Disciplining toddlers

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
S

sunflower87

Guest
#1
#1
Hi, I am looking for some advice. Me and my husband have two toddlers together and we both agree that bringing them up Christian is the right decision as I have been saved in 2013. They are baptized and I read them a Bible story every night before prayers, my three year old can say the Lords prayer by herself. We also take them to church.

However I am facing the "tantrum" stage with them and I'm feeling very stressed about how to get them disciplined properly. They refuse to listen to me and my husband, scream and get really angry. I admit I have shouted and my husband has got frustrated too which isn't how we wanted to bring our daughter's up.

We are hoping to send them to a private school for Christians next year.

I pray for help on disciplining them and to ask forgivenesd when I get frustrated. I just need advice on how to raise them in the right way and to show them that there is other ways to vent frustration than screaming and having full blown tantrums.

Thank you and God bless you
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,942
9,695
113
#2
1.) Getting mad and screaming at babies who don't know any better, isn't going to solve your problem.
They don't fully know right from wrong right now. When they are naughty, say "we don't act this way." Then show them how to act. I don't know how their "venting" exactly so you need to clarify a bit more.

2.) It sounds like you and hubby need to enroll in some parenting classes so you can learn how to properly raise your kids so they dont turn into screaming, spoiled brats.

3.) Talk to other mothers who have been through the "terrible two's." Ask what they did to make their kids behave. And remember: spanking/ hitting your child is NOT an answer or remedy to get them to mind.

4.) I asked a mod to remove the duplicate of this thread. :)

Good luck..
 
S

sunflower87

Guest
#3
#3
Hey thank you for getting back to me with your advice and also getting mod to delete my duplicate post as my phone was playing up :)

My toddlers are 2 & 3 years old, and we just want them to be able to understand that they dont need to scream and tantrum as a way of getting their frustrations out. We love them very, very much and it hurts us to see them getting into a tantrum.

Me and my husband have raised our voices occasionally to get their attention which we understood was silly as it doesnt solve anything but more often we just hold them and talk to them to try and let them know we love them and we can help them through their tantrums.

I asked a mother of four for advice and she said the naughty step works wonders for her family so we are trying that. I just don't want them to become spoiled children. Me and my husband don't believe in hitting/spanking children as we believe it would only set a bad example.

Parenthood is tough but very rewarding.

Thank you for replying, I guess I just needed to tell someone to get it off my chest :)
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#4
Feb 21, 2014
70,942
9,695
113
#4
sunflower87 said:
Hey thank you for getting back to me with your advice and also getting mod to delete my duplicate post as my phone was playing up :)

My toddlers are 2 & 3 years old, and we just want them to be able to understand that they dont need to scream and tantrum as a way of getting their frustrations out. We love them very, very much and it hurts us to see them getting into a tantrum.

Me and my husband have raised our voices occasionally to get their attention which we understood was silly as it doesnt solve anything but more often we just hold them and talk to them to try and let them know we love them and we can help them through their tantrums.

I asked a mother of four for advice and she said the naughty step works wonders for her family so we are trying that. I just don't want them to become spoiled children. Me and my husband don't believe in hitting/spanking children as we believe it would only set a bad example.

Parenthood is tough but very rewarding.

Thank you for replying, I guess I just needed to tell someone to get it off my chest :)
Click to expand...


​you're welcome.. :)
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#5
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
2,961
113
#5
Children who are 2 and 3 can be made to behave. I spanked all of my children, not hard, but enough to let them know their behaviour was wrong and unacceptable, and they all grew up to be happy, well adjusted people with good marriages and good careers. (All 4!)

Your children are running your lives, if they are having temper tantrums. Temper tantrums are never acceptable. And just to give you something to think about, if you can't control them now, what are you going to do when they are teenagers? You and all the other non-spanking (which basically means not disciplining!) parents are going to have major problems if you cannot set the limits and boundaries now, while they are toddlers.

My children started listening and obeying before they could walk. Even 30 years ago, that was very rare!
 
S

sunflower87

Guest
#6
#6
Angela53510 said:
Children who are 2 and 3 can be made to behave. I spanked all of my children, not hard, but enough to let them know their behaviour was wrong and unacceptable, and they all grew up to be happy, well adjusted people with good marriages and good careers. (All 4!)

Your children are running your lives, if they are having temper tantrums. Temper tantrums are never acceptable. And just to give you something to think about, if you can't control them now, what are you going to do when they are teenagers? You and all the other non-spanking (which basically means not disciplining!) parents are going to have major problems if you cannot set the limits and boundaries now, while they are toddlers.

My children started listening and obeying before they could walk. Even 30 years ago, that was very rare!
Click to expand...
I understand completely what you are saying and I thank you for your input.

I do think it is best they know boundaries before they get completely out of control and it will be best for them too.

My mum said that I need to discipline them so they learn what is acceptable and what isn't.

Thank you :)
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#7
#7
I said this in your other thread but do yourself a favor and get the book scream free parenting. One of Our goals as parents should be to teach our kids emotional intelligence. This age up to 6 or 8 is key to building good thinking habits. Mirroring your child's behavior is one way to help them see themselves how they look and how they make others feel when they act out. It should always be done calmly. I would simply say, son this is what you look and sound like right now....then I would mirror it back to him. Then I would say something like, that looks terrible doesn't it? I don't like it when you embarrass yourself....do you?

Like blue said parenting classes would be smart as well as reading how the brain develops and operates.
 
S

Strictfather

Guest
#8
#8
I have a 5 year old daughter that I spank no I don't beat her there is a difference but she has been spanked since about the age of 2 at that age 2 or 3 swats on there panties or bare bottom seems to work she is now five and when needed she gets put over my knee and spanked bare bottom with my hand. Never spank out of anger if you are mad give your self a few minutes to cool off before you spank. I spank her and normally her bottom will be a shade of pink.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#9
#9
Model for them their behavior. Say...this is what you are doing and then do it like they do it. Throw yourself on the floor or whatever they do. Then explain to them how it feels to you in three year old terms. It worked for my son.
 
W

WarriorForChrist

Guest
#10
#10
I was spanked and my son has been spanked. I don't need to spank him anymore because with just one look he knows what is coming. Just saying :)
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#11
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
2,961
113
#11
In Alberta, where I used to live, an older teen went on a shooting spree and killed two convenience store clerks. The parents were interviewed by the media, and they said he was never abused, and never spanked.

I confess my immediate thought was "he should have been spanked, and then he wouldn't have grown up to be a murderer!"

All this humanist garbage about "Not setting a violent example" is just nonsense. A parent needs to establish authority, and time outs, except in rare cases do not do it. There is a real boundary between right and wrong when punishment happens for deliberate disobedience, or in the case of the OP, for temper tantrums. Our kids did not have temper tantrums, because they knew they would get it! Meaning, they were not in control, but they knew their parents were. Temper tantrums (excepting if the child is extremely over tired, or sick) are a show of power. You have to decide who has the authority, the child throwing the temper tantrum, or the adult.

And no, never beat them, but do spank with a bare hand on a bottom. Once you start letting the child be in charge, it is game over. Letting the child run their life is something that happens gradually, giving them more and more freedom as they grow up. Once you have established external guidelines, the child learns to internalize the boundaries, and becomes a healthy, happy adult.
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#12
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#12
I agree with angela start now and you will have some good kids later.
 
K

Kaycie

Guest
#13
#13
No matter what they are doing, you, and your voice and facial expression, need to remain calm and in control. Never ever give in to a tantrum. Give them an answer right away, and stick to it. If you ever allow their screaming to change your answer, then they will be encouraged to scream louder and longer in order to manipulate you.

Put them in a designated time out spot, and set a timer for one minute per age (a three year old gets three minutes). Be consistent and it will get better. If your child is thrashing around on the floor and throwing things, sit them on your lap while you sit on the floor, and act as a car seat until they calm down. This way they can't hurt themselves or others.

Remove red dye from your child's diet (kool aid, m&ms, strawberry milk, etc). These have been linked to hyper activity and behavior problems. Also, limit sugar. Children are already full of energy, you can't feed a child pop and cookies and expect them to sit still. Make sure they eat something naturally green everyday. Greens help your child to be in a good mood, to stay calm, and to concentrate on learning.

Make sure you spend quality time with your child and laugh together- this makes them want to please you. If they are starved for attention they will purposely try to anger you- because negative attention is better to them than no attention at all.

And make sure they have enough room to run and play, and that they get plenty of sleep. Not having enough activity during the day doesn't make them tired enough to go to sleep.
 
Last edited:
S

ShaneC

Guest
#14
#14
Your kids will not turn into brats because they are acting like this. I have twin girls that are not quite two and they have been doing this for months. We...1.) Stopped acknowledging temper tantrums when we have exhausted a list of what could be wrong. Throwing yourself around on the floor gets no attention no matter what. It gets you alone, in your bed. 2.) Encourage our girls to use words to express their feelings. A lot of the time they want or need something and cannot express it. 3.) I hate to say it but we use a small paint stirrer as a paddle. They do not get beat, but they get tapped and when they see it they know what they deal is.

They are toddlers, this is something they will go through.
 
D

deesandpooh

Guest
#15
#15
I couldbeat the liveing daylights out of my son and it would just make the tantrum worst.spanking doesent work for all children,are all circumstances.all children are diffrent,you just gotto experiment what workz for yours.the reason my son throws fits is because he cant say any words.so if i spanked him cause he was hungry,thirsty that would put fear in him and he would be afraid to ask for what he needs in fear of being spanked.tantrums are usly due to poor communication.so i would tell your pediatrition and see if she had ang ideals.
 
PANCAKES

PANCAKES

Senior Member
#16
Apr 26, 2009
451
14
18
#16
Okay Sunflower, I don't have kids but I have something my parents taught my brother and I.

My brother and I always fought in the car and never listened, so one day my dad and mom made up a whole day trip for us kids, they got us all excited about it, woke us up at 6 am for the long drive over to the location and my mother made a lot of food and snacks. So on the big day, they packed us both into the car and drove 2 hours to Hershey Park with the INTENTION of never stepping foot on the premises, so when we got there our parents said we were too bad in the car, spanked us and turned around for another 2 hours back home.

we never fought in the car again.
 
C

coby

Guest
#18
#18
Don't be too strict I suppose. Only the youngest threw a tantrum a few times. I just ignored him and he didn't get it his way. Then it was over. Middle one did it once, did not give in but stayed calm, never again he did it. If you're too strict with laws kids react the same as when you try to put adults under the law. Mine love to go to church. I have seen kids who had to and who had to sit still, their mom was like a police officer, didn't see them back when they didn't have to anymore and they never listened and were always bored in church because they had to.
 
C

coby

Guest
#19
#19
Spanking or even giving a tiny hit is forbidden in Holland. My parents never did that. My mom was always sweet. She never raised her voice, I never saw her angry, we had a lot of space. I was as obedient as can be as a kid. Only when I got older and my dad started cursing and yelling if I didn't clean up my room I became rebellious.
 
C

coby

Guest
#20
#20
Or watch Supernanny. I think she's way too strict but with some stuff it's helpful.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.