Disciplining toddlers

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
S

sunflower87

Guest
#1
#1
Hi, I am looking for some advice. Me and my husband have two toddlers together and we both agree that bringing them up Christian is the right decision as I have been saved in 2013. They are baptized and I read them a Bible story every night before prayers, my three year old can say the Lords prayer by herself. We also take tbe
 
S

sunflower87

Guest
#2
#2
to church.

However I am facing the "tantrum" stage with them and I'm feeling very stressed about how to get them disciplined properly. They refuse to listen to me and my husband, scream and get really angry. I admit I have shouted and my husband has got frustrated too which isn't how we wanted to bring our daughter's up.

We are hoping to send them to a private school for Christians next year.

I pray for help on disciplining them and to ask forgivenesd when I get frustrated. I just need advice on how to raise them in the right way and to show them that there is other ways to vent frustration than screaming and having full blown tantrums.

Thank you and God bless you
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#3
#3
well, I don't have kids, but theory says that "time outs" are efficient. (I was normally sent to my room)
ie: you sit on this chair (and scream all you want). but you wont get any attention or get off the chair until you are calm.
not sure how early on this works though, I thought toddlers were very young, so I don't quite see the connection with them starting school next year (maybe I am confusing terms here)
 
C

CeileDe

Guest
#4
#4
Time outs never work with my child. The one thing that we have found that works best with him is a hug. My son has stayed in the terrible 3's for a couple of years now lol. When he gets mad it is a full out tantrum and nothing we have done has worked besides hugs. Sometimes children have language barriers and they just aren't getting their message across to us. I have spanked him before but that just feels like it is a release for me and has nothing to do with what is happening.

So next time they are throwing a fit, try to figure out what the issue is and ask them if they need a hug. My son has never turned one down and after that we can talk about it. I'm not saying there isn't consequences for his actions and he does get stripped of some play time when he is naughty.
 
Lifetrack

Lifetrack

Senior Member
#5
Oct 20, 2014
213
4
18
#5
I have 8 kids, so i feel exactly what you mean.

Allways start in a loving way, if that's no help be firm, even when the punishment is a bit to harch because you where frustrated, let your yes be yes and your no be no, don't back down on what you have said if it's right.
then even more important, always be ready to make up when it is over and hug them while explaning the reason why you had to do this.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#6
#6
when they have a tantrum...copy them...show them what it looks and sounds like and then explain how you experience it.
 
P

psychomom

Guest
#7
#7
perhaps it begins with not allowing yourself to become angry?
i know.. it's a tall order. sometimes i had to place myself in 'time out'. :)
i went to a room alone and counted to ten and asked the Lord to calm me before dealing with the kids' issues.

three is old enough for reason, usually. if you know a parental decision will lead to a tantrum,
you might try prefacing it with, 'i know this could upset you, but dad and i want this because...'
sometimes explaining just why you're mandating something (it's for their good and you love them)
goes a long way toward obtaining cooperation.

ehhh... you know... sometimes. :)
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#8
#8
Ok, um.....no screaming, that's shutting them down and actually causing damage. Getting involved in church will help. Remember they havent had consistant disipline so one day at a time.
Consistacy is key, pray for your temper.

Note: ive been saved for 26 years and im a yeller. I have a to pray daily for the lord to control that.
Parenting is hard in general. You're doing a great job,
 
J

jogoldie

Senior Member
#9
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#9
Little girls are emotional.....drama suits them.....the thing is.....by yelling....getting frustrated....
they see this as an example of how to act.......when my girls had a tantrum......I stop and stare.....
then walk away......when they see this tantrum doesnt get your attention....they usually stop to see
what your gonna do......approach is everything..........as long as they are in a place they dont get hurt.....
then go do what ever you were going to.......they are waiting for a reaction.......most outburst are a test
for you......if your standing next to them having your own tantrum....yelling and carrying on.......your in acuality
teaching them how to have a tantrum......when its over.....you ask them what was that all about.....and then
talk about other ways they can effectively express that feeling.....they usually will follow your lead.....
positive reinforcement........children live for your reaction......show them by only reacting to the good things
to get your attention......the nut ball stuff....give no attention...
.they will move on with other things .....when they
realize they get ignored and cant spend time with you when they misbehave....because thats all children want...
your attention....so tell them.....if you act like that ......i got nothing for you......and when they do an action
that you want......give them all the attention they need.....so they know....that is how to act to get what they want...
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#10
#10
If you can remind yourself that you're not responsible for their behavior but responsible to them for your own, it's easier to not take it personally when your children act out. Get the little book called "scream free parenting". It will change your life and give you some great tools in your toolbox
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#11
#11
Ok this probably isn't gonna go over well, even here, but we spanked our kids.

O-o
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#14
#14
When my youngest had his first temper tantrum it was in the toy isle at wal mart. I did exactly what he did...I even flopped on the floor. It was embarrassing to him and he never did it again.
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#16
#16
sunflower87 said:
to church.

However I am facing the "tantrum" stage with them and I'm feeling very stressed about how to get them disciplined properly. They refuse to listen to me and my husband, scream and get really angry. I admit I have shouted and my husband has got frustrated too which isn't how we wanted to bring our daughter's up.

We are hoping to send them to a private school for Christians next year.

I pray for help on disciplining them and to ask forgivenesd when I get frustrated. I just need advice on how to raise them in the right way and to show them that there is other ways to vent frustration than screaming and having full blown tantrums.

Thank you and God bless you
Click to expand...
Many years ago, I gave the gift of laughter to several moms with toddlers. I told them I could never have kids because my back would hurt too much.

Naturally, they looked at me puzzled.

So, I demonstrates a day in their lives. I leaned over into an L shape, raised my hand, flapped it, and called out, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" That's exactly what mothers of toddlers look like. They spend their whole day chasing the child around and slapping their little hand while sternly saying NO over and over and over and over again.

The only bright side to it is that, when that child gets old enough to remember anything, they've already had NO drilled into them, so that's many things they won't consider doing wrong on purpose. (There will be many new things they will do, knowing it's wrong, on purpose, but at least it's not nonstop no, no, no, no, and constantly leaning over to tap their little hand.)

You're supposed to be stressed. It's motherhood. If it were easy, everyone would do it!

Remember when your baby was brand new and you didn't think you'd make it through those sleepless nights much longer? You made it. Use that to give you hope you'll make it through this too. And then you have to deal with the Fearless Fours, (the time when they have no concept they can't jump off a roof or run in front of a car.) After that, fairly smooth riding until the teens. And then, after all that, the point that is the hardest -- when they leave and you can look back at all these years with sage longing.

This is it! You're a mom. It neither gets better than this nor worse. It's wonderful, hideous, enjoyable, frustrating, miraculous, muccusy, and so much more, but you'll make it.

Those young woman laughing at me as I interpret what it's like to have toddlers are now all laughing at those same children as they have their own toddlers. They made it, so they know their daughters will make it.

(I hope I gave you a laugh to cheer you up as you settle into another day of "No, no, no, no, no, no, no"ing. lol)
 
breno785au

breno785au

Senior Member
#17
Jul 23, 2013
6,002
767
113
40
Australia
#17
Well, firstly self control on the parents part is paramount. Do not let them push your buttons, do not react, this takes time to learn. When our boy is approaching a tantrum, we calmly tell him he is not being very fun (which is true, he's currently not being very pleasant to be around) and give him a choice, if he wants to be in my presence, to be fun and not tantrum or he can go to his room and tantrum there. He quickly learned to pick the former option and stopped the tantrum when he found it had no effect, tantrums defused. But there are times he continues on, so we put him in his room screaming and tell him he can come out when he chooses to stop. If he comes out crying, repeat process until he understands his attitude is unacceptable. We don't have a great deal anymore because he's slowly learning that's not how people should treat or talk to one another.
I think its a great lesson for him to learn, especially for adulthood because adults who don't learn how to control themselves, throw adult forms of tantrums and don't even realize it and its because of a lack of self control. I hope this helps somewhat.
 
breno785au

breno785au

Senior Member
#18
Jul 23, 2013
6,002
767
113
40
Australia
#18
One thing so far I've learned as a parent is children, watch and mimic EVERYTHING you do. If you think your children doesn't understand or pick up on what you say or do, think again. How to behave is not an inherited trait, it's a taught and learned skill and us parents need to learn to have patience with our children as much as God has patience with us. In other words, we need God to help us to raise awesome children for His Kingdom and glory haha
 
P

psychomom

Guest
#19
#19
breno785au said:
One thing so far I've learned as a parent is children, watch and mimic EVERYTHING you do. If you think your children doesn't understand or pick up on what you say or do, think again. How to behave is not an inherited trait, it's a taught and learned skill and us parents need to learn to have patience with our children as much as God has patience with us. In other words, we need God to help us to raise awesome children for His Kingdom and glory haha
Click to expand...
wisdom from someone still in the thick of it. :)

kids learn so much more from what we do than what we say.
 
A

amommasheart6

Guest
#20
#20
I'm not an expert, but I am a mother of 6 (one a saint in Heaven), so I have some experience. As I say with all of my advice... put it in your tool bag. What works for us, may not work for you, but it's good to hear different opinions. My youngest two are 1 1/2 and 4. What I've learned through A LOT of trial and error is CONSISTENCY. Really, it comes down to that. It may not work the 1st time, the 2nd, or even the 20th (they will keep pushing buttons just to see if THIS TIME you cave and give in). Don't give up and don't give in. Whatever you decide as the "punishment" (ie. time out, re-direction, etc.), keep at it every time the issue comes up. It will be exhausting and you will want to give in or try something else, but don't get discouraged. You also have to think of what your ultimate goal is. Is it perfection... meaning, are you striving to have your children act perfect at all times? Unfortunately, if that is your goal, you will fail. Children will always be making poor choice, the point is to teach them consequences to good and bad choices, and hopefully those bad choices become less and less (eventually they will disappear, but will be replaced by new "bad" choices as they enter a different stage of life.). If I tell my child that if they do A then B will happen, then I better do B even if it is an inconvenience for me (I've missed out on a lot of fun activities because I've had to follow through with what I said would happen). This creates trust between a child and a parent, and this will be HUGE especially as they grow into their adolescent years. I want my babes to know that my word is my bond, that my yes means yes, and my no means no. I hope this helps a little bit. Just remember that every kid is different, and you will have to adjust your disciplining for each child, even within the same family.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.