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Tell your husband, Touché ! And thanks for this thread, Its much needed. Hope to pop in here often, both to give AND receive. Dont have lot of original humor, but have some things that may lighten anothers day...or moment. God has a sense of humor, why shouldnt we? And if I get a bit out of line due to my warped sense of humor, PUHLLLEEEEEASSSE, just let me know instead of reporting and ostricizing me (as was done in another thread, and it was based on a lie built on a misunderstanding). Be prepared for the occasional Honeymooners, Marx bros. or Python (SORRRryyy) reference. And check out 'christian comic' tim hawkins videos, he's very funny. Example...'HEY! If you cant make fun of yourself, make fun of somebody else'. Check out 'PrettyPinkTractor' and listen close to the words. You WILL laugh.....(or else.....you......won't) God bless you and your funnny bone. Peace 
pms welcome ( that's pvt msgs, not that OTHER Oh...nevermind )
pms welcome ( that's pvt msgs, not that OTHER Oh...nevermind )
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Tell your husband, Touché ! And thanks for this thread, Its much needed. Hope to pop in here often, both to give AND receive. Dont have lot of original humor, but have some things that may lighten anothers day...or moment. God has a sense of humor, why shouldnt we? And if I get a bit out of line due to my warped sense of humor, PUHLLLEEEEEASSSE, just let me know instead of reporting and ostricizing me (as was done in another thread, and it was based on a lie built on a misunderstanding). Be prepared for the occasional Honeymooners, Marx bros. or Python (SORRRryyy) reference. And check out 'christian comic' tim hawkins videos, he's very funny. Example...'HEY! If you cant make fun of yourself, make fun of somebody else'. Check out 'PrettyPinkTractor' and listen close to the words. You WILL laugh.....(or else.....you......won't) God bless you and your funnny bone. Peace pms welcome ( that's pvt msgs, not that OTHER Oh...nevermind )
pms welcome ( that's pvt msgs, not that OTHER Oh...nevermind )
Thanks for the support...Without humor this world would be very depressing... and about that warped sense of humor, I have it in spades, have had my hand slapped several times for my postings on here... had a couple just fall off the page some how never to be seen again... I never take it personally... I just figure, "God made us all perfect. He's just not done with most of us yet"!!! (but they'll catch up...lol)
I sent the club a wire stating,"PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT ACCEPTS ME AS A MEMBER"... Groucho Marx
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[h=2]Jonah and the Whale[/h][TABLE="class: bodypane ca, align: left"]
Hmmm. [TR]
[TD]
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One day, a teacher was talking to her first grade class about whales when a little girl had a question.
Little Girl: "Do whales swallow people?"
Teacher: "No, even though they are much bigger than a person, they have throat pleats that filter their food of krill and plankton.
Little Girl: "But Mrs. Thurston says Jonah was swallowed by a whale."
Teacher getting angry: "Whales cannot swallow people."
Little Girl: "Well, when I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah if he was really swallowed by a whale."
Teacher, still red with anger: "What if Jonah went to hell?"
Girl: "Well, then you can ask him."
Hehehehe... sounds like one of my kids...
Hmmm. [TR]
[TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
One day, a teacher was talking to her first grade class about whales when a little girl had a question.
Little Girl: "Do whales swallow people?"
Teacher: "No, even though they are much bigger than a person, they have throat pleats that filter their food of krill and plankton.
Little Girl: "But Mrs. Thurston says Jonah was swallowed by a whale."
Teacher getting angry: "Whales cannot swallow people."
Little Girl: "Well, when I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah if he was really swallowed by a whale."
Teacher, still red with anger: "What if Jonah went to hell?"
Girl: "Well, then you can ask him."
Hehehehe... sounds like one of my kids...
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[h=2]The Lord is My Shepherd[/h]A Sunday School teacher decided to have her 2 nd grade class memorize Psalm 23, one of the most quoted passages in the Bible. She gave the children a month to learn the chapter.
One little boy was excited about the task, but he just couldn't memorize the Psalm. Although he practiced and practiced, he could hardly get past the first line. The day came for the children to recite Psalm 23 before the congregation. The little boy was nervous. When his turn came, he stepped up to the microphone and proudly said, "The Lord is my Shepherd and that's all I need to know!"
One little boy was excited about the task, but he just couldn't memorize the Psalm. Although he practiced and practiced, he could hardly get past the first line. The day came for the children to recite Psalm 23 before the congregation. The little boy was nervous. When his turn came, he stepped up to the microphone and proudly said, "The Lord is my Shepherd and that's all I need to know!"
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Pancakes
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw an opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait".
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said "Ryan you be Jesus!"
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw an opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait".
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said "Ryan you be Jesus!"
True story! Since it's my mom's birthday today, I'll relate an actual incident with her and my family that I think is hilarious (but, of course, you're allowed your own opinion...).
Mom and I usually spoke with each other on the phone on Sunday evenings (we lived far apart!). One Sunday, I said I had heard a new joke, and as my brother and sister-in-law were visiting my parents at the time, she could share it with them. Mom replied, "You KNOW I can't remember jokes!" So I said I would give her the joke one line at a time, then she could immediately turn to the rest of my family and give them the line. That way, the joke would be related accurately (remember, this was well before everybody had a speaker phone!). Mom said okay, so I started telling the joke, and she dutifully turned to my family and very accurately gave each line just as I had given it to her. When I finally got to the punchline, my mom started laughing SO HARD she couldn't tell the rest of the family! Then THEY all started laughing because Mom couldn't finish the joke! Finally, my brother had to wrest the phone from my mom to get the punchline. Then everyone was laughing uproariously. I think most of us were laughing not because the actual joke was that funny (I don't even remember what the joke was as this point!) but because of how my mom couldn't finish the joke!
Probably my favorite "Mom" story. She's in heaven now, but she remains in my heart!
Mom and I usually spoke with each other on the phone on Sunday evenings (we lived far apart!). One Sunday, I said I had heard a new joke, and as my brother and sister-in-law were visiting my parents at the time, she could share it with them. Mom replied, "You KNOW I can't remember jokes!" So I said I would give her the joke one line at a time, then she could immediately turn to the rest of my family and give them the line. That way, the joke would be related accurately (remember, this was well before everybody had a speaker phone!). Mom said okay, so I started telling the joke, and she dutifully turned to my family and very accurately gave each line just as I had given it to her. When I finally got to the punchline, my mom started laughing SO HARD she couldn't tell the rest of the family! Then THEY all started laughing because Mom couldn't finish the joke! Finally, my brother had to wrest the phone from my mom to get the punchline. Then everyone was laughing uproariously. I think most of us were laughing not because the actual joke was that funny (I don't even remember what the joke was as this point!) but because of how my mom couldn't finish the joke!
Probably my favorite "Mom" story. She's in heaven now, but she remains in my heart!