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sydlit
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JoelG
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A COUPLE ON THE WAY TO GET MARRIED GOT KILLED IN A CAR ACCIDENT. WHEN THEY REACHED HEAVEN THEY ASKED IF IT WAS STILL POSSIBLE FOR THEM TO GET MARRIED IN HEAVEN. ST. PETER RETURNED WITH THE ANSWER AFTER 6 MONTHS HAD PASSED, AND, TOLD THEM THAT THEY WOULD BE ABLE TO GET MARRIED. THEY COUPLE TOLD THEM THAT WHILE HE WAS AWAY THEY HAD SECOND THOUGHT AND THAT FOREVER IS A LONG TIME TO BE MARRIED AND IF IT DIDN'T WORK OUT COULD THEY GET DIVORCED. ST. PETER SAID, "I DON'T KNOW, IT TOOK ME 6 MONTHS JUST TO FIND A PREACHER".
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Humiliatus
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sydlit
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Humiliatus
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...and stop that strange alpine warbling? A bird? ... Ok, what's the Knock, Knock joke?
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sydlit
Guest
Ok, first of all, you were going for 'little old lady who', right? ! Hence my ref. to strange alpine warbling (yodeling?). That's all besides the point, ... you missed the intent of the opening, so I'll do it again. You say to someone, 'I've got a great knock-knock joke for ya ....YOU START', to which the other person says, 'ok....Knock-Knock', and YOU reply, 'Who's There?' and then you get to observe the dumb puzzled look on their face as you've caught them unprepared. You will appreciate it the first time you tell it in person. I guess it doesn't work too well here. ?....... (Gee Whiz, Sister, I luv ya, but if I have to 'splain 'em, you take all the fun out of 'em)
lol. .............SOOoooo, Why DID the chicken cross the road?
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Humiliatus
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Ok, first of all, you were going for 'little old lady who', right? ! Hence my ref. to strange alpine warbling (yodeling?). That's all besides the point, ... you missed the intent of the opening, so I'll do it again. You say to someone, 'I've got a great knock-knock joke for ya ....YOU START', to which the other person says, 'ok....Knock-Knock', and YOU reply, 'Who's There?' and then you get to observe the dumb puzzled look on their face as you've caught them unprepared. You will appreciate it the first time you tell it in person. I guess it doesn't work too well here. ?....... (Gee Whiz, Sister, I luv ya, but if I have to 'splain 'em, you take all the fun out of 'em)
SOOoooo, Why DID the chicken cross the road?
Ok, I'll bite... "To get to the other side."...
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sydlit
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Humiliatus
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Humiliatus
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Fundraiser…
The Pastor answers the phone.
"Hello, is this Pastor Stevens?"
"It is"
"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"
"I can"
"Do you know a Ted Hunter?"
"I do"
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is"
"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"
"He will".
The Pastor answers the phone.
"Hello, is this Pastor Stevens?"
"It is"
"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"
"I can"
"Do you know a Ted Hunter?"
"I do"
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is"
"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"
"He will".
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Humiliatus
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sydlit
Guest
It may depend on which one you asked for first. And remember, if you get the answer from the internet, it MUST be true.
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Humiliatus
Guest
At the end of the age when all the believers were standing in line waiting to get into heaven, God appeared and said, "I want all the men to form two lines. One line will be for the men who were the true heads of their households. The other will be for the men who were dominated by their wives."
God continued, "I want all the women to report to St. Peter." The women left and the men formed two lines. The line of men who were dominated by their wives was seemingly unending. The line of men who were the true head of their household had one man in it.
God said to the first line, "You men ought to be ashamed or yourselves. I appointed you to be the heads of your households and you have not fulfilled your purpose. Of all of you, there is only one man who was the true head of their household?
Then God turned to the lone man and asked, "How did you come to be in this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
God continued, "I want all the women to report to St. Peter." The women left and the men formed two lines. The line of men who were dominated by their wives was seemingly unending. The line of men who were the true head of their household had one man in it.
God said to the first line, "You men ought to be ashamed or yourselves. I appointed you to be the heads of your households and you have not fulfilled your purpose. Of all of you, there is only one man who was the true head of their household?
Then God turned to the lone man and asked, "How did you come to be in this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
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sydlit
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SupPOSE, let's just say, like, Supposin' you have them delivered to a ship at sea, and the chicken arrives first, and it's morning, and your hungry, so you eat the chicken for breakfast, then , later, the egg arrives, and you ate it for dinner, so now your systems all out of whack, because it had dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner, but then you find out that after the chicken but before the egg arrived, the ship crossed the international dateline, so you really DID have breakfast before dinner except now it's yesterday and you're still hungry today but you already ate the chicken AND the egg, so you try reading scripture to take your mind off it, and it says the first shall be last and the last shall be first and so in the midst of hunger and confusion you either fall or jump off the boat your not sure but either way Jesus walked on the water and rescued you isn't God our Saviour Jesus so great what was the question?
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Practice-English
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Just for Laughs-
[video=youtube;rDBpqOGmxgA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDBpqOGmxgA[/video]
[video=youtube;rDBpqOGmxgA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDBpqOGmxgA[/video]
This video made me laughed (and cried, inside).
Watch it after 10 minutes praying, please.
http://youtu.be/jheej7ymcyE
Watch it after 10 minutes praying, please.
http://youtu.be/jheej7ymcyE
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JoelG
Guest
Boat capsized with two men on board, both died. They went to Heaven. They were each asked to answer a question before entering. The question,"Have you ever cheated?". the first guy said, "NO, never". He was handed the keys to a brand new Cadillac. And, was told that that would be what he gets to drive in Heaven. And, he left content. The second guy answered by saying that he had cheated once. He was given the keys to an old VW beetle. Months had passed and the VW guy spotted the Cadillac guy pulled over by the side of the road crying. He said, "Why are you crying?". Because, "I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard".
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