We agree with this as well, the true problem is that there is only 1 ministry in that area, the one that our church went to help build this school playground with ... and its in the man's home. The poverty in that area of Siguatapeque is devastating, and its not just her, its thousands of moms and children ... so I am sure they just can't help the way we can here in the States. The ministry in this specific area is tiny, they are just now reaching people there -- so its not like there is any money there to help with. Anyway, we just wanted to help her with the children as best we could -- but yes we can't let it take advantage of things here. My husband totally understood the concern after talking - he just didn't see it that way at all. He only saw it as her being so appreciative that we are helping her feed her children -- and because he told her we were married, he never thought she was trying to jeopardize that -- but he respected my feelings for the situation and said he would not allow that to happen. It just gets me in the gut, because twice yesterday she messaged him on his phone (via facebook messenger only) and we saw it, but he chose not to reply at all ... he said that by limiting the messages sent back, that might send a better message that he is busy with his family too without hurting her feelings. Sometimes, it makes me feel guilty - like she is just reaching out for human touch and help - and I am being jealous. I want to be the best Christian I can be, and trust God has his hand in this, but I don't want her having false hope either.
Am i wrong? Help needed!
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We agree with this as well, the true problem is that there is only 1 ministry in that area, the one that our church went to help build this school playground with ... and its in the man's home. The poverty in that area of Siguatapeque is devastating, and its not just her, its thousands of moms and children ... so I am sure they just can't help the way we can here in the States. The ministry in this specific area is tiny, they are just now reaching people there -- so its not like there is any money there to help with. Anyway, we just wanted to help her with the children as best we could -- but yes we can't let it take advantage of things here. My husband totally understood the concern after talking - he just didn't see it that way at all. He only saw it as her being so appreciative that we are helping her feed her children -- and because he told her we were married, he never thought she was trying to jeopardize that -- but he respected my feelings for the situation and said he would not allow that to happen. It just gets me in the gut, because twice yesterday she messaged him on his phone (via facebook messenger only) and we saw it, but he chose not to reply at all ... he said that by limiting the messages sent back, that might send a better message that he is busy with his family too without hurting her feelings. Sometimes, it makes me feel guilty - like she is just reaching out for human touch and help - and I am being jealous. I want to be the best Christian I can be, and trust God has his hand in this, but I don't want her having false hope either.
Thanks, you made me feel a bit better! 
.... he said I could definitely take over the correspondence if it made me feel better - but I never met her -- I wasn't on the trip with the men -- so she has no idea who I am and its so tough to correspond at all with the language barrier. We use the translater to even read messages to and from each other. But yes, he has his facebook open to me so that I can see her correspondence ... yesterday, he just didn't reply at all because I think he knew it was upsetting me and he felt he should just limit the communication to maybe 1 x a day to say hello back and hope all is ok.
.... he said I could definitely take over the correspondence if it made me feel better - but I never met her -- I wasn't on the trip with the men -- so she has no idea who I am and its so tough to correspond at all with the language barrier. We use the translater to even read messages to and from each other. But yes, he has his facebook open to me so that I can see her correspondence ... yesterday, he just didn't reply at all because I think he knew it was upsetting me and he felt he should just limit the communication to maybe 1 x a day to say hello back and hope all is ok.
K
Thanks, you made me feel a bit better! .... he said I could definitely take over the correspondence if it made me feel better - but I never met her -- I wasn't on the trip with the men -- so she has no idea who I am and its so tough to correspond at all with the language barrier. We use the translater to even read messages to and from each other. But yes, he has his facebook open to me so that I can see her correspondence ... yesterday, he just didn't reply at all because I think he knew it was upsetting me and he felt he should just limit the communication to maybe 1 x a day to say hello back and hope all is ok.
.... he said I could definitely take over the correspondence if it made me feel better - but I never met her -- I wasn't on the trip with the men -- so she has no idea who I am and its so tough to correspond at all with the language barrier. We use the translater to even read messages to and from each other. But yes, he has his facebook open to me so that I can see her correspondence ... yesterday, he just didn't reply at all because I think he knew it was upsetting me and he felt he should just limit the communication to maybe 1 x a day to say hello back and hope all is ok.
M
I know you have prayed...what does God think about your husband being so close to this family? If God is really in it ...don't worry about the sexual things but your husband should make very clear that BOTH you guys are involved and believe its the Lords work. It does sound like he needs to present you to her in a way that would make evident to her, that you are his beloved wife...
I have prayed and prayed and prayed!! I don't know what God thinks, but I think the sermon in church yesterday sent a strong message about marriage and family, so maybe that was God speaking. To be honest, I am not so sure how to hear God speaking? I pray and I listen, but I've never had an experience where I literally heard words out loud from God ... I have thoughts in my mind and heart, but how do I know if that is God or me? I've only been deeply rooted into the church for the past year, so a lot of talking, praying, listening is newer to me. My gut tells me that God does not like that, because God does not like anything that is part of hurting a family unit. But, God also says to help others, serve others, humble ourselves, so on the other hand God may want this to happen? (Goodness now I feel like I am over confusing things). When my husband and I first decided to do this, we said that we didn't want our church to know because we both felt that it was singling out a family to help and that the church may think its wrong or not fair to all the other families there who suffer. We chose this family because from day 1, my husband sent back pictures of this sweet, little 8 year old girl who ran up to him every day the moment the school doors opened and hugged him, begged to be held, and just wanted to spend all her time with him. She never had a dad and she just lavished in the attention. Then her older brother, age 12, started wanting to help my husband every day on the playground, doing HARD work and getting closer to his heart as well. My husband was there about 10 days, and never did he meet the mom. He saw her from a distance because she would always be watching her children on the playground and selling her snacks from her home window after school and on breaks. He said she was a very protective mom, always keeping an eye on her kids, standing at the door until they got back into the house, hugging them, etc .... on the last day, the little boy said they wanted pictures with my husband, so they all took pictures, and then he told my husband that his mom wanted a picture too and she wanted to thank him for giving her children attention. My husband said that GOD spoke to him and told him to give this woman all the money he had left (he was leaving to go home that day) and he did ... she cried and thanked him from her "knees" .... he cried and told her that he thought she had beautiful children and that they were very kind and considerate. It was translated. She gave him her name and asked if he was on facebook because they have no way to communicate other than her free phone's wifi from the school. The majority of what she says to him is good morning, god bless you, thank you for helping my children, and such ... but yes, recently she has begun to have more questions. Here in our home, there are no secrets .... (so far) .... he always has the phone here on the table, will tell me to check the message if we hear it ding, and its been very open. UNTIL i had my snarly comment regarding her sending that picture and not believing that he was married to do so .... after that, he sent a message saying something about me and my wife both enjoyed the pictures of the "children" and never mentioned her picture. Then, he stopped sending messages. i guess he too felt it was best. Our church is small, and we found it only in November of last year. Our pastor and my husband are extremely close friends (mind you our church has about 100 members) ... and they do things together socially as well as in church. I really feel that if I mention this to the pastor, my husband will think I went behind his back or didn't trust him and what he said, so I was trying to just resolve this on its own. I don't know if that is right or wrong. i'm so confused. Today, my husband has his phone with him because he has to work (monday - friday) so I won't have any idea if she sends him messages or if he sends them back. Honestly, if I really think about it, that does bother me now. So this morning I prayed again and again, but I get that gut feeling of being selfish, lacking trust, being wrong about my feelings -- but if it is wrong what she is doing, wouldn't God put a stop to it anyway? This lady can never leave Honduras. She can never legally leave, and she has no money to try to illegally leave with 4 children, so as she told her sisters, she will live out her life there. For that very reason, shouldn't I just let it go? she nor her children were NEVER mentioned at all yesterday. He left his phone here on our living room table all day long and he never touched it nor did I. But how do I know that this morning he didn't answer a message or try to say something to her to explain things? I cannot STAND feeling like that! and I feel so rotten to feel that way. Like I often think is God thinking I am a selfish and nasty person to wonder about someone who could never be here in the States anyway? And then I feel like if I question him about it this afternoon, if he got a message, or if they talked, would he get frustrated at my lack of trust and start something between us that should not be? Truly, this is a mess in my heart ... but I don't know if its all just in my head and heart or what. Because I don't know how God answers questions, I don't know what he is telling me to do or say! That is why I came here to a good group of Christians who might help me with their loving advice.
1.) Please break up your posts with paragraphs. That was very hard for me to read.
2.) God doesn't literally speak out loud.. It's more like the gut feeling you get sometimes, telling you to do or not do something..
3.) As Misty77 said, maybe you could put this woman and her kids in touch with other ministries who could help them. That way the entire burden of supporting them is no longer upon you and hubby. As I said before, if you DO send them money, do it every now and again, NOT EVERY MONTH. Or she will rely on you for money forever. Maybe it's best if you let someone else help her, and just cut off contact with her.. ??
2.) God doesn't literally speak out loud.. It's more like the gut feeling you get sometimes, telling you to do or not do something..
3.) As Misty77 said, maybe you could put this woman and her kids in touch with other ministries who could help them. That way the entire burden of supporting them is no longer upon you and hubby. As I said before, if you DO send them money, do it every now and again, NOT EVERY MONTH. Or she will rely on you for money forever. Maybe it's best if you let someone else help her, and just cut off contact with her.. ??
Thank you and apologies for the long post (without paragraphs).
If I go with my gut feeling, and it's God speaking to me, that friendship may need to cease. I am going to cease my worry about her, and not speak about her any longer. He can do with it what he wishes. I sat and prayed and I kept feeling that God was telling me to "let it go", to not continue worrying on this and to just leave it alone. After all, if something is wrong with it, God will handle it.
To be honest, I don't want to support this issue with her any longer -- I will tell him that I feel that our money should just go to our church missions fund ... they can dole it out as they feel the needs.
Thank you again, I know that I have been crazy here!! Love to you all!!
If I go with my gut feeling, and it's God speaking to me, that friendship may need to cease. I am going to cease my worry about her, and not speak about her any longer. He can do with it what he wishes. I sat and prayed and I kept feeling that God was telling me to "let it go", to not continue worrying on this and to just leave it alone. After all, if something is wrong with it, God will handle it.
To be honest, I don't want to support this issue with her any longer -- I will tell him that I feel that our money should just go to our church missions fund ... they can dole it out as they feel the needs.
Thank you again, I know that I have been crazy here!! Love to you all!!
Your not crazy.......you handled this well......you thought it through.....weighed the advice and finally went to God......
that shows wisdom......hearing from God is always different for me........people say......"something tells me I shouldnt"...
....or...."my intuition"....." I have this feeling".........these things are God........ you will know when God tells you something....
because you will have peace.....no confusion.........it gets easier the more you spend time with God...
always find peace.....your husband sounds like a good man......having him leave his phone for inspection
will get old for him.....you either trust him....or you dont......and from what you have posted tells me....
he is trustworthy....so go back to your life .......enjoy the love of a good man......peace ...jo
that shows wisdom......hearing from God is always different for me........people say......"something tells me I shouldnt"...
....or...."my intuition"....." I have this feeling".........these things are God........ you will know when God tells you something....
because you will have peace.....no confusion.........it gets easier the more you spend time with God...
always find peace.....your husband sounds like a good man......having him leave his phone for inspection
will get old for him.....you either trust him....or you dont......and from what you have posted tells me....
he is trustworthy....so go back to your life .......enjoy the love of a good man......peace ...jo
Goodness, I certainly hope you didn't think I ignored your post! I took it deeply to heart and prayed about it! In fact, it was the reason I said that I no longer wanted to give to the family separately and that I would tell my husband that I wanted to give the money to the Church mission fund for them to pass along to others as needed.
I truly appreciate your support and advice and I took every bit of it to heart. Thank you for blessing me with that information!
Love to all.
I truly appreciate your support and advice and I took every bit of it to heart. Thank you for blessing me with that information!
Love to all.
For future reference, here is a link to the book: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0802409989...vptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_43xj9jr2jc_b
And here is an interview with the authors:
[video=youtube;jzUKZajloJY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzUKZajloJY[/video]
And here is an interview with the authors:
[video=youtube;jzUKZajloJY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzUKZajloJY[/video]
A quick update -- last night I asked my husband if he had heard from her at all (since he never picked up the phone) -- he said yes, that she sent a picture of the "family" at church Sunday morning and then sent 2 more messages asking him why he was not responding to messages. He said he told her he was busy with his wife and son doing things and then work on Monday. Said she just came back and said "ok". But he said she messaged again this morning asking why he is not responding to much. He replied, working. I feel sorta bad for him, he is now between a rock and hard place. Feeling that he needs to respect me and our family and trying to not hurt her feelings ... do you think he is handling it the way he should? Should I keep my mouth shut (like I have been recently) and just let him handle this?
A
Hm. I'm confused. Hubby gave you the reigns to answer her posts on FB. Why not? Hubby and I are one. I'm so used to that I sometimes get confused by the companies we pay each month when I call them and they want to know if it's the husband or wife asking. Um? What's the difference? We're one. If I say it, he agrees. If he says it, I agree. Your hubby has asked you to take over the correspondence with her for the two obvious reasons:
1. It makes you feel safer.
2. He loves you and wants you to feel safer. He's being totally open with you.
Wonderful side effect of doing just that: if she really does have ulterior motives they start leaving when she gets to know you and you two become friends. If that ulterior motive (if it really does exist) is the only reason she's doing this, she'll stop doing it. This was a joint decision, right? Joint means equal partnership, so when you write to her, she really gets how closely you are joined. You really are joined in on this, so what's wrong with seeing if you can't become her friend?
Actually, the "she doesn't speak English" would be the part that I'd have trouble with. Internet translators aren't that good, so it's going to be nothing but small talk and even then a bit iffy whether you understand each other. I tried to make friends with a French speaker in France. Never got anywhere because we couldn't translate well enough to make it to friendship level.
But, hubby? Well, when hubby goes through that much effort to make me feel safe, I'm trusting he's out to protect me and my feelings. Has your hubby given you any reason not to trust him? How long have you been married? (If oldest is on his side, I got to think you've been married long enough to know if hubby is trustworthy.) I'm seeing your hubby like I see mine -- Lynn's Seal of Approval stamped on him. Does he have your stamp of approval? If he does, he already gave you the solution. You do the talking for both of you. If you don't trust him, that's not on that woman. That's on him and you. If you can't get that resolved, maybe that's something to bring up to the pastor, but I'd talk to hubby before doing that.
Something seems wrong, and I don't think it's that woman. Not like he can cheat on you with her without the signs being really obvious -- (like going down to Honduras for a week and spending some big bucks for a hotel room. And then he'd have to pay someone to watch her kids for that whole week. No way that doesn't show up on the bills. lol) It's downright impractical to think he would cheat on you with this woman and yet looks like you've gone there and can't get back. That's your problem, not on her or him.
I once went there. I thought hubby was cheating on me. I was watching soaps too much where those who seem happy in their marriage still cheated. Then, instead of realizing, "duh, it's a soap opera. What else happens on soaps?" I decided hubby was cheating on me. When I realized he came home right after quitting time and didn't go out at nights or on weekends without me... well, I stopped watching soaps to stop the ideas running in my head with no foundation. That was never hubby's problem. That was on me. Feels like you're taking the same path.
1. It makes you feel safer.
2. He loves you and wants you to feel safer. He's being totally open with you.
Wonderful side effect of doing just that: if she really does have ulterior motives they start leaving when she gets to know you and you two become friends. If that ulterior motive (if it really does exist) is the only reason she's doing this, she'll stop doing it. This was a joint decision, right? Joint means equal partnership, so when you write to her, she really gets how closely you are joined. You really are joined in on this, so what's wrong with seeing if you can't become her friend?
Actually, the "she doesn't speak English" would be the part that I'd have trouble with. Internet translators aren't that good, so it's going to be nothing but small talk and even then a bit iffy whether you understand each other. I tried to make friends with a French speaker in France. Never got anywhere because we couldn't translate well enough to make it to friendship level.
But, hubby? Well, when hubby goes through that much effort to make me feel safe, I'm trusting he's out to protect me and my feelings. Has your hubby given you any reason not to trust him? How long have you been married? (If oldest is on his side, I got to think you've been married long enough to know if hubby is trustworthy.) I'm seeing your hubby like I see mine -- Lynn's Seal of Approval stamped on him. Does he have your stamp of approval? If he does, he already gave you the solution. You do the talking for both of you. If you don't trust him, that's not on that woman. That's on him and you. If you can't get that resolved, maybe that's something to bring up to the pastor, but I'd talk to hubby before doing that.
Something seems wrong, and I don't think it's that woman. Not like he can cheat on you with her without the signs being really obvious -- (like going down to Honduras for a week and spending some big bucks for a hotel room. And then he'd have to pay someone to watch her kids for that whole week. No way that doesn't show up on the bills. lol) It's downright impractical to think he would cheat on you with this woman and yet looks like you've gone there and can't get back. That's your problem, not on her or him.
I once went there. I thought hubby was cheating on me. I was watching soaps too much where those who seem happy in their marriage still cheated. Then, instead of realizing, "duh, it's a soap opera. What else happens on soaps?" I decided hubby was cheating on me. When I realized he came home right after quitting time and didn't go out at nights or on weekends without me... well, I stopped watching soaps to stop the ideas running in my head with no foundation. That was never hubby's problem. That was on me. Feels like you're taking the same path.
Maybe ask your husband to tell her to please not call him so much.. That it interrupts his time with his own wife and family.. She needs to have some limits set upon her, by you and hubby.. IMO, he should tell her straight out that it bothers him (and you) when she sends skimpy pics of herself to him..
You're so right, and I am so wrong. Yes, I can see his FB when he is at home, not when he is at work. I work as well, we cannot access those websites at work. This is why I asked him. He was honest and told me. I need to let all of this go and trust without doubts.
We've been married 23 years and he's always been faithful, kind, loving and generous. I know he is not cheating; nor would he cheat ... its pure sin and jealousy on my part which is so wrong in so many ways... but I am truly letting it go. God tells me to and so did you! Thank you for your advice above, it hit home for real. I am blessed and need to show that.
We've been married 23 years and he's always been faithful, kind, loving and generous. I know he is not cheating; nor would he cheat ... its pure sin and jealousy on my part which is so wrong in so many ways... but I am truly letting it go. God tells me to and so did you!
Thank you for your advice above, it hit home for real. I am blessed and need to show that.
K
I would just send a kind email replying that it would be nice to receive updates and pictures of the children. Not only pictures of herself, I think you can be direct, and your hubby can understand that too. That you want full family pictures, I don't think the anger or frustration should be towards your hubby, because well he is not seeking a way to harm you so he does not see the malintentions behind the woman sending the picture. Just calmly breathe and think of a way to respond, and continue to showing your love of God.
A
I dont think your feeling distrubed by her sending the picture is wrong. I think its a warning of what might be in her mind. If anyone is sinning its her lusting after your husband but he should point her to God and not encourage a personal attachment to him . Family pictures and updates once a month is understandable but daily contact? That seems much.
However he has to set boundaries and you should be open with your church about supporting them...if you feel guilty then thats a warning sign that more prayer is needed. But you figured that out.
Personally think women should reach out to women for help and spiritual support or their husband or fathers....its in the Bible for older women to teach younger
However he has to set boundaries and you should be open with your church about supporting them...if you feel guilty then thats a warning sign that more prayer is needed. But you figured that out.
Personally think women should reach out to women for help and spiritual support or their husband or fathers....its in the Bible for older women to teach younger
She sent him another one yesterday that he showed me when he got home from work with her sitting out by some pool. Her, not the children. It's obvious she is lusting after him and has no concern that he has a wife. I can't get the church involved for many reasons; but I put this in God's hands and I am just pulling away from it. When he showed me the picture (she was asking him if he swims a lot and showed her their place they can go to swim with her picture by the pool) I just looked at it and said nothing. Trying to tame the tongue. He's an adult Christian man. He should know what is right from wrong. As long as I am doing right by God, they can do as they wish.