Should we be advocating divorce?

[Shannon50]

I am so sorry if you got the impression that I was condemning. I AM NOT. I just am concerned when I see thread after thread of people being advised to divorce. YES, we are given a Biblical reason when divorce is acceptable, however, I still think we should be encouraging our brothers and sisters to forgive and win back their spouses if at all possible.

I'm not advocating for abuse and that one should stay in a marriage just because, but I think it's dangerous to advise, "just divorce" and "he/she will never change". God does change hearts. And it says that the reason divorce is granted is because of hardness of hearts.

Please, please, please hear that I am not condemning, but encouraging the advisers on these threads to prayerfully consider if the advise they are giving is what they should be giving.

--You also have to understand that in order for a couple going through difficult times, BOTH partners need to be willing to work things out. The truth is, many men or women are left because one spouse chooses they do not want to work on the marriage, or their own issues. It is not always someone's choice to get divorced.
--Also I think it's important to understand that in the past, women did not have a way out of their marriages, because they depended financially on their husband, and divorce was looked upon with much more shame. Just because people weren't divorcing, didn't mean that those marriage relationships were Covenant Relationships with each other. I don't think God wants that for us, either. I don't think marriage relationships where one person is not committed to the relationship and is consistantly breaking that covenant is more pleasing to God.

--In saying this, again, I want to reiterated that I also believe we should not advocate Divorce, in general.

 

[wisebeardman]

all I can say is for me, If I am with someone and they cheat, out the door they go. period end of story.

 

[Dan58]

all I can say is for me, If I am with someone and they cheat, out the door they go. period end of story.

Jesus agreed with you by making that exception for divorce; "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication" (Matthew 19:9). Many Christians tend to ignore that allowance.

Jesus also said; "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce" (Mathhew 19:8). It was never God's ultimate plan, but in cases of consistent and unrepentant immorality, it was granted and probably necessary.

I personally know a woman who was physically beaten by her husband for years, she even came to church with her broken arm in cast, but our Pastor told her divorce was not permitted. Then after being nearly beaten to death one night, she finally got a divorce and quit the church.... So did I.

 

[PoetMary]

all I can say is for me, If I am with someone and they cheat, out the door they go. period end of story.

Interestingly enough, over 50% of marriages continue after infidelity. Apparently, there are many couples who do opt to stay together despite the betrayal.

I'm not sure what I would do, to be honest. I do think it would be very hard for me to learn to rebuild trust.

 

[Olerica]

Jesus agreed with you by making that exception for divorce; "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication" (Matthew 19:9). Many Christians tend to ignore that allowance.

Jesus also said; "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce" (Mathhew 19:8). It was never God's ultimate plan, but in cases of consistent and unrepentant immorality, it was granted and probably necessary.

I personally know a woman who was physically beaten by her husband for years, she even came to church with her broken arm in cast, but our Pastor told her divorce was not permitted. Then after being nearly beaten to death one night, she finally got a divorce and quit the church.... So did I.

IN NO WAY AM I ADVOCATING SOMEONE SAY IN ABUSIVE SITUATIONS.

If you are in one, get out and get safe. I honestly wish I had the funds and means to help anyone being abused get out.

The objection is to the immediate advice to divorce. Just as we should be encouraging and holding each other accountable with regards to sin, I think we should encourage each other towards healthy marriages. Infidelity isn't the end of a marriage, but as you post UNREPENTANT infidelity? Well... maybe, probably. I'm just cautioning against the easy advice for someone to leave a marriage.

 

[NewWine]

Personally, I don't think we should be advocating anything for anyone besides ourselves. Each adult person has to choose for themselves what choices to make. This is only my opinion, as I know the Bible does allow for divorce in certain instances, but I also know that God is the great restorer of ALL things, and with God ALL things are possible. Instead of advising for or against divorce when someone looks for help, I feel I should be guiding them to listen to God's voice in all things and to allow God to guide them to the way the should go. Often once a person restores their relationship with God, the rest of the issues in a marriage seem solvable.....not always but often, so guiding one to restore themselves with God seems like the best course of action to me(and again ONLY MY OPINION)

Do I always succeed in offering this? Nope I am human and get angry when I hear of abuse and such like all the rest of us. Do I always succeed in talking someone into following God's lead? Nope, because I don't have the power to choose for others (nor would I want that power). But I do feel it's what I am supposed to do in situations like this. Peace!!

 

[FlyDragon]

Advocating, no.

But that is my personal conviction.

Lending advice and possibly other avenues to help strengthen the marriage yes.

But I was always taught to never get between a marriage and in my opinion that's what I'd be doing if I were to advocate a divorce.

Good point to be brought up here, Olerica.