It Finally Hit the Fan

[BarlyGurl]

I am going to tread very softly here because you have said you have already been to your prayer closet and sought wisdom.
I am going to receive your question as my sister in Christ who is seeking confirmation to the wisdom the Lord has already given her regarding the matter.

Having already apologized...<putting myself in this situation>... I would still go to my husband and say "Honey, it has been heavy on my heart the turmoil between us. When you are ready to talk about it, I am willing to listen... (hug, smooch)... thank you for hearing me".

 

[Cindy12]

I am going to tread very softly here because you have said you have already been to your prayer closet and sought wisdom.
I am going to receive your question as my sister in Christ who is seeking confirmation to the wisdom the Lord has already given her regarding the matter.

Having already apologized...<putting myself in this situation>... I would still go to my husband and say "Honey, it has been heavy on my heart the turmoil between us. When you are ready to talk about it, I am willing to listen... (hug, smooch)... thank you for hearing me".

God is so good and is listening! Almost 15 minutes after the prayer closet, the phone rang and it was my husband. He was just chit chatting and told me he sent me some emails to look at with some pretty beach homes he wanted me to see. We've always said we wish to retire when the time comes on a small island we visit yearly. We sat on the phone together looking at these places, laughing, dreaming and having a good time just as if nothing had ever happened. He asked if we could go out tonight to Lowes and Home Depot to look at some flooring for the house here. We just had a nice chit-chat for about an hour .. I was shocked, happy, you name it, but most of all THANKING JESUS for the phone call because that was absolutely all JESUS!

 

[psalm6819]

Smart lady, Cindy, God heard your prayers. He's a better Counselor than any man. You keep being a loving wife and he'll just fall in love with you all over again. Tell him you thank God for him and don't forget to ooh and ahh over his manly muscles like ya did way back when......

 

[KJB]

I think many women make a bigger issue out of things sometimes and keep drawing it out and further out, Men are different they deal with it, turn it off or turn it on, they want to move on not linger in the moment. He did what you asked for and that is enough, but either way both of you now need to apologize. I do not think anger does well now, even if he is short with you, you have 23 years of doing this and now is not the time to go to a counselor and seek treatment, etc etc. it is about God becoming involved between you two. Do not lose hope because this argument has been ongoing. Remember, Philippians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, If we trust ourselves we may fail. But we must be believe that Jesus will provide the strength we need to please to God. Keep praying, talk to God, and trust in the Lord. He will guide both of your paths, your husband's is a different one but he is a good man as you have described him do not erase that good. Be the stronger one and continue to express your love for him, let him know that even though he was gullible that no matter what you still stand with him, you don't think less of him. I think his feelings are important too, and he may just feel a bad burn right now for not seeing the web that was being cast in front of him from this woman. I will pray for you and your husband. God bless you and may He guide you in the direction that He is meant to do that you feel His hope and love for you because He walks with you during this time.

 

[KJB]

God is so good and is listening! Almost 15 minutes after the prayer closet, the phone rang and it was my husband. He was just chit chatting and told me he sent me some emails to look at with some pretty beach homes he wanted me to see. We've always said we wish to retire when the time comes on a small island we visit yearly. We sat on the phone together looking at these places, laughing, dreaming and having a good time just as if nothing had ever happened. He asked if we could go out tonight to Lowes and Home Depot to look at some flooring for the house here. We just had a nice chit-chat for about an hour .. I was shocked, happy, you name it, but most of all THANKING JESUS for the phone call because that was absolutely all JESUS!

Good to see, I thought I was in my last page when I posted my reply but I wasn't. God is good always He is brilliant and amazing.

 

[Eva1218]

Why does she even have his phone number? Why is it she can call him 10-20 times a day and does not have money to bring her children to the states? Best thing to do is just take it to the LORD. Pray about the situation and ask GOD for Wisdom to handle the situation. Ask GOD to speak to your husband concerning everything your emotions are taking you through as well as your husbands emotions. Do not allow the enemy to come in and steal your Joy. Keep in mind we do not fight against flesh and blood. While you are Praying for Godly Wisdom be yourself prior to the issues your concerned with. Do not pester him with questions or have him feel your prying in his space. Don't change even if his reaction bothers you. Trust that GOD will make all things work together for your good. Do not let this bring you down or cause separation or a division between the two of you even though your husband may be avoiding you. Keep in mind he closed down the facebook account. Is she still calling him? Would it be a problem if you called her and spoke politely about her not calling your husband and give her the number to another church that does missions to her area.

My concern is that she is preying on your husbands heart. Seeking to receive money and or anything else she can. Many people from poverty stricken countries use tactics to swindle finance from those with good hearts and then opt out once they are found out or have received all they could, then off to another.

While you are Praying ask GOD to show your husband her truth even if it hurts him, he needs to know what this woman's true intentions are. Once he knows she means no good he will leave her be, you just keep Praying and stomping the devil out your home and marriage in JESUS Name.

Blessings!!!!!!!

 

[atwhatcost]

The spiral downward continues: Update. Husband had to go in work early this morning - doing bosses job since boss is on vacation. He seemed short again this morning - so told him I really wanted to talk this thing out between us, the tension, etc OR I thought it may be a good idea for us to go to a counselor to help us work through this. His response "counseling ..for what??"

Explained that we both seem to be tense, walking on eggshells and that since Monday, he has been distant, short with me and giving me the feeling that he is upset with me. He started getting "loud" and told me that he did exactly what I wanted him to do and he shut down his facebook so that there could be no communication with him and the Honduras family. I explained that I didn't ask him to do that at all, that I only told him how her messages and pictures of herself were making me feel and that I felt she was beginning to cross lines. I never ask him to stop communicating completely with them. He just about screamed and told me that I basically told him that he was leading her on, he didn't want me to feel that way, so he shut it down, its done and over with and he is not talking about it anymore.

Whew! Talk about adding tension now? We have an event at church (summer lunch program) tonight and he said he was not going, that I could go, but that he is not. He said they don't need us there. They have plenty of people (and they do). But it was something we always enjoyed on Thursday nights.

Next, I asked him if I could come to his work (he has to stay at office with boss gone, he is only one there) and have lunch with him today. He said it didn't make sense for me to waste gas driving there for lunch.

I really feel defeated. I checked into some counseling around here, but its $338 a session ... he won't want me spending that kind of money because we are in the financial peace program paying off debt and just about there, so thats a huge expense (for someone who says we don't need any counseling).

What do I do? I am lost. Truly lost. Praying and praying and praying is happening --- but i still seem to be sinking. (oh, by the way, this is not his normal behavior at all. Normally, he is happy go lucky and has been since we found church together last May ... so this is out of the ordinary for him to be so angry)

What do you do?

1. Don't ask him something that heavy while he's running out the door.

2. Don't pick THAT week to make life harder on him. (He's the boss this week. Don't you think he's already got a lot on his plate?)

3. Don't sound so accusing so often. Lots of women have been telling you exactly what you wanted to hear on here. Really? We're not him! Everything you've told us says he's an upstanding guy. Even you said he was, but everyone is talking about her like she's something to worry about. Have you once considered all the advice you're receiving so much from is from women who've been hurt from men? This has become a soap opera. It's not. You have an upstanding guy who has something going on in his brain that's making him back off from you.
First, we don't know if it's something bad he's thinking.
Second, we're simply assuming it is because you are.
And third, that's why were thinking it, because you're assuming. Sure. Looks like the lady has issues, but clearly he is taking your side, so why are you assuming the worse? More important, why are you assuming the worse and yet feel like the only time you can talk to him is at lunch time on the roughest week of the year for him? No one mows after dark, and very few adults go to bed when dark first hits. This gives you from 8 PM to bedtime to ask the one and only question you need to ask -- "What's going on with you lately? It feels like you aren't talking to me or you're angry with me, but I could be wrong and I can't read your mind, so I'm asking."

4. Stop fuming! I haven't seen him fume all week. I've seen you fume every day this week. Stop it! Stop assuming, calm down, assume he's an upright guy and go from there. If you can't talk to him, what changes if you go to counseling? $338 to pay someone else to talk to him?

Just because everyone tells you he needs counseling, doesn't mean either one of you need counseling. You need to talk to each other. It can't be this hard, or it's been a very long 23 years for both of you.

I think you just spent the last few days imagining something that just isn't there because many people on here have been feeding you the imaginations.

 

[atwhatcost]

Good to see, I thought I was in my last page when I posted my reply but I wasn't. God is good always He is brilliant and amazing.

You did the same thing I did. Thank you. I feel better not being the only one to do that. lol

 

[Cindy12]

Why does she even have his phone number? Why is it she can call him 10-20 times a day and does not have money to bring her children to the states? Best thing to do is just take it to the LORD. Pray about the situation and ask GOD for Wisdom to handle the situation. Ask GOD to speak to your husband concerning everything your emotions are taking you through as well as your husbands emotions. Do not allow the enemy to come in and steal your Joy. Keep in mind we do not fight against flesh and blood. While you are Praying for Godly Wisdom be yourself prior to the issues your concerned with. Do not pester him with questions or have him feel your prying in his space. Don't change even if his reaction bothers you. Trust that GOD will make all things work together for your good. Do not let this bring you down or cause separation or a division between the two of you even though your husband may be avoiding you. Keep in mind he closed down the facebook account. Is she still calling him? Would it be a problem if you called her and spoke politely about her not calling your husband and give her the number to another church that does missions to her area.

My concern is that she is preying on your husbands heart. Seeking to receive money and or anything else she can. Many people from poverty stricken countries use tactics to swindle finance from those with good hearts and then opt out once they are found out or have received all they could, then off to another.

While you are Praying ask GOD to show your husband her truth even if it hurts him, he needs to know what this woman's true intentions are. Once he knows she means no good he will leave her be, you just keep Praying and stomping the devil out your home and marriage in JESUS Name.

Blessings!!!!!!!

She doesnt have his phone #. We look at facebook messenger on his smart phone. Its free to message from FB. It was the only way, but he deleted his FB so its done.

 

[Cindy12]

What do you do?

1. Don't ask him something that heavy while he's running out the door.

2. Don't pick THAT week to make life harder on him. (He's the boss this week. Don't you think he's already got a lot on his plate?)

3. Don't sound so accusing so often. Lots of women have been telling you exactly what you wanted to hear on here. Really? We're not him! Everything you've told us says he's an upstanding guy. Even you said he was, but everyone is talking about her like she's something to worry about. Have you once considered all the advice you're receiving so much from is from women who've been hurt from men? This has become a soap opera. It's not. You have an upstanding guy who has something going on in his brain that's making him back off from you.
First, we don't know if it's something bad he's thinking.
Second, we're simply assuming it is because you are.
And third, that's why were thinking it, because you're assuming. Sure. Looks like the lady has issues, but clearly he is taking your side, so why are you assuming the worse? More important, why are you assuming the worse and yet feel like the only time you can talk to him is at lunch time on the roughest week of the year for him? No one mows after dark, and very few adults go to bed when dark first hits. This gives you from 8 PM to bedtime to ask the one and only question you need to ask -- "What's going on with you lately? It feels like you aren't talking to me or you're angry with me, but I could be wrong and I can't read your mind, so I'm asking."

4. Stop fuming! I haven't seen him fume all week. I've seen you fume every day this week. Stop it! Stop assuming, calm down, assume he's an upright guy and go from there. If you can't talk to him, what changes if you go to counseling? $338 to pay someone else to talk to him?

Just because everyone tells you he needs counseling, doesn't mean either one of you need counseling. You need to talk to each other. It can't be this hard, or it's been a very long 23 years for both of you.

I think you just spent the last few days imagining something that just isn't there because many people on here have been feeding you the imaginations.

I agree on all points. I was wrong.

 

[psalm6819]

Hi Cindy, you best bet is to let this issue die. Be the girl he married. Sometimes they feel kinda like us when they look in the mirror but as long as he knows he's a hero in your eyes, that's all he really wants. Actually men are pretty easy.

 

[Cindy12]

Hi Cindy, you best bet is to let this issue die. Be the girl he married. Sometimes they feel kinda like us when they look in the mirror but as long as he knows he's a hero in your eyes, that's all he really wants. Actually men are pretty easy.

I have - put it all behind me ... and he knows he is my hero! always. Thanks so much!! I truly appreciate all your help.

 

[NewWine]

I am so happy that things seem to be calming for you!! I've been praying, as I know how scary/stressful it can be to even wonder if someone else is after your husband, let alone see it right there in front of you. Your husband showed he's a great guy, and you two share something amazing together. I am thankful you trusted him enough to handle things, and that trust paid-off for you.
Peace!!

 

[pwrnJC]

Cindy12...I made the simple mistake of befriending a pastor in India. We chatted for several days and it was initially like having old 'pen pals". It was fun, exciting to exchange photos, learning about a mission work going on 75 miles from the Taj Mahal. I am a licensed minister and he got all excited and wanted me to just drop everything and come over to India and hold at least a 10 day crusade there. The problem was, he wanted me to send him the money to sponsor, advertise and promote it...pay the visiting missionairies that would attend, feed them and much more. It totalled in the over twelve hundred dollars in his figuring. Then..before I knew it, he was asking if I could find it in my heart to donate or send money to his church established there. I did not mind him asking, but then, he wanted me to announce to my school that he would be more than willing to accept special offerings that would support the mission. He called me long distance several times and could not understand that since I was American why I could not simply mail him money. IT took over a year to finally 'rid' myself of him begging for donations. His mission is legit and I feel for the poverty stricken people there. Third world countries have this weird idea that Americans are their answered prayer to their success. I talked to other missionairies in India and they explained to me their mindset. It's the same thing as Honduras, Haiti, and more. Destitution runs rampant and they hunger to hear from people they believe GOD opened up the communication lines in order for their very survival!

 

[Cindy12]

Cindy12...I made the simple mistake of befriending a pastor in India. We chatted for several days and it was initially like having old 'pen pals". It was fun, exciting to exchange photos, learning about a mission work going on 75 miles from the Taj Mahal. I am a licensed minister and he got all excited and wanted me to just drop everything and come over to India and hold at least a 10 day crusade there. The problem was, he wanted me to send him the money to sponsor, advertise and promote it...pay the visiting missionairies that would attend, feed them and much more. It totalled in the over twelve hundred dollars in his figuring. Then..before I knew it, he was asking if I could find it in my heart to donate or send money to his church established there. I did not mind him asking, but then, he wanted me to announce to my school that he would be more than willing to accept special offerings that would support the mission. He called me long distance several times and could not understand that since I was American why I could not simply mail him money. IT took over a year to finally 'rid' myself of him begging for donations. His mission is legit and I feel for the poverty stricken people there. Third world countries have this weird idea that Americans are their answered prayer to their success. I talked to other missionairies in India and they explained to me their mindset. It's the same thing as Honduras, Haiti, and more. Destitution runs rampant and they hunger to hear from people they believe GOD opened up the communication lines in order for their very survival!

Wow, I have heard several stories like this. I let it go and let God, and it seems to have all worked itself out. God bless you!

 

[Cindy12]

I am so happy that things seem to be calming for you!! I've been praying, as I know how scary/stressful it can be to even wonder if someone else is after your husband, let alone see it right there in front of you. Your husband showed he's a great guy, and you two share something amazing together. I am thankful you trusted him enough to handle things, and that trust paid-off for you.
Peace!!

Thank you so much for your prayers - they obviously helped. I got my book today -- the Power of a Praying Wife ... I am trusting God in everything.

 

[Joidevivre]

Men seem to need to go into their "man cave" to think things over. Sounds like he has been doing that. And they usually want to be the ones to "let you know" when they are ready to resume things.

I keep feeling that you both will weather this.

Your foundation is Christ Who is the head (and the glue) of your marriage. You both will come out of this stronger and wiser. And able to help others in the mission field.

God bless you my dear.

 

[Cindy12]

Men seem to need to go into their "man cave" to think things over. Sounds like he has been doing that. And they usually want to be the ones to "let you know" when they are ready to resume things.

I keep feeling that you both will weather this.

Your foundation is Christ Who is the head (and the glue) of your marriage. You both will come out of this stronger and wiser. And able to help others in the mission field.

God bless you my dear.

Funny, I was just reading about that in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus! (the man cave) ... yes, letting God take this in his hands, and its working. Seeming pretty much back to normal all day today and tonight. Will continue my daily praying!

 

[BarlyGurl]

Ditch that Mars Venus book... seriously... you have been married to that man plenty long enough that you should know him well. That psycho-babble Christian-ese pop culture is more destructive than helpful.... study the SCRIPTURES and partner with the Lord vs that other "stuff". Blessings.

 

[realchild4life]

Confronted husband in a gentle conversation about the lady from Honduras mission trip who is consistently sending him facebook messages once she started asking him personal questions about me. I told him that I felt that lines were being crossed now, and that because she flat came out and asked him if she left the country illegally, could she come here, that it was just not what it should be. At first, he seemed receptive, but he didn't like it all when I mentioned that it didn't seem right that some single woman with 4 children who she wants to leave in Honduras to flee to the States is facebooking him 10 - 20 times a day. For goodness sakes, I don't think he and I talk that many times a day while we are at work. His defense mode set in then and he shut down the conversation and said "fine, I gotta go finish at work" .... when he got home about 30 minutes later, not a single word came out of his mouth. If I said something, he sassed back a curt reply (nothing to do with her at all) -- then I noticed later that evening that he shut down his facebook account. That was 2 days ago and its still down. I tried talking to him and still he is not replying or responding at all. Sent him my typical love you message this morning when I got to work (he is still sleeping when I leave) and no response. He's responded to me for 23 years every single day. We ALWAYS say good morning and tell each other we love each other. So tonight he gets home, quickly changes, goes out cutting grass and after he finished he went out front. I walked out and ran into him and said, oh, I was just coming to see what your doing (to spark conversation) ... to which he replied "cutting grass". I said, oh I thought you were done. He said, I am. Walked upstairs and got in shower. I'm really now getting to the point of getting angry that he is acting like such a baby and not saying anything ... seriously, we've been married 23 years and you can't talk something out? Its so frustrating and short of a million prayers, I don't know what else to do. He won't talk, so no sense saying anything. I've tried that for 2 days. Any ideas? Do I ignore him and let him swell on it a week or so, or do I continue to attempt to talk and get shut down?

If you are coming across as antagonistic then he might be ignoring you, so be direct with him and don't beat around the bush.