might not be a bad idea? IDK, just a thought.
 
garet82

garet82

Senior Member
#16
Jan 20, 2011
679
85
28
#16
i think i will be Super Hero n joint THE AVENGER LOL :D
 
garet82

garet82

Senior Member
#17
Jan 20, 2011
679
85
28
#17
i think i will be Super Hero n joint THE AVENGER LOL :D
these group seems lonely ppl and they make good group
 
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Tankman131

Guest
#18
#18
Shannon50 said:
I am sorry you are sad and lonely. I believe that God will give us the desires of our hearts. I know people who have fallen in love at an older age-- and they are so happy!!

I think that the Devil desires us to feel downtrodden and in dispair. God tells us not to despair, but to Hope in Him. It is much more difficult to Hope, I find, because if I hope for something, and it doesn't happen, I could be left disappointed. If I just expect the worst, it is a great surprise if it doesn't happen! Eventhough it is more difficult; God commands it of us, and I think it definitely warrants attention-- HOPE.

I am concerned though, that until recently you have always thought that you were smarter than others? I'm not sure if you meant that as a glib statement (meaning, "I might not have a date, but I'm pretty smart"); or if you have been intentionally judging potential partners based on (your perception of) their intellect? Of course, I don't want to imply that if you are single then their is something wrong with you-- just that re-evaluating what you are looking for in a partner might not be a bad idea? IDK, just a thought.
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I understand what you are saying, it wasn't like that. It was a way to feel like im worth something, a way to grasp something through my depression. My mental subconscious voice would be "i may be fat, ugly, and socially awkward, but at least im one of the smartest guys in the room. i went to college and that last part switched to "...but at least God made me one of the smartest guys in the room." God started his work in me and it became, "im fat, ugly, socially awkward, and not especially smart. Why do i have any value?" I've been here for a long time.

i realize it is an issue that i haven't given all my trust to God, that i haven't put myself entirely in his hands because i want to trust myself and my ability. This is something else i have worked on. I definitely have trust issues that need to be addressed and yet life makes these trust issues seem necessary. My trust issues are definitely part of my loneliness and if my self esteem ever improved enough to start asking girls out again, they would become an issue there (assuming i am more successful than i was in highschool at being worth dating).
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#19
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#19
I agree that you need to find your value in Christ, and that to do that you'll need to trust him and as he proves himself to you, continue to trust him.

May I let you in on a little tiny secret? We women know you men don't have it all together, and honestly (I'll speak for myself here) I don't want a man who has it all together. I sure don't have it all together. But the kind of man I am looking for leans on God for his sustenance as I must and do. This is a man who knows he has a deep need for God's intervention in his life, and will support me in getting my needs met in Christ as he does. That the two of us together in relationship lean on the Lord for our every breath.

So, it's ok to have it not all together.... I mean, if you are a broken and bleeding mess, you need to deal with that 1:1 with God (and hopefully with a trusted Christian adviser/friend/pastor).... but as a woman, I'm not looking for a perfect man. I'd mess that man up because I am messy. But a man who encourages me to walk humbly before God on my own and with him? THAT man is appealing and worthy of my time.
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#20
#20
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you 1 peter 5:7.

Psalm 61:2 From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is ovetwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I

Remember these verses. Pray out loud God's promises. He's always there. Remember that our feelings and emotions can lie to us. Grab on to the Lord. He wants to dependent on Him. He will provide all your needs.
 
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