i can relate very well to - 'kedge' - as at one point in my journey, I asked the very same questions.......
I saw the churches as 'purely contradicting' -
and,
most of the so called 'christians' that I was exposed to got drunk and carousing on 'sat=nite'
then,
come sunday mornin' , there they were, on the pews with a hang-dog-look..
I felt like I was hung out to dry, and this is 'no place to 'look' for the 'Living-God' -
but,
it happened to me according to the scripture,
ROMANS 10:20.
But Isaiah is very bold and says.. I was found by those who did not seek Me;
I was made manifest to those who did not ask for Me.'
ultimately, our Father must give us the 'revelation' of Jesus Christ, our Saviour'.
there is just no way to 'reason' through Spiritual things by 'man-made-logic' -
for,
in the end, the understanding that 'He Is', is a GIFT, from 'He Who Is'.