Need boyfriend advice!

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VioletReigns said:
When I hear people say stuff like, "That woman ought to know the biblical position on spiritual authority of her husband," my stomach wants to wretch. Legalists make it sound like a prison sentence. It's no wonder Christian marriages end in divorce almost as much as non-Christians. *yuck* :p

There is nothing godly, nothing Christ-like, nothing manly about a brute who demands the woman follow him. I can hardly type those words without getting indigestion.

Clue: Jesus doesn't even demand that we follow him. He loved us first, even gave His life so that we would draw near to Him.

Why in the heck would a mere man think he has the authority to tell a woman it's her rightful duty to follow him? Where in the scripture does Jesus demand anyone to follow Him?

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Ok, NOW I'm done. :rolleyes:
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Yes ..people get that from the "bible" ..often after people read it :p ok now Im done :)
 
Mitspa said:
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Yes ..people get that from the "bible" ..often after people read it :p ok now Im done :)
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Ummm.... no? :rolleyes: It has to be IN the Bible for someone to get it from the Bible. Actually, all I have to do is look to Jesus to know that is false information. If it doesn't look like Jesus, if it doesn't sound like Jesus, if it doesn't act like Jesus, it ain't Jesus. "Humble... laying down his life... of no reputation.... meek..... no condemnation.... not putting heavy burdens on people.... lifting women up (Rahab the harlot, the woman caught in adultery, the woman at the well, the Canaanite woman, the prostitute kissing His feet) above the harsh judgments of the men who despised them...."
 
Him quitting his church for her...is Him following her... not her willing to follow him...Jesus NEVER followed a woman(or a man)...it's the other way around...If the lady wants the man she needs to follow him or lose him. That is of course...if she's talking the love of Jesus. FOR Jesus...Jesus expects his bride to follow him.
 
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Gozinia said:
Him quitting his church for her...is Him following her... not her willing to follow him...Jesus NEVER followed a woman(or a man)...it's the other way around...If the lady wants the man she needs to follow him or lose him. That is of course...if she's talking the love of Jesus. FOR Jesus...Jesus expects his bride to follow him.
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That is your own understanding. Jesus didn't say "follow your wife", He said lay your life down for her, like He did for you. If you aren't willing to surrender your rights, even your life to Christ for your wife, you have no business talking about what women should be doing, young man.
 
In your provided examples Yes...Jesus accepted the harlot as she was...but expecting change, not so that she would remain that way...Laying down ones life is vastly different than expecting to be spoiled...The Love of Christ even includes discipline...or would you deny God has ever disciplined you when you expected to get what you want when it wasn't in line with his will...You have asked for scripture of Jesus demanding we follow him...In all fairness not to us but to Christ then show us scripture which suggest we can follow him if we wanna when we wanna...when you can't find that...then show us scripture what happens if we DON'T follow him...or is it really a constant dying to the self
 
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1Ti 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
 
Awww, Mitspa and Gozinia, well if either one of you wonders why you have relationship trouble, that's why. :cool:
 
Lion94 said:
He's not telling me to leave my church or anything but I would have to join his church in order to get married. The thing is, he won't change churches for me, I am the one who has to make the change and it is very hard for me.
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i read this thread late last night, so it's kinda a blur lol. forgive me if someone already asked this question. idk if i'm stepping out of line for asking it, but what are his reason(s) for not willing to change churches for you? is he presenting this as the only option for marriage?

part of me believes he's not asking you straightforward to change churches because he knows in order for you 2 to marry, you have to make the changes (according to his denomination). does your denomination ask the same if he were to join it?

i've seen plenty of couples go through the "which congregation are we joining?" stage while being engaged, but the way they decided was as a couple seeking God's direction. i've seen the woman join the husband's church. i haven't seen much the other way around, but i have also seen BOTH leave their local assembly to join another congregation, so both are making the same compromise.

i see my sister's frustration here. she feels she's making ALL of the changes while the boyfriend doesn't (from what i see here. of course, in person, it could be a different story). it's possible she's starting to think into the future and wonders if the marriage will always be like this: the wife making all the compromises while the husband isn't willing. (if this is not the case, i apologize.)

it's biblical the husband is the head of the household, the leader, but i think we easily forget that to be a leader, one must first be a servant.

i've never been married, never engaged, and it has been yeaaaars since i've been in a relationship. i always look at my parents' marriage though. in december, they'll celebrate 44 yrs of marriage :). when they lived in mexico years ago, dad was already planning ahead and saw life in the U.S. would be better for his family. he told my mom about moving. she didn't want to leave her home, but after discussing it as a married couple, and more importantly, praying about it as a couple, they moved to texas. they made the decision together, following God's direction. they have lived here for 35 years, and they have seen God's hand move powerfully in their stay. if they had moved w/o God's consent, then idk how things would've turned out. God is merciful though, and He is good and faithful.
 
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VioletReigns said:
Amen, I agree it sounds legalistic & silly to have to leave her church in order to be married at his church. :p

Sister Lion94, what is unsettling to me is your statement: The thing is, he won't change churches for me, I am the one who has to make the change and it is very hard for me.

The Word says that the man is to leave his mother & father and cling to his wife and become one flesh with her. The husband does the leaving. Also, Jesus said that a husband should lay down his life for his wife as Jesus did for the church.

But you say your boyfriend is not willing to make that sacrifice for you. Instead, he is willing to let you suffer and make you change churches in order to get married at his church.

Or am I seeing this wrong? It doesn't sound like he's willing to go the distance to make you happy right now.
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I hear what you are saying. But his church is more than just where he attends. It's part of his culture and his whole family go there. They would be said to see him leave and go to another church. But as you said, a man moves on from his mother and father.

We are very happy together and I don't want to portray him as a bad person at all. He is amazing. He just wants me to join his church is all.
 
Thank you for everyone's opinion! I feel very grateful!

The thing is, my boyfriend and I have an amazing connection. When we aren't at church, the denomination does not matter! We have very deep, spirtual and intellectual conversations about our faith together and it is great.

But if it comes down to the fact that I don't feel comfortable to be baptised into another church or I feel God leading me a different way then I feel as if there is no other option but to break up which would be a real shame.

I find it hard to express myself in writing, I hope this is coming across okay.
 
As complicated and serious an issue as this is the answer is rather simple to me. Understand that your spirit is having doubts, don't allow Satan or human reasoning to play the "Well, but at least he is...." game with you. The difference is you are not yet married, and this is an important issue to confront not disguise, or hide from....And you are not doing that, so the next thing is Prayer. Prayer is not what you do to get answers prayer is the answer. You being a Christian have this in your wheel-house to ask whatever you will and He will answer. OK, that's advice from scripture that rocks! So claim that promise first...Then comfort the problem under HIs light, Our first fruit is to go to God, so if something will hinder this pray for clarity, and affirmation.

This is up to God not your feelings, or his, or ours, nor a list of pros and cons, nor human reasoning...but Gods will! And you may need to seek for awhile in prayer. Seek with all our heart, mind, and body, we tend to sometimes spend a half hour in prayer then use human reasoning to finish the job we neglected to let God answer in the next 5 minutes had we to seek diligently...not to say you will do that tho.. But go to God affirming whatever He asks you will do. I personally see a problem that will be resentful down the road if you don't reconcile this to God one way or another. I will pray for you as well, this is a huge decision!! At this point the only submission you need to show is to God.

God will always call us to an "Ought" position but He will not make that decision for us that is up to us to act on.
 
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Lion94 said:
I hear what you are saying. But his church is more than just where he attends. It's part of his culture and his whole family go there. They would be said to see him leave and go to another church. But as you said, a man moves on from his mother and father.

We are very happy together and I don't want to portray him as a bad person at all. He is amazing. He just wants me to join his church is all.
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My dear, I don't understand. If everything is wonderful, why are you seeking guidance on the matter? Did I misread your original post? I thought you were saying that you felt you were being pressured into doing something you didn't want to do.

I believe Melita's post above offers you the best advice. You and your boyfriend pray and ask God's guidance on the matter. God is faithful to answer you.
 
Thanks for sharing your story melita!

He is basically asking me to change because that's his culture and what he's grown up with and what he loves. His family "would hate it to see one of their children leave the church".

If I were to join his I would have to be BAPTISED into the church (although I was already baptised as a child in the Anglican Church). My current church doesn't require any of that. He can join freely and get married with no issue. But he won't join my church. Me joining his church is the only option, yes.
 
Obviously not everything is perfect in the relationship. But I'm just trying to clarify that he's not a bad person.

Yes, I feel pressure, scared, worried and anxious about the church situation which could potentially rip us apart! That's why I've come for advice. Obviously that issue is weighing on us, but without that issue, life would be fabulous!

We are both praying and seeking who dance daily. Thank you for your advice and support!
 
Lion94 said:
I hear what you are saying. But his church is more than just where he attends. It's part of his culture and his whole family go there. They would be said to see him leave and go to another church. But as you said, a man moves on from his mother and father.

We are very happy together and I don't want to portray him as a bad person at all. He is amazing. He just wants me to join his church is all.
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Sadly :( Its pretty regular on this site to automatically beat up on men and always assume the worst especially when these kinds of discussions come up. If he is a good man and worthy of your trust? Trust him.
 
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